raumdeuter:
Bukatyne



This is coming from one oyinbo, the same people we copy the idea of love from.

On the other thread you said if both parties buy into the idea of romantic love. But one thing you need to know is that the romantic love is also predicated on some factors.

There is a reason I have romantic love for A and not for B. There is a reason timbuktou has it for kimoni and not for mindfulness.
There is usually a tangible reason why people "love" each other lets not delude ourselves that its "just magic and I cant explain it"

It might be because of the pretty face, the well packaged backside, the hair, the voice, the riches etc and lets assume the girl too has other things she likes about him that brought about the love maybe height, strength brilliance, the money, the power, the connection etc

After shackling together you might not be as enthralled as you were initially about that thing thaat drew you together either he/she lost it or you think there's more to life than that thing

Thats why all the Brad Pitt Angelina fiery flaming love has disappeared and whats now left is disgust and some "What did I ever see in him/her"

I am diehard fan of love and I believe love is and should be an important factor why people get married.

But is that the only reason why people get married? NO
Should it be the only reason why people get married? I don't agree
For those who do not consider it as a yardstick for marriage - Are they marrying wrongly? I don't agree

People have different reasons for marrying and staying in marriage. Staying in marriage is a choice
The fact that two people are married for years does not mean they love each other or still love each other or love each other better than those who separated. Also, It's not always the case that people who seperate hate each other.

Two people could just decide to stay in marriage regardless
- Tiwa could have decided to stay with TJ
- Toke could have stayed on with her man
- Angelina could have stayed with Brad

They just made a choice not to. The decision could have swung in the other direction.

So where does wrong or right comes in?

@ subject - who is the wrong person?

The notion of “romantic love” as a basis for marriage is a very recent one, a very pervasive one - given its relative newness - and most of all, a very damaging one.

Let’s first distinguish between romantic love, the arbitrary, nigh on undefineable feeling, from the commitment to care for, honour and remain faithful to one’s spouse, which is in a sense a better description of what love truly is.

Nowhere is RL codified in law, religion, or science, or is actually demanded as a requirement for marriage. Indeed, while it may be present in a form at the start, true and deep RL grows out of living the commitment as described.

Many in arranged marriages will testify as to how RL grow over time in marriages where CL was clearly evident and demonstrated.

Indeed, RL as a predicate is actually anti-marriage, evidenced in the first instance by the number of marital failures, and also by the fact that marriage as understood in its essence cannot be articulated or fully realised on the basis of RL, and it’s attempting to do so that leads to futility and failure.

Anti-marriage I said, because marriage is by definition lifelong and demands commitment independent of feelings. And quite often the challenges that marriage can throw up, seriously war against the idyllic setting that RL best thrives in.

Anti-marriage, because one of its main purposes it the nurture of children and RL is centred primarily on the “feelings" of the adults involved, with a primary commitment to that feeling and not their spouse or families.

Anti-marriage, because if RL is a virtue, if it is the predicate for marriage, when the RL vanishes or dissipates, or is surpassed by a stronger RL, divorce then becomes a virtue as well.

I don’t think it gets any more anti-marriage than divorce. Like darkness is the absence of light, divorce is not merely the end of a marriage, it is the evisceration of what marriage is.

Anti-marriage, because it explains how we get from “here to there”, when in fact it seemed unthinkable. If marriage is about the RL – no matter how intense – between two people, then why should 2 people of any sex not be married?

That’s how to those of a recent milieu and mindset, getting there was a no brainer. It’s why the shallow and ignorant slogans like “equallove”, make sense to those that lack understanding but love to give credence to their feelings

RL – or the emphasis on it - is what is overrated, not marriage. RL is what does not live up to expectations. RL which at best is an euphemism for carnal desire – which is why it only takes a perkier body or trying circumstances to scatter it– should not be confused with CL or ever used as the basis for marriage, not in whole, it can be argued, in part.


TV

^{note – I RL’ed my wife when I married her}

Kimoni:
@ subject - who is the wrong person?

Holá Kim,

Assuming one makes or agrees to the choice, there is no wrong person, only a wrong understanding and approach. Once certain needs and expectations are met, RL will set in, and even flourish.

Maybe risky to say for sure at this point - but certainly current - I mentioned "arranged marriages" in my initial post here, but is it noteworthy that even some of the Chibok girls are seemingly content to remain in forced unions ?

Timbuktou, well said jare...should have checked for you first. Crackhaus how far? "Where you been" as TVjnr often says. Come, some of your harem have been acting up like they seriously need your attention. Don't know how you do it dude, but glad you are back .


TV

Understanding and endurance keep and bind a bad marriage together.

Love keeps a happy family together.

The fact that some couples have lived together for 20 years do not necessarily mean they are worthy of emulation.

Being together for years is not a sign of a lovely relationship. Prisoners are mostly angry and violent, yet some stay in prisons for 100 years.


The only probable and provable FACTOR for a happy family/relationship is MUTUAL LOVE. Posters should spare us the nonsense about understanding and co. Of course, understanding and endurance will keep you when love dies. Why any sensible human being will now choose understanding, longsuffering and endurance over love is something I will never want to understand.


You can have understanding and endurance without love, but with love, you have it all.

Endurance will make you endure a slap from your spouse. Love won't get you a slap, even in your dreams.

Timbuktou:


Eww. How small? Dude, wait, how do you know how small it is sef?

It's small, I can tell.
She has refused to specify how big it is and keeps saying it's just perfect, obviously to make herself feel better.

Someone with a big batty will say she's got a big batty, it's that simple.

TV01:
Holá Kim,

Assuming one makes or agrees to the choice, there is no wrong person, only a wrong understanding and approach. Once certain needs and expectations are met, RL will set in, and even flourish.

Maybe risky to say for sure at this point - but certainly current - I mentioned "arranged marriages" in my initial post here, but is it noteworthy that even some of the Chibok girls are seemingly content to remain in forced unions ?

Timbuktou, well said jare...should have checked for you first. Crackhaus how far? "Where you been" as TVjnr often says. Come, some of your harem have been acting up like they seriously need your attention. Don't know how you do it dude, but glad you are back .


TV

I've got their meRIcine

cococandy:


The family that is sharing blood was started by two people who didn't know each other from Adam and didn't share any blood to begin with.

If everyone only loved their families, and refused to get married because they can't love their spouses like they love their blood relatives, then sooner than later it will all end. No more new families will arise because we refused to love new people who aren't bound to us by blood.

When you get married to someone, you make the decision to love them and build a family with them. It is this family that your kids will call their own blood and act mushy about when it's time to leave the nest. Lol .

BUT they will NEED TO grow up too. To go form their own families. You can't be attached to your siblings and parents forever.

.... spot on!

Someone should pls summarize this thing for me.

TV01:
Holá Kim,

Assuming one makes or agrees to the choice, there is no wrong person, only a wrong understanding and approach. Once certain needs and expectations are met, RL will set in, and even flourish.

Maybe risky to say for sure at this point - but certainly current - I mentioned "arranged marriages" in my initial post here, but is it noteworthy that even some of the Chibok girls are seemingly content to remain in forced unions ?

Timbuktou, well said jare...should have checked for you first. Crackhaus how far? "Where you been" as TVjnr often says. Come, some of your harem have been acting up like they seriously need your attention. Don't know how you do it dude, but glad you are back .


TV

You left out your famous quote, "some ladies people would be better off having their fathers parent choose for them".

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition.

Interesting notion. This might be what singles are are missing. Let's opt for someone able to navigate our differences intelligently and understand that we will most likely not be compatible at start but grow to be.

raumdeuter:


Why you dey laugh

You are funny.

Happy Weekend Raumdeuter!

Timbuktou:


Dayo, for the record, Mindy has a round behind, I wouldn't reject her off the bat. Just saying.

You and Crackhaus need to get laid. I am not interested though, just saying.

Mindfulness:


You and Crackhaus need to get laid. I am not interested though, just saying.

Park well. You're only copping out cos you gat a small y***h.

Mindfulness:


You and Crackhaus need to get laid. I am not interested though, just saying.

Not a problem.

But we still want you to tell us how big it is.

Kimoni:
You left out your famous quote, "some ladies people who be better off having their fathers parent choose for them".

Until recently pretty much all cultures had some sort of parental involvement in the choice of spouse. I don't think there is any gainsaying that parents - or their proxies - with the best interest of their children at heart will bring experience and a long-term view to their children' considerations.

And, I think this works for all. In fact, I think that input should start way before marriage is even in view - in how children are raised. If they are raised right, they should be consciously or subconsciously able to consider the things their parents would have touched on.

Unless one' parents are actually "bad" (for any number of reasons, and in any number of ways), I can't see how their input would be negative. When it got serious, I presented my wife to family elders, siblings - younger and older - and closest friends. I still made my own decision, but heard any concerns.

Avoid stories that touch, speak to daddy


TV

crackhaus:

Not a problem.

But we still want you to tell us how big it is.

Because there is nothing going on offline?

Ok, let me help you. It's flat like a pancake and as off-putting as your and Dinachi's slack and smelly vagina comments.

Timbuktou:


Park well. You're only copping out cos you gat a small y***h.

Exactly!

Mindfulness:


Because there is nothing going on offline?

Ok, let me help you. It's flat like a pancake and as off-putting as your and Dinachi's slack and smelly vagina comments.

Lol, you are either on your period or downing some very potent liquor right about now
When and where has crackhaus talked about smelly vagina on this here playground?

Anyway let me not feed your delusions, let's talk about that flat as a pancake batty of yours — does this mean it doesnt jiggle when spanked?
Not even a little jiggle?

crackhaus:

Lol, you are either on your period or downing some very potent liquor right about now
When and where has crackhaus talked about smelly vagina on this here playground?

Slack or smelly, what's your obsession with vaginas you are not penetrating? And then you want to be Snoop or Leo. I don't think they troll the internet like a desperado.

Anyway let me not feed your delusions, let's talk about that flat as a pancake batty of yours — does this mean it doesnt jiggle when spanked?
Not even a little jiggle?

No, it's extremely flat. The most off-putting kind of azz you have ever seen.
I will work on it just for you when you prove yourself to be worthy AGAIN.

Mindfulness:


Slack or smelly, what's your obsession with vaginas you are not penetrating? And then you want to be Snoop or Leo. I don't think they troll the internet like a desperado.

I also want to be Donald Trump since I want to be the person shown in every gif I post.

I'm not responsible for your feelings mehn, abi you nor get boyfriend or husband?
That's his job.

No, it's extremely flat. The most off-putting kind of azz you have ever seen.
I will work on it just for you when you prove yourself to be worthy AGAIN.

Okay baby, please work on it...and I promise to prove myself worthy of smashing it to smithereens

What can I do to get started on the road to worthiness?

crackhaus:

I also want to be Donald Trump since I want to be the person shown in every gif I post.

I'm not responsible for your feelings mehn, abi you nor get boyfriend or husband?

That's his job.

You think you have power over how I feel?

Okay baby, please work on it...and I promise to prove myself worthy of smashing it to smithereens

What can I do to get started on the road to worthiness?

Get professional help to help you handle your vagina phobia.
My pvssy does not need no haters.

Mindfulness:



You think you have power over how I feel?

Errr, but you've been complaining about my comments nah..that means they get to you - quit pretending, I know how I make you feel deep down.

Get professional help to help you handle your vagina phobia.
My pvssy does not need no haters.

Crackhaus can't have a phobia for vagina. Crackhaus loves vagina...always has, always will.
Grandpa was a rolling stone.

crackhaus:

Errr, but you've been complaining about my comments nah..that means they get to you - quit pretending, I know how I make you feel deep down.

Some of your comments are so off-putting. I wonder if your evil twin brother uses this moniker too. I can ignore them entirely if you prefer.

Crackhaus can't have a phobia for vagina. Crackhaus loves vagina...always has, always will.
Grandpa was a rolling stone.

You need vaginas, you don't love them. Love includes respect. You are demeaning. Never mind. Some girlz like it. Count me out.

Mindfulness:


Some of your comments are so off-putting. I wonder if your evil twin brother uses this moniker too. I can ignore them entirely if you prefer.



You need vaginas, you don't love them. Love includes respect. You are demeaning. Never mind. Some girlz like it. Count me out.

You must be mistaking this playground for reality

But let's get something straight, are you saying I should quit the anti-women rhetoric and you might surrender that batty?
Is this the first step to pumping that pancake-flat bootay of yours?

crackhaus:

You must be mistaking this playground for reality

But let's get something straight, are you saying I should quit the anti-women rhetoric and you might surrender that batty?
Is this the first step to pumping that pancake-flat bootay of yours?

I don't get down with people who I feel they should change. I am a freedom loving person so feel free to come as you are and you will find your perfect match(es) sooner or later, I wish for you but I am the kind of person who values respect.

Mindfulness:


I don't get down with people who I feel they should change. I am a freedom loving person so feel free to come as you are and you will find your perfect match(es) sooner or later, I wish for you but I am the kind of person who values respect.

Who told you I was searching for a perfect match here?
If I were, I'd be a lot nicer and be a regular on romance/sexuality section..certainly not here where mostly married women lurk.

LOL, you're getting me in stitches yo

Mindfulness:

Exactly!

I'll be calling you "Kolobo" henceforth, since your booty is kolobo-ish.

Mindfulness:


No, it's extremely flat. The most off-putting kind of azz you have ever seen.
I will work on it just for you when you prove yourself to be worthy AGAIN.

Now I know you're a liar. I'm going to confer with Sage Cracky on how to land that, obviously, healthy batty of yours. Though, I'll still call you Kolobo.

Timbuktou:


Now I know you're a liar. I'm going to confer with Sage Cracky on how to land that, obviously, healthy batty of yours. Though, I'll still call you Kolobo.

Do as you are bidden!