I’m a good Christian and I know what the Bible says about forgiveness and my pastor is always also there to remind us of how to forgive those that have wronged us but my point is how do I forgive someone that has not accepted his wrongs? I’ve been married to my husband for the past 5 years now and our relationship was built on trust.



I have never found him wanting and neither has he found me in any awkward situation. All the trust I had in him started to diminish in our third year of marriage. It started when my husband became social media savvy, he wants to be on every social media app and I wonder what his obsession over social media is for. At first, I thought it has to do with his job but the way he goes on about it made it suspicious to me but I didn’t put much thought to it.

It became more glaring when he started passwording his phone and when I confronted him why he did that, he gave the excuse that it’s because the kids usually play with his phone and end up calling up random numbers, he gave me the password to it and I felt he might be right after all since I complained about the same thing to him. On a particular day, he was fast asleep and I needed to get a number from his phone. I decided not to disturb him and typed in the password only for the phone to say it’s incorrect. I woke him up to tell him what I found out and he claimed I must have typed in the password wrongly and he quickly collected the phone from me and read out the number I needed to me and that was the last encounter I had with that phone.

It became a precious jewel that my husband tucks underneath his pillow and place his head on it and whenever you try to reach for the pillow, no matter how fast asleep he his, he will jolt out of his sleep like he saw a ghost and the first thing he will start looking for it his phone! His actions were too suspicious and glaring he has something he’s hiding from me and it’s in his phone, so I made up my mind to know what that thing might be. On the day I found out, he forgot to take his phone to the bathroom with him like he always does and I entered the password I had saw him entered into his phone when he thought no one was watching and the phone opened.

My husband was not just cheating with one person but several girls that he has been meeting up with in hotels around his workplace and even the ones five streets away from our place. I was all his bank statement too, he has been generous enough with all of these girls, he goes out of his ways to impress them by spoiling them with gifts and cash. I locked the door when I heard him approaching and from the transparent door, he can see me his phone reading all of his sexcapades and I can’t believe it’s the same husband that I married, he sounded like a different person from the kind of texts he sent out to these girls, I’ve never seen that side of him.


I got tired of reading because the list was endless and I was sick to my stomach that I can’t believe he would ever hurt me like this. I opened the door and he was trying to apologize to me claiming it was the devil’s handiwork, I hated his presence and the thought of living with him disgusts me. He went to report himself to our pastor to beg me on his behalf, we went for counseling and he promised to turn a new leaf. He did turn a new leaf for just a MONTH!. He was back to his old ways again and whenever I confront him about it, he either lies to my face but when I give him evidence of his philandering ways, he will quickly start apologizing and claims it’s the devil.

All of these has been going on repeatedly in my marriage that I’m even tired of reporting him to the pastor, it has now become a norm for him to cheat on me in our marriage and whenever I confront him, on some days, he will apologise and promise to become a better person and on some days, he will say I’m just being insecure and I’m only assuming all of this in my head like a crazy person. He was right about one thing though, his cheating ways is truly driving me crazy because I don’t think I can ever forgive him for how much he has hurt me.

Is There A Way To Forgive Someone That Constantly Wrongs You?

Ur NUM one mistake was always checkmating him, and now dat u ve found what u re looking 4, u can't handle it anymore. My mentor will always say u need to b blind and deaf to enjoy ur marriage.

My friend once had dis exp, her own case was so bad to d extent her hubby brings dem home and in his office 2. She knew most of dem, d man also slept with d wife sis 2. Dere was nothing she didn't do, couldn't divorce him BC of d kids. She later accepted it as her fate and left everything to God

I advised her to get herself busy, change her circle of friends, improve on her looks, dress sexy at home,when she's at work 2 (BC she later got a job) chat/talk dirty with him and when she comes back, she shld give him a mind blowing... to ease d stress of d day. She shld also learn to ignore and reduce quarrels, know his likes and dislikes.

She should always make sure dey hang out at weekends and tell him d bills will b on her (men likes free things ) . whenever dey re chatting she should always give him a listening ears and no blames....not to bore u... thing went on fine, tho it wasn't easy but God saw her tru. Today, even if a woman is naked infront of him, it does nt move him at all rather he will even insult u and help u 2 cover up

Ur marriage and happiness is in ur hands dear, always learn to forgive so u can free ur mind and b happy and try ur best to take d position of dat phone lol. I wish u all d best

You knew the password to his phone by looking when he taught no one was looking? Hmm how long is your neck? Is this story real at all?
He splashes girls with gifts and cash you saw that on the phone too?
You saw his bank statements and he has been generous to many girls,how did you know the debits alerts where to girls? Did you see their names there?
You wrote to make your husband look guilty,from what you wrote up there, you must be a saint cos you didn't mention a thing you ever did wrong or did you forget?

Whew! Let us pray....

Wait! Have you at least been encouraging him to wear a coat with you in the other room? If yes, let's continue to pray...

This is not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but a marriage, with children. She had every right to follow her suspicions and investigate. Who knows if he's having unprotected sex with these girls? If he contracts a disease or two due to his infidelity, y'all will be saying sorry to the wife. He might even blame it/them on her and deny he gave it/them to her, but now that she knows he's a man-ho, she can protect herself from acquiring any from him, as well as protect their kids who usually play with his phone - so that they don't end up reading, seeing or watching any sexual contents on his phone.

njiasi30:
Ur NUM one mistake was always checkmating him, and now dat u ve found what u re looking 4, u can't handle it anymore.] My mentor will always say u need to b blind and deaf to enjoy ur marriage.

My friend once had dis exp, her own case was so bad to d extent her hubby brings dem home and in his office 2. She knew most of dem, d man also slept with d wife sis 2. Dere was nothing she didn't do, couldn't divorce him BC of d kids. She later accepted it as her fate and left everything to God

I advised her to get herself busy, change her circle of friends, improve on her looks, dress sexy at home,when she's at work 2 (BC she later got a job) chat/talk dirty with him and when she comes back, she shld give him a mind blowing... to ease d stress of d day. She shld also learn to ignore and reduce quarrels, know his likes and dislikes.

She should always make sure dey hang out at weekends and tell him d bills will b on her (men likes free things ) . whenever dey re chatting she should always give him a listening ears and no blames....not to bore u... thing went on fine, tho it wasn't easy but God saw her tru. Today, even if a woman is naked infront of him, it does nt move him at all rather he will even insult u and help u 2 cover up

Ur marriage and happiness is in ur hands dear, always learn to forgive so u can free ur mind and b happy and try ur best to take d position of dat phone lol. I wish u all d best

njiasi30:
Ur NUM one mistake was always checkmating him, and now dat u ve found what u re looking 4, u can't handle it anymore. My mentor will always say u need to b blind and deaf to enjoy ur marriage.

My friend once had dis exp, her own case was so bad to d extent her hubby brings dem home and in his office 2. She knew most of dem, d man also slept with d wife sis 2. Dere was nothing she didn't do, couldn't divorce him BC of d kids. She later accepted it as her fate and left everything to God

I advised her to get herself busy, change her circle of friends, improve on her looks, dress sexy at home,when she's at work 2 (BC she later got a job) chat/talk dirty with him and when she comes back, she shld give him a mind blowing... to ease d stress of d day. She shld also learn to ignore and reduce quarrels, know his likes and dislikes.

She should always make sure dey hang out at weekends and tell him d bills will b on her (men likes free things ) . whenever dey re chatting she should always give him a listening ears and no blames....not to bore u... thing went on fine, tho it wasn't easy but God saw her tru. Today, even if a woman is naked infront of him, it does nt move him at all rather he will even insult u and help u 2 cover up

Ur marriage and happiness is in ur hands dear, always learn to forgive so u can free ur mind and b happy and try ur best to take d position of dat phone lol. I wish u all d best

Your mentor got this part wrong @bolded.You see and you hear and decide by wisdom what you want to do with what you saw or heard,not remain blind or deaf.
The case you narrated doesn't always end up well as you have written.Some end up with the man marrying a second wife,fathering kids all over the place or getting infected with a deadly disease ot death.That man changed only because God turned him around.

Men should take responsibility for their ways and not make it look like the woman isn't doing enough.

thorpido:
Your mentor got this part wrong @bolded.You see and you hear and decide by wisdom what you want to do with what you saw or heard,not remain blind or deaf.
The case you narrated doesn't always end up well as you have written.Some end up with the man marrying a second wife,fathering kids all over the place or getting infected with a deadly disease ot death.That man changed only because God turned him around.

Men should take responsibility for their ways and not make it look like the woman isn't doing enough.

Your head sits very well on your shoulders bro.

Yieldings:
This is not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but a marriage, with children. She had every right to follow her suspicions and investigate. Who knows if he's having unprotected sex with these girls? If he contracts a disease or two due to his infidelity, y'all will be saying sorry to the wife. He might even blame it/them on her and deny he gave it/them to her, but now that she knows he's a man-ho, she can protect herself from acquiring any from him, as well as protect their kids who usually play with his phone - so that they don't end up reading, seeing or watching any sexual contents on his phone.

i liked your comment and i feel so hurt probably up to half this woman feels as a man. One of the things i resent about online forums like this is its infiltration by stupid and i mean very stupid people. Another is the fact that gullible people who are soft-willed easily learn nonsense from such people. Even as a man i always ask myself why people could think so lowly to the point that they could say their partners should not swoop on their phones. You should never in the first place give a reason for such suspicion let alone the risk of what you said my dear.

Mamalettelive:
I’m a good Christian and I know what the Bible says about forgiveness and my pastor is always also there to remind us of how to forgive those that have wronged us but my point is how do I forgive someone that has not accepted his wrongs? I’ve been married to my husband for the past 5 years now and our relationship was built on trust.



I have never found him wanting and neither has he found me in any awkward situation. All the trust I had in him started to diminish in our third year of marriage. It started when my husband became social media savvy, he wants to be on every social media app and I wonder what his obsession over social media is for. At first, I thought it has to do with his job but the way he goes on about it made it suspicious to me but I didn’t put much thought to it.

It became more glaring when he started passwording his phone and when I confronted him why he did that, he gave the excuse that it’s because the kids usually play with his phone and end up calling up random numbers, he gave me the password to it and I felt he might be right after all since I complained about the same thing to him. On a particular day, he was fast asleep and I needed to get a number from his phone. I decided not to disturb him and typed in the password only for the phone to say it’s incorrect. I woke him up to tell him what I found out and he claimed I must have typed in the password wrongly and he quickly collected the phone from me and read out the number I needed to me and that was the last encounter I had with that phone.

It became a precious jewel that my husband tucks underneath his pillow and place his head on it and whenever you try to reach for the pillow, no matter how fast asleep he his, he will jolt out of his sleep like he saw a ghost and the first thing he will start looking for it his phone! His actions were too suspicious and glaring he has something he’s hiding from me and it’s in his phone, so I made up my mind to know what that thing might be. On the day I found out, he forgot to take his phone to the bathroom with him like he always does and I entered the password I had saw him entered into his phone when he thought no one was watching and the phone opened.

My husband was not just cheating with one person but several girls that he has been meeting up with in hotels around his workplace and even the ones five streets away from our place. I was all his bank statement too, he has been generous enough with all of these girls, he goes out of his ways to impress them by spoiling them with gifts and cash. I locked the door when I heard him approaching and from the transparent door, he can see me his phone reading all of his sexcapades and I can’t believe it’s the same husband that I married, he sounded like a different person from the kind of texts he sent out to these girls, I’ve never seen that side of him.


I got tired of reading because the list was endless and I was sick to my stomach that I can’t believe he would ever hurt me like this. I opened the door and he was trying to apologize to me claiming it was the devil’s handiwork, I hated his presence and the thought of living with him disgusts me. He went to report himself to our pastor to beg me on his behalf, we went for counseling and he promised to turn a new leaf. He did turn a new leaf for just a MONTH!. He was back to his old ways again and whenever I confront him about it, he either lies to my face but when I give him evidence of his philandering ways, he will quickly start apologizing and claims it’s the devil.

All of these has been going on repeatedly in my marriage that I’m even tired of reporting him to the pastor, it has now become a norm for him to cheat on me in our marriage and whenever I confront him, on some days, he will apologise and promise to become a better person and on some days, he will say I’m just being insecure and I’m only assuming all of this in my head like a crazy person. He was right about one thing though, his cheating ways is truly driving me crazy because I don’t think I can ever forgive him for how much he has hurt me.

Is There A Way To Forgive Someone That Constantly Wrongs You?

I am utterly distraught if this is true. Firstly you have to know that your husband is a sick man. Mentally and psychologically he is sick 'cos the story you told smacks of sex addiction and from a spiritual perspective only a sick man or woman would do that. Secondly it is your choice to stick with him or not and not that of any faceless online personality, nor your pastors' 'cos not every thing goes the way we predict them even when so called spiritual perspectives are being considered i can tell you that for sure and that you would have a lot of work to do on yourself whatever decision you take. Thirdly how strong willed are you 'cos that is one thing you need the most now. I don't know how engaged(employed or not) you are 'cos it will help in my suggestion. Try to get a job and if you can't, play along and get something from him for a lil' business. After this make your demands and make sure you follow it to the latter.

Fake story.

Unless you're blind, deaf and dumb how could you not know he was cheating on you until you checked his phone.

So many things don't add up.

Next time let someone help you compose the story.

1. Whether it's a fake story or not is irrelevant because believe it or not, this happens to many married women {and men, to be fair}. In fact, I have a friend that something similar happened to and she ended up divorcing him. Her husband slept with prostitutes and he was unrepentant about it. They have 3 kids.

2. The woman wasn't blind, deaf nor dumb. She did feel that something was wrong/he started behaving differently {obsession with social media, changing his password, hiding his phone, etc}. At the same time you can't simply go ahead and deduce that your partner is cheating just by these reasons alone, although for me, when I got to the part about the husband putting a password on his phone I knew he was likely cheating. That said, before you approach a partner that they're cheating it's a good idea to be sure or have evidence: texts and/or pictures and/or videos, etc... that prove your claim; which was what she did and found. Aside from now knowing with certainty that he's cheating, she also now knows that she needs to stop their kids from playing with his phone and being exposed to the explicit contents on it.

ElsonMorali:
Fake story.

Unless you're blind, deaf and dumb how could you not know he was cheating on you until you checked his phone.

So many things don't add up.

Next time let someone help you compose the story.

I agree with you too.

I think married people have no business putting passwords on their phones. I understand if a phone is password-protected just in case it gets stolen, but a wife or husband should still have the password in order to access the phone freely.

Apparently, Njiasi30 thinks the wife shouldn't have checked the husband's phone. It's just absurd how someone can blame a wife for checking her husband's phone, especially when she sensed and/or felt something was wrong. The husband who was bent on concealing his sexcapades was obviously not going to confess, so it was up to the wife to find out what was going on.

I wonder what kind of mentor tells someone to be blind and deaf in their marriage, even when the spouse commits adultery. Smdh. These are the type of people who would tell a wife to be blind and deaf to her husband physically abusing her in the house, to simply try to please him, or to fast and pray and he would change; but sooner or later he beats her to death.

victor1983:
i liked your comment and i feel so hurt probably up to half this woman feels as a man. One of the things i resent about online forums like this is its infiltration by stupid and i mean very stupid people. Another is the fact that gullible people who are soft-willed easily learn nonsense from such people. Even as a man i always ask myself why people could think so lowly to the point that they could say their partners should not swoop on their phones. You should never in the first place give a reason for such suspicion let alone the risk of what you said my dear.

victor1983:
I am utterly distraught if this is true. Firstly you have to know that your husband is a sick man. Mentally and psychologically he is sick 'cos the story you told smacks of sex addiction and from a spiritual perspective only a sick man or woman would do that.

Pele o victor, you have taken your empathy to the next level...how are you doing now? Feeling better? By the way, na person husband you gave that much accolades without flowering it up a bit? It is well...may all be settled! Na her yam dip her hands in oil. When the bobo sef be irredeemable ashii May God do wonder there o. Amen!

njiasi30:
Ur NUM one mistake was always checkmating him, and now dat u ve found what u re looking 4, u can't handle it anymore. My mentor will always say u need to b blind and deaf to enjoy ur marriage.

My friend once had dis exp, her own case was so bad to d extent her hubby brings dem home and in his office 2. She knew most of dem, d man also slept with d wife sis 2. Dere was nothing she didn't do, couldn't divorce him BC of d kids. She later accepted it as her fate and left everything to God

I advised her to get herself busy, change her circle of friends, improve on her looks, dress sexy at home,when she's at work 2 (BC she later got a job) chat/talk dirty with him and when she comes back, she shld give him a mind blowing... to ease d stress of d day. She shld also learn to ignore and reduce quarrels, know his likes and dislikes.

She should always make sure dey hang out at weekends and tell him d bills will b on her (men likes free things ) . whenever dey re chatting she should always give him a listening ears and no blames....not to bore u... thing went on fine, tho it wasn't easy but God saw her tru. Today, even if a woman is naked infront of him, it does nt move him at all rather he will even insult u and help u 2 cover up

Ur marriage and happiness is in ur hands dear, always learn to forgive so u can free ur mind and b happy and try ur best to take d position of dat phone lol. I wish u all d best

You did all these too?


Ishilove

divorce him.
@yieldings you haven't said anything tangible with all this your stories. stop quoting other post and type what you have for the op

njiasi30:
Ur NUM one mistake was always checkmating him, and now dat u ve found what u re looking 4, u can't handle it anymore. My mentor will always say u need to b blind and deaf to enjoy ur marriage.

My friend once had dis exp, her own case was so bad to d extent her hubby brings dem home and in his office 2. She knew most of dem, d man also slept with d wife sis 2. Dere was nothing she didn't do, couldn't divorce him BC of d kids. She later accepted it as her fate and left everything to God

I advised her to get herself busy, change her circle of friends, improve on her looks, dress sexy at home,when she's at work 2 (BC she later got a job) chat/talk dirty with him and when she comes back, she shld give him a mind blowing... to ease d stress of d day. She shld also learn to ignore and reduce quarrels, know his likes and dislikes.

She should always make sure dey hang out at weekends and tell him d bills will b on her (men likes free things ) . whenever dey re chatting she should always give him a listening ears and no blames....not to bore u... thing went on fine, tho it wasn't easy but God saw her tru. Today, even if a woman is naked infront of him, it does nt move him at all rather he will even insult u and help u 2 cover up

Ur marriage and happiness is in ur hands dear, always learn to forgive so u can free ur mind and b happy and try ur best to take d position of dat phone lol. I wish u all d best

This post is sooooooo wrong, on so maany levels....so it is her fault for finding out her husband is no respecter of vows
...definitely not the kind of thing I like to read as a Nairaland first comment of the day
One has to wonder at the different psyches of people here...this society has done a number on women

So basically, you advised your friend to look pretty and sexy for nothing? To ignore his philandering and the fact that she could become infected with a disease? From Chlamydia graduating up to Hepatits B, C or HIV and the label of "chronically ill looking/acute on chronically ill looking" till death finally separates them physically.... then she goes home to "blow him"...if this wasnt sad, I would be cracking up now....well I am cracking up a little
She basically does not trust him, they are not close anymore and she cannot get a divorce because of the kids? Okay...I honestly think that many people are not being very honest when they cite the kids as the reason why they wanna stay in a no marriage.....she should sell me another line.

That brings me to the 2 things that disturbed me the most about your post- the happy, chirpy, matter-of-fact and accepting way you dished it out, meaning it is what you have come to believe...
and then what your "mentor" said. Sweet Lawd.
My heart literally broke. To pieces

sisisioge:
Whew! Let us pray....

Wait! Have you at least been encouraging him to wear a coat with you in the other room? If yes, let's continue to pray...

At least I have seen another post that cracked me up...in a good way...for being funny

Yieldings:
1. Whether it's a fake story or not is irrelevant because believe it or not, this happens to many married women {and men, to be fair}. In fact, I have a friend that something similar happened to and she ended up divorcing him. Her husband slept with prostitutes and he was unrepentant about it. They have 3 kids.

2. The woman wasn't blind, deaf nor dumb. She did feel that something was wrong/he started behaving differently {obsession with social media, changing his password, hiding his phone, etc}. At the same time you can't simply go ahead and deduce that your partner is cheating just by these reasons alone, although for me, when I got to the part about the husband putting a password on his phone I knew he was likely cheating. That said, before you approach a partner that they're cheating it's a good idea to be sure or have evidence: texts and/or pictures and/or videos, etc... that prove your claim; which was what she did and found. Aside from now knowing with certainty that he's cheating, she also now knows that she needs to stop their kids from playing with his phone and being exposed to the explicit contents on it

Tell your friend @ Yieldings that she has a fan on Nairaland
...for believing in herself, for taking control of her life, for being a strong woman in the true sense of the word
...that I am sorry her marriage packed up (I mean, that could not have been her wish...and I mean, she lost her husband)

But I know she will be fine...she already is
(for her. Well for you too.....but you get my point)
She is a hero to me....cos I definitely know how hard it must have been...I feel her

oloyede252:
divorce him.
@yieldings you haven't said anything tangible with all this your stories. stop quoting other post and type what you have for the op

Hello...sorry for climbing all over your post, but why are you scolding Yieldings here?
She has been real, and upfront and right with her posts.....her contribution to the thread is just apt, in my opinion. Exactly how we would want daughters, sisters and other female relatives in this kind of situation to be "talked to" Or don't you think so?

And yeah, your advice is the right one as per topic. Or at least a legit option to have in the solution kitty, should counselling, rationalising, appeals, prayers, threats, cajolings, blackmailings fail
Kudos.

I don't know your believes though, but I would advice you patiently sit your husband down and engage him in conversation that pertain to your marriage. How can he be breaking Covenant/Vow you two had together, it's unacceptable. You've every right to his anything of his because two became one. He's your husband for God sake. Respect him but dont become a full because of his masculity.
I weep for men who engage in disrespectful act, it shows how weak of a man they are, it shows how Untrustworthy, Unfateful, Disrespectful, Unloving and Inhuman they are. How I wish his senses return back to him and stay permanently in his head and never travel again. Better still men should put themselves in women's shoes before engaging in this dismal bismas act.
Perverted society of men we found ourselves. No wonder they are never at peace with their conscience.

Yieldings:
1. Whether it's a fake story or not is irrelevant because believe it or not, this happens to many married women {and men, to be fair}. In fact, I have a friend that something similar happened to and she ended up divorcing him. Her husband slept with prostitutes and he was unrepentant about it. They have 3 kids.

2. The woman wasn't blind, deaf nor dumb. She did feel that something was wrong/he started behaving differently {obsession with social media, changing his password, hiding his phone, etc}. At the same time you can't simply go ahead and deduce that your partner is cheating just by these reasons alone, although for me, when I got to the part about the husband putting a password on his phone I knew he was likely cheating. That said, before you approach a partner that they're cheating it's a good idea to be sure or have evidence: texts and/or pictures and/or videos, etc... that prove your claim; which was what she did and found. Aside from now knowing with certainty that he's cheating, she also now knows that she needs to stop their kids from playing with his phone and being exposed to the explicit contents on it.

Well, what can I say? You make a compelling argument here. Still if your heart tells you something's fishy, then trust me, something's fishy.

Human beings generally abhor change and when your spouse changes in behavior and starts to hide his phone, becoming jumpy around you, receiving his calls in the other room away from you, has no SMS on his phone etc and a nagging voice is telling you that hubby is playing away match, its best to listen to that voice o.

Are you sure your husband is not one of those geriatric codgers who loiter the grounds of Nairaland antagonising women -- when really all they want is some warm püssy to quell the turbulence in their loins. Sleuth deeper.

For your husband to be constantly cheating it means there is something you are not giving him that he is looking for in those girls. Try and up your game and see him crawling back to you. As for the forgiveness part, you just have to forgive him always remember marriage is for better for worse.

Sit him down and talk to him about it.How would he feel if you were the one cheating on him with different men?
Make him understand that by cheating,he's hurting your feelings thereby rendering you an emotional wreck.Make him understand that he's killing the love and trust that you once had for him and that if he kills it eventually,you'll both cease to be companions and confidants.You'll both just be sharing a house.If after all that he continues,Opt for divorce biko.He broke his vows anyway.

I can't say leave him as it's not always an option for some women or an option they believe in. You need to focus on bettering your life for the sake of your kids. Even if it means learning a new trade all this effort in playing detective focus it on making yourself the once proud woman you were before you found out this side of him. You don't know if he is using protection with these women so look after yourself for the sake of your children.

Catalin:
For your husband to be constantly cheating it means there is something you are not giving him that he is looking for in those girls. Try and up your game and see him crawling back to you. As for the forgiveness part, you just have to forgive him always remember marriage is for better for worse.

Hmmmmn. . . . .

Make una see another one ooh. . .

Ujoan:

Hmmmmn. . . . .
Make una see another one ooh. . .

Hey, what's the problem?