Splinz:
Well... I think being in a relationship with a Calabar person for instance, is not that much of a problem except the language barrier. Of course even the language barrier can be easily broken in no time as you get used to it. Meanwhile, you can communicate in English or pidgin with your in-laws or would-be.

Talking of our food, I think Calabar dishes are the most acceptable foods in Nigeria. I mean, there's hardly any Nigerian who doesn't like one or two Calabar food. So I don't think food will pose any problem here.

TashaGirl:
ever dated somebody out of your tribe?

Splinz:


Yeah, sure. The three major tribes.

blackberlin:
If the couple involved don't have village mentality, then I see nothing wrong in it. Language is never a problem cos English bridges it as our official language, nevertheless, you may learn your partner's language at your own pace.

What you really need to watch out for are your partner's relatives, to make sure they don't inflict him with tribal mentality... cos I know some tribes in this Nigeria that would rather die than marry people from other tribes. . . just saying.

TashaGirl:
yeah, I think I know the tribe you are talking about.....Their mothers influence their life and they don't allow strangers in their Family. I'm kind of facing that kind of Ish but I will give up now.

Splinz:
Well... I think being in a relationship with a Calabar person for instance, is not that much of a problem except the language barrier. Of course even the language barrier can be easily broken in no time as you get used to it. Meanwhile, you can communicate in English or pidgin with your in-laws or would-be.

Talking of our food, I think Calabar dishes are the most acceptable foods in Nigeria. I mean, there's hardly any Nigerian who doesn't like one or two Calabar food. So I don't think food will pose any problem here.

Ngokafor:






...With all due respect,if this thread was an examination and you give this comment as an answer to the op's question ,i can assure you of at least an F because your response was way off the expected response ...

Get your lousy busybody self outta here! How many of your on point and expertise contributions have you offered the op

TashaGirl:
That's good. Will like to know your experience

maggilove:
Its cool because u tend to learn a lot of things if u are not a strong headed person. The language barrier is not a problem for me because he interpretes for me sometimes(I know he can't tell me evrytin), and as for the food I must confess that's d best part, u learn how to eat it first and gradually learn how to cook it, no big deal if u understand eachother.

TashaGirl:
woah. I love this.

x240:
Not advising you to quit but please do have an honest talk.

You are a lady and for you to enjoy an inter tribal marriage or relationship, the corresponding families must be willing to buy into the idea. I understand families are more mobile and detached but notwithstanding, extended families have much more clout over a marriage than we choose to accept.

You have little say as regards things as you are going to be one and you should be ready to forget wherever you are coming from. Not saying you would lose your identity but be ready to let go of your tribal callings and doings.

Your discussion should centre on this;
Things like where would you guys want to settle back after working and retirement?

What are the differences between both cultures that may cause disagreements?

You may come from a tribe where respect is not that pronounced. Using words like Aunty for someone you are age mates with or older than sef just because they are from your spouse's family might be alien tl you byt maybe integral to his culture.

Most issues bother on human to human relationship and if you are a good human manager you should be able to maneuver well.

Never talk about things or make statements like "this is how we do it in our own tribe" or such. It brings much more strife than you can imagine except you are trying to explain a concept.

Above all be flexible. It is something needed in all relationships.


I am in one and can be a bit confusing even as a guy. I just learn to overlook most things and try and give her warnings ahead of time about pitfalls around my people she shoud try and avoid. Dealing with relatives is my most issue. Visited once and was treated like a "kid" , no respect, no special greetings like i was used to where i was coming from. Felt very bad and i wanted to even cut it out at that point. You can imagine looking into the future and imagining this is the people i have to deal with for eternity? Scary isn't it?

Don't let those butterfly feelings cloud your judgement. Yeah love is real but be logical and think about what it takes. The people around your partner are the most important ish, not the tribe. If they are good, no matter what tribe they are, you would enjoy it and if they are otherwise. I am sorry, the tribe differences would amplify it.

TashaGirl:
exactly what I need. Thanks so much for this. I guess you are yoruna because of that 'respect' and treated like a kid stuff. Lol. We Yorubas are just too addicted to respect and it's strange if we don't get it.
I really appreciate you

sisisioge:
Hmmmmm...

Them just bite me.

x240:
Why dod you have to wdit it out.

Just wanted to ask if you found the bobo at last?

sisisioge:

Which Bobo?

x240:


same yoruba demon we have always been looking out for.

TashaGirl:
That's good. Will like to know your experience

x240:


Lol. . Not our fault. It is something you grew up with. Nuture and environment.

Although i have installed a Yoruba virus in her now and she can greet people much more than me and respect is something that is easily shown by her to the point that i was stunned when i heard her call me by my name few weeks back which was very suprising as i have not heard her call that name in like 7months only for her to tell me she avoids calling me by my name because of the "cultivatition of respect that the Yorubas require". Wow!

I have had to tell her in a funny way to cut the BS when i call and the first thing i hear is "Good evening".

Thise little things we gloss over are actually things that build up and in the end may impact a relationship in a positive or negative way. I am not the rigid or cultural type but sometimes you can't outplay the subconscious in somethings.

So, please learn about his culture and see if it's something you can live with. Culture is a way of life of a group of people. You can't do without certain aspects but you can always work your way around them.


To me...the kids are the ones that enjoy inter tribal marriages the most. That blend and culture mix does them a lot of good. Like mixture of two different entities embedded in one.

Acidosis:


there is nothing to learn about dating. Anybody can date anything.

honeychild:
@OP, believe me it's really challenging getting married to someone from another tribe. The main thing you have to do is look at your in laws. Are they tribalistic? How do they sound when they talk about people from other tribes? Especially your MIL. In most families, the moral character of the family is set by the mother. If she is horrible, you can almost be certain that your sisters in law will be worse lol.

Then you need to objectively look at your partner. If he is the type that can stand up to his folks when the shit hits the fan. Or is he the type that likes to sweep stuff under the carpet and never confronts issues?

Basically it boils down to individual families. I have had horrible experiences with my inlaws from another tribe. But i have friends who are in inter tribal marriages and didnt go through the same.

On your own part, You also have to be willing to adapt to a totally different culture. If you are yoruba planning to marry an igbo person, just forget about all that formal respect we have. Then be ready to have a lot of relatives flocking in and out of your home and acting like they own the place. Basically don't approach it with the mindset that there's a right way to do things and a wrong way (culture wise). Just accept that things can be done differently to what you are used to and still be alright.

Basically flexibility on your part is very important

honeychild:
@OP, believe me it's really challenging getting married to someone from another tribe. The main thing you have to do is look at your in laws. Are they tribalistic? How do they sound when they talk about people from other tribes? Especially your MIL. In most families, the moral character of the family is set by the mother. If she is horrible, you can almost be certain that your sisters in law will be worse lol.

Then you need to objectively look at your partner. If he is the type that can stand up to his folks when the shit hits the fan. Or is he the type that likes to sweep stuff under the carpet and never confronts issues?

Basically it boils down to individual families. I have had horrible experiences with my inlaws from another tribe. But i have friends who are in inter tribal marriages and didnt go through the same.

On your own part, You also have to be willing to adapt to a totally different culture. If you are yoruba planning to marry an igbo person, just forget about all that formal respect we have. Then be ready to have a lot of relatives flocking in and out of your home and acting like they own the place. Basically don't approach it with the mindset that there's a right way to do things and a wrong way (culture wise). Just accept that things can be done differently to what you are used to and still be alright.

Basically flexibility on your part is very important.

mysticgal:

like that shii is quite scary.