I don't know if I'm reaching a state of confusion, though my mind is not at rest. It's new year and my heart beat was really on fast mode throughout today.
Why? I can't really fathom but I'll try to explain as I write on.
From when I was a kid, I've always been isolated though I think some stuff played a part in it.
I'm always in this thinking state and though it helped me become somewhat reserved and calm, I think too much of it has affected everything revolving around me.
Myself? Em, I've never really said I've made myself that happy.
Academics- Sometimes I think I was just doing well to make people happy and have friends.

THE PEOPLE AROUND ME-This part saddens me and makes me weep. I've always been there making people happy at the expense of my own happiness but there's always a time when these folks leave me and I'm all alone solving my problems. I feel 'used and dumped' cos I can't believe friendship should be all about using someone's intelligence and not caring.
No I'm in this state, no one's here to talk to.
Keeping things to myself- Maybe I go to far being secretive but I try not to bother people with my problems.
My career choice- Though I've drifted from Scientist-Architecture-Computer Science (confusion right?)
So from engineering, made a change of course due to lack of interest and focus. Didn't really work out so I was moved to Physical and Health Education though I was relieved leaving the department. Though I'm gonna miss the science.
Letting people down- I feel I let a lot of people down even myself cos I really sunk to a depth below my level.
Been somewhat depressed and I really need to move on but the past seems to be haunting me.

So my life really changed in about 3 years and I think I'm losing it.
Don't know if it's depression or confusion but my creativity is somewhat gone and I'm in a worried and sad state. When you feel you've lost your gifts, you're now afraid of yourself.
When your world comes crashing right before your own eyes.
My mind is just running around circles these days; should I say restless?
It's appalling when you can solve people's problems and can't solve yours.

From this thread and previous ones, I'd say you are depressed but don't take my word for it, you need to brace up and see a psychologist/psychiatrist. You have nothing to lose if you are fine and see a professional but a lot to lose if you aren't and continue seeking help from non professionals.

....

Stark7:
I don't know if I'm reaching a state of confusion, though my mind is not at rest. It's new year and my heart beat was really on fast mode throughout today.
Why? I can't really fathom but I'll try to explain as I write on.
From when I was a kid, I've always been isolated though I think some stuff played a part in it.
I'm always in this thinking state and though it helped me become somewhat reserved and calm, I think too much of it has affected everything revolving around me.
Myself? Em, I've never really said I've made myself that happy.
Academics- Sometimes I think I was just doing well to make people happy and have friends.

You sound confused indeed. You should quiet your mind. Remember that only still waters are clear. I recommend meditation.

THE PEOPLE AROUND ME-This part saddens me and makes me weep. I've always been there making people happy at the expense of my own happiness but there's always a time when these folks leave me and I'm all alone solving my problems. I feel 'used and dumped' cos I can't believe friendship should be all about using someone's intelligence and not caring.

You cannot give what you do not have. If you sacrifice your happiness, there will be nothing you will have to offer to others so instead of expecting other people to sacrifice their happiness like you did, take full responsibility for yourself and let others off the hook.

No I'm in this state, no one's here to talk to.
Keeping things to myself- Maybe I go to far being secretive but I try not to bother people with my problems.
My career choice- Though I've drifted from Scientist-Architecture-Computer Science (confusion right?)
So from engineering, made a change of course due to lack of interest and focus. Didn't really work out so I was moved to Physical and Health Education though I was relieved leaving the department. Though I'm gonna miss the science.
Letting people down- I feel I let a lot of people down even myself cos I really sunk to a depth below my level.
Been somewhat depressed and I really need to move on but the past seems to be haunting me.

You have been caught in the spiral of negative thinking. Don't worry, millions of people experience it at some point in their lives. Quiet your mind and then look at things from a different perspective.

Instead of saying, there is nobody to talk to, say there are millions of people online who I can talk to, for example.

As sweetease said, if you can afford to see a professional, do so.

or buy books based on depression and how to get out of it.

In the mean time, can you be selfish and do things that make you happy? (as long as it doesn't harm anyone else) You have only one life to live. choose a career/profession that makes you happy.

Make happiness your choice and understand no one is responsible for your happiness.

Viking007:
Seems a lot of Nigerians are becoming depressed.

yea, and I wish we have renowned professionals available

@op, the best medicine you need right now is Jesus. You need Jesus in your life, you need to be baptized by the Holy Spirit. He is a comforter and a great companion. You need him right now. You need to start reading the Holy Bible and before your very own eyes, that's emptiness and void will disappear. You need to start listening to Christian worship and praise songs and before your very own eyes, your life will turn around.

sweettease:
From this thread and previous ones, I'd say you are depressed but don't take my word for it, you need to brace up and see a psychologist/psychiatrist. You have nothing to lose if you are fine and see a professional but a lot to lose if you aren't and continue seeking help from non professionals.

Maybe I am but the last time I saw a counselor, he didn't really impress me. Being an introverted and really sharing 100 percent information is not easy. And mind is just blazing around thoughts here and there.

Mindfulness:


You sound confused indeed. You should quiet your mind. Remember that only still waters are clear. I recommend meditation.



You cannot give what you do not have. If you sacrifice your happiness, there will be nothing you will have to offer to others so instead of expecting other people to sacrifice their happiness like you did, take full responsibility for yourself and let others off the hook.



You have been caught in the spiral of negative thinking. Don't worry, millions of people experience it at some point in their lives. Quiet your mind and then look at things from a different perspective.

Instead of saying, there is nobody to talk to, say there are millions of people online who I can talk to, for example.

Depressed loop and the mind is just on a Brownian motion spree. I get thoughts of collapsing or losing consciousness with my constant thoughts.
I set out to to be one people will emulate and things went south and I've been held captive in a mirage of woes.

Stark7:

Maybe I am but the last time I saw a counselor, he didn't really impress me. Being an introverted and really sharing 100 percent information is not easy. And mind is just blazing around thoughts here and there.

you have to see a better one then. Try another and the healing doesn't occur after a visit or without some commitment

Joavid:
As sweetease said, if you can afford to see a professional, do so.

or buy books based on depression and how to get out of it.

In the mean time, can you be selfish and do things that make you happy? (as long as it doesn't harm anyone else) You have only one life to live. choose a career/profession that makes you happy.

Make happiness your choice and understand no one is responsible for your happiness.

I'll try and check out books on depression and see how I can get this mind settled.

I always think about people's welfare, opinions and it seems too much.
I can't even recall making myself really happy; my life is really on a lock down. I always feel isolated in every aspect of my life.

Viking007:
Seems a lot of Nigerians are becoming depressed.

Interesting

bro sorry. you can turn things around for yourself. it's all in the mind. solitude is a beautiful thing. Right now you are depressed. you need to participate in activities that will revive your spirit. just look on the brighter side. things will get better.

Stark7:

I'll try and check out books on depression and see how I can get this mind settled.

I always think about people's welfare, opinions and it seems too much.
I can't even recall making myself really happy; my life is really on a lock down. I always feel isolated in every aspect of my life.

Then what's stopping you from church that?

bennyrazz:
@op, the best medicine you need right now is Jesus. You need Jesus in your life, you need to be baptized by the Holy Spirit. He is a comforter and a great companion. You need him right now. You need to start reading the Holy Bible and before your very own eyes, that's emptiness and void will disappear. You need to start listening to Christian worship and praise songs and before your very own eyes, your life will turn around.

How sure are you that I don't have him?

austinereds:
bro sorry. you can turn things around for yourself. it's all in the mind. solitude is a beautiful thing. Right now you are depressed. you need to participate in activities that will revive your spirit. just look on the brighter side. things will get better.

Thanks

Joavid:


Then what's stopping you from church that?

From doing that right?
I'm kinda working on it but maybe I want to to materialize instantly. Can't say

Stark7:

How sure are you that I don't have him?

1. if you have Jesus. you will not think or worry. You will have that perfect peace of mind.

Matthew 6:25-34 New King James Version (NKJV)

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?


Matthew 11:28-29 King James Version (KJV)
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

2. If you have Jesus, you will not seek validation from Men.

New International Version (Galatians 1: 10)
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.


If you remove worry and stop looking for validation from Men, you will have that peace of mind. Your mind will not be troubled.

3. Your depression sets in once your expectations are cut short, so you need to stop expecting people to help you especially when you help them. If you have Jesus, you will know that all your help comes from above. In Psalm 121:1-2, the Bible says I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from where comes my help, my help comes from the Lord.

4. If you have Jesus, your major concern will be how to make heaven. You will be after what you can do for the kingdom of God since you are saved.

The major bulk of your problem is listening to what people are saying not what God is saying, if you have Jesus and you have the Holy Spirit, you will never be sad. You will always be happy even in times of adversity. The certificate or education you are seeking to get, will it get you into the kingdom of God? is it your ticket to Heaven? the money you are chasing, the cars you hope to drive, the house you wish to buy, will it get you into the kingdom of Heaven? there are so many professors, so many professionals, Doctors, Musicians, actors with loads of earthly achievements yet today they are in the cemetery, which of their achievements have they taking to Heaven? That you are alive is a big testimony. That you are not sick is a testimony. Some people at your age are either in Prison or in the Hospital but you are free and not sick. You have every cause to thank God.

Having Jesus alone is not the final bus stop but winning souls for Christ is. You need to accept him, join a group in your church. it may be drama, music etc there must be something you are passionate about. there must be something you are talented in, you need to develop it and watch how you will soar high