KISSING HANK'S ASS

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."





From the Desk of Karl

1.Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.


2.Use alcohol in moderation.


3.Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.


4.Eat right.


5.Hank dictated this list Himself.


6.The moon is made of green cheese.


7.Everything Hank says is right.


8.Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.


9.Don't use alcohol.


10.Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.


11.Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.




Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."
Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears. "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off
Smh
Anyone up for a taste of hanks ass?
Not me though
http://g0ys.org/hanksarse.htm

OK jonbellion its about prejudice to opposing views. My bad

That pic sha! Is that Yahweh ass?

Almost anywhere athiests are seen ridiculing or bashing religion., they are siding homosexuality.

Hmm. That's just one more sign of known psychiatric problems inherent in Athiests.

EyeHateGod:
That pic sha! Is that Yahweh ass?

I don't know oo
We should ask the Christians

MrPRevailer:
Almost anywhere athiests are seen ridiculing or bashing religion., they are siding homosexuality.

Hmm. That's just one more sign of known psychiatric problems inherent in Athiests.

actually it was just showing the bigotry religious people show to others that don't share thier views
Exactly what you just did
See

MrPRevailer:
Almost anywhere athiests are seen ridiculing or bashing religion., they are siding homosexuality.

Hmm. That's just one more sign of known psychiatric problems inherent in Athiests.

Yeah, those psychotic atheists. They don't want to imprison two adults men for sleeping together. I mean, who does that?!
They really should be like the Christians who are siding with the murder and genocide carried out by our ever-benevolent god. And the future eternal burning of all people who don't agree with them. Who on earth doesn't know that burning sinners for eternity is proof of sanity??

randomperson:

Yeah, those psychotic atheists. They don't want to imprison two adults men for sleeping together. I mean, who does that?!
They really should be like the Christians who are siding with the murder and genocide carried out by our ever-benevolent god. And the future eternal burning of all people who don't agree with them. Who on earth doesn't know that burning sinners for eternity is proof of sanity??

lol
It's the ultimate proof bro
That's why the christians are so sensible

randomperson:

Yeah, those psychotic atheists. They don't want to imprison two adults men for sleeping together. I mean, who does that?!
They really should be like the Christians who are siding with the murder and genocide carried out by our ever-benevolent god. And the future eternal burning of all people who don't agree with them. Who on earth doesn't know that burning sinners for eternity is proof of sanity??

lmao

Unfortunately the original author of the article is a christian who kisses hank ass every single day

MrPRevailer:
Almost anywhere athiests are seen ridiculing or bashing religion., they are siding homosexuality.

Hmm. That's just one more sign of known psychiatric problems inherent in Athiests.

Why do religious ppl bash homosexuals when they do other detastable acts god hates?

Edenoscar:
Unfortunately the original author of the article is a christian who kisses hank ass every single day

lol really?

lepasharon:


Why do religious ppl bash homosexuals when they do other detastable acts god hates?

They may do it but they don't promote it. Athiests are always on their toes protesting/promoting homosexuality.

jonbellion:
actually it was just showing the bigotry religious people show to others that don't share thier views
Exactly what you just did
See

What u said didnt even make sense yet you received 3 likes. Cowards helping each other.

MrPRevailer:


They may do it but they don't promote it. Athiests are always on their toes promoting homosexuality.

What's wit you and homosexuality? Are you a closet self- loathing gay man?
Go into the church and see how so many Christians promote and engage in all sort of atrocities all in the name of serving God?
FYI there's absolutely nothing wrong in being a homosexual and promoting homosexuality, The earlier you let that sink the better you get redeemed

MrPRevailer:


What u said didnt even make sense yet you received 3 likes. Cowards helping each other.

smh

MrPRevailer:


They may do it but they don't promote it. Athiests are always on their toes protesting/promoting homosexuality.

Course they do, what do you mean. Christians will go clubbing, have pre- marital.sex, drink, lie and smoke but suddenly remember what the bible says when it comes to gays...

Hypocritical much?

-

randomperson:

Yeah, those psychotic atheists. They don't want to imprison two adults men for sleeping together. I mean, who does that?!
They really should be like the Christians who are siding with the murder and genocide carried out by our ever-benevolent god. And the future eternal burning of all people who don't agree with them. Who on earth doesn't know that burning sinners for eternity is proof of sanity??

Please gather your stiupidity. Are Christians ordering the death of homosexuals or creating genocide?

Is it not the role of God to judge the wicked?

You keep talking of genocide yet for over 20 centuries since the beginning of Christianity were it not the unbelievers and pagans who commited great genocide against Christian believers. And till today, Christians are killed like a sheep without retaliation. How many times have churches carried weapons to fight bokoharam or ISIS or killed homosexuals.

So please spare me your bigotry claim of a genocidal God. If his children are not genocidal (because of the bible) then God is not. HE IS THE RIGHTEOUS JUDGE. THE GIVER AND TAKER OF LIFE. It is in his hands only to judge the wicked. And that is why we do not retaliate because the day of Reckoning is coming. When God will retaliate for his people.

MrPRevailer:


Please gather your stiupidity. Are[b] Christians ordering the death of homosexuals[/b] or creating genocide?

Is it not the role of God to judge the wicked?

You keep talking of genocide yet for over 20 centuries since the beginning of Christianity were it not the unbelievers and pagans who commited great genocide against Christian believers. And till today, Christians are killed like a sheep without retaliation. How many times have churches carried weapons to fight bokoharam or ISIS or killed homosexuals.

So please spare me your bigotry claim of a genocidal God. If his children are not genocidal (because of the bible) then God is not. HE IS THE RIGHTEOUS JUDGE. THE GIVER AND TAKER OF LIFE. It is in his hands only.

Yes they are

https://www.nairaland.com/763941/does-sound-familiar-parable#9182043

Long ago.

lepasharon:


Course they do, what do you mean. Christians will go clubbing, have pre- marital.sex, drink, lie and smoke but suddenly remember what the bible says when it comes to gays...

Hypocritical much?

Like I said, they don't promote it. And that's because they have a conscience. They know it's their weakness and in their minds, there is a battle btw good and evil. And because they know it's evil, they'll condemn it. Wether they're victims or doers of such evil or not. And consider it shameful. No wonder they fornicate or sin in secret.

Contrarywise, Athiests are dead maggots, full of demeaning darkness and pride, void of a godly conscience.
No wonder they can spend hours at a stretch promoting wickedness such as homosexuality and critising religion at the slightest that has for years suppressed their dastard deeds and very dark imaginations.

MrPRevailer:


Like I said, they don't promote it. And that's because they have a conscience. They know it's their weakness and that its not right. And because they know it's evil, they'll condemn it. Wether they're victims or doers of such evil or not. And consider it shameful. No wonder they fornicate or sin in secret.

Contrarywise, Athiests are dead maggots, full of demeaning darkness and pride, void of a godly conscience.
No wonder they can spend hours at a stretch promoting wickedness such as homosexuality and critising religion at the slightest that has for years suppressed their dastard deeds and dark imaginations.

come again

MrPRevailer:


Like I said, they don't promote it. And that's because they have a conscience. They know it's their weakness and that its not right. And because they know it's evil, they'll condemn it. Wether they're victims or doers of such evil or not. And consider it shameful. No wonder they fornicate or sin in secret.

Contrarywise, Athiests are dead maggots, full of demeaning darkness and pride, void of a godly conscience.
No wonder they can spend hours at a stretch promoting wickedness such as homosexuality and critising religion at the slightest that has for years suppressed their dastard deeds and dark imaginations.

What are you talking about? Ofcourse they do promote it. I know Christians who see nothing wrong in doing those things and you cant tell them anything. What do they do in secret? Why are you calling homosexuality wickedness, when you are a wicked being urself? Are you a virgin and don't you lie? What makes you better than homosexuals?
If they are to burn in a hell, you and ALL Christians will burn with them, because there is no true angel.

calliope:


What's wit you and homosexuality? Are you a closet self- loathing gay man?
Go into the church and see how so many Christians promote and engage in all sort of atrocities all in the name of serving God?
FYI there's absolutely nothing wrong in being a homosexual and promoting homosexuality, The earlier you let that sink the better you get redeemed

Well, have you not heard the adage Beware of the devil in the church? Why did he come? Answer: To kill, steal and destroy. (John 10:10).

There's everything wrong with being homosexual. You deny this because you do not perceive the consequences and are lost in your self-gratification majenta.

MrPRevailer:


Well, have you not heard the adage Beware of the devil in the church? Why did he come? Answer: To kill, steal and destroy. (John 10:10).

There's everything wrong with being homosexual. You deny this because you do not perceive the consequences and are lost in your self-gratification majenta.

there's noting wrong on being homosexual
Not everybody follows the laws of your goat herder book
So take that into consideration
You can preach that to a homosexual practising Christianity
Ooh right
You'll say they aren't christians
Lol
Bigotry is wrong

lepasharon:


What are you talking about? Ofcourse they do promote it. I know Christians who see nothing wrong in doing those things and you cant tell them anything. What do they do in secret? Why are you calling homosexuality wickedness, when you are a wicked being urself? Are you a virgin and don't you lie? What makes you better than homosexuality?
If they are to burn in a hell, you and ALL Christians will burn with them, because there is no true angel.

Firstly, all your ill spoken words against me and the children of God BACK TO SENDER in Jesus name.

I am a virgin. However you don't have to be a virgin to enter heaven. What you need is repentance, Salvation and Holiness.
Thirdly, ''wickedness' is the bible's language for sin/unrighteousness.
Psalm7:12 The wicked shall be turned into he'll and all the nation that forget God'. (ADDRESSED)

Now such Christians you speak of who practise such things with disdain are biblically termed Backsliders. They were in the way before but have gone out of the way. And become probably worse than before they became Christians. 'Even demons believe There is God and tremble.'

So Christinaity is not simply Identity driven. It is.......CHARACTER DRIVEN.

jonbellion:
there's noting wrong on being homosexual
Not everybody follows the laws of your goat herder book
So take that into consideration
You can preach that to a homosexual practising Christianity
Ooh right
You'll say they aren't christians
Lol
Bigotry is wrong

What grieves me is that when you die, you won't be able to return to tell your friends what you've seen over there. And so the madness continues.

MrPRevailer:


What grieves me is that when you die, you won't be able to return to tell your friends what you've seen over there. And so the madness continues.

yeah right right
Hell eternal anguish bla bla bla
The thing used to whip y'all in line
Go find someone else to whip bro

So they kiss karl's ass and he passes it on to hank?
If I ever get to see Karl's ass, I'll shove a fiery two-edged sword down that demented ass.

MrPRevailer:


Firstly, all your ill spoken words against me and the children of God BACK TO SENDER in Jesus name.

I am a virgin. However you don't have to be a virgin to enter heaven. What you need is repentance, Salvation and Holiness.
Thirdly, ''wickedness' is the bible's language for sin/unrighteousness.
Psalm7:12 The wicked shall be turned into he'll and all the nation that forget God'. (ADDRESSED)

Now such Christians you speak of who practise such things with disdain are biblically termed Backsliders. They were in the way before but have gone out of the way. And become probably worse than before they became Christians. 'Even demons believe There is God and tremble.'

So Christinaity is not simply Identity driven. It is.......CHARACTER DRIVEN.

cc.jonbellion 4kings