chy4luv:
We've been married for 10 years. It wasnt like this in our middle years of marriage. Since last 3 years we'been quarrelling anytime we stay at home together. We quarrelled on 2nd of January when everyone is having new year resolution and were not on talking terms until nearly around 20th of January. Just last week Thursday we argued again to the extent that he went to our son's parents meeting without me. He later apologised and said we should forget the past and start on a clean state because I told him I want a separation that I really don't like this arguments. My worries being that it might result physical one day. Our kids are questioning now especially our daughter as why we shout and argue alot that she doesn't want us to separate and she is 7yrs. Today again we quarrelled, argued and shouted. He shouts and has a deep and loud voice. He is the type that when he is even gisting u have to keep reminding him to lower his voice. I am getting really tired. My husband is a nice man but don't meet him when he is angry. He has stopped car severally during arguments and left me and kids in the middle of the road at night and took a taxi home. I had to drive the car home. This has happened twice. When he is arguing in the car he doesn't want me to talk at all, if I talk he gets angry. I won't say I am a calm Lady. I also give him my own share of trouble. I used to think may be we are not compatible but we tend to gist and never lacked a topic to discuss but then sometimes starts arguing from our discussion which then leads to fights and name calling.

Two sanguines cannot lead the concert at the same time...

ipobbigot7:
I quiet understand you, to me i didn't see anywhere here where you painted your husband black though different people could have a different view of it but i for one see that you sincerely seek solutions to the unnecessary bickering in marriage.

My marriage was also in this kind of situation at the early stage and we both were not enjoying it. Men most of the time men tends to assume they can subjugate their wives by unleashing the beast in them on her by shouting her down,is a wrong approach because they only succeed to wake up an equal beast in the woman in response, after all you don't beat a child and tell him not to cry. As i said we were not enjoying the marriage and i think my wife got fed up with with it one day called me to a discussion and told me to stop shouting at her that she's not my maid but my wife and my partner, that shouting will not bring the best of her out for me to enjoy. That was it, my eyes were opened and prayerfully stopped shouting at her, then i realized that one of the way to accord respect to her is to relate with her calmly no matter how wrong she is and with that i can always drive my message in easily.

I think you should sit down with your husband and discuss with him too, am sure he also is fed up with the bickering, and i sense you both love each other.

Thank God u learnt. Some have refused to learn and they put strain on their marriage.

I think you need to check what usually causes argument and fight between you both and how you have been handling the issue.

Once the problem has been identified, you then tackle using another strategy.

If this doesn't work, you guys may need to visit a Psychologist for professional help.

chy4luv:


Thanks for this. Everyone here thinks am a troublesome woman. Both of us are culprits here. When I said I also give him my own share of trouble, I meant I can't keep quiet because I feel irritated and my tolerance level tends to be low at that time of the month. Why won't my husband pass his message across without shouting? And this is when I also flare up. Why don't he talk calmly to me at least in those periods or try not to raise his voice knowing fully well that i will flare up at that period. This is a medical practitioner and therefore he should know better. I have tried to describe everything so that I can get a good advice which is what I seek. In life is good to be fair. There is no point coming here painting my husband bad when I know two saints cannot make a wrong(both of us are responsible). That I suffer from PMS doesn't mean I go about looking for trouble. I don't look for anyone's trouble but I find it hard taking s.h.it I would have normally overlooked.

It's not only you that has PMS symptoms. I can bet with you that mine is 10times worse than you. And I have to deal with a very demanding career. Do I now start fighting people at work and at home because I claim to be suffering from PMS? Won't I lose my job and my peace at home? PMS is not an excuse for you to start fights.

I am beginning to believe you are a troll and a man with the way you are harping on about PMS as if it is a mental illness. Either that or you are a housewife with too much time on her hands to use PMS as a way to get attention. PMS is not a disease or an excuse for bad behavior. Check yourself and act like an adult. I have to deal with sharp cramps, nausea and insomnia. Sometimes headaches and bloating. But I am not causing fights up and down and using my symptoms as an excuse. Let's not even discuss my period which is one in town. So madam get a grip on yourself face the fact that you are quarrelsome and most likely an expert at nagging. Caution yourself and approach your hubby differently than what you have been doing. PMS is no excuse!

chy4luv:
We've been married for 10 years. It wasnt like this in our middle years of marriage. Since last 3 years we'been quarrelling anytime we stay at home together. We quarrelled on 2nd of January when everyone is having new year resolution and were not on talking terms until nearly around 20th of January. Just last week Thursday we argued again to the extent that he went to our son's parents meeting without me. He later apologised and said we should forget the past and start on a clean state because I told him I want a separation that I really don't like this arguments. My worries being that it might result physical one day. Our kids are questioning now especially our daughter as why we shout and argue alot that she doesn't want us to separate and she is 7yrs. Today again we quarrelled, argued and shouted. He shouts and has a deep and loud voice. He is the type that when he is even gisting u have to keep reminding him to lower his voice. I am getting really tired. My husband is a nice man but don't meet him when he is angry. He has stopped car severally during arguments and left me and kids in the middle of the road at night and took a taxi home. I had to drive the car home. This has happened twice. When he is arguing in the car he doesn't want me to talk at all, if I talk he gets angry. I won't say I am a calm Lady. I also give him my own share of trouble. I used to think may be we are not compatible but we tend to gist and never lacked a topic to discuss but then sometimes starts arguing from our discussion which then leads to fights and name calling.

lemme give a trick,just put a stone inside the right side of ur cheeks,at least that would keep you quiet when he is talking...the 2 of you can't be goats at the same time(am not insulting you)you are not new in the game of marriage,so you should know that whenever rifts is staring up,keeping quiet is d best solution...you can now express urself to him later on a lighter mood.. Yorubas say" pele;oo ni ako,oo ni abo. Wish you best of luck