Especially to the newly married, please be careful.

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!

My name is Ibukun, you can just call me Ib as that is what I am called by everybody anyway. I am sited at my desk in this office this Friday morning reflecting on my life these past 5 years. The mistakes I made, the decisions I took and how this job that meant the whole world to me has suddenly become a burden. I remember the day I met my husband here in the city of Abuja, I came for my job interview and he had come to have a meeting with one of the marketers. He could see how nervous I was sitting at the reception waiting to be called that he offered to wait and take me for a drink after. I gave him the meanest look I could muster and told him to mind his business. See me preparing my mind for the biggest job interview of my life and there he was chasing woman. I composed myself and went in for the interview with my laptop almost falling from my hands. I could already tell they loved all the samples of my designs I showed them from the looks on their faces. After all, I am fully invested in my profession as an architect and this kind of opportunity trust me, is not common. I showed them some beautiful 3D designs and drafted floor plans. I came out all smiling and confident. I went to the road to hail and taxi and Lo and behold, he had been waiting for me.

That was how Ifemidayo began to capture my heart. We had a very interesting relationship. he was everything I had been looking for in a man. he was gentle, hardly ever got angry for more than

an hour and never even pressured me about sex. He was such a gentleman. To seal it up my family loved him. It even seemed like my parents and my siblings loved him more than me. Ifemi as I call him was the ideal man for me. Two years later, we got married in Lagos where my family home is and then we travelled to Dubai for our honeymoon. I had been working for 2 years now and my job was very well paying so we could afford a reasonable wedding and a nice honeymoon. Ifemi had a good job too with a consulting firm. It was one of these coded firms in Abuja that had plenty money to pay their staff. We were comfortable, we were in love and we loved God. It seemed like nothing could go wrong. We rented a nice two bedroom flat in Gwarinpa about a month before the wedding and we both had our cars already so all was set for a great life ahead. We came back to Abuja after the honeymoon to live happily ever after... or so we thought..

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 2

Life couldn’t be better for us. I got a promotion about a month after the wedding. Ifemi started talking about having children but I just could not imagine that yet. I just got promoted to the position of assistant manager. Work would definitely become hectic so getting pregnant would just mess up my plans. One night, we came back from work and just finished having dinner and we had this big conversation, I remember it vividly like it was yesterday even though it was 3 years ago. Ifemi said, “IB we can’t just postpone starting a family indefinitely just because of your job. You knew I wanted a family as soon as we got married. You knew this right from the start. You used to feel the same way and I don’t get why you are suddenly having a change of heart”. I was so angry that day; I just did could not get what the whole fuss was about. I told him straight on, “Now I see why they say men are so selfish. You know how much this promotion means to me and suddenly you just can’t give me a break. I told you my work schedule will become hectic because of this new position. All I have asked for is a year to settle in before I start pumping babies. Now we are married, you think whatever you desire is law? Ifemidayo, you are joking. Except it is not my body that will carry the babies, that is when you can be getting impatient. As for me, I am not ready and that is final.” I looked into my husband’s eyes and I have never seen such anger in him before. I expected him to lash out in more anger but he just quietly turned and went to bed. I was proud of myself for making my point clear. I just felt Ifemi was being selfish just because our salaries would be the same with this new promotion I got.

The next day, I went to the hospital during lunch hour and fixed IUD as a protection. After all, the lack of contraceptive against pregnancy is the beginning of foolishness. I could not trust Ifemidayo to not get me pregnant intentionally and he would never support any permanent contraceptive so I just did it anyway. I’ll take it off codedly when I am ready. After that day, I stopped arguing with him about having babies. In fact, the next time he raised the issue, I simply said okay. He would never know I have sorted myself. Ifemidayo began to take special care of me after then. He would buy me fruits, make sure I took enough vegetables, read everything and anything about women trying to have babies. He made me start taking folic acid at some point in the hope that it would prepare my body for pregnancy. The sex was very regular and it was fun for me. He even started making me calculate my ovulation period. After one year of making so much effort, Ifemi started getting worried. I thought about telling him about the contraceptive I have fixed but work was more hectic than I thought and I could not jeopardize that yet especially now that we were building our own house. How would I support him if I lost my job? I thanked God for the wonderful in laws I have because Ifemi’s mum is truly one of those mothers that does not intrude. There was a time I even felt bad because the pastor recommended a 7days fast in church for people that want children. Ifemi made sure we did the fast. I joined him in doing that but I used the opportunity to pray for other things.

My Manager suddenly knocks on my door and that cuts into my thoughts. Ibukun, “have you done the 3D designs for Glamour concepts Ltd yet? Yes sir, I am bringing it to the meeting now. I looked at my watch. It is time for Friday meeting. I was totally lost in thought sha. I didn’t even know I had been sitting on my desk for 2 hours already. I got busy with work all through that day and I didn’t get back to my thoughts until my drive home at 7pm that night. Sometime last year, I finally decided I wanted to have children. It was not fun seeing Ifemi suffer and seeing all my friends cute babies wasn’t helping matter either. I decided to take out the IUD but I still haven’t gotten around to it yet. This morning, Ifemi called me that he has booked an appointment for us tomorrow to see a gynaecologist and do some check up to make sure all is well. I have tried for so long to avoid this but today, he was very adamant. I am thinking maybe I should just tell him about the contraceptive or try and remove it early in the morning before we go to the appointment t 2pm. I do not even want to imagine Ifemi’s reaction and actions if I tell him. I will quietly remove it in the morning. I was so lost in thought, I didn’t see the truck parked in the middle of the road, all I heard was the crash and I just blacked out. My last thoughts were of my beloved

Update

Wtf?cont pls

: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 3

I woke up with a smashing headache and confusing thoughts. I looked around and there he was, sitting quietly by my hospital bedside lost in thoughts. I quickly closed my eyes and remembered all I was thinking about before my accident. I was going to sneak out tomorrow morning to go remove the IUD before our doctor's appointment. Wait, I don't even know how long I have been out for. I have to check my phone at least to check the date. I opened my eyes and he saw me. I wish I could freeze that moment. The joy in his eyes, the smile on his face was priceless. How could I have made this man I love so much sad these past years, waiting earnestly for a child I purposely did not give him. How will he ever trust me again. If there is one thing I know about Ifemi, he never tolerates lies. He stood up and gave me a very big kiss on the lips. The doctor came in at that moment and assured us everything is fine and we can go home in another day or two. I had been out for up to 24 hours so they had to just monitor my progress.

Ifemi then asked the doctor what I feared most; Doc, we were scheduled to see a gynecologist today before to have a check up and make sure everything is fine as we have been trying to have a baby. Do you think we can run those tests now since we are already in the hospital? The doctor said they'll come by later to run some scans and left. There is no escape now, no secret way to avoid being caught in this big lie. I am so scared right now. How do I face him? The next day,I was feeling much stronger and the tests had been done. Ifemi came into my room with the doctor, I had to force him to go home to sleep last night. The doctor said he wanted to talk to us both about the results of the tests they ran on me. He started by saying, Mrs Babalola, when exactly did you fix your IUD? Ifemi said, what is IUD? I could not even look at his face while the doctor explained to him what an IUD was and he was arguing that of course I did not do it as we have been trying to have children. I saved him further embarrassment and told the doctor it has been 3 years.

Ifemi looked at me and said, Ibukun what do you mean 3 years? You fixed a contraceptive without informing me? You lied to me and made me put in so much effort looking for a child? You seriously did that? I did not even know what to say. The doctor then said, Mr Babalola, that is the least of your worries, the problem now is that there has been some complications with the IUD. This is a rare complication and we rarely see this occur but unfortunately, we are now faced with this situation. We have found that your IUD has shifted from its original position and has now migrated through the opening of your right Fallopian tube. We would have to perform some surgeries to actually get it removed and the earlier we do that the better so as not to totally affect your chances of getting pregnant. I stared at the doctor in disbelief, I could not even begin to comprehend what he was saying. I have so many friends that have fixed this same IUD and nothing has ever happened. Are you sure there is no mistake here? The doctor then tried to explain about how this was a rare complication and all but I just was not listening anymore. I looked at Ifemi's eyes and I could see the judgment in his eyes. I came off my bed and held him begging but he looked at me and said, it was your decision, fix it anyhow you like and he walked out. I just cannot believe this is happening. The tears won't stop falling. All I wanted was to delay pregnancy for a while, I knew I shouldn't have lied to my husband but how was I to know I would have such a complication. I am so lost right now, I don't even know what to do. Will Ifemi ever come back? Am I even still married? My phone started ringing and I looked at the phone and saw it was my mother in law. Oh God! Ifemi must have called

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 4

My mother in law spoke to me at length that day. Ifemi had never spoken to her about our marriage before so for him to have called her, she knew I had taken it too far. She said I had taken my job as a priority over my marriage and it would take God to win my hubby back. At the end of that conversation, I felt so weak and broken. I was surprised to see Ifemi arrive back at the hospital the next morning before my surgery. He was not smiling nor speaking to me but his presence there gave me hope. Over the next few weeks, they had to perform 3 surgeries to finally repair all the damage. Ifemi was there all through providing all the support I needed but he still was not speaking to me. The doctor told us that the complications were very bad and my chance of having a baby immediately was 50%. They had done all they could and all was left in God’s hands. I could tell from the way Ifemi looked at me that forgiveness was a long shot not when he still could not have the baby he wanted.

By the time I went back to work Ifemi and I were still not in a good place. I had tried several times to seduce him and get him to even touch me but he just turns around and refuses. The last time I woke him in the night to talk about how we can move on, he just said, “you should have had this conversation before taking decisions by yourself” and went back to sleep. Ifemi that used to come home straight from work now comes back around 10pm, at times later. I just could not fathom how one single action could have broken my marriage this way. The other day, I made him breakfast and he said he wasn’t hungry, I tried to cajole him to eat it and he said, “have you poisoned the food? It is definitely not beyond you, If you can lie for 3 years, you can definitely kill me”. I cried for a long time that day, I shouted and fought. I reminded him of how he said for better for worse and how it was just one mistake but he simply looked at me and walked out. We were living together like strangers in the same house. I definitely cannot spend the rest of my life begging him. It has been 2 months already.

One Wednesday afternoon, my colleague in the office, Wale saw me crying and pestered me and what was wrong. I had never spoken to anybody about my marriage and I was dying inside. I opened my mouth and told him everything from the beginning to the end. It was such a relief sharing my pain with somebody else. After I said everything, Wale decided to take me to lunch, we talked for so long during lunch. He was really good at listening. Wale told me what I did was really wrong and that I had to keep working on my marriage. He said my husband too was taking it too far and had to forgive me eventually and I agreed with him. He said he was there for me whenever I needed somebody to talk to as it was not even healthy for me to bottle so much up. He made me smile for which I was grateful. It had been long since I had an interesting time. It is really lonely at home these days. That was the beginning of my friendship with Wale.....