I may not be your Media publicity secretary Mr President or your senior special adviser on Media or even you’re your special adviser or even one of their numerous personal assistants. The truth is, Mr President, I do not work for the Ministry of Information who could not account for a mere couple of hundred millions – but I digress.
My point is that I am not on your payroll and I understand that you have quite a number sir. We can even classify them into two:
1. The Known: these are the members of the presidency, ministers, SSAs, SAs, Pas to SSAs and SAs, Pas to Pas to the SSAs and SAs, etc, if you catch my drift.
2. The unknown: we have come to identify this category as the BMC ( don’t know if they truly exist sir) who are allegedly paid the sum of N250,000 monthly. Mr President, I did not see the advert for the latter position, if not I would have applied for my younger ones. Personally, I don’t know why Nigerians are outraged, you promised jobs to the unemployed nah and you are meeting up with your campaign promise. This one sef is better than that NPower programme. I don’t have to pay transport just data. Ah next time Baba Presido consider your boy.

Back to the topic Mr President, it is no more news that your VP exceeded our expectations. Infact he was so good that the opposition started to claim bragging rights over him. Infact there was a fight on the internet between the “dead followers” of your government and the “eternal criers” of the opposition on this matter. Prof Prof, the man waka no be small. You see all those Niger Delta areas that they told youhad plenty wahala, Prof went there o. He even went to the creeks. Baba, you should have seen the reception in Asaba, Port Harcourt, Uyo, Umuhia and so on. Prof was so well received that the (some) people of Anambra State had a solidarity rally for you.
Prof (who just turned 60) also ate Suya with Aunty Kemi (who just turned 50) and man Goddy (who has been turning since 2014) and they all agreed to pump dollars into the system because the Naira was already on the ground with Dollar on top packing sand into Naira’s mouth. Baba, we were already using 516 gallons of water to keep the Naira going against the Dollar o. So they agreed to pump muscle into the Naira. In a week the Naira gained strength against the Dollar by over20% and the people rejoiced. They praised Prof.
Baba, you spoke to plenty people on the phone while you were away but you did not even PING your people. Haba Baba, did we offend you? Did you tell President Trump to bounce us back from the US small snall because it was after your call that he started o. Please address this and settle the quarrel between Oga Onyeama and Madam Abike o. Still on communication, we have video chat everywhere now on BBM, whatsapp, Skype, etc. I even heard Mr Seun wants to include it on his platform.
Mr President, did you hear that the PDP has reconciled. Obviously, their wahala was resolved while you were away. I am sure this will be looked into even though our mutual friend Governor Fayose is not amused. Speaking of Fayose, he left Ekiti to your “town” to harass Aunty Kemi that she has not paid him allowance o. If you see as, in typical Fayose manner, stormed the place with journalists and declared that they must pay. Not only that o, he also stopped the DSS from arresting our own Apostle Suleiman for threats against Fulani Herdsmen. Did you see Apostle Suleiman making mouth in the State House at Ado Ekiti? No be small. Come to think of it, I did not see Stephanie in that video of the Apostle leaving the hotel with Temi Temi’s hero (sorry couldn’t help myself).

Baba, while you were away, Professor Yemi Osibanjo proved himself a suitable and intelligent fill in as you mentioned on your arrival. I advice sir that you learn and consolidate on the little he has done so far. Learn from others like he did irrespective of the ethnic and religious divide. What Osibanjo showed in the past 50 days is hope to Nigerians. There is still hope for Nigeria because what I saw in the past few weeks is simply the support for good governanceby all and sundery.

Welcome Back Mr President.

Guy, its better u settle ur differences with Mr President b4 he settles down.... Else...