Preparing for fatherhood is like getting ready for the big game. You have to understand your offense (abilities), your defense (limitations) and your bench (other resources) . You also have to know your opponent - in this case, your future new baby. OK, so the baby is not really an opponent, at least not until the teenage years, but preparation is still key.

Going out to buy baby furniture, clothes and toys, babyproofing your house, sending off for information about college funds that you'll fail to invest in for the next decade: it's just routine game prep, like sharpening your spikes or stealing the other team's playbook.

Now that we've been fathers for a collective four years, we've noted a few THINGS THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU. Most people offer three simple pieces of advice to prospective fathers:

You're going to love it;

It's a lot of work; and

Your life is going to change.

Others often throw out a mere "you'll see" with a smirk. That smirk is the proverbial secret handshake of the brotherhood of fathers, in which members are sworn not to reveal all the THINGS THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU.

We herewith break that vow. So, for future fathers, here are some of those THINGS THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU

Changing diapers is often a near-death experience[b][/b]. If the sight of an almost inexplicable quantity doesn't drop you to your knees, then the smell will. Disposing of the diaper can pose an added problem. Those devices designed for odor reduction have been known to take off the hand of an untrained dad. A full-body biomechanical suit is recommended attire for this hazardous duty.

Small children can hurt you. Badly. They don't mean too, but they can. The unexpected toy crashing into your shins, the inadvertent sippy cup to the back of the head or the well-placed kick to the crotch has caused many fathers to realize that the little one packs a mean punch.

Your eating habits will change. Pizza, burger and beer will have to wait. You'll learn to eat those things that you've forgotten about - green beans and cantaloupe, for example.

A child between 18 months and three years has more energy than the average cub scout pack. From the time their little feet hit the ground in the morning until they reluctantly hit the sack at night, they create a whole new kind of natural disaster. Picture a tornado touching down after a category five hurricane wipes out what little house was left after a tsunami. That's if you only have one child. The average two-year old can ransack a room in less than 20 minutes.Your kitchen floor will never be clean again. Food will show up in the strangest forms in the strangest places you can possibly imagine. Expect to dig food items from between your toes at least once a week. And remember, if the kid finds something on the floor and eats it before you can intervene, it's protein.

Putting in a car seat requires a master's degree in engineering. Buckles, bolts and straps that would confound Houdini. Solution? Let your wife handle this one. She has more patience and will at least read the directions.

Children imitate what fathers do and say, and then repeat them at any given time or place. Enough said.

Regardless of some of the things that fathers didn't know before the little tyke arrives, there is nothing that compares to the joy that children can bring to fatherhood. Looking into your child's eyes as you lay her down for bed at night and feeling the love and affection makes all the dirty diapers in the world tolerable - well, perhaps not the one with corn and collards. We won't be making that mistake again.

OMG this is so funny and so true,welcome to the world of fatherhood.

this is sooo true.i vividly remember when my hubby was still basking in d euphoria of having a first child.i usually played a fast one on him.i always pretended to be very tired and he did d cuddling,feeding, wht a good father

Lol.

Why is diaper change always a huge task for you guys?

My husband must be a good diaper changer sha.

That’s so funny. . . . .and so true

I don't see anyting too difficult or tasking about changing diapers, i look after my 2 daughters whether my wife is around or not, in fact I'm always very happy to change the younger one's diapers to ensure she's dry and comfortable. I enjoy being with my children and always ready to even sacfrifice more, i believe i owe them these especially since i wasn't too lucky to get any form of fatherly care and to be honest these kids sometimes prefer to be with me rather than their mum. I understand though than some men might find these very difficult but its all down to being ready to give some sacrifice for your loved ones

However, i agree with the fact that these kids could have some imaginable level of energy to keep you very busy throughout the day, in fact sometimes i have to like force them to sleep at night when obvioulsy they are still very active and want to continue playing

thats so funny and true

awww 9ce!

LOL.
This thread is so funny. I'll have to forward it to my hubby. We have a baby on d way.

My husband would put on the baby's diaper wrong way around. It was like rocket science to him. I could see he was trying.

@Coolwater,


I am sooooooo proud of you!,  and I do not know why, well maybe it is because I do not get to hear much of this from our men down here in Nigeria. I do not get to see many lives changing drastically because of Fatherhood around here so please do not blame me for being excited.

quite funny. I'm not yet a father but i did baby sit 1 of my cousins. I learnt a handy trick on putting a child to sleep, strap him/her in a walker and pet them to sleep in 10 mins or less. Works like magic!

I totally dislike bathing or changing diapers. Worst job ever . . . thank God for mothers/women.

davidylan:

I totally dislike bathing or changing diapers. Worst job ever . . . thank God for mothers/women.

just like me

IT IS 1 OF THE MOST INTERESTING AND LOVING THING TO DO. WHERE ON EARTH DID U THINK TAKING CARE OF THE BABY, LIKE CHANGING DIAPERS ETC ARE THE DUTIES OF A WOMAN.
MEN, PLS RISE UP. IT IS OUR DUTY TOO. I HAVE BEEN A FATHER FOR OVER 6YEARS NOW. AND I ENJOYED DOING IT. THEY ARE MY CHILDREN FOR HEAVENS' SAKE. I OWE THEM CARE AND LOVE AND THE PERFECT WAY TO DEMONSTRATE THAT IS TO STAY CLOSE TO THEM IN WHATEVER WAY I FIND MYSELF.
ESPECIALLY, MY KIDS FIND ME HANDY ON WEEKENDS TO BATHE THEM AND DO ALL THAT THEIR MOTHER USE TO DO FOR THEM WEEK DAYS. ITS INTERESTING 4 YR KIDS TO SAY " I WANT DADDY DO THESE 4 ME".

PLS MEN, RISE UP. WE CANT LEAVE EFRYTHING TO THE HANDS OF THE WOMAN ALONE. AND IF THEY BECOME GREAT IN D FUTURE, WE WILL STAND AND SAY "HE/SHE IS MY CHILD". SCHOOL FEES ALONE DOES NOT MAKE YOU THEIR FATHER.
WOMEN NEEDS REST TOO. PLS AND PLS ALLOW THEM REST, SO THAT THE NIGHT CAN BE FANTASTIC.

Oh my word!This is so funny,my husband is laughing his head off because he can relate and I also used to do the I'm tired excuse too,so he could change baby or I run into the toilet and pretend I have to go and it was always hilarious to see Mr.Engineer trying to figure out which way to place the diaper

Children imitate what fathers do and say, and then repeat them at any given time or place.  Enough said.

imagine that!
you are talking to your partner (in the presence of a kid) telling her that MR X was s.t.u.p.i.d to do "whatever" and then the next time MR X comes to visit that same child saying to MR X after he took away his toy:"give me my toy back, this is the reason why my father said you are s.t.u.p.i.d!!!!"
PRICELESS ROTFLMAO

whats so hard about changing diapers?

what i really dislike is when they start to teeth

yikes! thats when they start running a fever

they start testing that new tooth on ur u know what

lol, @Jay

lmfao

Interesting read!

I can't see anything so daunting about looking after your own children - it's not solely a mother's responsibility, the father must play his part too.

I look forward to changing diapers, and lots of initial sleepless nights.

FATHERHOOD!
@op You really got me lmao, and at the same time passed the message in the clearest of manners.things to expect.
Anyway,am really looking forward to it and the attendant joy attached to the feeling of being a father.