I have been in the UK permanently for the last 20 years, married for the last 16 with kids. Been visiting Nigeria regularly with the wife and kids over the last 10 years. The challenge i now have is that the wife is not really interested in relocating(I am sick of the UK), she prefers visiting from time to time. Accommodation, feeding and mobility will not be a problem at all and she knows this. I love her very much, she has supported me a lot in building a succesful investment line both in the western world and Nigeria.
Her reasons : Decay in infrastructure in Naija, no adequate security and health care, traffic, armed robbery, corruption etc. I always remind her that the UK also has it's problems, Infact, recently our first son was nearly a victim of Knife crime.
She has a very good job in the UK. Lastly, sometimes jokingly she would say she does not trust all those lagos girls, whatever that means.
All, i am happiest on each occasion that i travel to 9ja. I am ready to take the plunge now.

You are on your own. Even though you just initiated this post to open the Nigerian can of worms

lol. . call family meeting and vote.

Is your wife of 9ja descent?

Perhaps you could get some of your friends' wives to talk to her abt how life in lag is, show her around the available facilities, gist her abt day to day life, and how they cope. It should preferably be a fellow woman who sees the good side of things, but they shouldn't lie to her. Persuade her like u did when u were toasting her and ease her fears. Lagos is not that bad.

what about a temp move for her.
ask her to take a career break so she can come test waters.

holidaying in naija is way different from living in naija

28schweet, She was born and bred in 9ja of 9ja parentage.
Iceblue, She has close friends living very comfortably in Ikoyi and VGC who have showed her round. Unfortunately, she is not easily swayed with material things.
Jaybee, i have suggested temporary move she said she is scared.
Chaircover, my 1st son hates the place. His reason is "up NEPA" and no likes of "Disney park" when you talk holidaying to him.

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Thanks to all, particularly chaircover & ftmom.

I am very well aware of all social issues raised by most on the forum on the 9ja front. Strangely, i have not been 419ed/duped in 9ja ever since i've been dealing in 9ja. I have been duped 2ce in Florida (6 figure sums), lost money in some parts of Europe but because I subconciously expected things of the sort to happen in Naija I have never ever let down my guard in 9ja and I have always put serious controls in place likewise and touch wood in 9ja things have been OK within reason so far.

The kids are in good selective grammar schools in the Uk, it will be a shame to withdraw them. I also have to mention that my wanting to be in 9ja is because i am sick of the western world and i am always happy when i am in 9ja. No electricity, no water here and there does not bother me. I think the only concern is armed robbery which really does not put me off.

My only hold back is the wishes of the wife and kids. What i've decided to do is to spend the winter months in 9ja on my own first and take it from there. The wife has said it might be too much for her to cope with all the bills, mortgage and child care as she might have to go part time so i have told her i will clear the outstanding mortgage by the time i make the move.

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@poster

make them go siddon jare. especially your wife quoting reasons such as lack of infastructure.  i have been in uk for past 6years decided to visit in jan 09 and was hapy to the extent that i went 2more times makeing it 3times last year and as am typing this i am already booked again to visit in 2weeks time where i will be spending 1month as am due to go back finally before end of this year. lack of infastructure is not the main issue afterall we were born and bred in naija with the same infastructure. but you can always make things different by getting a generator to power the light also health wise there are private medical centres you can go to and if u have the money anytime you sneeze you can always fly back to the uk, in regards to traffic situation its all about planning your time and the location you are living in in lagos will determine the length of time you spend in traffic. when i told people am relocation they were like ha no light no this no that but i told them even thou i might be earning better in uk but i believe that in naija if i cut my coat according to my size and live moderately then i will be better off than living in the uk.      

there is more to it that she doesnt want to relocate as you said earlier she dey fear lagos girls. lol

or if you have grandparents in uk they can look after the kids for you while you are away in naija and you can rent out your apartment in uk. thats means you wont have to withdraw your kids from the good scholls they are in. and you can always come to uk often to see them and they can also come to naija.

i dont have a family yet so i dont know how it is but thats my own singular opinion.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm
Another situation of the woman wanting the woman to live her own dream

Chaircover, I note your last comments to ftmum, unfortunately it seems to be the way of life there. I could remember a few years ago we were queueing for a 9ja passport for my 2 yr old son in Ibadan. My son was very very uncomfortable due to the heat and was crying and shouting. In the UK you would be allowed to jump the queue or attended to immediately would'nt you ? Lo and behold in my country they just ignored us and told us to wait our turn. Before we could even get the photo shoot right nko ? My son was so irritated he would'nt even cooperate.
As for unannounced visitors i dont open my gate. I will have electronic gate, no guard. If you knock taya you will go back to where you are coming from.
Apart from my few close friends who think alike and my parents, nobody knows where i put up in Lagos and it would remain like that. My parents would not even dare give out my address / other contact details.

Please don't get me wrong - i wasn't referring to material things. I meant the tenacity of purpose should be similar to the determination while toasting.
That said, i can understand why y'all don't enjoy being here. Those who enjoy lagos have a hustler's spirit. The others find a way to come to terms with, and work around their obstacles. The biggest challenge perhaps is that everything here works the other way round and we're too laissez.faire to do anything abt it.
Trying ftmom's approach would certainly help if she agrees to it. If not, na only beg remain.
PS: i don't trust lagos girls either.

ftmom:

Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad but as my husband would say; the reasons chasing you away are more than the reasons encouraging you to stay. Truth is most people expect you to adapt and blend in easily as long as you have the financial capacity but I find that the mental/cultural balance needed to fit in again does not come easy. When you talk about this, people look at you and wonder what you are whining about. I've learnt not to have such discussions with people who haven't lived (in relative comfort) abroad for an extended period because it's hard for them to empathise. and they just become judgemental.

Excellent conclusion and lesson learnt. That is the best advice that can be given to anyone.

Just by looking at the bolded words alone, I agree with everything else you have written even without reading it.

Preach it.

kokoye:

Excellent conclusion and lesson learnt. That is the best advice that can be given to anyone.

Just by looking at the bolded words alone, I agree with everything else you have written even without reading it.

Preach it.

I know! What she said summed it all up for me. People are so quick to judge when you say you cannot live in Nigeria again.

she would say she does not trust all those lagos girls, whatever that means

what do you think it means?


your plan seems fine though that's not set in stone- go in winter and see if you like it. However, I'm not sure how well you'll adapt after being away for 20 years when even people who went abroad for only two or three years and came back, still complain. Good luck sha.

Its good to go back home but when there's a difference of opinion like you mentioned here, that's a problem.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad but as my husband would say; the reasons chasing you away are more than the reasons encouraging you to stay. Truth is most people expect you to adapt and blend in easily as long as you have the financial capacity but I find that the mental/cultural balance needed to fit in again does not come easy. When you talk about this, people look at you and wonder what you are whining about. I've learnt not to have such discussions with people who haven't lived (in relative comfort) abroad for an extended period because it's hard for them to empathise. and they just become judgemental.

well said

Grey area, it is very hard to judge and take sides in this matter, but you have become disenchanted with the UK and if i have to take sides, you clearly have more valid reasons to relocate than she does to stay put, and it is not as if you have sprung this on her at the last minute, you have both been traveling back home for the past ten years with a view to settling in Nigeria for good.

You have been bending over backwards to try to get her to see reason, but she keeps moving the goalpost, now claiming she would not be able to work full time and afford the mortgage and pay the bills as if she was going it alone before. Find some quiet time to sit her down and pour out your heart to her, before her forcing you to remain in the UK starts making hatred fester in your heart towards her, otherwise you could be pushed to just take that leap and damn the consequences, and her jest about "Nigerian girls" would come true sooner than she can say Jack Robinson.


If push comes to shove, go ahead and relocate with your eldest son, stuff the fact that he will have to live with NEPA and their erractic power supply and the fact that he will not be able to go to Disneyland every day, he is better and worth more to you alive, than stabbed to death in the UK.


You have to put your children first, and this is a Country whereby it is hard to know what your children are getting up to no matter how much you are strict with them. Heck you can't even send them to the next street without the kids in that street stepping up to them that they have strayed into the wrong postcode. How many times have we seen some young child get stabbed to death and the family release a statement saying their child was loving, obedient, polite, etc, only for the press to go and dig out a picture of the same child posing with a gun or boasting of some atrocities they have committed or the gang they belong to


Or could it be that she does not feel you have done and acquired enough to sustain the family in Nigeria without you both coming into some financial difficulties in the long run, but does not know how to broach the issue without hurting you?

ftmom:

Truth is most people expect you to adapt and blend in easily as long as you have the financial capacity but I find that the mental/cultural balance needed to fit in again does not come easy. When you talk about this, people look at you and wonder what you are whining about. I've learnt not to have such discussions with people who haven't lived (in relative comfort) abroad for an extended period because it's hard for them to empathise. and they just become judgemental.

Abeg quit whinging, this ain't about being judgemental, but who says you can't live in relative comfort in Nigeria no matter how long you have lived abroad


Its normal on one hand to see people who have only lived abroad for 3 years moaning that they can never adjust if they go back to Nigeria, whilst some that have been here 30 years or longer take the plunge without thinking and have no problem adjusting or blending in, so its all relative

i think you should listen to your wife, i personally would not move back to naija bcoz of security reasons, the fact that i cannot leave my house after 6pm doesn't sound fun to me, the roads are terrible, the policemen are corrupt (not that we don't have corrupt cops in the u.s) and not subject to scrutiny, the fact that there is no light, nothing fun to do and i can't get paid the amount of money i make here. so there is no way i would move back right now. maybe in 10 years time i could consider it.