I just joined the site. I want to write about the culture of silence in nigeria concerning sexual abuse and women's victimization. I was repeatedly raped as a child , which started when i was 11. i suffer psychological and emotional setbacks which I am trying to get over till this day. I blog about my life and experiences on my blog confusednaijagirl..com .

I have decided to stop wallowing in self pity -which I believe I was, and turn my blog into something positive. i want other women or men who have suffered from sexual child abuse, physical abuse or rape to email me their stories (con4fused@yahoo.com) or post their stories as replies to this post so i can post the stories on my blog every friday. so others can read and learn from their experiences.dont worry, it will be anonymous and you can get a new email if you want to expose your personal e mail.

I blog about the culture of silence that is prevalent in nigeria. Rape has become the norm in naija universities and people laugh about it or make jokes about it. it is always almost the victims fault.

I really implore anyone who has been touched in some way to write about their experiences extensively in the comment section or email me at con4fused@yahoo.com

you're on your own

maybe you just want something to write about 9ja people sef. we no know

Why would I want to do that? i am Nigerian!!!
This is exactly what i am talking about. Nigerians dont care but it is happening.
maybe if your daughter, sister or mother gets raped or sexually abused you will start paying attention.

go and find out the difference between not caring and questioning your motive.

That it happened to you is not to say it must have happened to many others. you have already concluded that it's hapening to others even when you have no such others testifying to same.

suspicious

its appaling when people try to pretend that such things dont happen here. I've been sexually molested by uncle,cousins and housboys b4 I attained the age of 10 and tese also happened to my sisters. We couldnt tell our mum because she's the type that will pretend it doesnt happen. I'd like mothers to be watching over there little daughters. And when they tell u someone has molested them,there is a 99% chance that its true.

@ 2Legit

I don't think you are girl. You lack of too much sensitivity!

thank you so much nezerst and michelin89.
Due to the insensitivity of people like 2 legit . Atrocities like this continue to happen. I did not intend for this post to be taken so out of context. I dont know what you think my motives are 2legit.Maybe i want to write a book and expose child abuse in naija . I dont no. If i did , would that be such a bad thing!!!

if you checked out my blog you will understand what my i am trying to do.

SExual abuse is a reality in Nigeria. you just have to check other nigerian blogs and find out that individuals have been molested by uncles, brothers, house boys and so on. Even guys are sexually molested too. Individuals like you is the reason why I wanted others to share their stories on my blog. wake up and smell the shit coming from nigerian.
what will it take? for your houseboy to molest your daughter??

Nigerians have a shocking attitude to sexual abuse,they pretend it does not happen and that if it does in the case of female victims,it is the female's fault.

Rape is known to be rampant in the campuses and come to think of it ,the campuses represents some of the most enlightened segment of the Nigerian society.If that segment has such high incidents of rape,u have to wonder what the rest of society is up to.

One of the most fustrating things is the way the issue of rape is addressed,University authorities admonish girls to dress "decently",as if that was the source of the problem.

Very few rape convictions are made in the courts thus entrenching a culture of impunity

I agree rape can be such a taboo issue for Nigerians and they tend not to talk about it. The case of rape committed by family members is even more atrocious and hard to believe.

Mothers cannot afford to be negligent with their kids (not just little girls). Every member of the family needs to be aware of this growing problem and each has a part to play. I have a 10-year-old niece who looks older than her age and I must confess I can't help playing the watchful aunt, Like I watch over her like a hawk; from what she wears and watches on T.V.
Children need to feel comfortable enough with you to tell you anything weird that is happening and mothers must act on it.

2Legit:

you're on your own

maybe you just want something to write about Nigeria people sef. we no know

Yeah, like rape has become something juicy for some bored restless soul to just collect stories and cook up some of their own

conf4used,I feel your pain.
My heart goes out to our women in my country Nigeria.
Sexual abuse and molestation even incest is so common in our soceity but shame is also the order of the day.

It is so rampant that men even rape the mentally ill and impregnate them as prescriptions from native doctors.
Some presciptions also call for disvirgining little girls and they do it.
what a tragedy.
It makes me mad.

Women,the whole world over are degraded and treated like garbage everyday sadly in third world and Muslim countries,their voices are hardly ever heard even by their own families.
In Muslim countries a woman can be stoned or macheted to death for being raped and disvirgined,they call it honor killing because she dishonored the family name,she caused herself to be raped.
This is a big shame on soceity.
A soceity that cannot protect more than half its population should be ashamed of itself.

I,however know a friend that can heal all wounds,his name is Jesus.

An example.

http://jihadwatch.org/dhimmiwatch/archives/001757.php

2Legit:

go and find out the difference between not caring and questioning your motive.
That it happened to you is not to say it must have happened to many others. you have already concluded that it's hapening to others even when you have no such others testifying to same.
suspicious

what a Arrow! are u a rapist? I bet you go to church asking the lord for forgiveness trying to cover up

_{babyoshisi, how many points do you get for mentioning muslim in your posts?- asinwin ranu}

loverman,please this topic is not one to toy with.
the lives of many women have been devastated by this.
honor killings is well documented,just use your google
I will not engage you personally in a discussion.

Seun should give that 2Legit a life ban.
It happens and am happy there are people that want to do something about it.
Creating awareness is the first step.
It happens to so many children not only girls also boys.
And in Most cases they are afraid to report to their parents.
Or it is kept under the carpet.

mamaput:

Seun should give that 2Legit a life ban.
It happens and am happy there are people that want to do something about it.
Creating awareness is the first step.
It happens to so many children not only girls also boys.
And in Most cases they are afraid to report to their parents.
Or it is kept under the carpet.

My sister it is unbelievable.
And it's impossible to even get the statistics because no body will talk.
As Nigerians we want to pretend all's well so no one says a word.
Even the victims mother would deny it.
The fact that we can talk about this is a blessing.

No little girl ever has to go through this.
It's even more scary when the rapist is a family member sometimes ones own uncle or father.
If one can't trust ones father,who can you trust?

Must of the time it is a family friend or member.
Little children are never far away from home.
Always between school and house and the street infront of the house,
A big stranger dose not jump out of a bust to rape them.
And Nigerian streets are not that lonely that a strange can be talking to a child with out any one taking note

There was a case here in the USA.
A man that was well known to me,a fellow Nigerian had been sexually abusing his own daughter for years.
Looking at the girl,I knew all was not well but I just assumed she was somewhat slow mentally.

She finally opened up and told her teacher in school and he received 20 years in prison.
20 years is nothing compared to the mental torture this girl endured.
Her life will never be the same except by a miracle.

[

mamaput:

Must of the time it is a family friend or member.
Little children are never far away from home.
Always between school and house and the street infront of the house,
A big stranger dose not jump out of a bust to rape them.
And Nigerian streets are not that lonely that a strange can be talking to a child with out any one taking note

so true,most women killed are killed by the hands of their lovers,ex lovers or husbands or ex husbands.
Most little girls raped are also in the hands of their close family friends and male relatives.
That is scary.
How on earth does a woman think to protect her daughters from their uncles?or even their own father
This is so wrong!!,it just makes no sense

thank you for your replies.
it restored my faith in naija people.
i was really scared when i heard 2legit's replies. I thought is this how nigerians think.
thank you ohhh.

I think Nigerian women should speak out and loud! However educated they are they seem to just bury their heads in their work or as in most case follow "their owner" (husbands) around.

The first ladies and all those governors wives heading phoney foundations should get a proper job or a worthwhile cause to address; same goes for the professional women _{thats if they don't try to put a religious spin on it}

There are a lot of 2legit's out there. You cannot give up just because of them.
As _{My Friend Dru} says reach one teach one

@topic, I believe that sexual abuse happens/happened in Nigeria n people r just too scared to report it and when they report it, d media do not coverage it as it is a TABOO in Nigeria. I just pray that by God's grace, Nigeria government will take any form of abuse on children under 18 seriously. U guys know that Nigeria govt r useless anyway. I wonder what is the role n responsibilities of Children Minister. I enjoy working with children and the course i'm studying in Uni is related to Children and their needs. I hope and pray i could be Children's Minister/ Education in Nigeria. I will change evrythink lol.

Confused- do you think you will ever tell your family what happened to you?

Or better yet do you think you will be able to shame your abuser and confront him?

Its digusting that this happens and even mosre disgusting that people try to deny it

Our case in Nigeria is actually more complicated when a man can marry as many wives as he can legally.
Even our own president,the most prominent Nigerian is a polygamist,what does that say to womanhood in Nigeria.
You are just a piece of property that can be replaced,exchanged and used at will,if you refuse,there are many others in line to take your turn and in Nigeria there are.

And the women that marry these already married men is what I cannot understand.
Why on earth should a woman with brains allow herself to be one sharing her bed with several other co wives.
That is so humiliating and it is still happening in our time.

babyosisi:

Our case in Nigeria is actually more complicated when a man can marry as many wives as he can legally.
Even our own president,the most prominent Nigerian is a polygamist,what does that say to womanhood in Nigeria.
You are just a piece of property that can be replaced,exchanged and used at will,if you refuse,there are many others in line to take your turn and in Nigeria there are.

And the women that marry these already married men is what I cannot understand.
Why on earth should a woman with brains allow herself to be one sharing her bed with several other co wives.
That is so humiliating and it is still happening in our time.

Polygamy is an entirely different concept. As long as the people involved enter into it willingly; as a lifestyle choice or religious purposes ie nobody is being forced and they can leave if they wish.

I agree with Desiree thats very different.

Rape is no where close to it. People who do such things need torture.

I only mentioned polygamy to stress on the place of women
A soceity that respects womanhood would outlaw it,it has no advantage whatsoever,
The adults may enter it for whatever reason but the children in it had no choice.
Someone earlier had mentioned that women leaders should be involved to fight and educate against rape,how can a woman leader who is one of many wives tell young girls that they need to be respected as women when she is not.

You cannot totally separate the 2.
Didn't mean to hit a nerve there.

^{and no religion says you must marry more than one wife.}

Nerves
Just didn't want the topic of rape in Nigerian society to be overshadowed.

Erm Not all women leaders are in polygamous relationship,
If the southern women leaders and female church pastors speak out then thats a good start isn't it
_{or as usual your looking at it from the Muslim perspective}

The fact that some religion "allow" it  and there are even cases of polygamy sited in the bible, makes it not an entire alien issue.
This thread is not about polygamy or feminism. 


am I missing something here??