Hello folks, this obviously isnt my real account.I love my privacy,but I just need to talk to someone.
I have been dating this girl (lets call her patience-not her real name),for about a year and half.It has been hell on earth but no doubt there are sweet moments.I promise to keep this short and not getting you bored with irrelevant epistles.I just need advice.

Let me quickly tell you about me, I am an introvert,very very reserved and quiet person.I don't get angry easily,when I do then it most have been a serious torment that lead to it.Even when I am angry the worst I would do is shout and sometimes cry after.I am a freelancer so i dont need to go out of the house, I work from home.I have being heart broken and dumped twice by ladies I was completely faithful and honest to.On the average i earn like 70-100k in a month.

Patience works salary job .We are both in our mid twenties, she is 3 months older(but it doesnt bother me) .Before we met I made a decision not to date anyone else due to my past experiences .When I met her first I kind of liked her,the first time me met she didn't have transport fare, she approached me and I paid for her(thats how we met).All i needed was a friend because as i said earlier I wasm very reserved,we exchanged numbers and we got talking.I fell in love with her asked her out,she turned me down.To avoid thinking of her too much,I cut off communication,after a while she started calling me and showing interest at that point I had lost interest and just wanted to prevent another heart break.

I went to regrettable lengths of asking her to leave my house, just to avoid somebody breaking up with me again, i always felt remorseful,i had to train myself to forget past experiences and give her a chance.I genuinely fell in love with her again.Its pertinent to note that she has also gone through the emotional trauma that I have gone through.

Fastforward.. I have great respect for women which is sometimes seen as weakness by some people, so even when she comes visiting i do all my chores myself including cooking,she always complains i dont allow her do anything.I had to bow to pressure and arguments (where the arguments started) to allow her assist.

Fastforward...I had an issue with my apartment,my friends and i did a kind of handover ,and you know how lagos Landlords are, he wanted to collect agreement and commission all over again from me, which i couldn't afford.

Just before the whole apartment saga, patience started behaving somehow ,she is always scared, insecure being afraid that i would leave her like the other guys.Then she started complaining about how tribalistic her parents are (which is true,you need to see how her mum was just giving pretentious smiles when i am around her family-even though she thinks we are just friends,but she suspects something is going on ) and how they wouldn't accept me,she is igbo and i am from the middle belt.She started going of and on, tell me she is breaking up with me today, come back tommorow,and she did it countless times.There was a particular long interval and i had given up on her already after trying to get her back.I started being free with other females making friends and I had sex with one of them (my first and only sexual experience-i was honestly waiting for marriage).She came back again and I told her of what happened ,she started ranting that I cheated on her, there and then she started becoming over protective .Checking my calls ,chats which doesnt bother me.

Back to the apartment saga,she opted to help get a new place and pay for me, which I was strongly against and she was like "if you dont take it then I am no longer your girlfriend".I had to take the offer and we agreed I was going to pay back.

She took her trouble to the next level when she saw my chat with other girls after a very long time and this chats took place during the periods of her fluctuations.Because she insists on spending a night sometimes this girl wont allow me sleep she would shout at the top of her voice in the house that I am a womanizer.

She would complain that I dont help her with chores(I started helping out, bear in mind she forced me to let her do it) , she would complain that I dont do anything for her, she would complain that I procastinate (she was right about this, so I adjusted and got a timetable for my activities).She lost her job briefly so i was supporting her and got her a new job through a friend. Now all she does is nag, gets me upset and when we have an argument all she does is scream about how she "picked me up when I had nothing and rented a house for me ",and she repeats it all the time. Bear in mind that I got her a new phone (after plenty abuse)I have been supporting both of us and given her transport to work everyday thats why i havent been able to pay her back her money.She would even go to the length of embarrassing me shouting that i should pay her money that she wants to leave my life.She talks anyhow and doesnt even mind the words that come out of her mouth, she sometimes curses me.She dropped a bomb recently saying that all the love she has been giving me from the beginning is just "eye service".With all this I would forgive her without hassles when ever she calms down and says she is sorry, but she repeats this rubbish all the time.When I try to report her to her friends to talk to her its another fight i am causing.She has once told me she would slap me and there is nothing i can do about it, she is right because all i do is shout and sometimes push her away when she starts all this rubbish.Trusts me what she does is more than what i wrote here.

She is now practically staying permanently in my apartment because she claims her parents are maltreating her, i cant send her away cos i still lover despite all she does and also because I am still owing her .
She has changed me, I now get provoked easily ,she has messed my Pysychology up, i recently got so angry that i tore her bag, this is me who couldnt hurt a fly before .one thing i have never done is to raise my hands on her. I am just tired i dont know what to do again.

U promise to keep this short, my brother Na one long note u condemn so..

Op I feel your pain. but I think you should undergo medications and therapy to reduce the risk of future psychotic episodes and improve relationships.

Please speak to a psychiatrist

thank me later

sweetval:
U promise to keep this short, my brother Na one long note u condemn so..

trust me, its short compared to the annoying things she does.

Foxyn:
Op I feel your pain. but I think you should undergo medications and therapy to reduce the risk of future psychotic episodes and improve relationships.

Please speak to a psychiatrist

thank me later

I try to watch movies and a lot of comedy to distract myself, but it isnt helping.

Dontaskme:
I try to watch movies and a lot of comedy to distract myself, but it isnt helping.

try masturbating. it helps

Foxyn:
try masturbating. it helps

that wont help sir

Awwwww! This one weak me o...Bros, you dey try ehn! wait!! people with better advice are coming shortly.....

Dontaskme:
that wont help sir

okay, grab a noose and hang yourself.

Foxyn:
okay, grab a noose and hang yourself.

I pray you dont say this to a suicidal person one day.Pls weigh your words sir.You could just avoid commenting if you cant help.

love is stupid. i dont know if i should say it's your cross.

if you love her, love her for who she is(all her troubles, the good, the bad, the ugly of her), maybe she will change for the better.

2kaybiel:
love is stupid. i dont know if i should say it's your cross.

if you love her, love her for who she is(all her troubles, the good, the bad, the ugly of her), maybe she will change for the better.

change doesn't seem to be any where near, I have talked, adviced, shouted.Her wahala gives me sleepless nights sometimes. To marry anybody now sef come DeY fear me. Is this what married folks go through?

For your sanity, and regain of respect, you've got to move out of that apartment and get yours. #justSaying

JustCurious:
For your sanity, and regain of respect, you've got to move out of that apartment and get yours. #justSaying

that seems like a good option, saving up already, but I need to pAY her first. She even threatened to bring police into the matter haha, this is someone that claims to love me o, she knows what goes in and comes out of my account,we even plan expenses together .I try to understand Humans sometimes, but I give up!

Dump her before you become a wife beater. Leave that house for her and go squat with your friends for sometime

What sort of nansense is this again ? You are waiting for us to tell you that both of you are not compatible . Since she's making so much noise about the money she lent you, pay her back. If you can't pay all in one lump sum, then pay it in installments. Go your separate ways as you both will make a very big mistake if you eventually go down the lane of getting married to each other . There's a limit to what one should tolerate and put up with. If you insist on going ahead to marry her, don't come back here and cry us a river that my wife is this and that o, cos we dey warn you now say make you waka. It's not compulsory to settle down with someone that you can't stay happily with as marriage is not a bed of roses.

adorablepepple:
Dump her before you become a wife beater. Leave that house for her and go squat with your friends for sometime

thats my greatest fear, to mistakenly hit her one day.

Sometimes love alone isn't enough for relationships to thrive. There has to be understanding, communication, trust and tolerance.

She's obviously taking advantage of your gentle nature. and won't leave because she paid for the place so you'll have to do the leaving. Might be difficult but find another place and be on your own so you'll have peace of mind before she breaks your spirit completely.

For the sake of your Health and unborn children, please call off the relationship, Let her go home and assure her you would pay her off completely- which you have to do.

I dont see you living up to 30years of age if you with her.

TheeDetective:
What sort of nansense is this again ? You are waiting for us to tell you that both of you are not compatible . Since she's making so much noise about the money she lent you, pay her back. If you can't pay all in one lump sum, then pay it in installments. Go your separate ways as you both will make a very big mistake if you eventually go down the lane of getting married to each other . There's a limit to what one should tolerate and put up with. If you insist on going ahead to marry her, don't come back here and cry us a river that my wife is this and that o, cos we dey warn you now say make you waka. It's not compulsory to settle down with someone that you can't stay happily with as marriage is not a bed of roses.

Thank you sir ,that's my plan to pay in installments.

You sound like a nice guy, just so bad this is happening to you...move out of that apartment, I don't think you guys are compatible... She definitely has issues...don't even think of getting married to her....

Dontaskme:
change doesn't seem to be any where near, I have talked, adviced, shouted.Her wahala gives me sleepless nights sometimes. To marry anybody now sef come DeY fear me. Is this what married folks go through?

what you are going through now is an eye-opener to what to expect in marriage. if you chose right you will enjoy your marriage right.

now, i will conclude that, her behaviour and attitude caused her to lose her previous relationship before she meets you. it is therefore imperative, for you to make sure you don't settle for what will kill you in your early life.

2kaybiel:
what you are going through now is an eye-opener to what to expect in marriage. if you chose right you will enjoy your marriage right.

now, i will conclude that, her behaviour and attitude caused her to lose her previous relationship before she meets you. it is therefore imperative, for you to make sure you don't settle for what will kill you in your early life.

Thank you for this sir. God bless you

Tyviv:
You sound like a nice guy, just so bad this is happening to you...move out of that apartment, I don't think you guys are compatible... She definitely has issues...don't even think of getting married to her....

thanks ma'am

JustCurious:
For your sanity, and regain of respect, you've got to move out of that apartment and get yours. #justSaying

Nice point

Dontaskme:
thats my greatest fear, to mistakenly hit her one day.

Your are a man, you have got to make the move.

That girl was is sent to destroy ur future....

Good U are saving UP. Pay her off ASAP u get enough money and if possible ask her to leave ur house..

U dont need distractions in what U are doing for a living..

Make ur Choice Today...and Save ur Career..

femolacqua:

Your are a man, you have got to make the move.

I don't understand sir

Dontaskme:
I don't understand sir

What I mean is for you to take a bold step, in knowing what makes you happy. You won't wanna go through this path and be biting your finger in self pity in Future. There is saying it's to late the cry when the head is of, it's always good to leave when the ovation is loud. You can see the handwriting on the wall, no one is gonna help you take the decision. You gat to know when to call it quit.

Bruh u v 2 interpret d handwriting on d wall asap. Ur relationship with dis lady is not meant 2 be. I'm going tru almost similar ish ryt now. U need 2 give her a long space which starts from staying apart from her. Get a new place 4 urself or find a friend 2 squat with till u bounce back 2 ur own. Work towards repaying her asap n reduce communication 2 d barest minimum. This ll give u time 2 get ur sanity back.

My case was worst coz I and my girlfriend decided 2 rent n live 2geda 2 reduce cost n plan 4 d future but dt was a big mistake on my part. @one point I practically lost my sanity...became an insomaniac n emaciated beyond recognision n worse of was dt I fell madly inlove with her...had 2 pick myself up n rediscover my identity. Moved out of our place and rented 1 of my own even tho it was smaller compared. We gotten 2 dt point wer breakup is inevitable...time 2 go our separate ways.

femolacqua:

What I mean is for you to take a bold step, in knowing what makes you happy. You won't wanna go through this path and be biting your finger in self pity in Future. There is saying it's to late the cry when the head is of, it's always good to leave when the ovation is loud. You can see the handwriting on the wall, no one is gonna help you take the decision. You gat to know when to call it quit.

thanks sir

Prymestrr:
Bruh u v 2 interpret d handwriting on d wall asap. Ur relationship with dis lady is not meant 2 be. I'm going tru almost similar ish ryt now. U need 2 give her a long space which starts from staying apart from her. Get a new place 4 urself or find a friend 2 squat with till u bounce back 2 ur own. Work towards repaying her asap n reduce communication 2 d barest minimum. This ll give u time 2 get ur sanity back.

thanks boss