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Did u despoil a girl lately?cos it luks lyk u re on a guilt trip & u dnt wana go alone.

Wait oh,u re a girl,a guy did dat 2 u,u re tryn 2 tel urself he's nt d only 1 hu's eva don it.(maybe ur boyfrnd)any girl dat dsnt want sex shld nt indulge in anytn dat can lead 2 it say intense kissing & touchn,cos u dnt xpect 2 arouse a guy & den leave him hangin.

freecocoa:

Wait oh,u re a girl,a guy did dat 2 u,u re tryn 2 tel urself he's nt d only 1 hu's eva don it.(maybe your boyfrnd)any girl dat dsnt want sex shld nt indulge in anytn dat can lead 2 it say intense kissing & touchn,cos u dnt xpect 2 arouse a guy & den leave him hangin.

its is not about indulging. R APE is Ra pe no matter how u put it

I've never forced myself upon any girl, it's not my style.

To me, no has always meant no. If my wife said "no" to me, I'll accept that too. Just because we're married, doesn't mean she always has to feel "in the mood."

@OP no mind awoofcocoa

I can certainly identify with your story and I am a guy. But there is no basis to say this is the situation with all guys. Ladies do not seem to understand that the average man has greater sexual urges than the average lady and if you give a guy an inch, he will take a mile. And why can't some ladies just get physical without emotions? Must a guy always have to carry emotional baggage because he wants some sexual satisfaction?

@freecocoa i have been forced to have intimacy a couple of times and yes it did start out as kissin and all but i think i had the right to say no, it's my body. wat makes a guy think just cos he's physically stronger than me, and cos i gave him blue balls mean he should relieve himself with my body
@beejai of course a guy doesn't hv to carry any emotional baggage and neither do some women but still if any party doesn't want to have intimacy then the other shouldn't force 'em to have intimacy.
all i'm sayin is no means no. it's not that hard to understand 'no' is it?

i despoiled my gf once mistakenly, and she told me after. She told me no sex that day, but i didnt
take her seriously. So i went ahead later when i had an opportunity to kiss her, i got her all wet
and dripping, and she could not resist taking off her clothes. .
But i noticed she was quiet throughout after. And later after a week, i asked her what happened
and she said i despoiled her. It took me awhile to recollect the incident - so yes, i believe the poster.

@ all of una,anibodi wey dey despoil girl,carry go both pple wey dey don despoil,una wel done.me i hav said my own,dnt start wat u cnt finish.

i havent pls

@freecocoa, grow a pair and talk responsibly
@tkb417 if u say so,

This is a rather disturbing thread.

^^^^True, but it needs to be talked about seriously.

I have heard this same story from other women--and they question IF it was really despoil.

WHY WOULD THAT NOTION EVEN PRESENT ITSELF- except he did something- she voiced she did not consent to?

I think 9ja men are very sexually aggressive. The original poster said "all men have despoiled a girl"--- Maybe not all--but def, More probably have, than have not.


Women have to also get the notion OUT of their head-- that it isn't despoil just because

1- he is her boyfriend
2- he did not punch or hit her
3-she found no reason to scream despoil or cry out for help
4- you were already kissing and petting, or unclothed.
5- she has had sex with him before
6- he spent money for their date
7-she did not fight back, or actually try to harm him in her own defense

@approved1 hear hear!

exaggerated - the y'all part

but also true

too many guys have a casual attitude about what is technically r-ape - which is why i will always tell a woman to be wary of being alone with a guy even if she intends to go all the way

it used to piss me off in school that some chicks i was friends with would NEVER return my visits, but i understand better now.

@ hermosa,wats ur idea of talking responsibly?u visit ur bf,makes out wit him n eventually let him hav his way wit u,do u call dat r.ape?if u wernt in d mood,wat u do is be firm,if its getting out of hand u can even leave.d only thing i see as r.ape is a guy forcing a girl 2 bed without her consent gf or not[not even a tiny bit of it],i dnt knw if guys r.ape their gfs,atlst it hasnt hapened 2 me.if its r.ape u yell n struggle,there shld be evidence of a struggle,the way u presented the case makes it seem like having sex witout preparing 4 it,dats not r.ape,am nt sayin guys dnt ra.pe am jst saying dat if u dnt want 2 have sex u shldnt engage in activities dat may lead 2 it.am a girl i knw dat most tyms we re okay wit making out but guyz arent lyk dat, so a girl needs 2 be cautious of the type of kissing/orther things she does wit a guy wen she's nt in d mood 4 se.x.

@freecocoa in ur first post, u were kinda blamin the girls by suggestin that just cos it got started meant they had to finish it. i understand wat ur sayin now, ur opinion is clearer. thanks

As i was saying, i never did used force on my gf. But once i got to that extent and stripped off her clothes, and all that
she did not complain. But weeks after, she told me i despoiled her. I had to think back, when i asked her that why
could she not be firm, she said she does not want to annoy me.

@myhonour dats the mistake most girls make,she displeased herself just to plz u,dts nt ra.pe its more lyk a sacrifice or shld i say compromise,r.ape is a very big offence,i just belive dat wen a girl says its rap.e,she shld just make sure she has no part in it n it shld be reported.so dat the offender wuld be dealt with accordingly.

freecocoa:

@myhonour dats the mistake most girls make,she displeased herself just to plz u,dts nt ra.pe its more lyk a sacrifice or shld i say compromise,r.ape is a very big offence,i just belive dat wen a girl says its rap.e,she shld just make sure she has no part in it n it shld be reported.so dat the offender wuld be dealt with accordingly.

she told me before anything that she is not interested in sexx that day. but i kinda took advantage of her, and she does not want to annoy me.
Well, it was without her consent, although i did not have to use excessive force or something. Will it not be strange if i have to use force on my
gf? So, does despoil have to involve the use of force?

@myhonour if she didn't want 2 annoy u,she shouldn't complain cos she does'nt know wat she wants,not 2 be harsh on her or anything,its the truth cos if u don't want something u should stick 2 not wanting that thing no matter how u re being pushed.i think ra.pe should be forcefull cos its said dat silence means consent,if someone is doing something u don't like 2 u and u don't say so,how will the person know u dnt want it?atleast if u can't say it show some sort of resistance.some girls mean something else wen the say something,guys know this so they don't take it serious wen a girl says no xpecially wen it comes 2 se.x,so a girl has 2 go the xtra mile in showing how serious she is wen she says i don't want it.if u think u ra.ped ur gf then its ur problem deal with it.i have just said wat i feel.

hermosa:

i know, i know. that hurts, and i'm not trying to hurt anyone w=by saying this but it's true. all men who've been in a sexual relationship with a girl has been involved in despoil incident, (as the rapist). .
i've done countless of probing and semi interviews with countless of men (mostly my guy friends and their friends) and without knowing this they've despoiled 1 out of 3 girls that they've been with.
how? well, one of my guy friends told me that once he was kissin this girl that he went on out on a date with and they got back to his place, but in the car she already told him 'no sex' and he agreed but that in his head he was already envisioning takin off her clothes and didn't really think she was serious, so then as they were kissing, he got seriously turned on and kissed her with intensity and when she reciprocated he saw it as a green light and his fingers started going down, she took his hands and removed them, this happened like 3 times but since she didn't stop the kissin, in his head he figured she probably wanted him to be more forceful and the next time his hands went down, she tried to remove it but he used his free hands to hold her back, well long story short they had sex. on the way home she was quiet, when they got to the front of her house she opened the door, thanked him and he's never heard from her since then. later as i was telling him my theory that all guys have one point in their sexual life, despoiled (harsh word, but true) a girl, he was quiet for a very long time, he said that when he sat down and thought about it, it seemed she didn't really want sex cos she really did try to fight him off, and that at one time,she kicked him in the tummy but it only fuelled his hunger for sex and the fact that he was strong and that after a while she stopped fighting made him think she wanted this from the beginning. plus while he was moving in her, when he looked down at her, there was nothing, no emotion absolutely nothing.
i'm not trying to hurt anyone, but think back guys,  i'm only trying to help you, so in the future you'll know that when she says no she means no.

May Amadioha impregnate you with a dozen epileptic midgets for generalising all men as [i]r[/i]apists.

na wa o

Wow, I know a story too, but I think it's the whole idea that women play games and men, have to be even more agressive.

Sometimes it's difficult to know whether the woman really is fronting or she really is secretly urging the guy, after all some women like it frisky, but my advice to any guy is to just back-off. Protect yourself, if she really wants to be intimate with you, she will be kicking herself, when she realises that she's not going to get any intimacy because of what she said. Chances are she'll be more upfront about her feelings in future, but if you just go on the hunch that you're Hot, and so must she as well, that is a slippery road, because at times your judgement would be clouded by your passion, the heat and hormones.

Just wondering, if any guys felt that their girlfriends had forced them to have sex with them at any time? I'm not talking about a woman who has to be strong enough to, but let's say, she waits until the guard is down and initiates sex. Does that happen?

I know women rape men too.

@ topic

It is called rough play!

Lalasticlala, you should awaken the thread.