I've read a lot of repulsive posts and comments on here mostly made by our female Nairaland friends and sisters,and other supposed relationship experts, most of whom will of course advise women to focus on men they believe can afford to make their fantasy materialize,a dreamy lifestyle which they more often than not can't even afford themselves. However,I'm not really writing this piece for the women. I will direct this writeup to the menfolk, not as some relationship expert or some Mr Perfect but as a fellow man,brother and friend who's pretty much been in and out of the female conundrum. Nonetheless,my respect to all the vibrant,hardworking women of substance out there,this writeup is not intended to bash women at all but to sort of highlight on what we men deal with and sometimes try to avoid with our women. Hence, I welcome healthy criticisms,contributions and remarks as we aim to learn from one another.

So with that being said...Here goes...

1. The Problem Starts With Men:

We really have to do away with this stupid thing called CHIVALRY,at least not until she's proven to be worthy of being a healthy companion with whom you share core values and common interests. Chivalry does not belong to this 21st century,guys. I'll break it down...

In this generation most relationships or dating attempts start online - If you take the time to read the ABOUT ME sections of ten female profiles on a dating site, for example you'll be met with an array of vehement statements describing their hobbies and what sort of man they desire and what and what is expected of him. NOT one of them will mention or list what they've got to bring to the table - No! Or how they plan on making a relationship blossom and stay strong, or what the man stands to benefit.

Ok,then you finally get some flippant "Hi" or "Kk" to a message you had sent perhaps a week prior. All of a sudden you're excited and anticipating a date - or a cheap lay. Now come on,guys...

* Not until we stop allowing the boy in between our legs dictate our approach, actions, choices and remarks toward women; we'll always be at the receiving end.

* Observe how they're quick to ask you what you do for a living,what part of the country/city you reside in. And perhaps on or before the date whether or not you're driving down to pick her up to the date venue. Some will even ask you outrightly whether or not you drive a car.

*Not until we start demanding so much more than just "getting laid" from these women; Have our own personal values and selfworth. Meet their attitudes with firm undiluted rebuttal.

* Not until we stop treating these women like they are ENTITLED to anything while we're in the process of getting to know them,have just met them and even if or when we have a long term plan for them

* Quit looking for Love,look for a partner you understand and has EARNED your respect. That m0thafvkker called love is dead!!!

* Not until we stop seeing "intimacy" like some medal which women feel we must work or pay for to gain or earn. Or as worthy of our hard earned money. A woman has gotta possess more than just her body to impress me,I swear. I don't care how curvy or delectable you think you look. Sis, your 'VG" won't pay my insurance! So keep that "Friends With Benefits" bvllsh!t to yourself!

* Not until we stop acting like boys in men's bodies - showering them with undeserved attention,gifts, premature dates and freebies. And they in turn acting like they're doing you a favor by agreeing on a date or sleeping with you.

*Ensure she's capable of providing for herself whatever she asks of you. That way you know she ain't no golddigger. And call no woman a golddigger if you're yourself a goldgiver,you're the problem!

* Quit this mentality or ideology of a Happy Wife = Happy Home. Place your happiness in GOD,your development, your career, the changes you make around you to a better end,your family - yes,your own your own people who won't/can't file a divorce.

* I am not saying you should not or cannot occasionally treat your lady to a healthy surprise just to make her feel appreciated and respected. But that should be after you've knocked out that sense of "trade by barter" and "I'm entitled to sh!+" mentality out of her. I mean when she's truly earned your respect.

* Don't be contented with any woman who offers nothing to you but her body,especially in exchange or upon demand for your money! NO! Except of course you're a cheating husband/boyfriend,reckless bachelor and a sugar daddy,and YES, you're the problem!


I tell you what, women generally want and enjoy intimacy(orgasm)more than we do,they're biologically designed for it,it's why they possess numerous body parts for igniting their engines. I'm aware there's an infamous Vaseline Crew on Nairaland but how many of you dudes don't have dildos in your rooms compared to the vast majority of women who own vibrators,dildos,do handjobs and buy cucumbers - and use them every morning,noon and night. The answer is they want orgasm more than we do,FACT! It's why they're capable of reaching multiple orgasms during intimacy while you're still sporadically searching for your own threshold. So why pay someone for something they will naturally do anyways, or for their addiction? Vibrator sales are sky high,and the industry is raking in more and more money annually. Yes we know who the consumers are,don't we, guys?


So?


2. Stick To What It Is You Want:-



Have you tried friend-zoning a very beautiful lady who expects you to cow and suck up to her? Try it! Women don't like relationships they can't be in charge,and able to manipulate you to their own advantage. So a handsome,confident,enterprising young man won't always appeal to such selfish,materialistic and manipulative women. They'd rather date an average looking to a not so good looking guy with money they can always control and have him suck up to her when things get rocky while buying/paying for her plastic love with his money and incessant gifts. *Scoffs*


Naturally,we men feel more fulfilled when we're able to provide for and take care of our spouse - and that's the way it should be. But we should not be of servitude to them or tolerate their shrewd tendencies - I mean these are the same women advocating for Gender Equality,are supporters of the Feminist Movements and Women's Rights movements all across the globe. But when it comes to Finances all of a sudden a man is expected to shut up,grow some balls and put up with every damn responsibility. So when or if he is incapable or unwilling then he's judged as not being a man or outrightly useless.


3. Observe,Evaluate,Reevaluate:-

Yes we are equal,and man and woman should treat one another as such, in my own opinion and even when it comes to bills and other marriage or relationship functions. I am not any woman's father, nor am I obliged to you. I will only give that which you're also willing and able to give me - it's only fair! I don't want no transactionary love or relationship.

Folks in Africa are lucky that in most countries out there you don't end up with a woman cleaning your slate after a divorce, loosing custody of your kids and be made to pay alimony for life. Women are all in it for the money, guys. They love comfort and will stop at nothing to attract that SOAB - Ok, a little digression, 50 year old Janet Jackson is demanding $500million as divorce settlements from her Arabian billionaire hubby after a marriage that only lasted 5 years with her currently carrying his baby. I tell you what, with the Feminist Movements spreading through out the world like cancer while cultures and traditions get killed, and gender pronouns and sexual orientations keep getting contrived, it's a matter of time before men start experiencing consequential divorce hardships so much in Africa too. So before you put some pen to paper at some marriage registry in Ikoyi - Think Twice!!!


Let me make it clear, I (the OP) will not foot a lady's bills on a first date,and I'm usually very upfront about this when I meet ANY lady online. I suppose the essence of a date is to fundamentally meet in reality,have a good conversation and get basically acquainted. I don't suppose it's about where I take you and my obeying the esoteric dating law that states only a man pays the bills when the waiter presents the cheque. No! And Nairaland ladies can rant all they want.

Again,we are equal! Equal in rights and capacity, biological/physical differences are just relative to be honest. We have women all over the world breaking records and milestones in this very civlization we men built but you women won't give us the credits,but that's not the point. The point is if women like Jacqueline Mars,Alice Walton and Folorunsho Alakija and so on exist in this world,then let these lazy,desperate and conniving b!+ches give me no excuse,l et no girl come cry to me she needs to change her phone,make her hair and act like she's entitled to anything. If I give, I do so out of my own free will as a show of appreciation and affection. Naturally as a man I can assist a lady with whatever she is incapable of doing on a physical platter; like pulling over to assist her change her car tyre, change the car oil, change the light bulbs,and so on. But as for finances or bills, we share that m0thafvkker EVENLY!!!


It might interest you ladies out there with morbid feelings for me right now to know before you start spitting your bile on here that I'm in a healthy 4 year old partrnership we respect and understand each other,and treat each other as equals,and it's gonna stay that way.


Majority of the women of today have become so shallow,arrogant,vague and callous. So guys, such like the vast majority of nairaland females are the ladies we'll most likely end up with if we're not careful. They hunt for guys with pies they can lure into giving them a slice or snatch the whole damn thing if he's so unrefined. So guys,make una wise up! They wanna make the world all about material things,tell them to bring it on! They should bring sh!+ to the table and not some already beat up cvnt!


I'm out!

♤
♤

Lalasticlala, this deserves front page please. Finally, a guy of like mind. So tired of seeing many asslicking brothers.

This piece is great, I personally give it a thumbs up.

I absolutely agree with you OP
I've have always wondered why the average Nigerian guys idea of a date is to go out and spend money on a girl. There are so many things you can do together that is at no cost to you and you will still achieve your aim of getting to know each other. This type of dates are the best kinds.

One thing I noticed is missing from this article is the division of chores. If the man demands 50:50 financial contribution in the marriage is he willing to do half the chores in the home? How involved will he be in raising their kids?

One reason some Nigerian men will not demand equality in their marriages is because it will require them to relinquish power. Men have been taught they are the head of the home and have authority over the woman. The man's ability to provide is almost always reciprocal to the authority he wields in the home. If both parties are contributing evenly, then I wonder if there is also equality in the 'headship' of the home.

elektra:
I absolutely agree with you OP
I've have always wondered why the average Nigerian guys idea of a date is to go out and spend money on a girl. There are so many things you can do together that is at no cost to you and you will still achieve your aim of getting to know each other. This type of dates are the best kinds.

One thing I noticed is missing from this article is the division of chores. If the man demands 50:50 financial contribution in the marriage is he willing to do half the chores in the home? How involved will he be in raising their kids?

One reason some Nigerian men will not demand equality in their marriages is because it will require them to relinquish power. Men have been taught they are the head of the home and have authority over the woman. The man's ability to provide is almost always reciprocal to the authority he wields in the home. If both parties are contributing evenly, then I wonder if there is also equality in the 'headship' of the home.

Chores in the home:-

Our Nigerian Men will have to get off their high horses on this one. Expecting that royal treatment of getting served at the dining table all the time,even when you come home late from work and you expect that woman to get up out of bed to to fix your meal is really a lazy attitude on the part of our men. Trust me,it will do us men a lot of good to learn first and foremost to be independent,versatile and well rounded. Don't let no woman scare you with chores or her leaving you. Don't get used to anything a woman makes you feel you can't do without and that you can't do by yourself. Men are naturally crafty and fast learners: It's no surprise nowadays even they(women) prefer those male hair stylists, and the multinational hotels of the world hire male chefs. You see, we beat them at their so called chores. Picking up the kids from school and attenfing PTA meetings are things we also should not be lazy to do.

Marriage is a fantasy nowadays my dear,majority who are in that mofo are in it for their kids,or for fear of loosing so much,not to mention it's become so abhorrent in this generation. A relationship isn't about one person having control over another. It's about teamwork,respect and understanding. You think men have power and control?
Ask a man to try acquiring a house or renting one without his wife,you'll hear the realtors talk about and only put into consideration what your woman would or may like,I mean like your own opinion doesn't count. And why should it count when they'll end being the landladies of the said property when you're done away with. My dear, we're equal!

Great posts, OP. It's refreshing to see a man with these perspectives.

Great piece, not until you said you share the bills Evenly with your woman. I laughed when I read that part. Some of you may actually think you're doing the right thing, but on the long run it's to your own doom. Share the bills evenly with her, she may be very much ok with that at the interim but on a good day she'll ask you what really made you a man?. All the respect, and understanding you think she has for you would crumble right before your eyes, which'd keep you wondering. Inasmuch as I support ladies taking up certain bills and learning to look out for themselves, but sharing bills evenly is as good as not having you in her space.

LushGreenz:



Chores in the home:-

Our Nigerian Men will have to get off their high horses on this one. Expecting that royal treatment of getting served at the dining table all the time,even when you come home late from work and you expect that woman to get up out of bed to to fix your meal is really a lazy attitude on the part of our men. Trust me,it will do us men a lot of good to learn first and foremost to be independent,versatile and well rounded. Don't let no woman scare you with chores or her leaving you. Don't get used to anything a woman makes you feel you can't do without and that you can't do by yourself. Men are naturally crafty and fast learners: It's no surprise nowadays even they(women) prefer those male hair stylists, and the multinational hotels of the world hire male chefs. You see, we beat them at their so called chores. Picking up the kids from school and attenfing PTA meetings are things we also should not be lazy to do.

Marriage is a fantasy nowadays my dear,majority who are in that mofo are in it for their kids,or for fear of loosing so much,not to mention it's become so abhorrent in this generation. A relationship isn't about one person having control over another. It's about teamwork,respect and understanding. You think men have power and control?
Ask a man to try acquiring a house or renting one without his wife,you'll hear the realtors talk about and only put into consideration what your woman would or may like,I mean like your own opinion doesn't count. And why should it count when they'll end being the landladies of the said property when you're done away with. My dear, we're equal!

If you can divide all the chores 50%, no wahala with the 50% payment.

who did this to you?

This sh!t is damn real.

Just pay a woman to have your children and get your piece of mind.

U've made a whole lot of sense. If only men can know women aren't doing us a favour,things like what we see now won't be.

LushGreenz:


* Not until we stop allowing the boy in between our legs dictate our approach, actions, choices and remarks toward women; we'll always be at the receiving end.




I tell you what, women generally want and enjoy intimacy(orgasm)more than we do,they're biologically designed for it,it's why they possess numerous body parts for igniting their engines. I'm aware there's an infamous Vaseline Crew on Nairaland but how many of you dudes don't have dildos in your rooms compared to the vast majority of women who own vibrators,dildos,do handjobs and buy cucumbers - and use them every morning,noon and night. The answer is they want orgasm more than we do,FACT! It's why they're capable of reaching multiple orgasms during intimacy while you're still sporadically searching for your own threshold. So why pay someone for something they will naturally do anyways, or for their addiction? Vibrator sales are sky high,and the industry is raking in more and more money annually. Yes we know who the consumers are,don't we, guys?


attract that SOAB - Ok, a little digression, 50 year old Janet Jackson is demanding $500million as divorce settlements from her Arabian billionaire hubby after a marriage that only lasted 5 years with her currently carrying his baby. I tyre, change the car oil, change the light bulbs,and so on. But as for finances or bills, we share that m0thafvkker EVENLY!!!


It might interest you ladies out there with morbid feelings for me right now to know before you start spitting your bile on here that I'm in a healthy 4 year old partrnership we respect and understand each other,and treat each other as equals,and it's gonna stay that way.


Majority of the women of today have become so shallow,arrogant,vague and callous. So guys, such like the vast majority of nairaland females are the ladies we'll most likely end up with if we're not careful. They hunt for guys with pies they can lure into giving them a slice or snatch the whole damn thing if he's so unrefined. So guys,make una wise up! They wanna make the world all about material things,tell them to bring it on! They should bring sh!+ to the table and not some already beat up cvnt!


I'm out!

U marry Man for 5years u want 500million dollars and u say U're not a gold digger.. No U're not a gold digger Na diamond u dey dig infact....

Doctorfitz:




U marry Man for 5years u want 500million dollars and u say U're not a gold digger.. No U're not a gold digger Na diamond u dey dig infact....

My brother, I tire oo. But that is simply what marriage has become in this generation; a contractual arrangement which if care is not taken will start to hugely favor women over there in Africa as men will start to hobble out of broken marriages. There are so many all over the world who are yet to recover from or are dealing with the acrimony their matrimony has brought them.

LushGreenz:


My brother, I tire oo. But that is simply what marriage has become in this generation; a contractual arrangement which if care is not taken will start to hugely favor women over there in Africa as men will start to hobble out of broken marriages. There are so many all over the world who are yet to recover from or are dealing with the acrimony their matrimony has brought them.

When did marriage in Africa start favouring women in the even of divorce? Or are you speaking of in future?

pocohantas:

When did marriage in Africa start favouring women in the even of divorce? Or are you speaking of in future?

Did you read: "...which IF care is not taken WILL START to hugely favor women over there in Africa"

This obviously is a futuristic statement my dear.

kimbra:
Great piece, not until you said you share the bills Evenly with your woman. I laughed when I read that part. Some of you may actually think you're doing the right thing, but on the long run it's to your own doom. Share the bills evenly with her, she may be very much ok with that at the interim but on a good day she'll ask you what really made you a man?. All the respect, and understanding you think she has for you would crumble right before your eyes, which'd keep you wondering. Inasmuch as I support ladies taking up certain bills and learning to look out for themselves, but sharing bills evenly is as good as not having you in her space.

U are a very selfish woman....U think men benefits more from this thing called marriage?

johnson232:

U are a very selfish woman....U think men benefits more from this thing called marriage?

You're a selfish man. Why would your wife share a 50/50 bill with you?.

kimbra:
You're a selfish man. Why would your wife share a 50/50 bill with you?.

no you are the hypocrite here

use ur number six or is it missing?

LushGreenz:


My brother, I tire oo. But that is simply what marriage has become in this generation; a contractual arrangement which if care is not taken will start to hugely favor women over there in Africa as men will start to hobble out of broken marriages. There are so many all over the world who are yet to recover from or are dealing with the acrimony their matrimony has brought them.

Time for men to wise up. How can a billionaire b so foolish? No prenups?

LushGreenz:


Did you read: "...which IF care is not taken WILL START to hugely favor women over there in Africa"

This obviously is a futuristic statement my dear.

What I asked is a question, wasn't it?
I guess it's so scary to Nigerian men that such could happen.

pocohantas:

What I asked is a question, wasn't it?
I guess it's so scary to Nigerian men that such could happen.

It is scary and should scare any woman too. How would you feel if your son loses half his life work to a woman who he divorced and continues to pay for her upkeep till he dies?
@OP

I don't feel those things can happen in Africa though, our ideologies are far too rooted in religious and cultural indoctrinations for such to pervade our society. Though some recent laws has made the disfavor to women less pronounced than before but to the point of disfavoring men? I doubt.

Your topic makes very good sense. Let's hope some men do not see you as a wimp for this.

kimbra:
Great piece, not until you said you share the bills Evenly with your woman. I laughed when I read that part. Some of you may actually think you're doing the right thing, but on the long run it's to your own doom. Share the bills evenly with her, she may be very much ok with that at the interim but on a good day she'll ask you what really made you a man?. All the respect, and understanding you think she has for you would crumble right before your eyes, which'd keep you wondering. Inasmuch as I support ladies taking up certain bills and learning to look out for themselves, but sharing bills evenly is as good as not having you in her space.

So in the end, money is the focal point of having a woman respect you or be perceived worthy of respect? At least that's what you are saying.

Vorpal:


It is scary and should scare any woman too. How would you feel if your son loses half his life work to a woman who he divorced and continues to pay for her upkeep till he dies?
@OP

I don't feel those things can happen in Africa though, our ideologies are far too rooted in religious and cultural indoctrinations for such to pervade our society. Though some recent laws has made the disfavor to women less pronounced than before but to the point of disfavoring men? I doubt.

Your topic makes very good sense. Let's hope some men do not see you as a wimp for this.

I love our Nigerian men, they get tensed when the issue is one that will affect them. Women have been thrown out of their matrimonial homes for years with nothing...sometimes with kids to fend for alone.
Guys weren't bothered about it like this.

Anyway, whatever my son and his wife acquired while being married is for both of them. So, they should share whatever was acquired after their marriage not prior to the marriage. That's how it works most times...

pocohantas:

I love our Nigerian men, they get tensed when the issue is one that will affect them. Women have been thrown out of their matrimonial homes for years with nothing...sometimes with kids to fend for alone.
Guys weren't bothered about it like this.

Anyway, whatever my son and his wife acquired while being married is for both of them. So, they should share whatever was acquired after their marriage not prior to the marriage. That's how it works most times...

Are you sure? The Arab guy that is possibly going to lose half a billion dollars was acquired after he married her? Or the Tiger woods saga?

Don't get me wrong, i am not against the man paying the wife at least for the welfare of his kids, but in most cases where it will seriously affect his finances or buoyancy, seems vicious to me. Provisions can be made where she will have basic necessities of life without cutting the mans life's work in half.

And for women all about having your own money and all that, doesn't that seem opportunist and greedy?

Because men(which includes all of us;male and female)in the past have treated women wrongly, does that mean men of this era who are of a different mind frame have to wear the ignoble tag?

Vorpal:


Are you sure? The Arab guy that is possibly going to lose half a billion dollars was acquired after he married her? Or the Tiger woods saga?

Don't get me wrong, i am not against the man paying the wife at least for the welfare of his kids, but in most cases where it will seriously affect his finances or buoyancy, seems vicious to me. Provisions can be made where she will have basic necessities of life without cutting the mans life's work in half.

And for women all about having your own money and all that, doesn't that seem opportunist and greedy?

Because men(which includes all of us;male and female)in the past have treated women wrongly, does that mean men of this era who are of a different mind frame have to wear the ignoble tag?

I said 'most times' not all the time. Men are still doing worse, no need for the long story...

pocohantas:

I said 'most times' not all the time. Men are still doing worse, no need for the long story...

Una dey vex oh.

We pray men have a change of heart.

kimbra:
Great piece, not until you said you share the bills Evenly with your woman. I laughed when I read that part. Some of you may actually think you're doing the right thing, but on the long run it's to your own doom. Share the bills evenly with her, she may be very much ok with that at the interim but on a good day she'll ask you what really made you a man?. All the respect, and understanding you think she has for you would crumble right before your eyes, which'd keep you wondering. Inasmuch as I support ladies taking up certain bills and learning to look out for themselves, but sharing bills evenly is as good as not having you in her space.

Let me even add that besides our individual bank accounts,we have a separate joint bank account that money meant for bills,vacations and other extras go into. So that way nobody gets robbed of their personal "Whatsoevers".

The standards you require or demand for are dead and buried,that a man is a man when he sits his @ss around and let decisions in his life and home be influenced by a woman or her sentiments.

A woman who would respect me only based on my financial grandeur is not welcomed in my world. What makes me a man is my getting my life on a good,independent and comfortable path before I introduce any woman in my equation - A life on a path that in the first place looks appealing to any such woman,and perhaps good enough for her to wanna tag along.

So?

Women have got to bring more than just their bodies,sentiments,their so called ability/affinity for chores (which the vast majority of them suck at or don't like to do nowadays) to the relationship table or matrimony.

That way we respect and treasure each other and our investment in the relationship/marriage individually or collectively. So before you file for any shitty divorce thinking you'll walk away into an opulent Sugarmommydom,you'll weigh your options critically.

Let no woman come to me with that typical "I'm a lady" rhetoric in this 21st century expecting everything on a platter of chivalry or what not. You're not entitled to anything except that which you deserve or have earned. Period!