By Amanda Ihemebiri

In this part of the world, when a person is described as
having high self-esteem, it is easy for the listener to
imagine them walking with their nose in the air , their
shoulders raised high while they demand to be treated
with respect by their fellow humans verbally or non-
verbally. They do not tolerate bullshit, are very
principled, surrounded by the finest things in life and
must have achieved some form of success in their
professional or personal lives.

Although some of these traits are visible in a person
with a high self-esteem, it has little to do with it and
more to do with ‘pride’.
Self-esteem comes simply from liking yourself. It is the
justification of one’s self-worth from a place filled with
love and respect for who you are as a human being. It
is understanding your likes, dislikes, actions and
reactions, flaws, beauty, mistakes and triumph for what
they truly are, and loving yourself with all these
qualities. True self-esteem does not fight or seek
protection. It is neither ashamed nor does it seek
validation. It does not belittle or deny its failings but
spreads its love because it understands that as I am so
are others, and I shall treat them with kindness and
patience as I do myself. Unlike pride, self-esteem does
not look at worldly success or possession for
admiration or respect, it comes from within.

The Self. As we grow, many events that take place in our lives
either add to or take from our self-esteem. From our
relationship with family, our peers to our relationship
with ourselves and all of these experiences help us form
our identity and shape who we see ourselves as and the
place we occupy on earth. Sadly, some of them take far
much more than they give. We often times do not
realize it how deeply they affect us until the day we
look in the mirror and can no longer recognize our
own reflection.

How then does one find their misplaced self-esteem?
A lot of us grew up with the understanding that love is
conditional. We learnt from our parents, guardians and
care-givers that only when we achieve, succeed and are
well-behaved do we deserve love.

Over time, we have carried this concept of love into every facet of our lives,
seeking approval or validation from those that we value
and care about by turning ourselves into their ideal so
we can in turn love ourselves. We become ashamed of
ourselves that we feel that if we show other who we
really are, tell them of what we really like or are
capable of, we will be rejected because our true selves
come with failures, mistakes and there has never been
a place for that in our experience of love.

To heal and build our self-esteem, we must reject this
concept of love. Love, in its purest form, does not
operate on conditions. It just is. The achievements do
earn you the respect of your peers and a bigger
paycheck but love is present in spite of our
accomplishments which means that even if you fail,
make mistakes or mess up, love is forgiving, patient and
understanding enough to exist in these situations. We
must understand that failure, disappointment and
mistakes are core parts of human existence that we
must all experience to mature emotionally. We should
surround ourselves with kind, loving humans to help
us through these difficult times without conditions and
little expectations as we would when we celebrate good
news. We must be bold enough to shine our light in our
dark places so we can conquer, understand and accept
our demons before we can change them. When we are
able to see our strength and weakness, only then have
we begun the journey towards loving ourselves and
developing a stronger sense of self-worth.

‘To become different from what we are, we must have
some awareness of what we are’ – Eric Hoffer


Source: http://www.opinions.ng/one-find-self-esteem/

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