TheeDetective:
Woman what is your problem now? Why is it that women and looking for trouble go hand in hand? This is what happens when people carry calling them aunty/uncle on their head like a head gear. That she calls you by your name, has it removed any hair from your body? If she calls you by your name but is respectful to you then what is the big deal? Which would you prefer for her to call you aunty (eye service) but disrespectful to you or call you buy your name but respectful? Is not as if it will add money to your bank account if she address you as aunty or by the name of one of your children would it? If it bothers you that much and it’s creating sleepless nights for you then discuss the issue with your brother and don’t go about creating unnecessary drama with your SIL. Or better still, if you are so adamant of telling your SIL off and warning her to call you by using a title then go for it but whatever happens after that, you will have yourself to blame.

I didn't even wanted to mention that eye service part before. Maybe some of us prefer those that will almost want to wipe the ground with their body in the name of respect but behind you spoil your name or question your authority.

So true. E be like say she no know say person fit call you aunty but na eye service and rubbish you as against calling you by your name but have the utmost respect for you. Leave am her eye go soon clear now as trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am.

eph12:

I didn't even wanted to mention that eye service part before. Maybe some of us prefer those that will almost want to wipe the ground with their body in the name of respect but behind you spoil your name or question your authority.

Not really a big deal but I think it's better to address people in a civilized manner e.g Mr John Mrs John or Miss Jessica or Ms Jean with this there shouldn't be any issue

Afonjashapmouth:


Depending on her tribe, your perception of respect must not over rule others. She four yrs older and also the husband's elder sister. Common leave the Western culture and deal with yours. I'm sure you are so defensive because you will be vulnerable to such soon

Sorry, I don't let such minute things bother me. I seriously don't care abt such sentiment.

No it's not right. The next time she calls you by your name just fix your gaze on her and tell her calmly that you don't appreciate her doing so. You would prefer she calls you Iya lagbaja or Sis tamedu. If she can't manage either, she should avoid addressing you directly. Tell her its a cultural thing, you aren't oyinbos. You could just smile and hug her afterwards just to show no hard feelings.

But if she turns out to have craaze...no am again.

mikedimeji:
Not really a big deal but I think it's better to address people in a civilized manner e.g Mr John Mrs John or Miss Jessica or Ms Jean with this there shouldn't be any issue

So you go begin call your SIL Mrs Ochuko?

sisisioge:


So you go begin call your SIL Mrs Ochuko?

That's the easiest way to go. Personally I dislike it when people call me Brother even if I senior u with 10years is either u call me my name or u add Mr. That's the way forward

Well the Yoruba's will say its not right
The Igbo's will say its no big deal.

Its not right where I come from but since its a big deal to you tell her you don't fancy it, you will prefer being called mama xyz or sis xyz or aunty xyz.I hope she doesnt make a big deal out of it, I said that because its not really a norm where both of you come from, emphasis is not placed on things like that hopefully She should understand.


Cultural differences sha, you try am for Yoruba land its even another person that will correct her.

mikedimeji:

That's the easiest way to go. Personally I dislike it when people call me Brother even if I senior u with 10years is either u call me my name or u add Mr. That's the way forward

Are you by any chance a married woman with four kids and a sis in-law four years younger than you? I don't think so. I'm single and don't give a sheet about being called my name right now by anybody. In fact, I work some jobs with 19yr olds who usually think we are contemporaries cos of the specifications of the job, they all call me by my first name. It doesn't matter now but it would if I were married with four kids and my lil brother's wife decides to think we are contemporaries. Biko, get real. Iya Nkechi, sis Rebecca...or nicknames like Iya, maami, olori, sisimi, woreva will also suffice. Whew!

sisisioge:


Are you by any chance a married woman with four kids and a sis in-law four years younger than you? I don't think so. I'm single and don't give a sheet about being called my name right now by anybody. In fact, I work some jobs with 19yr olds who usually think we are contemporaries cos of the specifications of the job, they all call me by my first name. It doesn't matter now but it would if I were married with four kids and my lil brother's wife decides to think we are contemporaries. Biko, get real. Iya Nkechi, sis Rebecca...or nicknames like Iya, maami, olori, sisimi, woreva will also suffice. Whew!

You nailed it my sister. God bess you

sisisioge:


Are you by any chance a married woman with four kids and a sis in-law four years younger than you? I don't think so. I'm single and don't give a sheet about being called my name right now by anybody. In fact, I work some jobs with 19yr olds who usually think we are contemporaries cos of the specifications of the job, they all call me by my first name. It doesn't matter now but it would if I were married with four kids and my lil brother's wife decides to think we are contemporaries. Biko, get real. Iya Nkechi, sis Rebecca...or nicknames like Iya, maami, olori, sisimi, woreva will also suffice. Whew!

Individual differences, but trust me e no carry water.

Marriage and children are not the things that earn you respect.Many people are married and many have children,it's not an exceptional feat.

Your character,integrity,kindness,loyalty are things that draw people to you,your good deeds and achievements are things that make people want to emulate you,respect you,and even call you big sis or whatever without you hyperventilating if that's what floats your boat.


When you start having the need to assert some sort of authority or force people into fake reverence, it shows a lack of confidence in yourself and insecurity.

Do what you will though,I'm 100% sure it will not end well as the age difference is negligible and mostly because Igbo tradition does not bang on about adding aunty and uncle.

I suspect this is a newly married sis in law

Good luck.

crackhaus:
Are you a "modern" woman?

Because if you are, even if a 10yr old child calls you by your name it won't bother you one bit.

When a person doesn't have any power, they try to hold on to every little bit they can. It makes no sense for her to be worried about her brother's wife calling her by her given name, except that she is powerless in this world. If you go up to Mark Zuckerberg, he would likely not care if you called him Mark or Mr. Zuckerberg because he doesn't need your approval to feel good about himself.

What name did your parents give to you on your naming ceremony?

Why do you wish to be known by names you were not given and names that are not on your birth certificate

Mumben:
I am married with four kids, very gentle and easy going. My immediate younger brother's wife calls me by my name. I am 4 years older than her. Is this RIGHT? If not, how do i correct her politely? Matured responses pls.

Is it not your name?


Nigerians with titles and fake respect

haba, is it not your name? was it not what your parents gave you when they had you? this mindset and mentality is so archaic. i don't see anything wrong with it, there's nothing wrong with younger ones addressing you by your name,so long as they respect you. please stop making a mountain out of a molehill

Mumben:
I am married with four kids, very gentle and easy going. My immediate younger brother's wife calls me by my name. I am 4 years older than her. Is this RIGHT? If not, how do i correct her politely? Matured responses pls.

I dont see any big deal in her calling you by name without any title.You certainly must be insecured.My brother is 8 years younger than i am,his wife calls me by my name.She is my sister now so she can have her way .No big deal.

I really appreciate all ur responses.

Mumben:
thank u all for ur inputs. i av bn thinking of telling her to address me by my first child's name but i wanted to be sure i wasn't asking for too much. You all are wonderful people. I will tell her it is not proper for her to address me dat way.

What is your name?

dominique:


It is a big issue in our part of the country. You just can't call someone older than you with kids by their names, you will be tagged disrespectful. Like someone mentioned in one of the posts up there, it is not a big deal in some places. Big deal or not, if the op is offended by the name calming, she should addres it rather than bearing grudges.

I see your point but tell me,

has the op considered the context where her sister in-law grew up?

it may be entirely different from that of the op.

My point is, her sister in-law may not necessarily be aware that it isnt polite to the op whenever she is addressed by her name.

And also, in life there are more important things to dwell on than this.

Getting worked up because someone younger than you addresses you by your own name is really petty.

mcdreeezy:
What's a name for in the first place?

You have asked an intelligent question, Sir.

Every country has its own culture.

If a part of your culture demands such, please ask for it.

Do not be f00lish in the process of becoming a "modern person", even the American you want to copy has its own culture. It is f00lish to destroy yours and embrace that which they will never destroy. This is why I love Indians. Some culture, e.g. American, believe in working hard to earn success/respect. The Nigerian, Indian, and many other culture believe, experience, not wealth, is a key way to earn respect.

I'm currently working on a study on Global/Int'l Business Mgt, and I've come to realize the value of Culture, even in business. Indians and Chinese men come into Nigeria today to use our men for Kung-Fu because we have lost 'it'... they come, and they just cannot pick on any tangible culture, as we have f00lishly stolen all kinds of practices from Britain, U.S., Russia, India, and every other nation on planet earth.. We've now had it so much that we don't understand ourselves any longer.

The Chinese man come in here to over-use our men because they don't understand out culture. Americans and Indians work like their lives depend on hard labour...However, when they meet a Latin man, they will NEVER demand a work schedule without break or mid-afternoon siesta because a Latin man will not kill himself because of peanuts. They hold that part of their culture very dearly. But what about the Nigerian culture? We don't know what we want... we are lost in the name of being a modern man/woman.


@OP, as far as that culture will harm NO one, go ahead and demand it! She should call you by your child's name.. IT IS OUR CULTURE.

Hian!!! Oh!!! Wahala dey o.

My sister, let me ask you. Are all your friends your age mates? Do you address everyone older than you by some "title" like aunty/uncle? FYI, in most communities in igbo land, you and your younger brother's wife are in the same AGE GRADE. If I hear say somebody 4 years my junior is calling me aunty. Shoo? I reach to born you?

#yeye dey smell

Nma27:
Seriously Its wrong? Ha! We are so concerned with inconsequential things! Does calling one by their name remove a dime from their body? Make d op go rest.. That's how people allow d devil use them.

That's not the point. The point is that kids are watching too. You might see the little kids call their mother such names. I have seen people call their mother aunty and so.
Things like this generally leads to it. So why not speak up as a lady and stop trying to get likes.

As an Igbo guy, I don't even call my elder sister by her name. I simply call her "Adannem".

mrphysics:

That's not the point. The point is that kids are watching too. You might see the little kids call their mother such names. I have seen people call their mother aunty and so.
Things like this generally leads to it. So why not speak up as a lady and stop trying to get likes.

As an Igbo guy, I don't even call my elder sister by her name. I simply call her "Adannem".

Sorry but that's how I see things. No child calls their parent by their name.

Nma27:
Sorry but that's how I see things. No child calls their parent by their name.

That's how you have seen things. She knows why she is complaining. I have seen children call their parents other names.

Don't take everything for granted. Issues need to be addressed

mrphysics:

That's how you have seen things. She knows why she is complaining. I have seen children call their parents other names.

Don't take everything for granted. Issues need to be addressed

Just saying if I were in her shoes, I won't make any fuss abt it. In fact I'd prefer to b on a first name basis.

Nne, what do you want her to be calling you?
Tell us here, we would address it in the next August Meeting.

Whether it's right or wrong is dependent on the callee, I wouldn't have any problem with it_but you're not me. 4yrs gap puts you both in the same age grade.

You can decide to address it (preferably through your brother). The result might be an eye service title. If she is respectful, knows boundaries and maintains a cordial relationship with you, I think you should let it go.

If your SIL calling you by name is making you uncomfortable..then speak out and get it over with. No one has any right to make you feel bad without your consent. This is an issue of different strokes for different folks...

If you want her to address you in a way that shows to you a bit of respect..call her attention to it and discuss it with her in a mature way or rather have your younger brother take care of it. You can come up with a nickname if that can make all parties feel less awkward about the issue.

Your SIL calling you by name should not be an issue. My 3yr old cousin calls me by name. It is your name so please bear it with joy. You feel bad about this because we come from a society that enjoys and encourages superficial love and respect. As long as the lady treats and accords you the respect you deserve, her calling your name without adding unnecessary prefixes shouldn't be a problem. Confronting her about it might cause unnecessary and avoidable hitches in the relationship between your SIL and yourself.

Mumben:
thank u all for ur inputs. i av bn thinking of telling her to address me by my first child's name but i wanted to be sure i wasn't asking for too much. You all are wonderful people. I will tell her it is not proper for her to address me dat way.

but wats d big deal abt ds?or is ur name not ur name?

dominique:


It is a big issue in our part of the country. You just can't call someone older than you with kids by their names, you will be tagged disrespectful. Like someone mentioned in one of the posts up there, it is not a big deal in some places. Big deal or not, if the op is offended by the name calming, she should addres it rather than bearing grudges.

am igbi,its nt an issue. na una carry am for head