THE SMELL OF THE INTERNET: SIR A-ONE WEAVING OF WORDS (VOLUME 7) FEATURING JODEKSS GLOATKENF



Read beyond the lines!

 

“I don’t need to be a chief priest to tell you that you’re not in existence, if you’re not on any social media.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“At this age and time of robot and the internet, it is so pathetic to know that so many noisy icon(s) on the blogosphere are minor(s).”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“It is not easy to become a fulltime blogger in our society today because there are over 1,000,000,000,000 websites competing daily for rank.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Don’t mind me if I am disrespectful and lousy my fellow person. See yourself as Yahoo Messenger or hope yourself as Whatsapp now. Yahoo, you are so dumb in the head that to your face even whatsapp was born and rose above you having pushed you into the gutter to smell so irrelevant.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“Where is 2go today?

Without focus and advancement/improvement, you might miss your way blogmatically and otherwise.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“We all used to want to go to 2go with smiles and laughter(s) radiating us all but now we prefer dirty viruses in the name of advancement. If you want to maintain your status quo, you have to upgrade your status quo.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“A baptised fool is that one who feels every other person is wrong, while he is the only right minded person.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Wait, well, maybe for real it used to be madness at one time right in the past with me. I took advantage of Facebook as it was taking advantage of me. You know why? I knew my photos are so cute and my memory card or phone could get lost tomorrow so, I would pour my files on Facebook as Facebook is even more reliable than some of my friends who castigated me for behaving like such.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“Almost everything can pay you on the blogosphere. Just fewer icons are ready to sacrifice to wait for that time.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Facebook gallery is very responsible. Facebook pages and groups are highly useful too. What you give them they at least return to you in years. People rent out or sell pages and groups, to make a living. Do make some cool cash with what you have.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“Laughing my ass out. He just said he has been on Facebook since 20 years. You don’t need a sorcerer to know he is a blessed LIAR of the highest order.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“We have all learnt of Wi-Fi right! They are working (or have worked) on Li-Fi right? What are we building for the first time right? We are building and improving right? Is that alright?”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“If Facebook was to be paying N1 naira to 1 post, so many of my friends would have become billionaires.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“If you are Facebook, I would proudly tell you are billions of years old and are still relevant and even finer like that.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“I’m always on my period when it comes to dishing out insults to people on the blogosphere.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“You are a blogger huh!? You are like a wife who’s lost without her clit if you don’t keep an AdSense at least as your money bag on your site. Adverts could be your concubines.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“You’re active on Facebook. Good for you. Don’t see others as cows meant to be slaughtered on the altar of abuse.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Okay, you have said your name is So So So right? They have done googling and there is nothing on you on the internet except that you run a pictureless account on Facebook alone with boring timeline… fella, fella, fella…  you are pathetic and unfit for this jet generation.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“A woman once posted “Some boys/guys will not change their boxers until it starts smelling.”

I believed she was inspired by her boyfriend’s filthiness or the brother’s piggery state of heart, body, and environ.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“The cost of photocopy today needs to remind you your Economic classes and that concept which emphasises ALTERNATIVE FORGONE.

They have said it is 20 Naira per page yes? For informality, Android phone can take shot, shoot it and read it and even make it as your profile picture or even wallpaper.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“The two most talked and blogged about issue on the internet in the recent past are:

“Notorious kidnapper,

Chukwudumeme Onwuamadike

a.k.a. Evans case and Banky W & Adesua Etomi matrimonial journey.”

They are making their money, people are just busy talking.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“The alarm on your phone is mad at you, you know why? Your time is not up-to-date, then how would you be up-to-date. Even the time on your computer system is still 1-2-3456.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“To maintain a website is harder than maintaining a woman daily.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“You need formatting prayers if the last game you remember is that “space impact” when real games are on online there and people are winning there, one million with 100 Naira only.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“Show me your Facebook wall and I will tell you who you are in the real world. Mark and Luke (Look) my words very well.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Without the grace of God (and hardworking doing His biddings), you cannot inherit the kingdom of God brother/ or sister. In other words, if you don’t have a Gmail account today there is no way your head can ever be correct till you repent.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“Netizens are like fans. They can blow hot and cold at the same time.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Marry a wife and have triplets or even more is the same thing as opening a Gmail account and own a blog, have access to Google+, YouTube… without which you are dead but alive my friend.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“It becomes so irritating to see people bring their dirty linens on the blogosphere.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Try it, type Jodekss or Gloatkenf in one tab. Type your name in another tab. If the first results are plentier than yours, that is good but not the best but if your own doesn’t count at all to you, do something new.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“Ever since I became a nethead, in the recent past, I have been receiving over 29 friends requests daily. Some mutual friends are 610. But it beats my imagination not to know who such an icon is, despite the  high friend requests in common with me.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“If you want to live forever, it is possible now. If you want to die forever however, it is plausible either. Internet can mar you or be your elixir.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“There are many kidnappers in our land, one has been apprehended and it has gone extremely viral. What about our disgruntled politicians? Anyone has been humiliated thus far like this?

Mind you, I’m not supporting crime in our society.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Your professor progresses and professes “A noun is an action word.” And you know what opium could do. But because of the title you cannot browse and verify and learn instances. When your professor is marking he is off opium and you quote him and he marks you wrong. Don’t trouble God on mountains praying, practise digitally.”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“I read a post of one icon having 120+ million followers on Instagram. Then I paused to ask(ed) have you made any cash?”

SIR A-ONE

 

“If FACEBOOK folds at this hour you’d faint and many westerners will commit suicide and many Easterners will praise God. But who Yahoo Messenger still dey epp ah beg?”

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

 

“To be a good netizen is not as easy as subscribing and charging your gadgets. It goes beyond that and it goes beyond making a hell of a noise.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“I wonder why Lai Mohammed has not won the record “World’s greatest Liar of all time.” He is so crafted in the act of fabrication and falsification…”

SIR A-ONE

 

“Who said it is easy to be a good netizen? Being a citizen is not easy, not to mention being a nethead.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“I just smile with my right ear at times when I see people abusing one another on the internet, especially on Facebook. You are fooling yourself while the CEO of Facebook is busy smiling to the bank.”

SIR A-ONE

 

“How long shall Robert Mugabe continue to insult women on the internet? He is over 80 years and still focusing his energy in politics. Can any woman ask him to back off before he rests in peace in power?”

SIR A-ONE

 

 

 

Bio of the Weavers:

SIR A-ONE

Goodnews Andrew Eruemuare also known as SIR A-ONE is a website reviewer, blogger & writer. CEO of www.Pengician.com

&

www.widestforum.com

He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Linguistics from Delta State University.

 

JODEKSS GLOATKENF

is the founder and the CEO of Write Right Editors. The CEO of www.Jodekss.com. A prolific young writer, author. And a student at Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife.