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Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by baybbootz(f): 8:53pm On Jan 30, 2010 |
Watch a Nollywood movie this weekend, and tell me if i'm wrong. Happy Viewing!! THINGS WE'VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD!! 1,Every problem is spiritual. 2,In every Romance movie, someone must die. 3,It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!! 4, Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.*NOT AFTER S\HE HAS SCREAMED STANDING AND LOOKING AT THE CAR RUN HER\HIM OVER* 5,Poisoned food always tastes better. 6,The best way to make money is by visiting a 'BABALWAO' DIBIA' Joing a cult, Sleeping with rich men. 7,One of a pair of twins(identical or not) is born evil!! 8,Ten years later; Same hair,same shoe,same phone,same HAIR?(WTH?) 9,There is never an end to your suffering except death. 10, With a Pastor, all things are possible. 11, A movie can be tittled anything, such as *They boy is mine *Face me,I face you, *Area mama (mfon! wink*) *Shakira, *Beyonce, *Lady Gaga(? not yet) watch out tho** *Two rats, *Spanner, *Calculator, *Light out(Toba! wink*) *Igala (PROMOTING GALA,I GUESS??) *ijele, *Igodo, *Igudu, *Just checked 114 now, i saw Eran & Erak?? (wtf) *Beyonce & Rihanna. 12, A movie has not been made if at least one actor|actress has not- 'shelled', or Twisted his\her lips to speak wrong phonetics.(so irritating! kemdi,remember that ngbeke that was saying deddy instead of daddy!! urghhh) 13,You are in love, you want to take your girl out ,the best place you take her to is, *Mr Biggs(whats that??), where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other ice cream!! *The beach= where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully. *or the best= take her to buy some ugly new clothes, 14, An Igbo movie has been made if *You visit a dibia, *A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time. *Kanoyo 'o' kanoyo is in the movie. pete edochie is there too!! *You hear those freaking interlude that makes you wanna scatter your house to find the rat making such unpleasnt sounds! urghh! *To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult. 15, Gun shoots and Knock-outs sound the same! 16,Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, Once you read the title and see the poster,YOU KNOW IT ALL!! ALL!!(Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly with a crunk Igbo Accent, urghh-So much for suspense and intrigue!!!!) 17, Alove story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following- *Ramsey noauh. *Genevieve Nnaji. *stephanie okereke. *Nadia buari. 18,So the police are extremely EFFICIENT unlike their real life counterparts!!!! 19,An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in FLASHBACKS!!! 20,It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!*JIM IYKE 21,So when you are shot in the chest,it really doesnt matter; your head will be bandaged!! same for the legs!!! 22,OK,so when advertising a movie,you really should shout because, people are deaf?? 23,When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- a beautiful house, very good furniture,TV, nice clothes and hair, but you wont be able To send your kids to school?? 24,The bad guy always dies or gets caught by none than the POLICE-Lol! 25,An actor must also sweat profusely when crying? *(whatever happened to air conditioners? ahh, ohh, sorii, they shoot movies with candle* MY BAD!) 26,An actor announces his death as he slowly dies-"You killed me" "I'm dying" "I'm dead". 27,In a case where a person is on his death bed,they must cough untill the die? 28,Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powder unevenly distrubuted on their faces. 29,A person dies on the floor,someother person carries her from the floor to a car and what?she holds unto his clothes so tightly? did she forget she was dead? 30,A person's heart beats even when the doctor has said "im sorry,we lost her" 31,At the end of a 3hour movie,you'll be reminded that *THIS IS JUST THE BEGINING* , WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!! OR 3? WAIT! WAIT!, THERE SHOULD BE 4,INNIT? 32,No matter the type of mpvie, *TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!! LOL, XX |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by jumaingirl(f): 12:14am On Jan 31, 2010 |
Lol |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by THEAMAKA(f): 12:28am On Jan 31, 2010 |
LOL SOOOOOOOOO TRUE. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Nobody: 12:34am On Jan 31, 2010 |
hehehehe spot on |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by DAVE5(m): 7:59pm On Jan 31, 2010 |
@poster u r good.i luv this |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by baybbootz(f): 8:08pm On Jan 31, 2010 |
thanks yall doing it all for dani,its called project revival of the jokes section |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Sherlock: 11:48pm On Jan 31, 2010 |
Nice One!! Kept me smiling all day!!! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by twinskenny(m): 11:55pm On Jan 31, 2010 |
Sherlock: same here |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by sunnyBGOLD: 12:13am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Good observations. Well-done. Those lines kept me laughing all through. Meanwhlie, I bet you those guys are trying with meagre budgets and so many constraints they face. I think you should pass this message directly to them to make any possible corrections for now. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by agabaI23(m): 12:25am On Feb 01, 2010 |
I have seen this list some where. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Moyola(f): 12:27am On Feb 01, 2010 |
LOL & F!! Yu didnt include R.M.D & Omotola nauu. . 'kuz there're some romance muviz wivout d few yu listed. hehe! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by janedoe(f): 12:37am On Feb 01, 2010 |
@ topic you missed one- It's impossible to have a trust worthy female friend as a lady's female friends are always back stabbing,no good boyfriend/man friend stealers |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by chelseabmw(m): 1:43am On Feb 01, 2010 |
@poster, u tried oo.u are a genius |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Nobody: 2:13am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Hahaha I posted this same thing last year(https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-355131.0.html), still funny to read though |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by edimalo(m): 7:01am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Lwkmd. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by An0nimus: 7:22am On Feb 01, 2010 |
:d |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by pawa4ul: 9:48am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Emeka Ike is missing out in item #17. (love films) |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by shilling(f): 9:51am On Feb 01, 2010 |
agabaI23: Saw it on Facebook, got it as an email. But, some of 'em still made me laff. pawa4ul: TRUE!! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by pawa4ul: 9:54am On Feb 01, 2010 |
I really hope the movie directors in Nija will have to read this and see all their F'ck ups! The most annoying part is that they don't vet the grammar of the actors before releasing the movies. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Ben13: 10:02am On Feb 01, 2010 |
An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in FLASHBACKS!!! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by toyboy1(m): 10:13am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Old joke, but still makes an interesting read, |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by FBS: 10:18am On Feb 01, 2010 |
LOL! You forgot to add - BLOOD & LOVE! - Blood Money - Money Blood - Brothers and Blood - Only Blood - Forever in Blood - Where is the Blood? - BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!! LOVE - Where is the Love? - Tachere Love (as in poor man love) - Sister Love - I love you - No you don't love me - Forever in Love - Lasting Love - Simple LOVE!!! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by parislomo(f): 10:22am On Feb 01, 2010 |
oh continuity is really annoying! Someone goes into the kitchen with braids, pink top on blue skirt ONLY to come out from the same kitchen with weave-on, pink top on yellow shorts!! Gosh!! Nollywood no just de try ¤shakes head¤ |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by oluite(f): 10:28am On Feb 01, 2010 |
lol!very funny. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by holotee(m): 11:17am On Feb 01, 2010 |
LWKMD !!! ROFLMAO !!! 20,It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!*JIM IYKEThat one na normal stuffz now ! Abi ? |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by oildaemon: 11:25am On Feb 01, 2010 |
I cannot stop |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Nobody: 11:29am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Nice one to start a new month and a working week. been laughing for minutes with collegues and my boss printed it after asking what was so funny. well, we all loved lines 21, 22, 27, 31 and 32! LOL |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by oluponpin: 11:43am On Feb 01, 2010 |
Not bad lol |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by ddiamond(f): 11:52am On Feb 01, 2010 |
well, well, so well, February is good to go with this, laughing in numberz, truth anyway. |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by Ultrame(m): 12:01pm On Feb 01, 2010 |
LWKMD. Bros u too much. whenever I'm forced to watch a nolllywood movie, it's just like paying to watch a comedian that is not funny. I WANT MY MONEY BACK GO.DAMNIT!!! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by eminemkayc: 12:18pm On Feb 01, 2010 |
@diamond, lovely profile pix. . . so also is that of the Original poster. . . am impressed!!! |
Re: Nollywood Movies In 32 Lines: by MAYOWAAK: 12:50pm On Feb 01, 2010 |
Ultrame: WHAT DOES LWKMD MEAN |
Student Roll Call For Anger Management 101 / The Rapist / Akpos And Family
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