eyinjuege:
If your mother's people can find her some money to get something doing they will be a nice idea.
As for your father, he's a lost cause. He'll only become normal when he's old and needs someone to look after him.
If his people can help your mum and your younger ones out too, to pay their school fees, that would be nice. But it's better your mum finds something doing too.
She can be a nanny to young couples who are both working to save up some money, or if her relatives can contribute some money for her to start a trade.

dfrost:


Excellent advise right? Beni.ta27, I've seen your signature albeit oblige me to ask: have you ever been in the OP's situation?

Medunah:

I care less about his father's side of the story......no matter what's happened, it's not enough for him to neglect his children!! even if his wife has done something wrong to him, does that stop him from being a good father to his kids?? or will u cut off ur nose just to spite ur face??

and when these kids become successful in life, he will want to reap where he didn't sow. Rubbish

Benita27:
Ok Sir, but don't send your dad that letter. We have elders for a reason.

Fawklicant:


Exactly. I used to get infuriated whenever one of my neighbours lashed out at his wife for a period. The man would just just insult her at the slightest provocation calling her all sorts of names, pig, idiot etc. And this ugleee man is married to a very pretty woman with a body to die for.
Well, my perception changed when I noticed that the woman is a serial cheat and the man was just lashing out to vent his frustaration and helplessness. This woman would take calls in the kitchen while observing the husband through the peephole and cut such calls whenever the man approached. She would leave the house giggling and smiling while talking on the phone immediately after hubby leaves.

She even made passes at people I know.

I cannot vouch for anybody, let alone a woman. They always have a way of playing victim everytime.

Benita27:
No. My dad passed when I was little and based on what I was told by my siblings: he wasn't irresponsible, though, he and my mum did have their differences. Theirs was about 32 when he passed.

dfrost:


Oops! Sorry about that. Pardon my inquiry. Just that I'm always of the opinion that one will never understand what people pass through unless you have been in their shoes.

Donjazzy12:

I was angered by the boys audacity in rubbishing his father on social media. He forgot that he is a man who someday will marry and have kids. He forgot that the law of Karma is especially effective when a child goes against any of his parents for whatever reason.
As for you, duckling, you should also have understood that my anger stemmed from the fact that the idiot was not really looking for advice but support as he has already drafted a letter to his dad.

Benita27:
That's true. The op's case is a different situation entirely, from the story and how humans behave one could tell the outcome if he confronts his dad.

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

Prosper24:


My mom can, the most painful thing is the little the man has he is still sharing it with his concubines. Up till date my dad prefers to show himself outside and let the family manage.

A man who worked for years before his retirement, had cars and even dashed one out couldn't complete his house till date.

MadCow1:


So you want to disown your father.. Nna you must be very stupiid. Youths of today have let Wizkid and Davido erode their ability to reason.

Now listen before you let the small aji amu (pubic hair) you started growing last week deceive you into doing something extremely unproductive and foolish, go to Mama Tega's shop, collect 1 SK of 200 Naira and rizla, find a nice quiet place where Police no go catch you and smoke the whole thing. When you call down, ask yourself what that foolish letter aims to achieve and what will it solve.

Taking your story to be true, that means your mother is in an abusive marriage. I will hazard a guess that you are the Di Opkara (first born Son) of the house. That means you should always be around to protect your mother from your father's wrath in case it goes overboard. If you are not in that house, you can't protect your mother. I am not saying fight your Father, but take whatever measures are necessary to only stop the beating and nothing more.

If your father is indeed a philanderer, there is nothing you can do about it. I have a strong feeling your mother will not leave your father so you have to hurry up and grow up, find a genuine hustle, step up and become the provider for your mother and siblings.

I can bet your mother will never leave your father as it is almost always the situation in these types of cases. I suggest you start recording these acts of violence towards your mother whenever they happen for posterity sake as you never know when you may need it. But whatever you do, do not leave your mother alone without protection. Also do not confront your father. Nothing good will come out of it. If your father kicks all of you out today, do you have any support outside? If No, then patience and tolerance should become your mantra. Don't antagonize him.

Try and consult any elders that he listens to and respects. Approach them with solid evidence like the videos you would have recorded and photos you would have taken and more (not verbal accusations). Only they can talk sense into his head and even then, nothing says he will listen or change. In fact depending on the type of Man he is, it may worsen things.

Don't let your tostestorone push you into making any rash decisions.

A word is enough for the wise.

Madcow..

humblenature:
i have given up on women. i hate them . they are devilish and evil. even my mother too

cuteoly:
My dear, just relax till you are independent. My Dad's case was worse than your father's own, he even sleeps with the ladies staying with us then while my mom gives them space and pretends like she doesn't know what's happening but my elder brother condoned all till the week he came back from his youth service. He confronted my Dad and there was war, my father ended up taking the matter to the police station and the way people insulted my Dad made him change abit.
He later turned to a saint before he died, I remember back then in the hospital when he was sick, he would call my mom all sorts of sweet names asking her to forgive him that he was carried away by worldly things. That she is a good woman that God blessed him with but that he started mishaving. My Dad could just sit and cry for the whole day after remembering all his wayward life while he was sick.
Do not worry yourself, God will judge him. Just tell your mom to still be submissive that God will reward her. Ur Dad will later come back to his senses.

bukatyne:


Haa Haa!

Now I see the source of the problem.

It is well.

Phinalphantasy:


1. Your father will turn a new leaf after all the kids become independent
2. By then all the kids attention would be on the mom, sponsoring her every needs and the dad would truly understand the consequences of all his actions
3. Wait till that time. The patient dog eats the most successful bone
4. Instead of letter, by the you would verbally say your mind to your dad. That convo is gonna be a teary one. Trust me.

Spoken from real life experience

TonyeBarcanista:
Prosper is that you?

Phinalphantasy:


i understand brother. my experience was terrible as well. going to uni alleviated mine.

TheCongo2: