The issues behind my parent feud is something that has accumulated over years! Buh I ll brief it the way the story is:

We grew up seeing my dad domestically abuse my mother to the point that she flogs her with cane n use fist on her.... These things have made me develop a level of hatred for him buh there's nothing we cud do to help as we were kids.... Note: the domestic violence reduced when we got into d uni buh it has literally stopped for some years cause he knew the children ll deal with him if he tries that.... I do categorically tell him I ll fight him if he tries that.... They are bold old now no strenght to fight again unless na mouth fight

My mum is a workaholic n in turn she became d bread winner of the house cuz she earn more... Fast forward to the past 11 years my dad took to d advice of people I still regards as fools even when I don't know them.... The advice is "when you're dealing with a wife that is not submissive marry another woman to relegate her " his definition of submission is something I don't know till when I became adult ....i got to know that he likes to dictates n the ego of the head of the house have swallowed him.... He doesn't want his decision questioned cuz he feels his wiser than all: so he had an extra marital affair and got a lady pregnant which have birth to a triplet.... Meanwhile the legally married wife have birth to four " 3 girls n a boy"

Mum accepted it as error n never wanted it to affect her home n her marriage.... She did d naming with them n reached a verbal agreement with her husband that he should be sending them money n not to marry d woman..... Later issues came up... My dad start sneaking there in d name of vigil n mum as use an informant on him...so she got to know.... Dad in defense said if he doesnt marry her who does she expect to marry a lady after 3 children n later they gave birth to another child again ... At this point mum said okay Im letting you go... You can't be having sex with that woman that has indecent story n have sex with me...using sexually transmitted disease has a yardstick.... Overtime mum withdrew her financial support from dad so the new wife could see the true picture....as a result dad went really down and mum had so much addition to her assets... When dad went down issues start springing forth from his new wife, cud not pay rent of the house they were staying after selling his cars n to cut d story short he sold his last asset to get his footings back after going to pray from mountain to mountain and he returned home....fast forward 2yrs to d present now.... some days ago he said he want to be bringing the children home to spend holiday with him n mum was like no not in this house she built....yes 80-90% of the cost the house is from her sweat.... They called pastors n family to d issue n dad said okay he won't do that again... Now yesterday he brought d four children home... Mum was calm till Diz afternoon cuz I told her not to alter a word as she said she ll file a case against him in the court... Buh Diz afternoon she lost her calmness and started telling d children that... She doesn't hate them buh she hate their father and they should tell their father to build house for them and their mum cuz she built that house....so they shd know it's not their fathers house..... I was trying to go caution her when I heard dad said this thing you're doing when these children grow up they ll get a gun and kill you.... Then I got mad and say WTF.... Y would u say such....kill who! No no this is d height of it and for the statement he just made he shd forget he has me and my siblings. And I personally ll deal with him if he try any crazy move:


Advise is needed.... Mothers in d house, lawyers and Co....

My mum n dad are close to 60yrs ....over 30
Yrs in marriage yet no peace

Sorry for the long story I want advisers to get clear pictures.... Pardon my grammatical blunders as m feeling lazy to proof read

All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

Your daddy is crazy.

All I can say is that may any female in my family not run into someone like your father.


Is that one a father or a baby daddy

Your dad must ve been very mean to u guys
Domestic violence is bad...bullying is another thing too..How can a sane man use cane and harsh words on his wife...That's very bad

Your mom is a strong woman that's why it's always good for ladies to work or learn a trade. It's very necessary because no one knows what the future holds.
What if she wasn't working..her life would ve been so miserable

Ego and pride won't let some men listen to their wives when they talk because they feel a woman has nothing to offer.

I like what your mom said...let the other woman go and build her own house.

God should not allow someone jam this kind of man.
Just forget about that man...He's not a father but who am i to judge

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

did you read the domestic violence part?

Guy forget your family go and hustle

N.a. wa

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

Did you read the storyline at all
How can u say her mom is rude...Thats a patient woman up there...who will tolerate all those nonsense for over 30 yrs and still be in d marriage

Your mum has a very good heart. Some women will not allow those children near her own house.

Getting a second wife has never and will never be a way to humble any first wife.

To all men out there planning on how to get a second wife just to "humble" the first: you are just bringing in more trouble for urself.

This is serious. The married one will come with some tangible. I no Ba get experience as per this.

Why hasn't she thrown him out after all these years? She built the house, she's the sbreadwinner yet she endured all that abuse from him and was still enabling him. To what end? To remain a Mrs? From all indications, the marriage has been destroyed beyond repair. Your mum has every right to reject your dad's four other kids since it's her house. She should involve the authorities if need be.

Just put it in prayer that you never marry a man like your father.

MhizzAJ:


Did you read the storyline at all
How can u say her mom is rude...Thats a patient woman up there...who will tolerate all those nonsense for over 30 yrs and still be in d marriage

calm down o! Don't go to war with just one side of a story, particularly when it's narrated by a woman! SMH, women, fear them o! you prolly aren't married yet. Many of them are the reason their husbands seek solace in the hands of another woman. From the days of father Abraham (whose wife advised to take another woman, and latter accused him of taking another wife) even to our own time of 'equal rights' women. Ol boy! calm down o!

your parents need to get a divorce.

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

You just want to be 'socially correct' , out of all the story it's the woman is rude you saw as a point, where's being rude displayed in the story. Divorce should be encouraged at a point, it simply means separation.

Dad is still prideful and that's a problem.

Mum is kind of accommodating but she really fears about the future.

In all honesty your mum try o. Many would have called it quits after your dad started his adventures in the loins of another woman.

It wouldn't be a taboo at this point for your mum and dad to go their separate ways legally. I mean such comments aren't to be taken lightly.

Involve police and let him sign undertaking of you and your family safety. For him to verbally voice this out you can imagine such hate he is breeding in your step siblings in the closet.

Y'all should be weary of your dad, I think he may be frustrated and really desperate hence could act funny.

Be separated(your mum and siblings included) from him for a while at least for safety. But hey he is still your dad. The deeds been done already , pray for him and for peace in your family.

All the best

JamesReacher:
You just want to be 'socially correct' , out of all the story it's the woman is rude you saw as a point, where's being rude displayed in the story. Divorce should be encouraged at a point, it simply means separation.

If she wasn't. why threaten to throw the innocent kids from the other woman out? Why not bear them, tolerate, and prove to them that she's truly a tolerant woman? why start telling them that their father did not build the house? she obviously resents them, and truth be told, if those kids grow with that resentment, they'll hate her. It's her house today, who knows tomorrow? Those kids (if shown some luv) might be of help to her & her kids tomorrow. yes, she has her own kids too, who can help her in future, but my brother, the world is a complex place! the vicissitudes of life might just turn the tides. "Help and reward" sometimes comes from where it is least expected - there are countless cases where kids who were victims of maltreatment ESPECIALLY by their step-mums turn out to be last resort for assistance in times of despair. Make una take thins easy o! Lyf na "time & chance"

Your dad was physically abusing your mum with cane and she endowed.

He impregnated another woman and she went for their naming ceremony. Now, he brought the kids he had outside into a house she built and she's complaining. Well, I think she has shown your dad that she needed to bear his surname more than anything.

Since she's been endowing, telling the kids that the house doesn't belong to their father when she no longer needed their presence was a childish move. Even if the man has fùcked up in the past, she encouraged it, supported him at some point so she should've used wisdom rather for him to send the kids back to their mother. Least I forget, kids whose mother's bride price isn't paid are illegitimate so why is she worried whether they stay or not?.

pato405:


If she wasn't. why threaten to throw the innocent kids from the other woman out? Why not bear them, tolerate, and prove to them that she's truly a tolerant woman? why start telling them that their father did not build the house? she obviously resents them, and truth be told, if those kids grow with that resentment, they'll hate her. It's her house today, who knows tomorrow? Those kids (if shown some luv) might be of help to her & her kids tomorrow. yes, she has her own kids too, who can help her in future, but my brother, the world is a complex place! the vicissitudes of life might just turn the tides. "Help and reward" sometimes comes from where it is least expected - there are countless cases where kids who have been victims of maltreatment from step-mums turn out to be last resort for assistance in times of despair. Make una take thins easy o! Lyf na "time & chance"

Can you bear such? Is she Alakija? Her own kids would be successful too so far she didn't harm the children. I would be mad at the father if I was the product of his promiscuous ways! Men need to learn and wise up, we cause the most problems and expect a woman to tolerate and endure everytime.

HerXLNC:
The issues behind my parent feud is something that has accumhim buh there's nothing we cud do to help as we were kids....
rs to get clear pictures.... Pardon my grammatical blunders as m feeling lazy to proof read

I stand with your mum on this one, the 4 children MUST leave. Let her stand by it and make it very clear for the world (lawyers, her family) to hear.

As for you, never put mouth when your parents are fighting. Don't take sides. Let them fight their battle. They will surely make up. Abi were they not the ones who broke up after your dad ran off to be with the other woman? Didn't he find his way back to your mum? Please don't put mouth in their matter because dem still use you settle last last.

JamesReacher:
Can you bear such? Is she Alakija? Her own kids would be successful too so far she didn't harm the children. I would be mad at the father if I was the product of his promiscuous ways! Men need to learn and wise up, we cause the most problems and expect a woman to tolerate and endure everytime.

@ bolded: Now you are gradually reasoning with me.

My question now is 'define harm'

do you know that resentment is harm?
do you know that telling them to pack-out is harm?
do you know that relegating their father by telling them he didn't build the house nor achieved anything is harm?

All these constitute psychological harm!

The kids have been born. Let them be..just live & let live

She should try to be nice to them, treat them as she would her own kids. be open minded & let God fight for her.

- If she's truly a virtous woman, her God will fight for her. I say " it's only those who serve dead gods that fight for their gods"

It's in times like these, you know a truly tolerant woman! the lousy ones, will RUN their mouth like tap.

Make una just take things easy.

pato405:


If she wasn't. why threaten to throw the innocent kids from the other woman out? Why not bear them, tolerate, and prove to them that she's truly a tolerant woman? why start telling them that their father did not build the house? she obviously resents them, and truth be told, if those kids grow with that resentment, they'll hate her. It's her house today, who knows tomorrow? Those kids (if shown some luv) might be of help to her & her kids tomorrow. yes, she has her own kids too, who can help her in future, but my brother, the world is a complex place! the vicissitudes of life might just turn the tides. "Help and reward" sometimes comes from where it is least expected - there are countless cases where kids who were victims of maltreatment ESPECIALLY by their step-mums turn out to be last resort for assistance in times of despair. Make una take thins easy o! Lyf na "time & chance"

Can you tolerate if your abusive wife brings in kids from another man into YOUR house? After what that woman has been through with that horseband of hers, she has every right to reject his kids in HER house. Who cares if the kids grow up to hate her? Is it their love that has been sustaining her for all these years? The person that brought them into the world should arrange accommodation for them chikena.

pato405:


@ bolded: Now you are gradually reasoning with me.

My question now is 'define harm'

do you know that resentment is harm?
do you know that telling them to pack-out is harm?
do you know that relegating their father by telling them he didn't build the house nor achieved anything is harm?

All these constitute psychological harm!

The kids have been born. Let them be..just live & let live

She should try to be nice to them, treat them as she would her own kids. be open minded & let God fight for her.

- If she's truly a virtous woman, her God will fight for her. I say " it's only those who serve dead gods that fight for their gods"

It's in times like these, you know a truly tolerant woman! the lousy ones, will RUN their mouth like tap.

Make una just take things easy.

I understand your point, not knocking you. Logically,I won't blame another person's mother for not loving me. She stayed and endured with him in physiologically depressing situations, she is a good woman.

@pato405 i pray ur daughter marry sum1 like op father @pato405 i pray ur daughter marry sum1 like op father

kimbraa:
Your dad was physically abusing your mum with cane and she endowed.

He impregnated another woman and she went for their naming ceremony. Now, he brought the kids he had outside into a house she built and she's complaining. Well, I think she has shown your dad that she needed to bear his surname more than anything.

Since she's been endowing, telling the kids that the house doesn't belong to their father when she no longer needed their presence was a childish move. Even if the man has fùcked up in the past, she encouraged it, supported him at some point so should've used wisdom rather for him to send the kids back to their mother. Least I forget, kids whose mother's bride price isn't paid are illegitimate so why is she worried whether they stay or not?.

Wait o! Who will feed the four children as dad is not boxed up like that again. Is it the woman?

Madam, will you yourself take on this task if you were op's mum?

stonecoldcafe:


Wait o! Who will feed the four children as dad is not boxed up like that again. Is it the woman?

Madam, will you yourself take on this task if you were op's mum?

She shouldn't have started what she can't finish. I'm not saying the kids should stay, but she supported and encouraged the man way too much. Why?.

Some commentators might be wondering why I am taking my stance on this matter.

Hmmmmm...I really don't know where to start from, but let me put it this way, I have seen a lot in this my little world!

The story OP just narrated up there is an exact replica of what happened to a friend of mine over 25yrs ago! yes! you read right !

To cut the long story short as I do not have the luxury of time, both wives had 5 kids each, but the first wife swore to show the second wife's children hell on earth.

Then, we were both in JSS I think. I remember vividly that he had a younger brother in another class. They were both always looking gloomy, but very brilliant chaps.

I stumbled into him a few months ago and trying to catch-up on lost times, I asked what he was doing (tho I heard through grape vine at some point that he read med & surg). Today, he is an accomplished medical doctor and his younger brother is practicing Law in Michigan, USA.

on the other hand, none of the children from the first wife did well even tho they are all graduates today..many of them are even still searching for jobs.

I enquired about his step-mum, he told me she was bed-ridden with diabetes and things have not been too good with her kids. Guess what, he was the one they all turned to for help. He said he, at first thought of paying them back in their own coin, but later reluctantly decided to help. Now, he is the one footing all the diabetes bills and monitoring step-mums health.

PLS NOTE: This is not a concocted story! it's live

Lesson: be nice to people you meet on your way up, you might just as well meet them on your way down!

Abeg OP, make all of una calm down settle this matter.

My 2 pence.

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

Been long I had seen someone alternate between making sense and writing nonsense this good

The story you narrated above is pretty complicated and requires critical thinking before taking decision. I wish you have not been impacted with negative ideas about what marriage is. It is unfortunate that your mum has suffered and endured domestic violence and abuse which seemingly expands as their marital years increase. No one deserves to molested, abused, and disrespected, whether man or woman. Contrary to those who claim that your mum accepted this despicable ordeal because she wants to remain married, the children have been here only source inspiration and hope.The picture of the man you painted reveals someone who does what he likes without minding the consequences of his actions. A man who is self-centered and disrespectful to a wife who is hardworking and productive. Even though we know your mum is not without fault, the indiscretion and indiscipline of your dad cannot be rationalize. Given his predilection for physical abuse, I think your mum needs to demonstrate she has had enough by seeking for separation first before thinking of divorce. Your dad contributed to the building of the house; therefore, kicking him out might be a painful and difficult exercise.

stonecoldcafe:


I stand with your mum on this one, the 4 children MUST leave. Let her stand by it and make it very clear for the world (lawyers, her family) to hear.

As for you, never put mouth when your parents are fighting. Don't take sides. Let them fight their battle. They will surely make up. Abi were they not the ones who broke up after your dad ran off to be with the other woman? Didn't he find his way back to your mum? Please don't put mouth in their matter because dem still use you settle last last.

He found his way back into d home buh still doing things separately

stonecoldcafe:


Wait o! Who will feed the four children as dad is not boxed up like that again. Is it the woman?

Madam, will you yourself take on this task if you were op's mum?

stonecoldcafe:


Wait o! Who will feed the four children as dad is not boxed up like that again. Is it the woman?

Madam, will you yourself take on this task if you were op's mum?

With OP's mums resentment and hatred for those children, I'm afraid she'll starve them silly.

But you know what? starving them will not kill them. It could make them stronger, wiser, and galvanise them to chase avenues for survival. It's just plain human instinct - the will power for survival. They might suffer now o! but with time, they'll have learnt enough survival skills and have more street sense to adapt with difficult times than the other aje butter side.

And ofcourse you know that whosoever have street sense, will cope and make it in lyf. They'll be fine when they eventually grow - I'm sure. I just pity the poor kids.

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

How did she appear rude? No one knew she's d sole financial of the house till the issue came up.... She was d financial backbone of dads business....she has tolerated too much.... The money never took over her.... Lemme give instances.... She wakes by 5am n get home by 6 or 7pm yet a man that has little or nothing to do still want her to perform some duties as if she's a house wife... It can't work mehn!....she was ready to support her husband to compete with big men outside.... Buh dad keeps complaining of not getting sex! That was his reason for going out.... I told him women subjected to hardship n stress hardly have urge for sex....thats his problem as men that have less worries n things to occupy their minds with often get Hot most time

To correct your impression I'm a man in my late 20s I'm just using my sisters account to pass my worries cuz I wanna remain anonymous to people that know me too well