ERO MEJI LOKU (A Bus conductors tale)

Ojuelegba
Ojuelegba
Mile two mile two.

E wole pelu change yin ooo. (Enter with your change)

Mi o wa ija laaro yi oo edakun sugbon eni to ba gbe ja wa, e mi a gbe fun e ni double. (I do not intend to fight this morning but I will give you double of any trouble you bring my way)

Hello my friends.

This are not just some strings of melodious and sometimes annoying words I choose to say everyday.

Unnhun o (sound of 'no')

They are my 'irin ise'.
The tools I use to coordinate eba and egusi into my empty pots at home

The tools I use to 'ginger the swagger' of my son's teacher in school so they dont send him away from the classes.

I don't kuku blame them.

After all, the government has turned the same teachers into peddlers of snacks, pure water and recharge card even while in class.

What do you expect from one you refuse to pay?

What efficiency do expect from an agbero who has not drank Iya Mukaila's hot agbo in the morning?
Surely that boy would keep sleeping on the job and may need to be gingered by a hot slap from his oga in order to boot his brain and update it to run the latest OS.

What kind of driving do you expect from a driver who has not been paid for almost three months at work?
Surely the driver would not give any heed to the pleas of the passengers at all, and would surely drive them into a ditch while humming 'tati billion for d akanti o'.
For a man without food in his belly cannot think enough to value his life or other people's lives

What kind of soup do you expect from a wife who has not been given 'owo obe' for more than three weeks.
Surely that husband would be served starch mixed in water as pap, and clay moulded in a ball as Akara.

Let me return back to my story.

Those words are my daily mantra.
My national anthem that I recite, just like those recited by school children on the assembly ground.

Those words are the hustlers anthem that I recite every morning just like yahoo boys who listen to 'double your hustle' by Orezi.

Those words are the opening prayer which I daily start off my day like the 'raba-shada-kada-rede' fired by the 'olusho-aguntan' pastor that intends to begin a 'fire fall on my enemies' crusade.


This is my tale.
A tale of a bus conductor, told by Edwardi, your amiable 'condo'

My father named me Edwardi.

A crass and local imitation of a name from a film he had watched at a neighbors house when he was younger.
He had been fascinated with the lead actor of the film who was called Edward.

A lead actor who, my father said, killed more than 'egberun lona egberun boossi' (one hundred thousand boss).

A lead actor, who my father said, 'gun eshin wo ni ija' (rode on horse back into a battle and whacked off the heads of twenty enemies with one swing of his battle axe).

A lead actor who, my father said, kicked thirty people into the sky like that kung-fu hustle boy, and took their women away.

My father can lie sha o!

But I dared not contradict any tale he told.
For that would mean that I was ready to dig my own grave that night.
Worse still, he was always a little high from 'emu Ikire' (palmwine from Ikire) when he weaved such wondrous lies.
And he would have definitely whipped me to death and back to life with his koboko if I had dared to say that he was a liar.

My mother calls me 'ayanfe mi'.

Poor woman had lost her true ayanfe, her husband, to the embrace of alcohol a long time ago.

Poor woman who continued to endure the shame of going to constantly pick up her drunken husband from the tarvens early in the morning of each day.
For her husband would be too drunk to walk and would have definitely passed the night in a gutter if he had dared to walk home after a night of drinking.

Poor woman who had suffered so much and is now stricken with arthritis.

Poor woman who suffers a severe back ache after having split so much wood during her youth.

So forgive me my friends if I am a bit grumpy when you see me in the morning time.
For I may have just rushed maami to the hospital where the nurses may have turned me back due to lack of money or out of sheer spite for someone of my status.

Anyways, my friends call me 'Heady wonder'.
Of course they call me that because I am a wizard with the ball.

Messi ati Dinho eleyin le gege o (Messi and Ronaldinho the natural advert for close up, can dribble the players keeper and post o)
Christiano Ronaldo ati Ibrahimu le je goal o
(Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic can score goals even if the eleven players, coaching staff and fans pack themselves at the goal post o)

Sugbon wo o ni ori to mi
(But none of them can come close to me in headers)

Just like the legendary Drogba can be trusted to control the ball with the chest and score, all my team mates always trust my heading.

To be continued tomorrow
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com


Okwu a na-asọ anya anaghị ebi gboo.
– A subject that can not be freely discussed will not
have a quick closure.