My mother got married to my father and very few years after the marriage they were separated and so it has gone for 23yrs. Although i have been one sided (obviously my mother) but i have decided to go in dept and saw that my mother wasn't so innocent she and her family never really submitted to my father's family when the issue started (although my father was wrong but his pride wouldn't let him admit it) my father was seeing another woman (married to her till date) and my mother on the other hand wanted my father to tell everyone the fault was from his side. this has been going on for years as both families have been pointing accusing fingers. I'm more exposed now and tired because even at this moment the psychological effect is still there. I love my mother and would do anything for her but i want peace. I relate with both (my father not too well because he has another family) infact on my graduation day was the first time they saw and took pictures together in 22yrs, i cried for joy. I may not get my father and mother to come back but i want them to talk to each other for my joy and their future grand children's sake. Obviously my mother would be easier to talk to but how do i tell her to apologise for what she was innocent about for peace to reign? How do i let my father understand that i want peace and this will not affect his marriage with the other woman? How do i unite two families that have hated each other for years because of an issue not worth causing a sweat not to talk of breaking up the family for that long? please I need advice. mods do the needful pls

They are adults.You can talk to them but I doubt if you can change anything about their disposition especially since your dad has remarried.
I think you should concentrate on your own life and future(I know it's hard) and try not to make the mistakes they made.

It might be that your dad is equally seeking the peace that you were after...unless u open up u never can tell.

For him to show up on your graduation day means that u have not been relegated to divison 2 despite that u sided your mum's story from the beginning..

So talk to him, let him know that u were not doing it for him to leave his present family.. but for there to be harmony....U know, no one knows tomorrow, No one knows when his or her time will be up on this planet..it is always good to have a clean heart as everyone prepare

U are a wise son .. so cool that u thought about helping them out..

There's no how the two families can unite.
Your step mother would probably want nothing to do with such an idea.
You are an adult now. The only business that would have kept them together is you, but only when you were not of age. They would discuss school fees, feeding etc for you.
Now you are a man/woman of your own, what else do you want them to discuss about?
Maybe when you're getting married, they can come again to discuss planning your wedding preparations. When you have children, you will have to take them seperately to each grandparent. Your mum would be more useful as she can provide hands on care for your children, and they can stay overnight with her if needed. Sadly, I doubt it would be wise for the children to stay overnight at your dad's as you would be burdening your step mum with the care of your children.
Please don't complicate your father's life he's had for 22years..
He's being married far longer to your stepmum than he ever was to your mother.

thorpido:
They are adults.You can talk to them but I doubt if you can change anything about their disposition especially since your dad has remarried.
I think you should concentrate on your own life and future(I know it's hard) and try not to make the mistakes they made.

it would be a sad one if nothing is done, i would beat myself up if i did not try. If i try and nothing happens gives me more peace than not trying at all

Richy4:
It might be that your dad is equally seeking the peace that you were after...unless u open up u never can tell.

For him to show up on your graduation day means that u have not been relegated to divison 2 despite that u sided your mum's story from the beginning..

So talk to him, let him know that u were not doing it for him to leave his present family.. but for there to be harmony....U know, no one knows tomorrow, No one knows when his or her time will be up on this planet..it is always good to have a clean heart as everyone prepare

U are a wise son .. so cool that u thought about helping them out..

let me just try. I'm tired of the blame game.

iphi:
it would be a sad one if nothing is done, i would beat myself up if i did not try. If i try and nothing happens gives me more peace than not trying at all

I'm not saying you shouldn't try I'm just saying don't beat yourself up if they do not warm up to each other again.
You should expend more energy in making a success out of yourself.

eyinjuege:
There's no how the two families can unite.
Your step mother would probably want nothing to do with such an idea.
You are an adult now. The only business that would have kept them together is you, but only when you were not of age. They would discuss school fees, feeding etc for you.
Now you are a man/woman of your own, what else do you want them to discuss about?
Maybe when you're getting married, they can come again to discuss planning your wedding preparations. When you have children, you will have to take them seperately to each grandparent. Your mum would be more useful as she can provide hands on care for your children, and they can stay overnight with her if needed. Sadly, I doubt it would be wise for the children to stay overnight at your dad's as you would be burdening your step mum with the care of your children.
Please don't complicate your father's life he's had for 22years..
He's being married far longer to your stepmum than he ever was to your mother.

i don't even want to scatter my fathers relationship, i want the families to be at peace and it only can happen if the parties involved can agree to be at peace. Already have a step sister that is 3years old and God knows i love her, and she needs her father can't be that selfish to take away that. I just want peace and reconciliation

eyinjuege:
There's no how the two families can unite.
Your step mother would probably want nothing to do with such an idea.
You are an adult now. The only business that would have kept them together is you, but only when you were not of age. They would discuss school fees, feeding etc for you.
Now you are a man/woman of your own, what else do you want them to discuss about?
Maybe when you're getting married, they can come again to discuss planning your wedding preparations. When you have children, you will have to take them seperately to each grandparent. Your mum would be more useful as she can provide hands on care for your children, and they can stay overnight with her if needed. Sadly, I doubt it would be wise for the children to stay overnight at your dad's as you would be burdening your step mum with the care of your children.
Please don't complicate your father's life he's had for 22years..
He's being married far longer to your stepmum than he ever was to your mother.

Maybe you misunderstood the OP. He just wanted them to be only on talking terms..because of what they had together before which was him...
Based on my understanding, he did not want his dad to leave the step mum..neither was he trying to hook her mum up with his dad..But they can be cordial with each other beacuse of him and his sanity..I heard it is not always easy with people from a broken home....

He doesn't want a situation where they ran into each other and his mum look @ his father
like he was the one that murdered her favourite dog..or he was the one that burnt her favourite wrapper....U know that kinda look..

They have different lives and families now and in a way, they've moved on, individually. You, the child between them, are also now an adult, so they might not see the need to reconcile.

Remember that both of them perceive the other as being at fault. Before they can reconcile, they've to be willing to admit their wrongdoings to one another and forgive but based on the finger-pointing that has been going on and how prideful they are, this seems unlikely.

You could try being a mediator in getting them to talk but at the end of the day, don't feel bad/sad or stress yourself if they don't change towards each other with regards to reconciling or speaking. I know it hurts you to have parents who aren't speaking to each other, but know that they're adults and this is the decision they've made for themselves. Just accept the situation for what it is and continue to love them as they are.

Your mom has a three year old daughter, u said? Your dad has been with the same woman for twenty two years? My friend, seems too late for man to intervene. I understand your feelings but they don't really need each others friendship now.

This your topic is the reason why women do not like marrying baby daddy. The kids keep fantasizing about their parents being together and trying to disrupt the joy in the man's marriage. If your step mum stopped your dad from going to your graduation now, you will come on NL and call her a witch. Try to make sure you are busy my dear and stop fantasizing. Your dad has moved on a long time ago. That he came for your graduation just means he is fullfiling his duties as a father to you.

Don't push things that your step mum will have to come in and make the relationship that you are building with your dad a nightmare. He's her husband now, and I am sure they have a family together. You focus on you and your future. So you are not hurt when this plan of yours backfires.

Why flog a dead horse? Please allow the status quo to remain. Why try to bring together two grown ass people who obviously have irreconcilable differences between them? Please allow your papa to face his family.

If you're expecting your dad to bring your back your mum, you're on a long thing. The best thing you can do right now is to find a man for your mummy. She obviously needs a regular _fuck after so many years.

Your dad has moved on and does not give a _fuck about your mum. The sooner you get that into your head, the happier everyone will be.