What are the things people experience after marriage and never want the unmarried to know?

From my POV, nothing extraordinary, they are things you hear/read of everyday. Though there are details that should remain classified and never for external parties, the rest is at the discretion of the married to share. It's complicated explaining these things to some singles(and married too).

You tell them the good _they say you're hyping your partner/yourself, painting a false picture or trying to make them jealous. They can even say you have little experience _so, your suffering is on the way.

You tell them the bad _they say you've married your own and trying to poison their minds or they start looking down on your partner.

You tell the tiny little things they have to tolerate _they tell you how they can never take that from any man or woman. You might end up looking like one weak, manipulated spouse. You go home trying to make changes that should never be necessary.

You don't talk at all _they say you're feeling too big to associate with your single friends.

Most times married people don't just see the need to talk, not that they don't want unmarried to know. It's better experienced, even if it's for 1yr.

paperlace is present. sisisioge, where are you? na this kind thread you go find them.

Hmm

ashewoboy:
paperlace is present. sisisioge, where are you? na this kind thread you go find them.

...how I wan hoard things people experience after marriage from unmarried people when I'm clearly unmarried. Mind yourself o ashewoboy!

sisisioge:


...how I wan hoard things people experience after marriage from unmarried people when I'm clearly unmarried. Mind yourself o ashewoboy!

more reason you should hoard it. you are unmarried. paperlace still get minute experience buh she dey do like say she don get enormous experience for marriage. sha contribute. when you marry, you go know say no be by theory.

PaperLace:
From my POV, nothing extraordinary, they are things you hear/read of everyday. Though there are details that should remain classified and never for external parties, the rest is at the discretion of the married to share. It's complicated explaining these things to some singles(and married too).

You really nailed it!!

Besides in marriage, you cannot go around telling people details of your marriage. That is already inviting the third party they warn us of.
Marriage is a threefold cord with husband, wife and God. Even your pastor should not be privy to your marriage details except in life threatening or counselling sessions.

ImaIma1:


You really nailed it!!

Besides in marriage, you cannot go around telling people details of your marriage. That is already inviting the third party they warn us of.
Marriage is a threefold cord with husband, wife and God. Even your pastor should not be privy to your marriage details except in life threatening or counselling sessions.

I know right. Sometimes you share for the purpose of clarification (i.e) it's not always that easy or as bad as society paints it, but you must end up misunderstood. If there is anything I have noticed, majority love to hear the bad!!

I forgot to add another,when you don't talk at all _they say, is this one truly happy in his/her marriage. He/she never talks about the spouse .

PaperLace:


I know right. Sometimes you share for the purpose of clarification (i.e) it's not always that easy or as bad as society paints it, but you must end up misunderstood. If there is anything I have noticed, majority love to hear the bad!!

I forgot to add another,when you don't talk at all _they say, is this one truly happy in his/her marriage. He/she never talks about the spouse .

If we follow people's mouth, we will just mess thinga up. Really people like to hear bad. They want to feel that their situation is better than yours. They look for the downfall of others so that they can have something to talk about in their next gossip meeting.
Me, i was a happy child before i got married. I am still the same happy child. It just leaves people guessing. Besides the few friends are friends with my husband. I don't need ro

I would leave my reply at "things people experience after marriage" i will exclude the remaining parts cos these things are quite normal

1. Tighter finances : Its fun going out every weekend with until you have to start catering for additional mouths with pre- marriage income. baby food now replaces sharwarma. School fees replace iphone 7/galaxy s8. You who will normally dash out your bad tv now finds a way to patch it up and manage it for longer. You never get around to changing your old bachelor hood sofa's because just when you wanted to buy that sleek set of 9-seater settee that you have been ogling at in the furniture brochure, your mother in-law calls your wife to remind her that her younger brother hasnt paid his fees and The rent is also due.
2. Job Loss : If only we knew how many men and women have lost their jobs. Some people are surviving on what they were able to acquire before marriage. Income after marriage fluctuates a whole lot due to retrenchment, bad business deals, stopping work to take care of the kids etc. That is why it is advised not to base your choices solely on finances cos it is quite unpredictable.
3. Reduction in sex..ual attraction: Yes , its quite normal to lose the steam after a few years of marriage. The lust is replaced with warmth and companionship. The truth is that I have come to discover that marriage is more about companionship than any other thing. having someone to share your victories and loses with, succeeding together through job loss, death of family, debts, loans making sacrifices. do you know the exhilaration that comes with building a house together with your spouse? Denying yourselves so that your dreams can come true? watching your plans take form from paper to reality? Marriage is good i tell you. When people say marriage is not an achievement or marriage is overrated, I smile internally. a GOOD marriage is all that and more.
4. Fear : Every marriage has its own share of fear and doubts. What if he doesnt find me attractive anymore after 3 children? What if I lose my job and cant provide for my wife and children? What if I am involved in an accident and lose my limbs? what if my spouse dies at a very young age and leaves me behind? what if my husband brings a 5 year old child home one day and says he is the child's father? what if I am not responsible for my wife's first pregnancy etc. These questions come up once in a while especially when triggered by an event/action around us. While you should not bury your head in sand while in marriage, do not also make it your point of duty to prove that your spouse can never betray or hurt you. Always have your shock absorbers well greased and ready
5. Spousal jealousy : There are times when a spouse is far ahead of the other in terms of achievements . The other one might start feeling left behind.
6. Uncertainty: Did I make the right choice? would my ex have been a better choice? what if he/she changes? what if I meet my soulmate after marriage? what if?. These thoughts come to the best of us after marriage especially when there is a misunderstanding, but the good thing is that those thoughts go away once your spouse does something that reminds you of why you got married to them in the first place

The list goes on and on but marriage is for people that have jointly come to the realization that life is full of ups and downs, and are determined to make it despite the odds.

Just make sure the money is there and the sex is good. This way marriage is like heaven on earth

The lack of true love and all the cover ups!

Marriage is not really easy but we can't run away from it . 6 months into marriage you 'll find too many reasons you should have remained single but that's human for us. To remain single isn't an option, every year counts and you can imagine getting to 35 40 without a child. Meaning at 60 u 're still paying sch fees for it kids lol. Just marry for the sake of your future? If u die early na u sabi

Expect APC and PDP Changes

Married people can't possibly tell you everything. It is better experienced than told. But fact still remains that you never know it all in marriage, you are never fully prepared for that journey and even though there can be similarities in marriages no two marriages are the same. The idea is figure out what works in your marriage and apply it.
Bottom line is marriage can be a roller coaster ride filled with the good times when you are in cloud nine and the bad times when you feel like you are about to loose your mind but then you hold on tight and discover that you made it through. Like I said earlier, it is better experienced.

Since married people don't want unmarried people to know what they are going through, why bring it to Nairaland? You want us to know abi? Contunu.

Marriage na black market. It has its ups n downs. Just enter with the hope that whatever comes out of it is ur destiny.... Planning to go into it soonest........................

You said it all. I can confirm all these and many more.
Well done!

BellaElla:
I would leave my reply at "things people qexperience after marriage" i will exclude the remaining parts cos these things are quite normal

1. Tighter finances : Its fun going out every weekend with until you have to start catering for additional mouths with pre- marriage income. baby food now replaces sharwarma. School fees replace iphone 7/galaxy s8. You who will normally dash out your bad tv now finds a way to patch it up and manage it for longer. You never get around to changing your old bachelor hood sofa's because just when you wanted to buy that sleek set of 9-seater settee that you have been ogling at in the furniture brochure, your mother in-law calls your wife to remind her that her younger brother hasnt paid his fees and The rent is also due.
2. Job Loss : If only we knew how many men and women have lost their jobs. Some people are surviving on what they were able to acquire before marriage. Income after marriage fluctuates a whole lot due to retrenchment, bad business deals, stopping work to take care of the kids etc. That is why it is advised not to base your choices solely on finances cos it is quite unpredictable.
3. Reduction in sex..ual attraction: Yes , its quite normal to lose the steam after a few years of marriage. The lust is replaced with warmth and companionship. The truth is that I have come to discover that marriage is more about companionship than any other thing. having someone to share your victories and loses with, succeeding together through job loss, death of family, debts, loans making sacrifices. do you know the exhilaration that comes with building a house together with your spouse? Denying yourselves so that your dreams can come true? watching your plans take form from paper to reality? Marriage is good i tell you. When people say marriage is not an achievement or marriage is overrated, I smile internally. a GOOD marriage is all that and more.
4. Fear : Every marriage has its own share of fear and doubts. What if he doesnt find me attractive anymore after 3 children? What if I lose my job and cant provide for my wife and children? What if I am involved in an accident and lose my limbs? what if my spouse dies at a very young age and leaves me behind? what if my husband brings a 5 year old child home one day and says he is the child's father? what if I am not responsible for my wife's first pregnancy etc. These questions come up once in a while especially when triggered by an event/action around us. While you should not bury your head in sand while in marriage, do not also make it your point of duty to prove that your spouse can never betray or hurt you. Always have your shock absorbers well greased and ready
5. Spousal jealousy : There are times when a spouse is far ahead of the other in terms of achievements . The other one might start feeling left behind.
6. Uncertainty: Did I make the right choice? would my ex have been a better choice? what if he/she changes? what if I meet my soulmate after marriage? what if?. These thoughts come to the best of us after marriage especially when there is a misunderstanding, but the good thing is that those thoughts go away once your spouse does something that reminds you of why you got married to them in the first place

The list goes on and on but marriage is for people that have jointly come to the realization that life is full of ups and downs, and are determined to make it despite the odds.