We are based abroad.  I met my wife with two children from different fathers her youngest daughter was 1 years 6 months then , I also have a son back home and I have accepted her and her children like my own. This woman has helped me a lot in this country before I met her my life was upside down nothing was working for me in this country. They have rejected my request stay in the country and asked me to leave the country but if I am a citizen today it is thanks to my wife who has never gave up on me and I am grateful.

When I met her i knew her first child father was in the picture he have contact with the child and pay child maintainace but the second child father was absent , he have never met her , she knows me as her father and  I have adopted the child and named her after me. We are also blessed with two children together.

It was last year in May when she woke me up in the middle of the night and she said she has something to tell me , i listened to her carefully and she said actually her second child father has contacted her again and he want to have contact with the child after 8 years of being absent. I asked her what did she tell him,  she said nothing yet because she wanted to ask me first and hear my thoughts.

I've told her it's up to her to decide on what to do, I was against the decision but I didn't want to say my mind first , I wanted her to decide first  to see if she is grateful for me to be in the child life and she said she will ignore him and block him because he doesn't deserve to be in her life. I have told her I supported her decision

Unknowingly to me she contacted him and went with the children to meet him and the second time she and the child went alone to conduct the DNA test in June. She introduced him to her as her father and he have been calling her to speak with the child almost every week but I had no clue.


I find out tue truth when her friend who I hate so much she have been against our relationship from the onset , she advised my wife not to marry me because I was after her just for documents after receiving it I will dumped her and this is the same person that opened up to me and revealed all the secrets to me. She told me the guy name too.

I was heartbroken and u couldn't believe my ears but first I wanted to hear from the kids to confirm if it was true and I called both children and they have confirmed it to be true. My second daughter told me she has 2 daddy me and her biological father.

I asked my wife why has she suddenly changed her mind without informing me first even if she wanted him to see the child she should have at least informed me first so we will know the best way to for both of us to tell the child the truth and also discussed the best way to establish contact between the two instead of keeping me in the dark and I had to find out from other people. I even have accused her of sleeping with him but she has swear that she didn't sleep with him after everything he has done to her she can never try that again and she said the same friend that reported her to me was the one who advised her to give him a chance to be in the child life but she should not tell me and she also went ahead to seek advice from others people they advise her to give him the chance some of them said she should inform me and others said she shouldn't so she has  listened more to her friend and keep quiet. She apologised to me she said she will stop contact,  I told her to do as she pleases because she have shown me that I am not her father and have no right. I have told her I will concentrate on our two children together and for the other two I will mind my business she said I shouldn't because I am their father but ignored her.

Now she is been informing me about everything like if he call her she will tell me and show me the call log ,  if he send money she will tell me the amount which I am not interested I keep quiet  and last time she asked  for my permission if the child can visit her father next weekend. I've told her it's not my business she started it without informing me and she should carry on without me and do as she pleases while  I am busy concentrate on our two children and son back home . She started crying that I am being unfair to her and her children.

I have forgiven but the good vibe we had before won't be the same anymore because I feel like she betrayed me and I don't want to put mouth on things that doesn't concern me.

I am being unreasonable

If the real father want his child back, let him take his child. You've nothing to lose, afterall whatever you're today, your wife made you to be.

Thankfully, this wonderful woman has given birth to two children that you've procreated with your penis. Take those ones as consolation and move on.

your step daughter will still remember you, that's if you treat them fairly, which I have no doubt you did treat them well

I don't know if you're being unreasonable or not, but, I know and I'm very sure that man is lashing your beloved wife. Okafor's Law remains eminent.

That her bad friend has succeeded in causing a rift in your marriage.

Your wife was probably deceived into doing what she did and she now regrets it.

If she swears she wasn't unfaithful to you with the man and you believe her, you can still move past this issue.

Let your wife agree to stop any kind of contact with her ex.

If the ex insists on being in his child's life, let him do so through a lawyer so a custody arrangement can be reached, obviously with your wife as the primary custodian and the ex having some days of the week or holidays to see his child. (I am sure this arrangement will work cause he's been so absent from the child's life for a very long time).

Let the lawyer be the middle man between your wife and he ex

Romanoff:
That her bad friend has succeeded in causing a rift in your marriage.

Your wife was probably deceived into doing what she did and she now regrets it.

If she swears she wasn't unfaithful to you with the man and you believe her, you can still move past this issue.

Let your wife agree to stop any kind of contact with her ex.

If the ex insists on being in his child's life, let him do so through a lawyer so a custody arrangement can be reached, obviously with your wife as the primary custodian and the ex having some days of the week or holidays to see his child. (I am sure this arrangement will work cause he's been so absent from the child's life for a very long time).

Let the lawyer be the middle man between your wife and he ex

@bolded

An established contact can never be unestablished, same as a penised kpekus can never be unpenised.

,

You are being unreasonable jesus!!

Is it not in the same nairaland we always tell women not to separate the children from their father?

Don’t you think that child has a right to know her father?

You have to be the bigger person. That child should have a relationship with her ideal dad it is left for the child to form opinions about her biological father.

The child even said she has two fathers now(meaning she still considers you a father however God has given her 2)


You knew your wife had children for another man before marrying her and so do you. Would you want someone to deprive from the child you had outside wedlock?

You can decide to schedule a time table with your wife that would work out best for this situation.
You can even say you don’t want your wife going to see him( meaning the biological dad can come and pick up his child, go for his play date or whatever and bring the child back)

You should never deprive that child from having a relationship with her dad because of your feelings. You are the adult here.

That said,

You are being unreasonable with your wife. She is trying to be transparent with you and you are pushing her away. How is that going yo solve anything?

This is the hand life has dealt you. You have to make the best out of it.

Ps. Go to court so everything can be official.

Goodluck.

Make una no dey marry this kind women....

E get why....

But una no dey hear word....

Single mother no offense to you ooo...Raising another man’s child that is still alive is just a no no no no for me....

Pikin go ask for her papa...
Papa go ask for her pikin...
Mama go remember how when the going was good between them
You are just a belejàyán, a caretaker....

Even Worse.. Okafor’s law might even play out..

She made a mistake sidelining you in the first place and I know it hurts.
Try to let this one slide. Peace!!!!!

The child you have in Nigeria, has the husband of your ex ever stopped him having any contact with you? You are lucky to have a good wife but you are just being jealous and unreasonable. Why will you stop contact between a father and his daughter? Is that not wickedness? Have u ever tried finding out what separated your wife from him? Some men lost the love of their life all because they went in search of greener pastures for the family. He is even trying to be financially responsible for his daughter but u are still jealous. If not now, the girl would have still asked for her real father in the future even without the real father spending a dime on her as he is doing now. What I see in you is jealousy and pride, just be careful.

You are not unreasonable bro, I like your approach so far.

Women are difficult to understand, so don’t stress yourself about her secrets.

Keep the good vibes and take care of your children.

Romanoff:
That her bad friend has succeeded in causing a rift in your marriage.

Your wife was probably deceived into doing what she did and she now regrets it.

If she swears she wasn't unfaithful to you with the man and you believe her, you can still move past this issue.

Let your wife agree to stop any kind of contact with her ex.

If the ex insists on being in his child's life, let him do so through a lawyer so a custody arrangement can be reached, obviously with your wife as the primary custodian and the ex having some days of the week or holidays to see his child. (I am sure this arrangement will work cause he's been so absent from the child's life for a very long time).

Let the lawyer be the middle man between your wife and he ex

She should not have allowed the man play the father role in the life of the child to the extent of taking his name....when she knew the decision she would take if the child’s father ever returns...


It’s not even good for the child....
Why would u let me adopt a child, give the child my name, raise him as my own for years and come back to tell me I should stop.... kò proper nowwwww...

The op might not have the right to stop the man from having access to his child... but he has the right to feel hurt and used when it was convenient for the woman..

You have adopted the second child and given her your name so why would you act like she is none of your business now?

I understand you are hurt but acting like the child is none of your business because your wife chose to make wrong decisions (in my opinion) shows that you were never serious about the adoption and being a father to this child. Maybe your wife did what she did because she saw that you only pretend to be the father?

To the Op, you have done your best in being the best dad for the girl. The fact remains you can never be her biological child. What you should be more concerned about is your wife not cheating on you with her baby daddy.
As for that your wife’s malicious friend, seems she wants you more than your wife wants you. Evil woman

Be sure you're the real father of the two children, a single mum must " play"away match with her two ex- husband's and you can't stop her.

I don't understand you?, just like you have the right to your kids , the kids have the right to their biological fathers .. the problem here is communication ... you are obviously not too open .. she was expecting advice from you, rather you left her to advice herself and now you are complaining .... Anyway in scenarios like this you should always remember you are still the step father more like a stepping stone to greatness and your kids are also steps too.. so it doesn't matter what happen you are still related to the kids ... but like I say communication is key as you can see their is a devil incarnate in her friend plotting whatever device in her arsenal ...
anyway me I am still waiting for my quiet lady to talk this one she has remain incommunicado without any genuine reason ...

Hathor5:
You have adopted the second child and given her your name so why would you act like she is none of your business now?

I understand you are hurt but acting like the child is none of your business because your wife chose to make wrong decisions (in my opinion) shows that you were never serious about the adoption and being a father to this child. Maybe your wife did what she did because she saw that you only pretend to be the father?

It’s like u have not seen these abroad kids behave before....
When a child sees a man as his or her father it impacts on his ability to caution, discipline and raise that child....

U want the man to hear statement like..” you are not my father, leave me alone”...

Let the man dey him lane Abeg....

oz4real83:
The child you have in Nigeria, has the husband of your ex ever stopped him having any contact with you? You are lucky to have a good wife but you are just being jealous and unreasonable. Why will you stop contact between a father and his daughter? Is that not wickedness? Have u ever tried finding out what separated your wife from him? Some men lost the love of their life all because they went in search of greener pastures for the family. He is even trying to be financially responsible for his daughter but u are still jealous. Even if not now, the girl would have still asked for her real father in the future even without the real father spending a dime on her as he is doing now. What I see in you is jealousy and pride, just be careful.

Did you even read and comprehend the write up..

The man is not even against the child knowing the real father, he just felt betrayed by his wife who went behind his back..

How would you feel if your wife goes behind you to contact her ex..

Moreover, if she knew she was going to do otherwise why entrust the role of a father to her husband by making him adopt the child...

From my own judgement, the man is too reasonable and considerate to his wife

Chloraseptic:


Did you even read and comprehend the write up..

The man is not even against the child knowing the real father, he just felt betrayed by his wife who went behind his back..

How would you feel if your wife goes behind you to contact her ex..

Moreover, if she knew she was going to do otherwise why entrust the role of a father to her husband by making him adopt the child...

From my own judgement, the man is too reasonable and considerate to his wife

the wife only told the husband what the husband will be happy to hear even though it was very wrong. When the father of the girl first made contact, the woman discussed it with the husband and the husband told her to decide on her own the right thing to do. Every other action the woman took is assumed to be right since the husband permitted her to do the right thing on her own. The wife had to contact outsiders to get advice on what to do since the husband had disassociated himself from the matter. Also, the man also said he wanted to see if the woman will be grateful for all he had done for her and the child!!! Is that not nonsense pride, when he already told us from the post how the woman helped him and had always been a good wife to him.

You entered into a relationship you probably shouldn't have because, at that time, you were down and desperate. Even if that lady had told you that she's got 15 kids with 12 men, you still would have married because of your situation. What you can do now is to accept and embrace the reality of the decision you made sometime ago. One of the realities you have to embrace is that those kids aren't yours. Good enough, your woman has apologized and even ready to reverse her decisions for your sake. Her type is, indeed, rare.

You guys should resolve your issues and, more importantly, take charge of your home. A lady with two kids from different men has obviously made mistakes in the past. She would make more mistakes if you refuse to take charge of your home.

oz4real83:
the wife only told the husband what the husband will be happy to hear even though it was very wrong. When the father of the girl first made contact, the woman discussed it with the husband and the husband told her to decide on her own the right thing to do. Every other action the woman took is assumed to be right since the husband permitted her to do the right thing on her own. The wife had to contact outsiders to get advice on what to do since the husband had disassociated himself from the matter. Also, the man also said he wanted to see if the woman will be grateful for all he had done for her and the child!!! Is that not nonsense pride, when he already told us from the post how the woman helped him and had always been a good wife to him.

Please don't blame the man for feeling the way he's feeling..

No man on earth would feel indifferent with the knowledge of his wife going behind him to see her ex.. I for one don't think the op care much about who take custody of the child..

He's beginning to suspect his wife and you can sense it from his write up. In his defense, he's suspicion is rightfully so.

Take care of urs and let their father take care of theirs. It's as simple as that.

When I hear single mom my shadow will take flight first. Let alone one with two kids. Single moms are always humble,but it's all fake.

No one is above mistake.

@Proudfather2022 you are about to ruin a beautiful union that took you years of trust(from her own part), understanding and genuine love.

Don't let this seed of discord planted by an unfriendly friend germinate. Not all gossips are meant to be acted upon.

Your actions towards your partner lately will only push her to the fellow, and trust me when I say, she might come home one day filing for a divorce.

Don't allow your pride and ego to cloud your judgement here, she needs you more now.

Her friend is a home wrecker.

This is why football matches should always start with 0-0

You're not unreasonable man. You're very very reasonable with your decision. Very very.

Calibrator:
This is why football matches should always start with 0-0

Did you hear what he got from the "single mom".

If every single mother is like this then I want to marry a single mother. The wife Bleep up sha

Well you are being unreasonable, in reality she did nothing wrong by letting the girl know the father, she should have told you the plans that's all, she has even apologized and is telling you information.

The friend told her not to marry you
The friend advised her to take let the child meet the father without telling you
The same friend came to tell you she has introduced the child to the father.

And you still can't see the friend is out to destroy that marriage

The friend will destroy your marriage and you are fanning the flames she's put on don't worry your eyes go soon clear.

That said, understand that you can never be the biological father of those children I am saying this because you never even wanted the child to have contact with her biological father anyway which is very wrong, you are her father (you adopted her) but the man still donated the sperm biologically, same way if your own daughter comes to live with you, your wife can never be her biological mother.
It seems harsh but it's the truth.

Proudfather2022:
We are based abroad.  I met my wife with two children from different fathers her youngest daughter was 1 years 6 months then , I also have a son back home and I have accepted her and her children like my own. This woman has helped me a lot in this country before I met her my life was upside down nothing was working for me in this country. They have rejected my request stay in the country and asked me to leave the country but if I am a citizen today it is thanks to my wife who has never gave up on me and I am grateful.

When I met her i knew her first child father was in the picture he have contact with the child and pay child maintainace but the second child father was absent , he have never met her , she knows me as her father and  I have adopted the child and named her after me. We are also blessed with two children together.

It was last year in May when she woke me up in the middle of the night and she said she has something to tell me , i listened to her carefully and she said actually her second child father has contacted her again and he want to have contact with the child after 8 years of being absent. I asked her what did she tell him,  she said nothing yet because she wanted to ask me first and hear my thoughts.

I've told her it's up to her to decide on what to do, I was against the decision but I didn't want to say my mind first , I wanted her to decide first  to see if she is grateful for me to be in the child life and she said she will ignore him and block him because he doesn't deserve to be in her life. I have told her I supported her decision

Unknowingly to me she contacted him and went with the children to meet him and the second time she and the child went alone to conduct the DNA test in June. She introduced him to her as her father and he have been calling her to speak with the child almost every week but I had no clue.


I find out tue truth when her friend who I hate so much she have been against our relationship from the onset , she advised my wife not to marry me because I was after her just for documents after receiving it I will dumped her and this is the same person that opened up to me and revealed all the secrets to me. She told me the guy name too.

I was heartbroken and u couldn't believe my ears but first I wanted to hear from the kids to confirm if it was true and I called both children and they have confirmed it to be true. My second daughter told me she has 2 daddy me and her biological father.

I asked my wife why has she suddenly changed her mind without informing me first even if she wanted him to see the child she should have at least informed me first so we will know the best way to for both of us to tell the child the truth and also discussed the best way to establish contact between the two instead of keeping me in the dark and I had to find out from other people. I even have accused her of sleeping with him but she has swear that she didn't sleep with him after everything he has done to her she can never try that again and she said the same friend that reported her to me was the one who advised her to give him a chance to be in the child life but she should not tell me and she also went ahead to seek advice from others people they advise her to give him the chance some of them said she should inform me and others said she shouldn't so she has  listened more to her friend and keep quiet. She apologised to me she said she will stop contact,  I told her to do as she pleases because she have shown me that I am not her father and have no right. I have told her I will concentrate on our two children together and for the other two I will mind my business she said I shouldn't because I am their father but ignored her.

Now she is been informing me about everything like if he call her she will tell me and show me the call log ,  if he send money she will tell me the amount which I am not interested I keep quiet  and last time she asked  for my permission if the child can visit her father next weekend. I've told her it's not my business she started it without informing me and she should carry on without me and do as she pleases while  I am busy concentrate on our two children and son back home . She started crying that I am being unfair to her and her children.

I have forgiven but the good vibe we had before won't be the same anymore because I feel like she betrayed me and I don't want to put mouth on things that doesn't concern me.

I am being unreasonable

you are both wrong yes wife broke the trust going behind your back etc

you were also wrong to deny the child access to the biological father, you got no right to do that regardless you are husband to the mum, somethings you let things play out themselves eg if the father is bad person the child will see it by their own exprience through contact than denying them accesss

Its emotional blackmail to deny access to a parent because the child will always wonder, mentally they wont settle and accept that missing person doesnt like them until they see it and experience it themselve


No parent or relative should deny access of child to a missing parent unless proven by courts that the parent is a danger to child

That child will grow to hate you because you didnt give them a chance to see the other parent regardless of the feared outcome or the wrongs s/he had done

denying access you are as bad as the returning missing daddy

both of you need to apologise to each other,

.

advanceDNA:
Make una no dey marry this kind women....

E get why....

But una no dey hear word....

Single mother no offense to you ooo...Raising another man’s child that is still alive is just a no no no no for me....

Pikin go ask for her papa...
Papa go ask for her pikin...
Mama go remember how when the going was good between them
You are just a belejàyán, a caretaker....

Even Worse.. Okafor’s law might even play out..

you know nothing