Jman06:
Exactly !
Ladies should stop acting as if the responsility of keeping the mariage is theirs alone. This is what gives irresponsible men the guts to cheat.

Benita27:
It takes ages to build trust while it takes seconds to loose that trust. For better, for worse shouldn't be applicable here when the woman is building the home and making sure things are in place while the man is busy sabotaging what she's built with his actions. Obviously he's not ready to be in that union since his actions points to that direction.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Jman06:
Exactly !
Ladies should stop acting as if the responsility of keeping the mariage is theirs alone. This is what gives irresponsible men the guts to cheat.

mazimee:
Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

Lexusgs430:


I wonder.... That's very harsh.... She should have taken off her twitter handle....

Jman06:
Ofcourse many responsible single guys can date her.

Benita27:
I don't need to be married here to know my deal breaker. I'd tell my spouse the day I say "Yes, I'd marry you" that any day he finds out I'm cheating and I'm guilty of that charge to divorce and throw me out, while I file for divorce when I get a whip he's cheating. That's one thing I can never tolerate and would not. Marriage or not, kids or not. I can't be happy knowing my man is a dog.

Benita27:
You all haven't answered my question. Would you tolerate and love back your cheating wife like nothing of that nature ever happened?. Since I don't want to commit murder 'cause I could be excessive jealous, I'd rather remain single than marry a cheating man. Where's the respect in the first place?.

Benita27:
I don't need to be married here to know my deal breaker. I'd tell my spouse the day I say "Yes, I'd marry you" that any day he finds out I'm cheating and I'm guilty of that charge to divorce and throw me out, while I file for divorce when I get a whip he's cheating. That's one thing I can never tolerate and would not. Marriage or not, kids or not. I can't be happy knowing my man is a dog.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

Benwems:
I will advise the man to marry a second wife.

OgaApollos:
I also encourage you to remain single Ma and retain ur joy because cheating is usually not discussed or plan for. We guys don't plan to. I don't plan to. I am not immuned from it either. For ur question? Yes it will hurt bad but in my own place, U don't throw away the baby with the bad water

LesbianBoy:


Mr man, posting what nairaland ladies (the foolish ones though) want to see won't make them like you!

mazimee:
Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

Adaumunocha:
Married men who sleep with chics outside without protection are just plain dumbos with fish brain....

Quote me if you are one.

desreek9:
i dnt understand guys dis days, is it difficult to use condom? if it's not belle, it is HIV chaii

RuggedArab:


Young lady, I will advice you to talk less. You have never been married before so don't say what you would do now till then.

People have said a lot of things they would do but when faced with that hard situation they couldn't do what they said then because it wasn't the best option then. I think it would be better you say "when I'm faced with such situations, what ever I do is what I can do".

I often see your post, when it comes to husband cheating you would say you will leave. If you were in this Op's shoes would you leave your husband and the kids? Of course the man will never give you his kids unless he's a mad man.

You should know that marriage is a serous institution. Do you know if you ask 10 married women if they want to leave their husbands and be free 8 will tell you a strong Yes. Now, ask them to leave they tell you how they need to work things out. When you get married you get bonded with your spouse. The worst is not cheating.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Dunkofia20:
sister it is easy to say than done you are saying divorce as if it is easiest thing to do the woman in question has four children who will train them ? If she divorce you think with this kind economy of this country to train four kids is tea party my advice is to call the man have a dip discussion with him privately and give him sometime to see if he as change and forgive him and move on in life

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

NoToPile:


The matter is a very sensitive one, I just hope the OP in trying to seek for advise and get a solution doesn't enter into bigger issues and someone from this thread has recognized her already. What if a family member sees her picture?

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

EVILFOREST:

U ran a test and SOMEONE told you STD, and the next thing you thought was how to get your husband Killed.

..and you think every burning Sensation you feel when you wee is associated with STD...
When I hear of what LADIES nurse in their mind, I weep.

What's wrong with you ladies especially when it comes to DOCILITY, GULLIBILITY and Jumping into conclusion...?
Please, there are several Micro organisms that can cause such symptoms when they inhabit the vaginal mileu.....although they are never categorized under STD.
Have you verified your HYGIENE....??
How has it been over time...??
Do you wear Nylon pants or undies....??
I have come across so many Ladies who don't really know how to wipe after urinating...??