Some guys might not realize this, but when most women get married they usually imagine cozy evenings by a fire, sharing their hopes and dreams with the men they love. Our Prince Charmings, however, sometimes turn into The Grinches Who Stole Romance, lying on the couch with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other. You may have noticed our displeasure about this on occasion.

However, in the interest of your willingness to cater to our needs (see "10 Ways to Be a Better Husband", here's a list for the women out there. Ladies, instead of trying to fix your flawed but lovable husband, why not start by looking in the mirror? These 10 steps will help you re-energize your marriage and renew your appreciation for the former Mr. Perfect.

1) Take care of yourself
Turns out that the best thing you can do for your husband is also good for you. Eat healthy foods, maintain good grooming, and exercise regularly. You'll look and feel better, and you'll continue to be the vibrant and attractive woman he fell in love with, no matter your age.

2) Say thank you, often
When researchers ask men what they want from their wives, appreciation always makes the list. Everyone likes to be appreciated, so remember to notice the things your husband does—for you, for the kids, for the house—and thank him. You'll put a smile on his face and a little joy in his heart.

3) Keep the romance alive
When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive.

4) Let him have "guy time"
Everyone needs time for themselves—to relax, enjoy a hobby, or socialize with friends. If your husband loves football and you don't, don’t bug him about it. Encourage him to cultivate friendships with other men. He'll enjoy the companionship. Studies show that people with friends tend to live longer, healthier lives.

5) Make your husband a priority
With the everyday stresses of work, home, and kids, it's easy to take your husband for granted. Make time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. Take an interest in his work and hobbies. Let him know he's important to you.


6) Don't try to change him
Are you outgoing, but your husband is shy? Do you like a clean house, but he leaves towels on the floor? Behavioral experts say you can't change others, you can only change yourself and how you react—so look for ways other than nagging to handle these situations. Compromise on social activities by making them shorter, or go by yourself. Place a laundry basket in the bathroom. And when he attends a party or puts dirty towels in their proper place, thank him. Positive reinforcement beats nagging every time.

7) Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want
It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know.

Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
Once you’re married, it's easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend. Make time for friendships outside your marriage. You'll have more fun and bring new energy to your relationship.


9) Let free time be free
Just as you need time to relax and unwind, so does your husband. He may not define it the way you do, though; while your idea of relaxing after work may be talking over a glass of wine, he may enjoy being quiet for awhile, reading the newspaper, or watching TV. Find a compromise so both your needs are met. And give him time to recharge by not over-scheduling weekends with home projects and shopping.

10) Believe in your husband, and let him know it
Men can display a lot of bravado, but like us they sometimes struggle with low self-confidence and feelings of failure. And because men approach the world as competitors, they sometimes end up feeling like losers. When he comes home, your husband needs to know that the person he values most in the world believes in him—especially when he doesn't believe in himself.

11) Care for him: most times we women due to the nature of our jobs, kids and family tend to forget that a man needs care and pampering, washing of his clothes withour complain is an act of care, cooking his meals properly makes him want to call you :mama" dont argue unnecesarily for the sake of peace agree with on some issues while subtely letting him know your mind.

good luck to all my sisters

I like this, some good points! Ta for posting it!

If only people could follow all those

If you feel good doing all of this, fine. If you don't, please don't force it on yourself.

All of this makes you a better woman, agree. But, does is make the man appreciate his woman more?

You could do all of that and more and still not be appreciated by a man. The man that appreciates a woman doesn't need so much pain to keep.

If you show a man too much of attention, it scares him! To be candid. I guess they pay more attention when you care less.

Please , just find a balance that works for your man.

Think this should help a home if taken to heart especially by the sister in the home coz they're the over possessive of the duo in most cases.copied it for my wife's wardrobe.tanx poster.

stay off social networking sites

i hope the women in the house are taking notes

@tayore

I agreed with you. Professionally well said.

But you will only just save your marriage if you stick to the advice of the poster.

@OP
quite an expository yet interesting post. Learnt quite a lot. tanks a bunch. Will be sure to adhere to it when i finally get taken off the market

Good advice for our womenfolk but men also need such advice on how to be a better husband.

Agreed, men also need advice like this to be a better hubby.

Well, I have 70% knowledge of the advice and will improve on the other 30%.

Thank you poster.

Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
Once you’re married, it's easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend. Make time for friendships outside your marriage. You'll have more fun and bring new energy to your relationship.

Great advice!
Women  burn out and are frustrated  in marriage when their whole life revolves around the husband and the children.
Get a life outside of marriage by that I mean socialize with friends,physically and over the phone or internet.
Find other interest, join a bookclub, volunteer a the PTA, join a gym, school alumni, kporakpo meeting.
A girl needs at least 2 or 3 galpals on speed dial
Marriage should not stop you from being an individual

Nice writeups, but we still have more of such. appreciation.

Thanks poster for this topic. I copied it and sent to my wife's email. If only she and other wives and wives-to-be could keep to at least half of your suggestions, marriages would be a lot happier.

I think that where our ladies get it wrong is that after the wedding, they think it is all over. They now relax thinking the "battle" has been won. In fact, many of them desperately want to "wed" but not to "marry". By this I mean they look forward to the wedding and put all their efforts towards it without a commensurate effort towards the marriage itself.

My guiding rule to any wife-to-be is to always treat your husband as if you are still competing for him with other girls. You should not stop all those things you were doing before he chose you after the marriage. Instead, you should even double your efforts. Let me use my marriage as a case study here:

Before our wedding, my wife never joked with her body and especially her face. She used to use a very expensive face cleanser but she has stopped using it now and the difference is showing. When I asked her, she says she does not have the money for it but she and I know she can comfortably afford it. I bet you, if she was still single, she wouldn’t have stopped or expect me to always buy it. The way she talks to me has changed dramatically. She is now so much commanding as if I have to obey whatever she says.

We use to go out for a drink or two when we were dating. In fact, there is a particular bar we used to go to almost every weekend when they have live band. Now when I suggest we go out, she will say she is tired and I dare not even suggest going alone. She will say if I want to drink, I can drink at home! Even the way you make love with your husband should not change after the wedding.

Please I am not posting this for blame apportioning. I am just saying that the best way for a lady to approach her marriage is to treat her husband as if they were still dating and she is still in competition for his love. In everything, the way you treat him, talk to him, make love with him, tolerate his inadequacies, etc should not change when he marries you. When he starts seeing you as different from the girl he was dying for when you were dating, be sure to expect the inevitable. Remember, prevention is always better than cure.

Some women just like to dey show off say dem sabi write sha!!!!

papa ejima:

Thanks poster for this topic. I copied it and sent to my wife's email. If only she and other wives and wives-to-be could keep to at least half of your suggestions, marriages would be a lot happier.

You're sounding very selfish here but I'll go easy on you.
That was the biggest mistake of your life,copying and pasting this to your wife because the message you're sending is ,baby you need to shape up and get it together.
No woman would take kindly to that and I speak as a woman.

I think that where our ladies get it wrong is that after the wedding, they think it is all over. They now relax thinking the "battle" has been won. In fact, many of them desperately want to "wed" but not to "marry". By this I mean they look forward to the wedding and put all their efforts towards it without a commensurate effort towards the marriage itself.

And where do you get it wrong Oh Mr woman psychology specialist ?
What are you bringing to the table.
Whenever you want to change the course of your marriage,the first client should be you.
Not her
but you.

My guiding rule to any wife-to-be is to always treat your husband as if you are still competing for him with other girls. You should not stop all those things you were doing before he chose you after the marriage. Instead, you should even double your efforts. Let me use my marriage as a case study here:

And who are you to have a guiding rule for anyone
Do you know what hre guiding rules are?
Did you spell out these your rules before walking her down the aisle ?
She may have run the other direction and left you with your book of rules.

Before our wedding, my wife never joked with her body and especially her face. She used to use a very expensive face cleanser but she has stopped using it now and the difference is showing. When I asked her, she says she does not have the money for it but she and I know she can comfortably afford it. I bet you, if she was still single, she wouldn’t have stopped or expect me to always buy it

.

Since you know that cream,why don't you go out and buy her half a dozen for mother's day
I'm sure she'll use it.
Your name papaejima tells me you have twins so obviously her hands are full
She has so much to do and who knows how much help she gets besides a husband hounding her about her looks.

The way she talks to me has changed dramatically. She is now so much commanding as if I have to obey whatever she says

.

Could it be also that you have stopped listening and responding such that the sister has to say it a few times to obtain a response?
Think about that.

We use to go out for a drink or two when we were dating. In fact, there is a particular bar we used to go to almost every weekend when they have live band. Now when I suggest we go out, she will say she is tired and I dare not even suggest going alone. She will say if I want to drink, I can drink at home! Even the way you make love with your husband should not change after the wedding

.

Sounds to me like this woman is overwhelmed with the kids and her duties to run a home plus take care of you.
Give her sme needed credit,will you!
When was the last time you asked if she needed any help around the house?
that would be appreciated.

Please I am not posting this for blame apportioning. I am just saying that the best way for a lady to approach her marriage is to treat her husband as if they were still dating and she is still in competition for his love. In everything, the way you treat him, talk to him, make love with him, tolerate his inadequacies, etc should not change when he marries you. When he starts seeing you as different from the girl he was dying for when you were dating, be sure to expect the inevitable. Remember, prevention is always better than cure.

All that whole sermon belongs to you too
It alway goes both ways
what you give is what you receive
What you sow,is what you reap
If you make a woman feel on top of the world,she'll reciprocate same

@clemcy: I didn't know the issue of your gender has been resolved. Still remember back when u were ''bisexual''

@Ohsisi: you, my dear, are ABSOLUTELY full of droppings! You are so full of it, it's actually spewing out into NL. WTF?? Here's a guy (papa ejima) actually talking about HIS REAL LIFE, and your response is to make mockery of him. Just listen to yourself! ''Could it be that. . . .'', ''Sounds to me like. . .'', making assumptions! And about his guiding rules, please you don't have to follow them, ok? Sheesh, small wonder you are still unmarried - in fact, ''still-single-and-desperately-searching'' is more like it.

0hsisi:

You're sounding very selfish here but I'll go easy on you.
That was the biggest mistake of your life,copying and pasting this to your wife because the message you're sending is ,baby you need to shape up and get it together.
No woman would take kindly to that and I speak as a woman.

And where do you get it wrong Oh Mr woman psychology specialist ?
What are you bringing to the table.
Whenever you want to change the course of your marriage,the first client should be you.
Not her
but you.


And who are you to have a guiding rule for anyone
Do you know what hre guiding rules are?
Did you spell out these your rules before walking her down the aisle ?
She may have run the other direction and left you with your book of rules.
.

Since you know that cream,why don't you go out and buy her half a dozen for mother's day
I'm sure she'll use it.
Your name papaejima tells me you have twins so obviously her hands are full
She has so much to do and who knows how much help she gets besides a husband hounding her about her looks.
.

Could it be also that you have stopped listening and responding such that the sister has to say it a few times to obtain a response?
Think about that.
.

Sounds to me like this woman is overwhelmed with the kids and her duties to run a home plus take care of you.
Give her sme needed credit,will you!
When was the last time you asked if she needed any help around the house?
that would be appreciated.

All that whole sermon belongs to you too
It alway goes both ways
what you give is what you receive
What you sow,is what you reap
If you make a woman feel on top of the world,she'll reciprocate same

@0hsisi
You seem to have lost touch of the discussion, sounds like you are fighting a gender battle!
Oh no, hell not. Learn to take +ves from any discuss!

We cant run away fm d attendant consequences of age & child bearing on d wman.a number of our wmenfolk hv problems wit d hubys,wen in a bid t guard d marriage,want t stiffle d guys social circle.dy need some air atmes. But most men,despite dir wifes ff d above ways stil selfishly hold on t flimsy xcuses t discredt d wman or d rship

kay9:

@clemcy: I didn't know the issue of your gender has been resolved. Still remember back when u were ''bisexual''

@Ohsisi: you, my dear, are ABSOLUTELY full of droppings! You are so full of it, it's actually spewing out into NL. WTF?? Here's a guy (papa ejima) actually talking about HIS REAL LIFE, and your response is to make mockery of him. Just listen to yourself! ''Could it be that. . . .'', ''Sounds to me like. . .'', making assumptions! And about his guiding rules, please you don't have to follow them, ok? Sheesh, small wonder you are still unmarried - in fact, ''still-single-and-desperately-searching'' is more like it.

o

Thank you jare @kay9. Na all this I-Too-Know people wey no fit learn anything. They always think they now it all. The topic was 'HOW TO BE A BETTER WIFE" and I was just making my own suggestions based on true life experience. It is peolpe like @ohsisi who go into marriage with the mentality of a gender battle. Even look at her educated assumptions. Because my user name is papa ejima, she just assumed that We have twins. Every husband want to make his wife better and every wife wants to make her husband better. If you ask any married person, he or she would tell you that there are always things we wish we could change in our partner. If the topic was "better husband" my wife would probably send it to me, we don't hide our feelings from each other. A married man should know better what a man wants from a wife and a married woman should know better what a woman wants from a husband. People lie @ohsisi who think they now it all always find out at the end that they know nothing.

Easier to read than to practice. Anyway, poster, good one.

let your hussy try anal on you

kay9:

@clemcy: I didn't know the issue of your gender has been resolved. Still remember back when u were ''bisexual''

@Ohsisi: you, my dear, are ABSOLUTELY full of droppings! You are so full of it, it's actually spewing out into NL. WTF?? Here's a guy (papa ejima) actually talking about HIS REAL LIFE, and your response is to make mockery of him. Just listen to yourself! ''Could it be that. . . .'', ''Sounds to me like. . .'', making assumptions! And about his guiding rules, please you don't have to follow them, ok? Sheesh, small wonder you are still unmarried - in fact, ''still-single-and-desperately-searching'' is more like it.

ROFL.
I want you to first grow up and be a man
Start shaving
get a job
Then marry
spend at least 5 years in the institution of marriage
then come back and let us talk

papa ejima:

o

Thank you jare @kay9. Na all this I-Too-Know people wey no fit learn anything. They always think they now it all. The topic was 'HOW TO BE A BETTER WIFE" and I was just making my own suggestions based on true life experience. It is peolpe like @ohsisi who go into marriage with the mentality of a gender battle. Even look at her educated assumptions. Because my user name is papa ejima, she just assumed that We have twins. Every husband want to make his wife better and every wife wants to make her husband better. If you ask any married person, he or she would tell you that there are always things we wish we could change in our partner. If the topic was "better husband" my wife would probably send it to me, we don't hide our feelings from each other. A married man should know better what a man wants from a wife and a married woman should know better what a woman wants from a husband. People lie @ohsisi who think they now it all always find out at the end that they know nothing.

I am telling you that sending your wife things you get off the web as tools for her reform will lead you nowhere
Take it or leave
na you go get the headache not me
I'm just an anonymous poster on the web
na you go carry the aftermath of your childish ways on your coconut head

na wah 4 u o ohsisi, na like this u dey fight ur guy? this post is really 4 u o. pls read it everyday.

0hsisi:

I am telling you that sending your wife things you get off the web as tools for her reform will lead you nowhere
Take it or leave
na you go get the headache not me
I'm just an anonymous poster on the web
na you go carry the aftermath of your childish ways on your coconut head

See me see wahala o. My wife wey I dey send something from net never complain, na you come carry the case for your head? Abi, na taboo to send person something educative from internet? My posting that I sent it to my wife is just another way of telling the poster how helpful I think the post is. I wonder which one come be your own. Please take it easy. Marriage is not a gender war or is this a case of transferred aggression?

@clemcykul, Thanks for this.

@papa ejima ; My brother as a man i do understand you a 100%. No matter how long you know your woman for before you guys wed , she will surely come up with several other characters she has in hiding, LOL , ITS TRUE ! Might not be extra marital stuffs but married men know well of what I'm talking about. I'm happily married and blessed. What i actually do is to overlook such attitudes and smile, saying to myself " she be woman " ; but my brother you need a lot of patience to do that , but you can do it to make your home a happy one. But you were wrong to have sent these " happy home steps " to her. In an argument between a man and a woman , while the guy has stopped talking , everyone knows the woman keeps raking, why ? Cos she's a woman. And anytime the reverse happens, people say " why you dey talk like woman ". That's why a man is meant to be the head of the house. My brother you can trick her to your favorite spots, don't relax you can make it happen. You know , a woman will always be a woman.

@ 0hsisi; You're VERY wrong by condemning my brother, you should rather have put him through some more " hot steps " if really you be " da perfect woman " LOL .

@All ; I'm not taking this on anyone , man , woman ; we 're one and we can't do without each other . Its impossible to say everything here but don't relax after your wedding, you should keep the fire burning. Your trips might now be limited but there are still several other things you guys can do while the kids are at home with your younger ones or parents.


Stay blessed All !

to be a better wife, treat a man as a king and he will love you forever. that is romance for you!!

nice one poster

@poster,
You too much.Thanks for the post.

@teeguy and papa ejima,
your contributions make sense no be small. una try.