error4040:

I been think say na only me see that lie!!!! hehehehe mehn The Husband is a Legendary LIAR!!!! and a Cheat!.
Sister Inlaw and brother stay and sleep in one Room! thats a Porn scene i guess

TheManOfTheYear:
Oh he called you? That's good. So what was the conversation like?? Did u ask questions?

TheManOfTheYear:
You don't have to be sorry, I know English ain't your first language.

Alright that's a good idea

peacefull:



Porn scene?

There have 3rooms.
1 is brother and sister.
He was stay there(that room) and one time, also his brother(senior)'s wife's sister visited there.
Then all of them sleeping @ that room.(total 4peoples)

peacefull:


Yes
I was so happy!
I just asked him about how about him and his family.
I didn't ask any things.
I wanna ask him face to face.

I had kind of situation b/4.
I was so mad @ that time.
I don't wanna make same mistake like b/4.

error4040:


Sorry what i mean was three of them sleeping in one room sounded like porn scene, i did not mean they were having threes0me.

You said he do pay your Rent and he told you in nigeria he sleep in a room with 4 other people ?
when next you talk to him Ask him what is he doing with the salary he earn from his job in japan since he sound like he is not sending to his relative in nigeria

TheManOfTheYear:
My guy I just tire for these our Naija men spoiling our name in diaspora.
I just hope the poor lady has not been scammed lol.

TheManOfTheYear:
Good. That's a wise move. Things like these are best not said over the phone but face to face.

Follow him up and ensure when he gets back you two should have a heart to heart discussion about the situation of the marriage. By next Yuletide he must introduce you to his family physically if he really wanna keep the marriage

error4040:


Sorry what i mean was three of them sleeping in one room sounded like porn scene, i did not mean they were having threes0me.

You said he do pay your Rent and he told you in nigeria he sleep in a room with 4 other people ?
when next you talk to him Ask him what is he doing with the salary he earn from his job in japan since he sound like he is not sending to his relative in nigeria

TheManOfTheYear:
Good. That's a wise move. Things like these are best not said over the phone but face to face.

Follow him up and ensure when he gets back you two should have a heart to heart discussion about the situation of the marriage. By next Yuletide he must introduce you to his family physically if he really wanna keep the marriage

TheManOfTheYear:
hahahaha @threes0me

error4040:
Nicely Said

@Peacefull here is what you should do

adebayo3449:
Honestly, i took my time to read this thread.
Indeed you have gone through a lot, and its a pity that my fellow Nigerian did all these.
Reading through all what you typed, i can feel how much you love him.
Since you love him, you must be ready to accept the truth.(he is married in Nigeria)
I knew how much you love him by seeing your comments. You are trying to defend him when people are telling you the truth.
Now two things can be involved
1. Admit it that he is married, talk to him that he should tell you the truth, that you dont care.
Tell him to treat you like a wife.
Tell him to provide all your needs as his wife even tho it is 99% sure he has another wife in Nigeria.
2. Admit it that he has scammed you and opt out of the mariage. Pls dont be emotional here
Admit it that you have been used and you time have been wasted.
He is 40yrs old for God sake, and he told you he dont want a child becos of money .
My sister even if u dont av any thing here in Nigeria, you will still give birth.(he has children in Nigeria)

Initially i dont want to comment, but after reading all your posts i dont know when water rolled out of my eyes.
I am very sorry for you.
And i am sad
I felt as if you were my sister.
Honestly i am suposed to say a lot, but i can feel how much you loved him.And you still wish to be with him.
I could have told you what he used you for.
Note pls *The fact that a particular person is bad, does not make all the other people from his country to be bad*
We have good people and bad people here in Nigeria.
Every body is not bad.
Since your still love him you can go for option 1.
And try to enjoy our Nairaland.
The biggest forum in Africa

peacefull:



Happy New Year!
Are you angry with me?
Am I disturbing everybody?
Sorry about that.

adebayo3449:
Honestly, i took my time to read this thread.
Indeed you have gone through a lot, and its a pity that my fellow Nigerian did all these.
Reading through all what you typed, i can feel how much you love him.
Since you love him, you must be ready to accept the truth.(he is married in Nigeria)
I knew how much you love him by seeing your comments. You are trying to defend him when people are telling you the truth.
Now two things can be involved
1. Admit it that he is married, talk to him that he should tell you the truth, that you dont care.
Tell him to treat you like a wife.
Tell him to provide all your needs as his wife even tho it is 99% sure he has another wife in Nigeria.
2. Admit it that he has scammed you and opt out of the mariage. Pls dont be emotional here
Admit it that you have been used and you time have been wasted.
He is 40yrs old for God sake, and he told you he dont want a child becos of money .
My sister even if u dont av any thing here in Nigeria, you will still give birth.(he has children in Nigeria)

Initially i dont want to comment, but after reading all your posts i dont know when water rolled out of my eyes.
I am very sorry for you.
And i am sad
I felt as if you were my sister.
Honestly i am suposed to say a lot, but i can feel how much you loved him.And you still wish to be with him.
I could have told you what he used you for.
Note pls *The fact that a particular person is bad, does not make all the other people from his country to be bad*
We have good people and bad people here in Nigeria.
Every body is not bad.
Since your still love him you can go for option 1.
And try to enjoy our Nairaland.
The biggest forum in Africa

Lexmane:
not angry with u at all,BT at the agony your husband is causing you.

peacefull:


Thank you!
We have to discussion.
But maybe difficult.
If I'm telling him about money, he said he don't
have money and telling me try hard, do your work.
What he don't like is I can't do like his friend(Igbo)'s wife(Japanese).
He always telling me that his friend's wife if husband is go back to Nigeria, they take care all of things by theirself.
Even he go back to Nigeria by this time(3month) is bcoz his friends doing it.
I told him I'm not married with them and I'm not their wife. And I never understand that somebody birth baby not up to 1year,husband leave them and go back to Nigeria.
If work, I can understand.
They never think about they loose work.
Many peoples lost work bcoz of they took long time holidays by theirself.
Not formally company holiday.
In Japan who is foreigner get work is not easy unless if have professional skill.
They demand them speak,read,and write Japanese.
So they knows if lost work, life is getting worse.
But they don't care.
If wife and kids have hard life, if they are hungry, they still don't care about that.
They can hear who is Nigerian.
But they can't hear Japanese wife.
I know Not all of them.
Many Nigerian husband and Japanese wife are happy.
I'm so happy with him.
But once I remind how much hard my life, my fell like I don't have partner.

TheManOfTheYear:
What you and your man have is lack of communication. Though I ain't married but I believe a couple must understand each other to have a successful marital life.

You two should come to an agreement regarding finances and the likes. Maybe you should work too because you're interested not pregnant nor disabled. Don't you think?
Who knows, perhaps he came down to Naija because he wasn't making enough money in Japan?
And he felt you're a burden. After all you two don't have biological children.

Lastly,you're 38, which means you're still able to conceive. So I'd advise you to try and get pregnant for him to improve the bond between you two. No African man like being childless. We love and value children. We don't joke with it

peacefull:


I'm working.
I didn't work more than 5years b/4.
I lost work bcoz of I got sick and why I didn't wanna work @ that time is kind of mean back to him.
I also paying to life since when I married unless I didn't have work.
He demanded me to pay more than my wage.
So I worked daytime and sometimes went to night work after finished daytime work b/4 I got sick.
I told him that is so hard to me and nobody can pay for more than wage.
When my money is finished, I always ask him to pay.
Then when had discussion about money, he always said he is paying more than me.
Yes. Is true. But if I didn't ask him, he just ignored. even if he saw our food is no more.
Can you imagine that how much my feel like miserable.
I was crying over and over when I told him.
That's why I stopped look for work after my sick is gone @ that time.
Bcoz I knew that if I'm working, just make for his playing money.
And @ that time when I worked, I asked him if my situation is you, How will you pay? teach me how to do, I will try! that I said.
And I gave him very simple question that somebody have 10 and have to pay20. like that.
He said can't do that.
Took 2years to get that answer.
So I thought we solve.
But when I started work, he do again.
What I'm using my money to life.
I can only use for myself is buy tobacco.
(Sorry! I'm smoking tobacco woman.)
And since when I married, my mom is save our life.
She bringing food for us till now.
He also helped my mom b/4.
But which one is more? Answer is my mom!
She always worry about my condition and worry about my child(her grand child).
I'm feel so sorry about my mom.
What about now?
Same like b/4.
He will not pay any money for our life in this month.
And I told him that I can't pay everythings when I heard his travel plan.
How can somebody can't go to hospital and can't buy enough food have to pay everythings who have a healthy husband?
If I always wasting money for buy expensive dresses,shoes,bag, whatever like that, I can understand how much he don't wanna pay, how much feel so bad, how much he don't wanna care.
But I have no money to get luxury things.
Even I didn't go hung out.
I bought his socks,underwear when I found out getting old or wear out after my pay day instead of buy own.

I never demand him to give me luxury life.
I just wanna have normal life.
Sometimes I just wanna have dating with him as like normal wife and husband.
I don't wanna have feel like miserable.

What can I do for him again about money?
I stopped talk about money.
I just begging him to help me.
That i'm doing now.

So miserable...
But I think marriage is not for only money.

peacefull:


Sorry for write again

About baby.
I'm already 38y/o now.
I can't birth baby again.
Many peoples still birth baby by my age.
But in Japan, more than 30y/o will birth baby is high risk than 20's and more than 35y/o is more high risk than 30's.
Get old is will get highly risk for both of them(mom and baby).

I wanted have another baby again until 30y/o.
That time my child already 12y/o.
But I was so confused @ that time.
Sometimes I want, sometimes I don't want.
Almost everyday changed my mind.
I was disturbing him so much.
Why he doesn't get a baby @ that time, he said bcoz of money.
He said that still can't take care of my child very well and get another baby is somebody like have no brain.

But after sometime, I had like pregnant.
I was so afraid of pregnant.
Bcoz If I pregnant, I can't go to work and can't make money for sometime.
I was around 32y/o @ that time.
He was like happy when I told him.
But I was not pregnant.
My fell like half is peace of my mind and half is disappointed.
So after that, I told him about my feel.
He said you don't want a baby seriously to me.
And after more times later and still now I say I can't do it anymore.

So maybe he has no expect about have a baby with me.
I also didn't know that I couldn't have a baby again.
And I had experience about lost his baby.
So if he already has a baby with somebody, that is more hurt to me than he has another wife.
Even if his family never wanna accept me bcoz of can't birth baby, that is also hurt to me.
Only me can't have a baby.

Sorry, I can't talk about that.
Is so much hurt to me.
I just wanna tell you that he don't wanna make a baby is not only his fault.
Bcoz of what I said and what I acted when we expected pregnant @ that time.

TheManOfTheYear:
You really don't have to narrate every bit that transpired.

I would love to hear feedback about your future conversations with him. Let's see if the marriage is improving or heading to the rocks

kristen12:
I feel really bad for you after going through the whole post.

The truth is bitter and hard to accept most times but the earlier you accept it, the better for you. Please listen to the advices above.

I really hope you move on with your life and find happiness.

Please be fine for us.
Pele my dear.

adebayo3449:
May God be with you

peacefull:


Thank You for caring me.

Sometimes, truth is so hurt to mind.
Now many peoples in here(Nairaland) telling me that he is married in Nigeria.

I still wanna trust him.
But it is so difficult to me now.

I'm always getting love him than yesterday but also getting tired about him.

I don't wanna hate him.
If he already marry with somebody in Nigeria, that is maybe good for him.
Bcoz he is happy now?

I just wanted have and make good family with him.
If he is happy, I also happy.
If he is sad, I wanna share his sad and wanna take his pain.
If he has trouble, i will try to solve that trouble with him what I can do all of my best for him.

I wanted have kind of relationship with him.
And I'm still trying to do my best now.
I don't know that is working to him or not.
Sometimes I made mistake and sometimes I can't do.
Bcoz of I am human.
Not a robot.

Anyway,
I'm so APPRECIATE all of peoples who is wrote for me in here.
I really wanted hear from real Nigerians voice.
I hadn't way to hear about Nigeria and Nigerian culture.
Only I having way to hear from my husband.

Now I found out he is not common Igbo guy what he treating me.
But I got peace of mind about Nigerian peoples.
I know that every country have good person and bad person.
But in here(Japan), many Nigerians are doing bad things and some of arrested.
If open website, many Japanese women are
wrote about how much bad person who is Nigerian guys/husband what they forgotten about they choose started relationship with that guy.
But many of them are warm hearted person in here(Nairaland) for me what doesn't matter about my husband.

I just thankful to meet good Nigerian peoples instead of my husband

Seun:

Bad idea. We can’t guarantee her safety if she does this.

darkid1:




You seem a really great and wonderful person...

Geez, love is scary .

Tell him what you typed here . Tell him even if he is married in Nigeria and you are not accusing him that he is, you still want to make things work with him.

You might just be suprised at how he opens up .

Nigerian marriages have ups and downs . And I can tell you (thought I'm not married ) , many people just stay in the marriage cause if their kids . If this is how you truely feel, then what you guys have is beautiful.


Cheers .

TheManOfTheYear:
You really don't have to narrate every bit that transpired.

I would love to hear feedback about your future conversations with him. Let's see if the marriage is improving or heading to the rocks

peacefull:


Hi. How are you? I hope you are fine!
He dropped message to me.bcoz I couldn't answer the phone.He said no light in there. I tried to understand him b/4 when he told me same thing.I sent him a mail about more than 10days ago.he was no reply and no call me since when I spoke him last time.I tried to sent him a mail again.then he called me and dropped a message.what kind of place more than 10days w/o light? Village?is so difficult to trust his words by this time.if he go back to Nigeria, take contact is so difficult. He always say no money and no light.that's why he can't call me and send me a mail.is there have kind of places?

TheManOfTheYear:
Nice to know.
Well that's how most villages here are. There is lack of electricity or good network connection. But that shouldn't stop him from calling you even once or twice a week.
My suggestion is that you should ask him when he will be back to Japan. That's the main issue