Good evening Nairalanders
This is my favourite section and I have read really reasonable comments from mature people and I believe I can get good advice here.

This will be a long read. I need to explain so y’all can have enough grounds to advice my aunt, cuz she’s the subject of this whole story..

My aunt married at 31, 11 years ago, to a man she barely knew because she felt she was getting old. They dated for less than 3 months and got married. The children didn’t start coming until after 3 years (not willingly). She’s a very religious, hardworking and faithful woman who doesn’t lie.
Now, the guy in question is a really tough and unfriendly dude. According to her, they don’t really have a relationship as friends or even husband and wife. They lived more like Slave and Slave driver. As a graduate without a job for a really long time after multiple trials, she took up a business that wasn’t paying much, but she had to keep the house running somehow. According to her, the man gave for the upkeep of the house very sparingly. He was however doing well in his job, acquired a Masters, got several trainings and was rising very fast at his workplace. Through all this, she remained submissive, doing all her duties as a wife.
He got a car and started building their house. All the while, my aunt wasn’t enjoying the marriage or the man. No week went by without them having fights. Even the husband’s siblings that came to spend time saw right through their marriage. They admitted that their brother was very cruel to my aunt.
After they moved to their own house (very comfortable house), their fights escalated. It degenerated to beating and violence from the dude. He loved his 3 girls and catered for them, but kept telling them that he hated their mother.
Because she was always lacking funds to run the house and he wasn’t yielding to her request to upgrade the money for household upkeep, she started keeping friends with her exes in a bid to get financial support. According to her, one of them got really close to her and their friendship deepened, and I think they fell in love
I think she ran out of patience one day, after multiple physical assaults, she moved her stuff out of the house to a place rented by her new lover, leaving her children behind.
Prior to this, they had had fights so serious that the families had to meet and settle the matter, with the husband promising to turn a new leaf. But everything returned to its former state after the settlement.
Now, the husband has been running helter and skelter, begging everybody, pleading that his wife comes back, promising heaven and earth, that he’s going to change, give her anything she wants, etc etc. But my aunt will have none of it. She is now going steady with this man (he’s also a divorcee with 2 or 3 kids, not sure) and has vowed never to return to that house, saying she has fallen out of love with her now ex-husband, and can never submit to him as a wife again.
She’s trying desperately to get pregnant for the new man to seal their affair. Worst part is, her parents have met the new man and have accepted him, but can’t tell the former husband so he doesn’t feel he’s not been pitied or considered.
Everyone the guy has called to beg (except her parents of course) is pitying the guy and is trying to beg my aunt to give him a second chance, but her mind is made up.
Please what should we do as relatives? Should the guy move on? If he does, my aunt would have 2 men as the fathers of her kids and it would definitely have s negative impact on them (rivalry). Should she accept the pleas to give him another chance and forfeit this new guy (who’s also a divorcee though I don’t know the details)? Should we leave the matter to go in whichever direction?
Please, your mature advice is needed. Thanks for reading

According to the husband, what did she do for him to treat her poorly?

bukatyne:
According to the husband, what did she do for him to treat her poorly?

I didn't quite get the question. Could you please explain further?

I think that first of all your aunt has decided and nothing we say here will change her mind.

Her husband or should I say ex husband has taken her for granted for so much.

I'd say she ought to be happy after all she's been through. Happiness is the only important thing in life. If she has found happiness where she is, so be it.

She shouldn't try satisfy the society at the detriment of her happiness.

Let her ex-hubby try another woman to see what he lost.A man like him don't deserve a submissive woman. The kids will be alright. What if their mum die,won't they continue their lives?

From frying pan to fire

She looked to her ex for comfort when she was having problems in her home and fell in love with one of them plus the dude is also a divorcee with 3 kids, if she gets married to him, they would both have 6 kids from different spouses....

I wish her goodluck

I've always told people that the major cause of fighting and abuse in every marriage is when both or one of the parties has started cheating in the marriage.

Your Aunt felt cheating with another man or eloping will solve her issue. The force following her will still bring her to nothing and at the end she will be a waste to both parties.. Started cheating without proper divorce. That's the major reason the man detest and abuse her cause she has always looked outside her home before now. She's dirty

Ecc 10:8 He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it; and whoso breaketh an hedge, a serpent shall bite him.

sexylemo:


I didn't quite get the question. Could you please explain further?

Why was the husband maltreating her? Did he say?

bukatyne:


Why was the husband maltreating her? Did he say?

He said its the devil. He actually accepted that he treated her wrongly but that he was willing to repent and do anything she wants for her.

However, there was no other tangible reason for his actions. Either that, or he's not saying.

It is what it is.
When you continually treat your spouse badly, he or she would eventually get tired of trying to fix it. They'll go out and do whatever it takes to keep their sanity, only difference is...they wouldn't feel any guilt at this point, they won't even think of the consequence. All they want is to be happy, sane and happy.

Your aunt got to that point.
I doubt there is much you guys can do.
Since she has started sleeping with the other man, she'll be kinda silly to return to her husband. She knows this... She will most likely not return to her husband. He should be strong for his kids

Your aunt should get a proper divorce.
Two wrongs don't make a right.

closerange:
She looked to her ex for comfort when she was having problems in her home and fell in love with one of them plus the dude is also a divorcee with 3 kids, if she gets married to him, they would both have 6 kids from different spouses....

I wish her goodluck

fish brains dont think that way..anyway..I think the husband is better off in every ramifications..he is doing well ..rich and has his own nice house...he should move on ( iff he hasnt already)..the soon to be ex wife jumped from frying pan to fire ( something tells me she was already having an affair) ..if I am the husband I will just laugh ( no revenge is better than that ) and do a dna test on the children and just move on and start another family.

Espada10:
fish brains dont think that way..anyway..I think the husband is better off in every ramifications..he is doing well ..rich and has his own nice house...he should move on ( iff he hasnt already)..the soon to be ex wife jumped from frying pan to fire ( something tells me she was already having an affair) ..if I am the husband I will just laugh ( no revenge is better than that ) and do a dna test on the children and just move on and start another family.

LOL. The things they say to scare women into remaining in abusive marriages. A woman endured physical, emotional and verbal abuse for 11years...but the day she decides to leave and live, she automatically becomes a 'fish brain'.

Of course she is having an affair, it's right there in the story. That's the only place she erred.

I know majority of you prefer to type "ehya" "RIP" when women die in marriages. You rather see them dead, than alive and happy. Such level of wickedness from humans.

Please women [and men] shouldn't fall for evil posts like this, if your spouse continually abuses you...run for your life. Don't be deceived by that frying pan to fire talk. There are good men and women out there. Get a proper divorce and give yourself a second shot at a happy marriage if you so desire.

AntiBrutus:


LOL. The things they say to scare women into remaining in abusive marriages. A woman endured physical, emotional and verbal abuse for 11years...but the day she decides to leave and live, she automatically becomes a 'fish brain'.

Of course she is having an affair, it's right there in the story. That's the only place she erred.

I know majority of you prefer to type "ehya" "RIP" when women die in marriages. You rather see them dead, than alive and happy. Such level of wickedness from humans.

Please women [and men] shouldn't fall for evil posts like this, if you spouse continually abuses you...run for your life. Don't be deceived by that frying pan to fire talk. There are good men and women out there. Get a proper divorce and give yourself a second shot at a happy marriage if you so desire.

continue trolling and quoting me in every thread I comment..Tomorrow, when I start; you will start crying again and shouting for mod to ban me.. continue..there is time for everything..I guess this is your time..enjoy!!

Espada10:
continue trolling and quoting me in every thread I comment..Tomorrow, when I start; you will start crying again and shouting for mod to ban me.. continue..there is time for everything..I guess this is your time..enjoy!!

I'm not trolling you, I am telling people not to fall for the lies in your post. Frying pan to fire? That makes it look like there are no good men out there. But using you as a case study, I understand why you think that way.

Please, run away from abusive partners and bullies... to whom it may concern.

AntiBrutus:


I'm not trolling you, I am telling people not to fall for the lies in your post. Frying pan to fire? That makes it look like there are no good men out there. But using you as a case study, I understand why you think that way.

Please, run away from abusive partners and bullies... to whom it may concern.

see me see trouble this night....haba..what did I do to the well-known nairaland mysandrist this night?

Espada10:
see me see trouble this night....haba..what did I do to the well-known nairaland misandrist this night?

LOL. Thanks for shooting yourself in the foot.
I've always known it's you...

AntiBrutus:


LOL. Thanks for shooting yourself in the foot.
I've always known it's you...

lol.. is this the part you expect me to ask you what you know?

Your aunty has settled her own issue yet you wondered what to do as relatives? Biko buttt out, she has her situation covered. Don't worry about "rivalry" amongst her children. All will be well. Cheers.

People like the man never change. He is who he is. He's begging because he doesn't want to lose a good thing.

On the other hand, your aunt is ready to leave three full children behind and hop into bed with another man, an ex who didn't love her enough to marry her before meeting her current beastly boo but is willing to take in a woman who is willing to abandon her three daughters?

There are so many loopholes in this tale. Plus your aunt presents as impulsive and a poor decision maker. Personally, I wouldn't trust a word from the mouth of your aunt.

Let her go back to her husband biko, give him, another chance, she might not really be in love with her ex lover oooo.

Belafonte:
People like the man never change. He is who he is. He's begging because he doesn't want to lose a good thing.

On the other hand, your aunt is ready to leave three full children behind and hop into bed with another man, an ex who didn't love her enough to marry her before meeting her current beastly boo but is willing to take in a woman who is willing to abandon her three daughters?

There are so many loopholes in this tale. Plus your aunt presents as impulsive and a poor decision maker. Personally, I wouldn't trust a word from the mouth if your aunt.

You more or less summed up what I think about this.

The entire story is one big clusterfvck.
The husband is surely missing some screws in his head, the woman herself is also missing some screws, the ex has a few screws loose as well, the woman's parents are also missing some screws.
In fact all of them in the story are mad people.

If someone I know personally brings this kind of fvckery asking me to advise, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

she should have divorced him, give herself time and also work on her financial status. she might even b with her ex because of frustration and it will also end d same way. but first, thank God she stayed away from he husband

crackhaus:

You more or less summed up what I think about this.

The entire story is one big clusterfvck.
The husband is surely missing some screws in his head, the woman herself is also missing some screws, the ex has a few screws loose as well, the woman's parents are also missing some screws.
In fact all of them in the story are mad people.

If someone I know personally brings this kind of fvckery asking me to advise, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

It's just so twisted. Reason I need mature advise. We go leave them to their fate lass lass.

Thanks!

if ur aunt is happy with her new man,let her stay...from ur write up i think nothing can change her mind.

Everyone deserves peace and happiness. but your aunt shouldn't have been sleeping with the other man while still married. she should have just got a proper divorce then do whatever pleases her.

What I'll say is Bitter but it's the Truth...

As Long as Her Original Husband is alive it's biblical wrong for her to marry or be with another man...

She has a right to leave a Jome where the man is a thug and Beating her but re marrying is not Biblical....

She should consider giving the her Orginal husband another chance...He may be a changed man now

There’s a big likelihood that her new relationship won’t work. But she should never think of going back to her ex-husband. There’s no repair there. He’s not going to change. He will even add the anger of her sleeping with someone else to his new reasons for abusing her. Then she may not be able to leave him anymore.

She has made her decision. You relatives should let her be.

She’s 42 gaddemmit.

Please tell your Aunt not to go back to that relationship or she might come out of it in a coffin.. He can't change overnight...has he seen a therapist?. What therapy has he gone to...Any anger management classes? Please don't tell me he has become born again because it still will not work...

Another mistake your Aunt might be making will be trying to use a baby to cement a relationship.. It doesn't work that way.. Baby is baby, she has one already it doesn't matter if it was from the previous relationship..The man has his own from previous marriage too.. She should be wise..

sexylemo:
Good evening Nairalanders
This is my favourite section and I have read really reasonable comments from mature people and I believe I can get good advice here.

This will be a long read. I need to explain so y’all can have enough grounds to advice my aunt, cuz she’s the subject of this whole story..

My aunt married at 31, 11 years ago, to a man she barely knew because she felt she was getting old. They dated for less than 3 months and got married. The children didn’t start coming until after 3 years (not willingly). She’s a very religious, hardworking and faithful woman who doesn’t lie.
Now, the guy in question is a really tough and unfriendly dude. According to her, they don’t really have a relationship as friends or even husband and wife. They lived more like Slave and Slave driver. As a graduate without a job for a really long time after multiple trials, she took up a business that wasn’t paying much, but she had to keep the house running somehow. According to her, the man gave for the upkeep of the house very sparingly. He was however doing well in his job, acquired a Masters, got several trainings and was rising very fast at his workplace. Through all this, she remained submissive, doing all her duties as a wife.
He got a car and started building their house. All the while, my aunt wasn’t enjoying the marriage or the man. No week went by without them having fights. Even the husband’s siblings that came to spend time saw right through their marriage. They admitted that their brother was very cruel to my aunt.
After they moved to their own house (very comfortable house), their fights escalated. It degenerated to beating and violence from the dude. He loved his 3 girls and catered for them, but kept telling them that he hated their mother.
Because she was always lacking funds to run the house and he wasn’t yielding to her request to upgrade the money for household upkeep, she started keeping friends with her exes in a bid to get financial support. According to her, one of them got really close to her and their friendship deepened, and I think they fell in love
I think she ran out of patience one day, after multiple physical assaults, she moved her stuff out of the house to a place rented by her new lover, leaving her children behind.
Prior to this, they had had fights so serious that the families had to meet and settle the matter, with the husband promising to turn a new leaf. But everything returned to its former state after the settlement.
Now, the husband has been running helter and skelter, begging everybody, pleading that his wife comes back, promising heaven and earth, that he’s going to change, give her anything she wants, etc etc. But my aunt will have none of it. She is now going steady with this man (he’s also a divorcee with 2 or 3 kids, not sure) and has vowed never to return to that house, saying she has fallen out of love with her now ex-husband, and can never submit to him as a wife again.
She’s trying desperately to get pregnant for the new man to seal their affair. Worst part is, her parents have met the new man and have accepted him, but can’t tell the former husband so he doesn’t feel he’s not been pitied or considered.
Everyone the guy has called to beg (except her parents of course) is pitying the guy and is trying to beg my aunt to give him a second chance, but her mind is made up.
Please what should we do as relatives? Should the guy move on? If he does, my aunt would have 2 men as the fathers of her kids and it would definitely have s negative impact on them (rivalry). Should she accept the pleas to give him another chance and forfeit this new guy (who’s also a divorcee though I don’t know the details)? Should we leave the matter to go in whichever direction?
Please, your mature advice is needed. Thanks for reading

Your sister have suffered and endured enough from her husband, you guys should support her decision, she has found love in another man, you people interest now should be her happiness not pitting the fomer husband that have put her through depression.
She is a woman and she deserve to be loved and if she thinks she has found one ,pls let her follow her heart

femidejulius:
I think that first of all your aunt has decided and nothing we say here will change her mind.

Her husband or should I say ex husband has taken her for granted for so much.

I'd say she ought to be happy after all she's been through. Happiness is the only important thing in life. If she has found happiness where she is, so be it.

She shouldn't try satisfy the society at the detriment of her happiness.

Let her ex-hubby try another woman to see what he lost.A man like him don't deserve a submissive woman. The kids will be alright. What if their mum die,won't they continue their lives?

True talk

Not my business, not YOUR BUSINESS!

The intent with which your aunt entered the marriage is faulty-Age not on her side. Same pattern occurred when she started getting back to exe's for funds, attention or spite the husband.

Your aunt must learn how to handle pressures creatively. else, she would keep creating more problems for everyone around her.