dayokanu:

Child support? Typical

naijacutee:

But any rational man should see child support as an act of mercy, taking into consideration the 50% stake in the "act", and the fact that the results of the act are not shared equally by both parties :- The womans body is trapped with a pregnancy for 9 months, The man goes about his business, like he didn't just have unprotected intercourse.

chaircover:

At the appearance of those two dreaded words "child support" I knew that a certain person will in scoot here with alarming alacrity and I wasnt let down.

errmmmmm Mr DK, Can we please for once make use of that your 50/50 theory that you keep ramming down our throats?

50% mummy & 50% daddy made these precious babies. Mummy is currently paying for 100% of their upkeep & daddy is paying 0% towards it.

Dont you think that that is a little unfair bearing in mind she didnt make herself pregnant?

chaircover:



You guys get away with this because you can walk away without being tied by pregnancy but thank God for civilised countries and they have procedures in place to make men liable for some of the cost of taking care of these children.

chaircover:

All, please forgive my explicitness

Dayo, the moment the man choose to deposit his seemen into the ladies Vag and into not a condom, then he has no say over any mutual agreement to make babies.

You guys get away with this because you can walk away without being tied by pregnancy but thank God for civilised countries and they have procedures in place to make men liable for some of the cost of taking care of these children.

But any rational man should see child support as an act of mercy

Nekai:

The thought of child support has crossed my mind. Not just for the money, but the principle. I do feel that somebody needs to get through to him that he is 50% responsible for these children, even if it has to be a judge.

As far as contacting his family and friends, I don't even mention him, and for the most part they contact me to see how we are doing.

@TewMuch, I only have an email address for him. How would you suggest that I open communication with him?

Frankly I don't feel that I should. I haven't moved and my number has not changed. However my mum did suggest that I reach out to him so that we can at least be civil.

The problem is that I do not want to force these kids on him. I also don't want to face the possibility that he become involved, only to be hostile and make my life harder than it is now.

Nekai:

The thought of child support has crossed my mind. Not just for the money, but the principle. I do feel that somebody needs to get through to him that he is 50% responsible for these children, even if it has to be a judge.

As far as contacting his family and friends, I don't even mention him, and for the most part they contact me to see how we are doing.

@TewMuch, I only have an email address for him. How would you suggest that I open communication with him?

Frankly I don't feel that I should. I haven't moved and my number has not changed. However my mum did suggest that I reach out to him so that we can at least be civil.

The problem is that I do not want to force these kids on him. I also don't want to face the possibility that he become involved, only to be hostile and make my life harder than it is now.

dayokanu:

And what part of the financial cost does the woman bear?

I am not against child support but I am gainst the way its done in most places, S[b]ome women get the child support checks and just go buy jewelries and shoes while the children you are supposed to be supporting are left to starve.[/b]

I would rather be for the woman providing receipt of items bought for the child and the man reimbursing her. Any item that looks like gold, earrings, nail polish, shoes, bags, should be striked out.

I am all for responsibility from both sides and EQUALLY too

Nekai:

Priority #1 for me would be that he be in the boys life and actually care about them.
Since it doesn't look like he will "come around" anytime soon, then I would want a judge to find him responsible so that he will be on their birth certificate, and start paying something,even if a minimal amount.
I think he is going about his merry way living his life like the boys don't exist.
@TewMuch it's interesting to have a male perspective, but I don't know if I am quite ready to contact him just yet.
It's really sad, but if he waits 5 years to start coming around then I have to just ignore the fact that he wasn't there before?? The pregnancy and the last 4 months since they have been here has been the hardest thing I have ever went through. There was even a point where the doctors thought it was a less then 50/50 chance that they would make it. It has been a lifetime for me. Then there is the fact that as a single parent I get snide comments and dirty looks from people who assume that I am just an uneducated ghetto girl. (To be honest I even got looks and comments from some of my own extended family members which hurt worse) He will never understand how it feels to look in these boys eyes and know that they are depending on me for everything. Even if he comes around later and plays an active role in their lives it will not erase the past.

This is why I kind of want to file child support. If he is too overwhelmed to provide the physical, mental and psychological support then maybe he can contribute financial support.

Maybe I should just forget about him altogether?

armyofone:

dayokanu and sagamite are against anything to make life easy for a woman.
OP, hope you have his SS number. for now take care of yourself and your babies and your work. much later, get a PI to fish him out and sue for child support 
not every woman is ghettolistic (not every woman use your donated child support for manicure/pedi, handbag, hairdos etc so relax.

Ujujoan:

A mother will let her children starve while she buys jewelries and shoes with the child support money
Is that really how you see women or you are just being unrealistic to justify your baseless argument

Nekai:

It isn't about the money for me. It is more about the principle. I am sure if he is ordered to pay child support it would be very little.
And do you know that motherhood is a full time job?? Imagine working a 10 hour shift and coming home to feed a baby (or babies) that eat every 3 hours around the clock. And on your day off? More round the clock baby time. Even a mother with one child doesn't have it easy.
Who would look at a baby as a money making venture? Maybe those women who date basketball stars and other wealthy men.

mcihungary:

I am still struggling to see the point of this post.

In other-words, what did the OP want to achieve by posting this story?

Was it;

a.) you wanted opinions on having an abortion? (Abortion can NEVER be condoned under ANY circumstance).
b.) you want to make up with your boyfriend and be together? (Clearly he doesn't want to be with you & trying to trap him with kids clearly didn't work).
c.) You need financial support in taking care of the kids? (You are perfectly aware that he is a student and has minimal/no source of income, except for what he gets from his parents, And as you mentioned you are able to contact his parents, so its clear that you can get in touch with them if/when you would need financial assistance for the upkeep of the babies).
d.) or you are simply seeking revenge for what he did to you?

And before all you women delve into a Hissyfit,

I have also made numerous mistakes in my life which i am not proud of, but i don't go around the internet seeking attention by exhibiting/advertising my shame, and expecting the world to pat me on the back and tell me "what a strong/wonderful/amazing/marvelous person i am".

pslm23:

Nekai,

Where are you? England or the US?

Is he still a student? Does he have a job?

Either way, the dude has money to party and club around and also spend on the newest "mumu" girl draped around his arm. If he could have unprotected seexx with you then he is doing the same with other girls and sooner or later there'll be many more girls pregnant for him out there. Once a dog, always a dog!

Go after hime with all you've got for child support. He should pay. Even if it is $1/week, let that pathetic SOB pay for the upkeep of his children. Maybe if he was a bit more civil towards you and acted like a fukking real man, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He is nothing but a punk and he should be treated as such!

Don't hold your breath thinking he'll come around because he won't unless God punishes him and he is unable to have any more children when he really wants them. That's when they usually remember the child they abandoned and then they come begging and blaming the devil for thier wickedness and act of abandonment.

pslm23:

Nekai,

Where are you? England or the US?

Is he still a student? Does he have a job?

Either way, the dude has money to party and club around and also spend on the newest "mumu" girl draped around his arm. If he could have unprotected seexx with you then he is doing the same with other girls and sooner or later there'll be many more girls pregnant for him out there. Once a dog, always a dog!

Go after hime with all you've got for child support. He should pay. Even if it is $1/week, let that pathetic SOB pay for the upkeep of his children. Maybe if he was a bit more civil towards you and acted like a fukking real man, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He is nothing but a punk and he should be treated as such!

Don't hold your breath thinking he'll come around because he won't unless God punishes him and he is unable to have any more children when he really wants them. That's when they usually remember the child they abandoned and then they come begging and blaming the devil for thier wickedness and act of abandonment.

Nekai:

I think you are 100% right!

TewMuch:


Only in the movies, the guy has shown that he is very capable. 1 time, twins. What are the odds? The guy will probably find someone else and have a new family. Someone he likes. I need to ask the OP this though, what is it about you that he doesnt like? Are you sure you guys were in a relationship or you were just Friends with benefits( if you answer truly no one will judge you, i will personally block you and fight for you here )