Please bear with me. I have a rather popular moniker on nairaland but i am mostly in the politics section and sometimes stray into the religion section so in order to protect that moniker i had to open this new one in order to express my deepest thoughts and worries.

I come from a family that has never really been religious. I most certainly do not believe in any diety nor do i believe any exist so nobody should try and sell me that bullshitt. I have lived a fun and lively life and all has been majorly alright for me until about a month or so ago.

Like i said, since about a month or so ago i have been burdened with this unseen load and thoughts that suggest to me that life as i know it and as everyone knows it is absolutely meaningless and holds no substance or value. I cannot lie but this thought has been tormenting me so much especially at those times when i found myself all alone. I mean whenever i am alone i suddenly start pondering on this even more.

I cannot begin to express the levels of stress and anxiety this has brought upon me to the extent, i find it hard to sleep and currently having constant nagging headaches.

I cannot deny that I have been deeply troubled by thoughts of everything ending in nothingness after I die. I mean i know that there is nothing else for me after i die but lately this does not sit well with me. I didnt ask to be born but here i am and i keep wondering if a deeply conscious human like me deserves to just die and then nothingness and this has given me great distress.

I am 21 years old now and simply thinking about myself being dead maybe when i would be 70 or 80 and nothing after i die despite all i have been through and my many pursuits distresses me even more. I am deeply troubled by this reality of how short and difficult life is and then i end up ultimately dying and everything ending when i die.

I have been reliving this pain and distressful thoughts daily for about a month now and it gets worse when i chance upon the news or pictures or videos of people who died. I use the internet like everyone else so cannot avoid coming upon such distressing news and often in very gruesome detail.

Nairaland lately has been all gore and the rate of death news that hits the front page gets me thinking that those people who died, i could have been one of them and it scares me shitless.

Going further, people or situations or places that used to offer me some degree of relief and comfort like advancement of civilization, my family and relatives, my buddies and so on all appear totally meaningless and useless to me now.

How on earth can i get rid of these nagging feelings all around me and everywhere i look. It is seriously haunting me and bringing me daily pain and anxiety. The feelings and thoughts are too strong.

I confided in a friend and he told me to think positive and tried to tell me that i have so much to live for and he even joked with me that i am handsome, physically fit, intelligent, and would soon be a graduate in flying colours.

However, despite all of this it all still boils down to all being meaningless. People more handsome and more intelligent and better fit than I am have all died so what's special about my looks or my physique or my academics when at the end of the day I will still die and cease to exist.

I am troubled. Sometimes when I am alone I hear voices telling me to end it all and be done with it that it is better to die early with less stress and pain than to die late despite the stress and pains. What is happening to me?

Hey you I came relate , I went through such times growing up . I understand how you feel.. but trust me the other side isn't any easier. If anything it's easier to fix things that are wrong here

I am.not going to tell you that you are weak because you aren't infact it takes guts to cry out for help

I have no Bible or Koran verses to pass along either but I can tell you from one person who has lived through incredible adversity that you are a fighter to have come this far and you still have alot more battles ahead of you to win

Yes sometimes when you are alone thinking of all the difficulties and challenges of your life oresrnly dying seems all so easy and romantic ..

But trust me there are no bells or soecialnovie effevts when one dies

It all ends , full stop , no cut scenes of front seat views of people grieving over you, just hurt unimaginable oain at the hurt this left behind will feel

Firstly let's take stock of all the stuff that's important to you.

What makes you happy ?

lestat:
Hey you I came relate , I went through such times growing up . I understand how you feel.. but trust me the other side isn't any easier. If anything it's easier to fix things that are wrong here

I am.not going to tell you that you are weak because you aren't infact it takes guts to cry out for help

I have no Bible or Koran verses to pass along either but I can tell you from one person who has lived through incredible adversity that you are a fighter to have come this far and you still have alot more battles ahead of you to win

Yes sometimes when you are alone thinking of all the difficulties and challenges of your life oresrnly dying seems all so easy and romantic ..

But trust me there are no bells or soecialnovie effevts when one dies

I honestly do not see myself as a fighter. I mean how can I fight the inevitable? That is actually what troubles me. I cannot believe I deserve to simply die and end in nothingness as my existence ceases despite all the loads of pain the world throws at me.

Try as much as I can to make sense of it all, I simply can't.

I don't know what you mean by the other side isn't any easier. What other side?

lestat:
Hey you I came relate , I went through such times growing up . I understand how you feel.. but trust me the other side isn't any easier. If anything it's easier to fix things that are wrong here

I am.not going to tell you that you are weak because you aren't infact it takes guts to cry out for help

I have no Bible or Koran verses to pass along either but I can tell you from one person who has lived through incredible adversity that you are a fighter to have come this far and you still have alot more battles ahead of you to win

Yes sometimes when you are alone thinking of all the difficulties and challenges of your life oresrnly dying seems all so easy and romantic ..

But trust me there are no bells or soecialnovie effevts when one dies

It all ends , full stop , no cut scenes of front seat views of people grieving over you, just hurt unimaginable oain at the hurt this left behind will feel

Firstly let's take stock of all the stuff that's important to you.

What makes you happy ?

Nothing makes me happy right now

Iliveforme:


I honestly do not see myself as a fighter. I mean how can I fight the inevitable? That is actually what troubles me. I cannot believe I deserve to simply die and end in nothingness as my existence ceases despite all the loads of pain the world throws at me.

Try as much as I can to make sense of it all, I simply can't.

I don't know what you mean by the other side isn't any easier. What other side?

Okay let's take it one step at a time. Yes death is inevitable but so is life

The beauty and key to a good life is to live for others , I am really trying to avoid sounding poetic so you can relate ..

But what I am trying to say is life is like a book we write a page in daily and at the end we get a glimpse into that novel ... It's up to us how we choose to write those pages

Pain is inevitable in life but when viewed from a certain perspective I take oain and difficulties as free lessons to add to my databank of knowledge

Iliveforme:


Nothing makes me happy right now

Okay do you have sibblimgs ?

lestat:


Okay do you have sibblimgs ?

Yes i do

Iliveforme:


Yes i do

How many? Are you the first or last child ?

What's the split between am and dfemake children ?

How about your parents ?

Where are they ? What do they do?

Do you live with them ?

Iliveforme:


Yes i do

...

lestat:


Okay let's take it one step at a time. Yes death is inevitable but so is life

The beauty and key to a good life is to live for others , I am really trying to avoid sounding poetic so you can relate ..

But what I am trying to say is life is like a book we write a page in daily and at the end we get a glimpse into that novel ... It's up to us how we choose to write those pages

Pain is inevitable in life but when viewed from a certain perspective I take oain and difficulties as free lessons to add to my databank of knowledge

I have considered all of this and all I keep meeting regardless of the angle I come from is that it is all meaningless. Why should I care for others when it is meaningless at the end of the day?

I know pain is inevitable but despite the pains, I still die and that's all there is.

Why should I make something so beautiful when ultimately its going to end in nothingness?

Maybe you think I am crazy but why do I even do the things I do when I would one day no longer be around to enjoy it or appraise it? It just does not make any sense.

lestat:


How many? Are you the first or last child ?

What's the split between am and dfemake children ?

How about your parents ?

Where are they ? What do they do?

Do you live with them ?

I live off campus and not with my parents currently. We are 3 girls and 2 boys. I am the second. My parents both work/ run a business

What has this got to do with anything?

Iliveforme:


I live off campus and not with my parents currently. We are 3 girls and 2 boys. I am the second. My parents both work/ run a business

What has this got to do with anything?

Just getting to know you better dude relax

Iliveforme:


I live off campus and not with my parents currently. We are 3 girls and 2 boys. I am the second. My parents both work/ run a business

What has this got to do with anything?

Can I have your WhatsApp number ?

I can pick one or two things the op said. In truth, there's nothing in this life. With all the struggles, we are bound to die someday so why the struggle? If only we come to realize this.

But Op there's definitely a life after death.

Emmysteve:
I can pick one or two things the op said. In truth, there's nothing in this life. With all the struggles, we are bound to die someday so why the struggle?

This is my whole point and struggle to make sense of it all. I succeed yet I die. I fail yet I die. I make it rich or remain poor yet I die and the most distressing part is that I know death would be the absolute end for me so why all the bother?

Those few times I have gone through the religion section of nairaland and I read people talking about life after death and the way they say it with such certainty I just laugh at that level of ignorance because how can a mass of flesh and bones like me do anything besides rot when I die. This sad reality distresses me even more.

Emmysteve:
I can pick one or two things the op said. In truth, there's nothing in this life. With all the struggles, we are bound to die someday so why the struggle? If only we come to realize this.

But Op there's definitely a life after death.

Wtf! I guess you edited your comment after I made mine so I missed the last part. That statement about life after death being definite is just insanely crazy on so many levels.

Iliveforme:
Please bear with me. I have a rather popular moniker on nairaland but i am mostly in the politics section and sometimes stray into the religion section so in order to protect that moniker i had to open this new one in order to express my deepest thoughts and worries.

I come from a family that has never really been religious. I most certainly do not believe in any diety nor do i believe any exist so nobody should try and sell me that bullshitt. I have lived a fun and lively life and all has been majorly alright for me until about a month or so ago.

Like i said, since about a month or so ago i have been burdened with this unseen load and thoughts that suggest to me that life as i know it and as everyone knows it is absolutely meaningless and holds no substance or value. I cannot lie but this thought has been tormenting me so much especially at those times when i found myself all alone. I mean whenever i am alone i suddenly start pondering on this even more.

I cannot begin to express the levels of stress and anxiety this has brought upon me to the extent, i find it hard to sleep and currently having constant nagging headaches.

I cannot deny that I have been deeply troubled by thoughts of everything ending in nothingness after I die. I mean i know that there is nothing else for me after i die but lately this does not sit well with me. I didnt ask to be born but here i am and i keep wondering if a deeply conscious human like me deserves to just die and then nothingness and this has given me great distress.

I am 21 years old now and simply thinking about myself being dead maybe when i would be 70 or 80 and nothing after i die despite all i have been through and my many pursuits distresses me even more. I am deeply troubled by this reality of how short and difficult life is and then i end up ultimately dying and everything ending when i die.

I have been reliving this pain and distressful thoughts daily for about a month now and it gets worse when i chance upon the news or pictures or videos of people who died. I use the internet like everyone else so cannot avoid coming upon such distressing news and often in very gruesome detail.

Nairaland lately has been all gore and the rate of death news that hits the front page gets me thinking that those people who died, i could have been one of them and it scares me shitless.

Going further, people or situations or places that used to offer me some degree of relief and comfort like advancement of civilization, my family and relatives, my buddies and so on all appear totally meaningless and useless to me now.

How on earth can i get rid of these nagging feelings all around me and everywhere i look. It is seriously haunting me and bringing me daily pain and anxiety. The feelings and thoughts are too strong.

I confided in a friend and he told me to think positive and tried to tell me that i have so much to live for and he even joked with me that i am handsome, physically fit, intelligent, and would soon be a graduate in flying colours.

However, despite all of this it all still boils down to all being meaningless. People more handsome and more intelligent and better fit than I am have all died so what's special about my looks or my physique or my academics when at the end of the day I will still die and cease to exist.

I am troubled. Sometimes when I am alone I hear voices telling me to end it all and be done with it that it is better to die early with less stress and pain than to die late despite the stress and pains. What is happening to me?

Hmmm I feel for you. I really do. But how can I even begin talking to you when you clearly said and I quote:

I most certainly do not believe in any diety nor do i believe any exist so nobody should try and sell me that bullshitt

You are obviously an atheist and since I am a christian I can only talk to you from my perspective if you would let me.

I've been thinking about this too.
Death
Time
Life

It doesn't even make sense like we're basically living a simulated reality with an absolute end point. Death.

I look forward to dying. Maybe I'll understand then.

LeiderJa:
I've been thinking about this too.
Death
Time
Life

It doesn't even make sense like we're basically living a simulated reality with an absolute end point. Death.

I look forward to dying. Maybe I'll understand then.

The simulated reality with an absolute end point part got me. I want more but I know I cannot have it because when I die I am gone. Great minds who I look up to have all died and all they ever worked for or investigated stopped making any sense to them the moment they died. This is disturbing.

Since death is the end of everything how then would you understand anything? I don't understand

life gives hope, hopes gives tenacity, tenacity birth success. op can check my thread i create a topic on it or perhaps i will summit here.

Butterflyleo:


Hmmm I feel for you. I really do. But how can I even begin talking to you when you clearly said and I quote:



You are obviously an atheist and since I am a christian I can only talk to you from my perspective if you would let me.

I don't like being called an atheist like some kind of title. I just know that any diety or god in any form does not exist. All I have is me and all I do is me and this is the reason why I said I do not want the bullshitt talk from people like you. Already you are trying to sell Christianity to me. Wtf do I care about Christianity? I have a real situation here and you wave Christianity at me?

What makes a christian or whoever else better or different from me? Bugger off and take your Christianity with you.

vaxx:
life gives hope, hopes gives tenacity, tenacity birth success. op can check my thread i create a topic on it or perhaps i will summit here.

All the hope and tenacity and success ultimately ends in death. Why?

op kindly visit this thread. https://www.nairaland.com/4305168/what-purpose-earth-worth-reading

Iliveforme:



I don't like being called an atheist like some kind of title. I just know that any diety or god in any form does not exist. All I have is me and all I do is me and this is the reason why I said I do not want the bullshitt talk from people like you. Already you are trying to sell Christianity to me. Wtf do I care about Christianity? I have a real situation here and you wave Christianity at me?

What makes a christian or whoever else better or different from me? Bugger off and take your Christianity with you.

Did I strike a nerve?

Why are you suddenly angry over a simple comment I made? Haba

So because I am a christian I should not offer real help to you or at least try? Smh

Butterflyleo:


Did I strike a nerve?

Why are you suddenly angry over a simple comment I made? Haba

So because I am a christian I should not offer real help to you or at least try? Smh

I have a nagging headache even now and have been unable to sleep because I am afraid that I may not wake up when I do. I don't want my life to just cease yet it will. I am sorry if you did not like my outburst but I already warned that I do not want your bullshitt and you still tried to do it. Such things irritate me easily please.

Iliveforme:


I have a nagging headache even now and have been unable to sleep because I am afraid that I may not wake up when I do. I don't want my life to just cease yet it will. I am sorry if you did not like my outburst but I already warned that I do not want your bullshitt and you still tried to do it. Such things irritate me easily please.

I am sorry too but right now that is the only truth you need to be told. I am not trying to sell Christianity or whatever else you think to you. I just want to talk to you from my perspective and it just might touch on some christian values but they would be just to buttress my points. Calm down and take some gulps of air. You need not be afraid really you don't but just let me talk to you and we could probably arrive at a compromise. Alright?

Its happening again even now on the front page of nairaland about a guy who hung himself.

https://www.nairaland.com/4431610/man-commits-suicide-abuja-hanging

I couldn't look away and now my anxiety is back. Wtf is wrong with me?

My heart is beating so fast and the worse part is that I also live in abuja. Shittt shittt shittt. Am I loosing my mind? Oh fück .

Iliveforme:


All the hope and tenacity and success ultimately ends in death. Why?

it is because death itself is part of life,but life itself is an ongoing cycle which death play its role.. All material and immaterial of our world have a shelf life. From people to plastic, all things break down over time.Your phone will rusts. house cement will cracks and crumbles. Window get thinner from wind and particles. Water becomes stagnant. Leaves fall and rot.All of these things (even plastic) provide a life cycle to something new.

Oxidized metals enrich soil. Cement crumbling becomes sand and rocks that provide shelter to smaller animals. Glass breaking down also gradually converts back into sand. Plastic eventually breaks back down into petrochemicals that sink back into the ground and eventually becomes what it began as again. our body and that of the animals turn into food for other animals and probably enriched the soil as manure There is a life cycle to everything. The matter you are composed of could have been countless other things before you. philosophically i see death like a kettle that contain water on heat but get evaporated into the atmosphere after a lot of pressure. the water did not die nor die off but evolve into another sphere to come in form of rain or so. science says the water that has been on earth over a billion years ago , it is the same water with us, it is not decreasing nor increasing. so the water you took and urinate out this morning did not go anywhere or the one you use in bathing is also so much around. when will die, our body dies off but our personality remain just like that of water.

vaxx:
it is because death itself is part of life,but life itself is an ongoing cycle which death play its role.. All material and immaterial of our world have a shelf life. From people to plastic, all things break down over time.Your phone will rusts. house cement will cracks and crumbles. Window get thinner from wind and particles. Water becomes stagnant. Leaves fall and rot.All of these things (even plastic) provide a life cycle to something new.

Oxidized metals enrich soil. Cement crumbling becomes sand and rocks that provide shelter to smaller animals. Glass breaking down also gradually converts back into sand. Plastic eventually breaks back down into petrochemicals that sink back into the ground and eventually becomes what it began as again. our body and that of the animals turn into food for other animals and probably enriched the soil as manure There is a life cycle to everything. The matter you are composed of could have been countless other things before you. philosophically i see death like a kettle that contain water on heat but get evaporated into the atmosphere after a lot of pressure. the water did not die nor die off but evolve into another sphere to come in form of rain or so. science says the water that has been on earth over a billion years ago , it is the same water with us, it is not decreasing nor increasing. so the water you took and urinate out this morning did not go anywhere or the one you use in bathing is also so much around. when will die, our body dies off but our personality remain just like that of water.

What personality?

You speak with so much certainty yet say you are speaking from a philosophical angle. My issue is that I am fúcking freaking out about this whole shitt.

Even if my molecules as a person was something else before me, something I am unaware of and may never be, why then did it fûcking become me and put me in this terrible cycle you talk about?

Its of no benefit to me so why bring me into all the mess?

I've seen a similar thread on this section from an atheist and I was amazed how other atheists were trying to beat their idea of meaning into the poor young man who was suicidal at the time. So i can also relate with this @Iliveforme. I once opened a thread for this.

https://www.nairaland.com/3246389/atheism-bold-representative-futility-hopelessness

You're right, though some attach happiness to several things like jobs, family etc. If truly there was no purpose to life, we quickly discover that its all to no end. You're right, it doesn't matter if we have kids or not, if else fail or pass. Like someone once told me, suicide is the only way out of this horrible world.

This is true for some and a big lie to many like me, this is not all there is to life, I believed in a lie for a long time. This can't be everything. It makes no sense for me to live and just die and then someone else will tell me to be glad I've lived. Its irrational.

I questioned reality and this is why I've been able to reach a reasonable conclusion.

I want to let you know for sure that the existence of life itself is supernatural, it makes no sense why we should exist in the first place.
www.nairaland.com/attachments/5909250_img8162_jpega449fdec5674e7900a8abc4d01b71616

Many people have tried to explain away the mystery of the existence of life using "scientific" theories, but after years of inaccuracies, this mystery still stares at us.

The first fact I realized in my journey to faith was that: "If existence is supernatural, then that changes everything", " if I was put here, then this can't be my final destination when I'm no longer here", "if nothing in this world can satisfy me, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world"...

You can read up one of my threads: https://www.nairaland.com/3321793/atheisms-universe-little-indian-parable

You can also email me, let's discuss better.


Let me wait for dalaman, Ranchhoddas, johnydon22, cutemadridsta, superhumanist, frank317, realmindz, TayserMahiri, Martinez19 etc to come and beat their subjective ideas of purpose into this honest poor atheist

Iliveforme:


What personality?

You speak with so much certainty yet say you are speaking from a philosophical angle. My issue is that I am fúcking freaking out about this whole shitt.

Even if my molecules as a person was something else before me, something I am unaware of and may never be, why then did it fûcking become me and put me in this terrible cycle you talk about?

Its of no benefit to me so why bring me into all the mess?

Your personality is the ''i'' within you, it is what does not break even if everything breaks. supposing a person loses one of his limbs, he still says "I am studying" and "I am reading a poem" and never says" three-quarters of me is studying" or" "three-quarters of me is reading poem". No person can divide his personality and nature into different parts. the real you is your personality and not the matter you own as a body. i am not superstitious so do not expect that from me to convince you with what its not real. you have never lost your real you for once. have you try to go thru the thread i posted.

winner01:
I've seen a similar thread on this section from an atheist and I was amazed how other atheists were trying to beat their idea of meaning into the poor young man who was suicidal at the time. So i can also relate with this @Iliveforme. I once opened a thread for this.

https://www.nairaland.com/3246389/atheism-bold-representative-futility-hopelessness

You're right, though some attach happiness to several things like jobs, family etc. If truly there was no purpose to life, we quickly discover that its all to no end. You're right, it doesn't matter if we have kids or not, if else fail or pass. Like someone once told me, suicide is the only way out of this horrible world.

This is true for some and a big lie to many like me, this is not all there is to life, I believed in a lie for a long time. This can't be everything. It makes no sense for me to live and just die and then someone else will tell me to be glad I've lived. Its irrational.

I questioned reality and this is why I've been able to reach a reasonable conclusion.

I want to let you know for sure that the existence of life itself is supernatural, it makes no sense why we should exist in the first place.
www.nairaland.com/attachments/5909250_img8162_jpega449fdec5674e7900a8abc4d01b71616

Many people have tried to explain away the mystery of the existence of life using "scientific" theories, but after years of inaccuracies, this mystery still stares at us.

The first fact I realized in my journey to faith was that: "If existence is supernatural, then that changes everything", " if I was put here, then this can't be my final destination when I'm no longer here", "if nothing in this world can satisfy me, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world"...

You can read up one of my threads: https://www.nairaland.com/3321793/atheisms-universe-little-indian-parable

You can also email me, let's discuss better.

I need some time to read through the thread you posted.