I want total healing and I believe it will come through pouring out my mind. I had been fighting myself on what I called love stupidity. I havs been through the wilderness of love. Love they say is blind and you will ever need an eye opener to get free. I met Bade in school, at my 300 level he was in 500 level, studying law. He approached me and I gave in to him. We went on fine as we love each other. He graduated and he went to law school, we were still together, through the service year, he kept been faithful, so I was on my side, faithful. He got a good job through the help of his father. I was happy for him and I got my job two years after service.

The time came that he was talking of marriage and took me home. The parents welcomed me warmly. After I had hone, they told their son that I was not their choice so he should cut away from me immediately. He argued with them


JOSHUA
I love her dad, I love her, she is the one I want to marry


FATHER
Our choice will be your choice you can't marry a Yoruba lady.


JOSHUA
what is wrong with that?


MOTHER.
You need not to question your father on what is wrong with Yoruba lady. You can't marry her.
They insisted that Joshua should not marry me.


JOSHUA
Who should I marry then?


MOTHER
Ini, the daughter of my friend is well prepared for you. You know her, you two grew up together. So no problem on who to marry. I have the consent of the mother.


They stood their ground and made thing work out sharp sharp. Joshua told me that, before he could really bring people in to help change their decision, the invitation was out. Joshua came to me with a sad cat face, claiming he loved me. He said his love belong to me. He said he was only doing this to please his parent that I was the cockroach in his wardrobe, foolish enough I believed. He promise to be faithful as he was still the one for me. I believed.
The wedding took place, it was big one as the parents of the couples were rich. In all this he was still, telling me to be calm, he would find his way back to me, he loved me and there was no doubt about that. After nine months, his wife put to bed, hurray. This never stopped him from coming to me, through the nine months, he watched over my life, both morning and evening, he challenged me whenever he saw a guy with me and called me a betrayer. He came to me when his wife put to bed, assuring me that I was the one he was loving but he had to just please his parent. One thing led thing led to the other and I got pregnant for him. He received the news the with unhappiness.


Joshua
Babe, you need to abort this baby. It will be a great problem if my parent get to hear about this. They are capable of doing what I don't know.


Foolishly I agreed with him. I didn't even know why, I agrees with him, so I went for an abortion. He gave money and sent texts. After I had done that, we moved on with the bond relationship. He was all over me, you know, he was like monitoring me, he won't allow any man into my life. He asked questions here and then and I kept loving on
Two and half years after the delivery of his first son, his wife put to bed again. He still came to me to tell same. He loved me, he was mine, he just had to do that for his parent. He never said anything of his plans for me, he just believed one day, we would be free without walking out of the bondage. You will not believe I held on, after two kids, he still held my life with the chain of love and I never strived to be free, I just kept loving. He showered me with gifts, his love and a mean care. Escaping all tactics he uses on, I got pregnant for him again. I thought to myself 'This one would stay'. I got telling him with all joy buy he said same thing as first, he doesn't want to upset his parent, I have to go and abort the unborn heroes , his parent would be mad at him.
It was as if a veil was removed from my mind. Abort again, many thought ran through my mind, who did he think I am, a waste? The foolish one? A sweet side chic? Abortion again? I was angry, I was hurt, I was furious, from inside, I wouldn't bear it, what a mean man? Abortion again, nooo. The feeling that I had when he said abort, can only be known by feeling it yourself. I was shaking and boiling and told him to get out of my house, he was trying to come near but I shouted him out. 'Goooo, goooo, you wicked man, you are building your life and ruining mine'.

I gave a loud cry after he had gone, then I suddenly noticed a blood baby, the baby flowed out itself, I had no pity because I cannot imagine at that time carrying the baby of a mean man. I allowed him to flowed out of my life with the blood flow, I will not be needing him. When I got myself calm, I went in, cleaned up then drove to the hospital, for the doctor to help out, he did his work and I was certified health, no damage.


After that I began to fight my self. How can I be so stupid, how can I let a man take much advantage of me this much, did he use jax on me or what? He had kept me from those that were ready to marry me. I kept abusing myself for being a mumu, a modern mumu. Love drunkard, blind lover, yeye gerl. Upon all the level I claimed, I could not discern good and bad. It was painful me. I saw myself as a person so stupid. I decided to help my self, So, I changed my apartment, changed so many things that could draw us near, he still gave a call, came to my office but I told him, to leave me alone or I will go and tell his parent. I gave him no chance any more. My 'mumu don do' He left and went back to his wife. I stayed alone, freed, I felt free, I could move to where I liked and not be monitored by any, I could greet friends and cheer up without fear of questions. I can now wink back at the guys that wink at me.
One has been winking now, he also smile with style, but I think I need time to be sure I won't be foolish again or what do you think?

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