Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

One day you both can then marry.. Nice assurance...

the signs are already there, he is not man enough. as for me I can't marry someone who's family don't like me

If you've been sincere with your narration then I will suggest you quit the relationship with immediate effect. I think you're dealing with selfish people that are bent to ruin your boyfriend. Your man is surrounded by vampires that have been sucking him before your arrival. Upon your arrival, you start blocking loop holes by trying to encourage your guy to start channeling his resources into something meaningful. This does not go well with his family, hence they have to boot you out of their brother's life so they can continuing enjoying him.

Though I may be wrong but am just surprised how a family will abandoned their own blood at the hospital and leave the work to you alone a girl friend.

If you must continue with him, just prepare your mind for the worse because if anything happen to him in the future, OYO is your case.

So no single person in his family likes you even after all the sacrifices? Are you an Osu or something? Or are you sure they've not done due diligence on you and found something unacceptable?

The kind of person we marry has alot to do with the character traits in the kids that will be born into such UNION.

Is that really the kind of HOME and EXTENDED FAMILY you want to bring innocent kids into?
Did you not have a vision for the kind of man you wanted to marry when u were single or was it MONEY that BLINDED you? or maybe it was great sex....

Am really sorry for you but the sad truth is.... YOU SAW THE WARNING SIGNS and still went ahead to keep yourself ready for him in the name of LOVE.

A man that BEATS his wife-to-be IS AN ABUSER and it will only lead to more damaging experiences. Your kids will have to see him beat you and it will damage their psychology of how a home should be.

Then since its a brain tumor... if not cured properly... he may DIE by it then the full weight of the entire family of haters will come on you....

PLS CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FUTURE?

Look before you Leap.

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man(from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC.. he was no quite learned but he s hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did. But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also take care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....
To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.
after 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual... He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery his father died.. I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted... But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we ll keep on praying that one-day they ll accept me so we can then marry.
I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what ll happen later... Am afraid and frustrated.... I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

Did they wake up one day and decided to dislike you? What exactly happened that made them feel this way about you?

If you go ahead and marry that man, will he be there to defend you when his family turns against you? This is a man that used to beat you to a pulp, what makes you think he and his family won't join hands to beat you to coma? My people say it is better to have a bad husband than to have bad in-laws, I've seen cases to buttress this fact. One of the worst mistake a woman can make is to marry into a family where she is clearly resented with hopes that they will like her in future, the other one is to marry a man that used to physically abuse her with the hopes that he will change. Sorry, they will not like you, neither will he change. You'll just add to the numbers of women wailing on social media pages about their awful marriages.

THREE QUICK THOUGHTS

- You are desperate and it's ruining your thought and feelings ; A lady who isn't desperate won't tolerate a boyfriend that beats her up, not to talk of forcing herself in a family who clearly doesn't love her.

- A woman don't just marry a man, but his family ; His family hates you for reasons you are yet to tell us, you can't tell me they just disliked you just for no reason, it doesn't happen. Something must have happened that poisoned their mind.

- Your husband won't be able to defend you ; Even if he's the most powerful man on earth, so long as his family doesn't support you, he can't do anything.

---

I'll advise you to desist from that family, the more you force yourself on them the risk you endanger yourself, for how long do you intend forcing yourself on them?

They'v humiliated you, insulted you, beat you, disgraced you and made it obvious that you are not needed.

Baby girl, why the desperation?

Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

you can nd you will get a better man.
plsssss,leave him and move on.The battles you will face if you marry him may overwhelm you.

@OP, DON'T YOU HAVE ANY OF YOUR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS THAT YOU CAN DISCUSS THIS ISSUE AT HAND WITH AND HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS MATTER? Only if some women know what they are getting themselves into when their husband's family doesn’t like them; probably if they did, many of them would have ended the relationship. Love is not enough as blood is thicker than water and some men after a while due to the pressure from his family may knowingly or un-knowingly withdraw support for his wife. This scenario sometimes doesn't stop even after children are produced in the union; sad as it is, that’s just the reality. Make you think well if you fit take the heat o; if not, make you run before you enter marriage o. Remember say this man don beat you before o and him family no want take eye see you o. THINK VERY WELL BEFORE YOU CONTINUE WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP; A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE. ENOUGH SAID.

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

My dear, it is better to wait long than marry wrong. You think being single is humiliating, try getting married into an unfriendly environment. Trust me, you will wish you were single all over again. Everything you have written so far shows that you are going to have a very toxic unhappy marriage if you decide to marry that fiance of yours. Kindly back out of that relationship now that you can. Your future self will thank you for it

When you would have moved on with your life after he told you he could never marry you and was even abusing you physically and verbally. But you still stayed and suffered with him when he was sick hoping that he would change because you were there for him.

If you didn't do all that for him, would he still love you and be with you? What if after all the sacrifices you have made he still says he is not "doing" again, won't you have wasted years and energy?

His family's opinion is inconsequential. He should be able to make them accept you if he is serious about you and not use it as an excuse.

The most important factor in all of this is you. Think about yourself for once and not others. Sometimes we need to be selfish. Your guy is probably thinking about what is best for himself. Who is thinking about you? Don't jeopardize your happiness because of anyone.

Wife material loading... this one pass 25 yards..

If I say what's on my mind, u might not like it dear... U have done enough.. just move on..

This story reminds me of the one on the other thread that was camping on the floor of the boyfriend 's one room apartment just for nothing.. while the boy and the sister were sleeping on the bed.. There are so many good girls this days...

I wanted to use harsh words on you but since others have been humane, let me also be. But you really need to buy, or at least borrow, some sense! Or are u under a spell/curse? better run for your life now!

I don't know why people like drama sha.

You haven't gotten married yet, yet you are facing all these unnecessary hassles.

You are supposed to be happy in your relationship.

He has beaten you, just so you know that beating you after wedding is not ruled out.

His family hate you.


I know you love him, but I think you should love yourself more and quit that relationship that is draining you already.


If you marry him I assure you it won't last.

Is they don't like you, leave the relationship and look for someone better. Thousands of families wants someone like you


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Ur case worse pass that of an ashewo that’s always on her period

It's normal..

He beats you, insults you and his family does not like you, so what else are you waiting for?

What do you want to hear?

The man is only hanging around and screaming marriage because you took care of him when he was sick.

After marriage, his true behavior will return and he will continue where he stopped.

From my little understanding of tumors and brain tumors, I understand that they sometimes return.

And a brain tumor is one of the most dangerous types of tumors.

It can kill and the surgery itself could cause paralysis because doctors might need to deal with complicated nerves.

This means that man that does not appreciate you might die or suffer permanent disability.

In either case, you're at a loss.

If he becomes disabled, you will be forced to care for him and shoulder his responsibilities since he wouldn't be able to work.

If he dies, his family will retrieve his properties and throw you out because you were never one of them.

So as you can see, you are at a clear disadvantage here.

I suggest you take a bow and leave that man and his family alone. He is still tied to their wrapper.

Once you marry wrong, eighty percent of your usefulness is gone... I keep telling people: it's better to wait long than to marry wrong... You don't marry for where you are, you marry for where you are going - so shine your eyes well and walk away while you still can.

If the bros is willing to leave his family's wishes for you, then you have a point hanging on.
However, you can't know this until you leave.

A man that beats u. U still wan marry am

Red flags are on full-mast but you choose to ignore!

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me , but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

My advice would be blunt but I'll talk to you as my sister.

First of all, let me wish you RIP in advance cos it's that man that would kill you if you're not careful.

You've wasted 5 years of your life for a man who doesn't appreciate you. He was sick in the hospital and his family abandoned him simply because they knew you were there. He's refused to marry you and is telling you that he's praying. What useless prayer is in the mouth of a drunkard and woman-beater?

That man in his drunken state has said he can't marry you. What else do you want? Drunkards don't tell lies, alcohol loosens the tongues of men and spills the contents of their hearts.

Also, despite the fact that his family has given you the obvious signs that you're an outcast, you still put your head inside. See, if you dare marry that man and you have issues, which of the family members would stand on your behalf? You've Kuku cheapened yourself to the family rag kicked about.

You feel you're not young anyone and for that you're in an abusive relationship where the man doesn't have future plans for you. My sister, pack yourself and leave that guy. If he wants you, he'll come seek your hands in marriage. If not, you'll get a better man who treasures you.

2013-2018 is 5 years in a useless relationship. Buhari sef never di reach that one wey we wan pursue am comot.

On a final note, if you refuse to leave because you're not getting younger, just note that you're not too young - to die of domestic violence.

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

Just quit
Leave that dude and move on...

My sincere honest advice from a man to a woman who is in a serious life dilemma and needs the most truthful answer to the situation affecting her.


1- Quit Now. I repeat Quit Now for your own good and happiness. I'm a core Igbo man from Anambra and can vividly tell you that our culture here in Igbo is terrible when it comes to marriage and family matters.

2- If you want to live longer than you ever envisioned, then let that man and his family go...... and when you do please don't look back. my reasons are as follows.....

a: as a guy I do advise my fellow young singles planning on settling down soon not to ever think of marrying a woman if his/her family doesn't accept them.

b: if you end up doing strong head and marry that person even when they say they can't live without you my dear no body from their family will attend una wedding....this is core Igbo culture....its terrible but its true. If at all they attend, it's for the man and not for you and trust me you won't enjoy your wedding day as they'll do everything within their power to make you unhappy and depressed that day.

c: imagine after you've seen the writing on the wall went ahead and married him and help him build up his wealth more and along the line he dies(since he's already prone to random sickness) who do you think they'll blame....? You.

I know my Igbo people, the family will throw you out before or after the burial and collect all the man's property from you even the ones you might have invested your money, energy and time into.


I can go on and on but as an Igbo woman you be read this carefully..."were ire gi guo ezegi onu" cos it won't end well for you.


please leave love aside first and save your life. they might even go diabolic for you.


Advice to all..... leave the talk of being a man or woman, if your family members doesn't accept your partner to be please for the sake of you and your partner and future kids kindly let them go. Unless you're ready to abandon them all and live with your partner.

most at times their reasons are not always genuine and only on that context can I advise you to follow your heart just like in the case of the PSquare family. If they have reasons they all repeatedly complain of, leave that partner for you to live long and be happy.


My dad has made us swear that none of us will marry from Enugu or from Yoruba....he has his reasons and he carefully told us so. My future kids can marry from those places but me and my brothers or any of my sisters will not. My fathers advices has never for once turned out bad, so I'm not gonna disobey him on that.....(please nobody should bash me on that, our elders use to say that What An Old Man Sits Down and See, A Child Can Not See It Even When He/She Stands)


have said Enough.....sister please please please, don't ever marry that man....infact kill every love you have for him now and move on...find someone else and marry.....i know its hard but do it. I can bet with my life that you two will never enjoy that marriage especially YOU.


Peace.....Igbo Culture is beautiful but some aspects needs to be changed for the betterment of the entire Igbo race.

Please leave him. God has better plans for u. what is their reason for not wanting him to marry u? Please move on