bizzybii: @omega, its not like my mum is enjoying it, her eldest bro has asked her to leave and that he wld not be alive to see his sis suffer in anymans hand.
, but my mum said she cant afford to leave her matrimonial home especially as her children are still in school,
if she leaves and another woman comes in, things will never be the same for us,
and its not like she doesnt hv an income, but we all go to private schools, she wont be able to handle it on her own,

My late aunt said the same thing, now she's 6 feet.In her own case, the husband wasn't abusing her physically but emotionally.

Please, tell your mum to rent a house and stay on her own, you guys need her, if something happens to her in your father's house, another woman will still take over.

Ujujoan:

This is really sad, but typical of most Nigerian marriages!

We brag that our marriages last longer than that of the westerners, but that’s only because women are able to take abuse from men here that women in the west would never take! The happiness most married couples experience here is often an illusion. And what really saddens me is the fact the we have come to accept, even expect the various forms of maltreatment from the men we call our husbands!

Women see themselves as a lesser beings than the men. The stay home, take care of the family and looks the other way when their men cheat. When he raises his hands against them, the make excuses for him. When he lies, they justify it by saying . .  ‘they are men’. Pathetic!

I think women need to stand up for themselves, if not for anything for the sake of their children. Now your brother sees nothing wrong with hitting a woman and your father is not the only one to blame for that. Women should teach their children right and wrong and how to stand up for themselves. What better way to do this than to live it?

Staying with a man that disrespects your is not a sign of great love but that of great weakness! She’s telling her children that it’s okay to be weak as far as you are a woman! She’s telling her son that’s okay to disrespect her, as far as she’s your wife!  Shame on her!

   

I'm not saying she should leave him, but she should try and get her respect back. If he doesn't offer it, let her DEMAND it! It's her right!      

And if you want to help her, you can start by telling her that!

I agree with most of what you said...but spousal abuse is NOT typical of most Nigerian marriages! Yes women might appear subdued and submissive, a host of them have learnt how to deal with their husbands. Don't be too quick to box Nigerian marriages into your ready made stereotype...

bizzybii: @omega, its not like my mum is enjoying it, her eldest bro has asked her to leave and that he wld not be alive to see his sis suffer in anymans hand.
, but my mum said she cant afford to leave her matrimonial home especially as her children are still in school,
if she leaves and another woman comes in, things will never be the same for us,
and its not like she doesnt hv an income, but we all go to private schools, she wont be able to handle it on her own,

if ur mum looses her life in d process of the usual beatings what she is protecting wil be left in d hand of another woman.is stil dosnt make a difference either she leaves or not..


is it not better she struggles tru to take care of u nd later enjoy the fruits of her labour than untimely death that wil leave ur fate in the hands of a stepmum who might not av ur interest at heart.


those constant beatings will pile up nd generate to sometins else at her old age.d woman body after giving birth to kids has a limit of pressure it can handle.

when there is life there is hope. when one dies thats d end.nd life wit ur dad will surely go on.

Ujujoan:

This is really sad, but typical of most Nigerian marriages!

We brag that our marriages last longer than that of the westerners, but that’s only because women are able to take abuse from men here that women in the west would never take! The happiness most married couples experience here is often an illusion. And what really saddens me is the fact the we have come to accept, even expect the various forms of maltreatment from the men we call our husbands!

Women see themselves as a lesser beings than the men. The stay home, take care of the family and looks the other way when their men cheat. When he raises his hands against them, the make excuses for him. When he lies, they justify it by saying . .  ‘they are men’. Pathetic!

I think women need to stand up for themselves, if not for anything for the sake of their children. Now your brother sees nothing wrong with hitting a woman and your father is not the only one to blame for that. Women should teach their children right and wrong and how to stand up for themselves. What better way to do this than to live it?

Staying with a man that disrespects your is not a sign of great love but that of great weakness! She’s telling her children that it’s okay to be weak as far as you are a woman! She’s telling her son that’s okay to disrespect her, as far as she’s your wife!  Shame on her!

   

I'm not saying she should leave him, but she should try and get her respect back. If he doesn't offer it, let her DEMAND it! It's her right!      

And if you want to help her, you can start by telling her that!

This is not a time for feminist talks, what is wrong is wrong. There are scenarios where the man is treated like a douchebag.. She has reasons to still be in the marriage thats why she is still in it.
@Poster I am not married and am even in your age bracket but i think dad has not forgiven mum for something she did sometime ago, you and your brother should try talking to your dad together and put it in prayers.. ANY foolish extended family that comes in to say trash should be seriously dealt with.. Its your family and you should work toward protecting it.. If this ugly incident continues, Mum should leave.. Her children are all grown up and she doesnt deserve what she is currently been served.. People say "You actually dont know what you have until you loose it".. My two pence!!

Ujujoan:

This is really sad, but typical of most Nigerian marriages!

We brag that our marriages last longer than that of the westerners, but that’s only because women are able to take abuse from men here that women in the west would never take The happiness most married couples experience here is often an illusion. And what really saddens me is the fact the we have come to accept, even expect the various forms of maltreatment from the men we call our husbands!

Women see themselves as a lesser beings than the men. The stay home, take care of the family and looks the other way when their men cheat. When he raises his hands against them, the make excuses for him. When he lies, they justify it by saying . .  ‘they are men’. Pathetic!

I think women need to stand up for themselves, if not for anything for the sake of their children. Now your brother sees nothing wrong with hitting a woman and your father is not the only one to blame for that. Women should teach their children right and wrong and how to stand up for themselves. What better way to do this than to live it?

Staying with a man that disrespects your is not a sign of great love but that of great weakness! She’s telling her children that it’s okay to be weak as far as you are a woman! She’s telling her son that’s okay to disrespect her, as far as she’s your wife!  Shame on her!

   

I'm not saying she should leave him, but she should try and get her respect back. If he doesn't offer it, let her DEMAND it! It's her right!      

And if you want to help her, you can start by telling her that!

I saw this post in my 'share notification' and it caught my attention.

The two bolded lines are in bad contrast. You see, you are yet to break away from the nigerian/african women mentality. If you are saying she shouldn't leave him, you are as well saying she should stay and endure the maltreatment... 'cause most time such men never change, so even when she demands for her due respect she gets beaten up for challenging the manbeast of the house. I believe the best approach is to first separate from the husband, if he comes back to his senses then she may give him a second chance. If he messes up with the second chance then divorce should be pursued. The same approach can also be applied if the woman is the beast of the marriage.
However, the truth is that most nigerian women are financially unstable and some see such maltreatment as an alpha trait in men, so they tend to cherish it. While Some endure such to avoid the stigmatization associated with collapsed marriage.

My mum left after 25 years opf marriage ..thank god for his mercies..she picked up the the pieces of her life and moved on...now she's living in peace....encourge ur mum to choose life..

My mum left after 25 years of marriage ..thank god for his mercies..she picked up the the pieces of her life and moved on...now she's living in peace....Encourage ur mum to choose life..

sayso: sorry but I think your mum is a stubborn woman

Mr man for making this statement may all your daughters marry men that would abuse them physically beat them frequently then your eye would clear. every man in his right thinking senses knows that it is absolutely wrong to beat a woman no matter what she does. if u know u are thirsty for blows and punches why not visit one of those boxing rings lets see who d man is in the ring. Nonsense

bizzybii: my house is always on fire wt quarells, my parents still fight till 2moro, he still beats her no one seems to listen to advice, they hv been married for over 20 yrs and the kind of things that make them fight is amazing. they are not setting good examples for us

please how do i handle this

My dear I also grew up in an abusive environment where my mum and dad were always fighting my parents re 29years in marriage and my dad beat my mum 2 years ago if I am not mistaking. My best advise to you is to pray about it. that is the only weapon to defeat this situation my siblings and I tried it and it is working perfectly for us. Just tell it to God pour out your heart he would help you trust me.

bizzybii: my house is always on fire wt quarells, my parents still fight till 2moro, he still beats her no one seems to listen to advice, they hv been married for over 20 yrs and the kind of things that make them fight is amazing. they are not setting good examples for us

please how do i handle this

Kids born, bred, and brought up in an environment where 'effective' communication is via the fists tend to be seriously messed up and see nothing wrong with violence as it's the norm as far as they know.

@OP: Do you believe marriage is a do-or-die affair?