What is this Arrhythmia I keep hearing about? Sorry, It is not the transmission story. That is for the IG.

Some Oyibo people call it dysrhythmia, it is a condition of irregular heartbeat. Sometimes, the heart beat too fast or too slow and fast and slow.

I used to have it when I was a kid. My parents took me from one doctor to the other. Then from one quack doctor to the other. one day, a decision was reached that the witches were after me. I had to be shipped away to stay with my grandmother in Ubiaja, But to get there, we must first travel to Ekpoma and then to Uromi, before making the final D-tour to Ubiaja to drimble and confuse the witches. That was exactly what my mother did. Then I was only 8 years old.

There was one problem though, The Arrhythmia continued there. Later, I was told there is this women in the Delta region who can take care of it. She lived on the other side of a big river, the witches will drown on that river before they get there. So I will be reinforced before coming back home so the witches wouldn't be able to find me. I knew it was all BS (Believe System), but what can you do when you are 14 years old.

The working theory was, some big witches in Esan land (neighbors) had put a mark on my forehead as a kid. So, everywhere, I went, it was like a relay, the other witches would see that mark and pick up the batton to continue the attack. The mark was so invisible that only other witches could see it.

So, even when we moved home, the auntie witch would see it, the neighbors witch would see it, the grand mum witch would see it. Later on, even the future wife witch and in-laws would see it. and attack. So the future was blink.

So, I went along. They would massage my chest with some chalk and give me the piece that was left to go outside and throw it on top of the leave roof. I still don't understand what that was good for.

I kept thinking, one day I was going to leave this nonsense behind and go to America. I heard witches didn't cross the big ocean. Instinctively, I knew I had to leave Nigeria or die young, not from the witches but from the quack doctors. That was enough motivation for me to do all it took to cross that big ocean.

I finally crossed, but the Arrhythmia continued. One day I went to a doctor and he asked me what was wrong. I told him I was dying. He replied, yes you are, but not soon.

He checked me out and said you have Arrhythmia. That was before Google. I couldn't Google it. But he said, "it wouldn't kill you, but could make you very miserable sometimes."

So, the first time I came to Nigeria, My mother said we should go and pay homage to the old woman in Delta state sho cured me, I liked that old women, so I sent her N3000. In those days, that was big money. 20 years later, I told my mother that women didn't cure my Arrhythmia because witches had nothing to do with it. She said, " who told you. Your Oyibo wife hmm. That is how she spoil our name before you all the time. Everything we did for you was never good."

So, I told her it was Dr. Thomas my physician that is to be blamed and not my wife.

She replied.

"They are all the same, what did that Doctor thomas know anyway"

My mother was right about one thing. She and my father did spend lot of money and lot of time worrying, travelling from one quark to the other to save me from the phantom witches, but unfortunately, all that work was based on ignorance. I still feel sorry for them when I think of it. And if I had remained in Nigeria, they would have inadvertently killed me trying to save me. Many who went through this route are no longer with us.

On the other hand, Dr. Thomas wasn't a quack, he had Phd in being a doctor. He is a doctor of doctor and a researcher. But our ancestors knew more than Dr. Thomas and my mother trust our ancestors more. the final verdict was, It was the witches that did it and that old women cured me and when I travelled to America the witches lost track of me.

Case closed. Next case please.

As for me, I am still taking medicine for Arrhythmia


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