Youngzubi, I started reading your story today and I must confess you are trying. It's not easy at all. I always tell people if they think writing a story is easy, they should take a pen and paper and write a 500 word composition and see how difficult it is.
The story has been nice so far. I love the way you settled do with pidgin English as your preferred language in the story. It's been superb.
But I think at the Police brutality at the barracks, you went a bit too far with the torturing scene. I know it's all fiction though, but the police using cutlass to cut the Landlord's hand? That was dwelling too much on the fictitious side of story. No policeman will do that.
And also, the collabo between the police D.P.O(Oga Frank) and the soldiers is what I don't understand. It's very hard to see soldiers taking orders from policemen like that. I think you should have used fellow policeman instead, maybe Mobile policemen or even Sars officers. But in all bro, the story is dope. Keep dropping it. We are following up.

O boi, nor reason the English o. I be fellow area o. I full ground for warri. I rep Udu.
Keep dropping the updates, as e dey hot!

Episode....................15




welcome to my home in warri
--------------------------------------------
meet my guys omo dem too rugged
---------------------------------------------------








"warri girls sha!,i been dey think say by now dem for don change as church don full every wia, ahah!,na the olosho wey i carry log yester night o! she don almost carry all the money wey big mama dash me run,nah gawd just save my destiny as i quick open eye wen i hear door sound,Chai i fly up as i rush her,



"wia u think say u dey carry my money go,....i yan as i grab the olosho girl tight


ah! bros u don wake?.......the olosho girl ask as she begin scratch her head,maybe better lie never surface



"wia my money dey follow u go abi u dey follow my money go?....i ask am as i tear her one hot slap wey make her loose balance



aahh! bros abeg no vex,see nah Satan cause am, me no dey look peson property o! ,na Satan just push me,abeg bros use church mind abeg!........the olosho girl begin beg



"one mind dey tell me say spana use this opportunity rape her to coma,at least she go faint she no go nor wen u go disappear,u no go pay shi shi be that o!,spana waya this olosho nah!,my second mind nahim win as i count 15 k give her then free her make she dey go,




omo nah so e take happen this early mo mo o!,time dey talk 10:12 i don already call my ma'le yan her say i carry night bus enter warri sey i don already dey road wey lead enter our house ,she happy nobi small as i cut phone, package my loads,house straight,




as big boy wey i be,i don pass okada level so i chater taxi wey toll me from gravity hotel wia i log go my cabar,omo the journey make sense,some of my guys don already gather for 360bar dey shark things Chai i for jump down go meet dem but i need to go see mama first nah,so make i drop loads for house,my guys go nor say i don land





"as the taxi tear road enter my compound,na my papa wey my ma'le yan me say him dey sick nahim first come outside with him chewing stick stationed in his mouth like tv antenna


the taxi man jam leg for brake as the moto obey him with instant stop


aaahhh!! chinedu! nwam (chinedu my pikin) so nah true u talk,i been think say nah lie o! even as u call me this morning ask ya papa watin i tell am,i tell am say nah till i use this my eye see ya face na then i go believe even i nor bother myself to cook.......my ma'le yan




"ah! mama nobi so o!,abi u no trust me again,see eh mama i for don land tey tey but onto say i enter one police soldier case......i still dey yan wen my ma'le cut in sharpaly



eh! police Kwa? my pikin watin happen wey u enter police hand,oya begin enter house make we go talk am inside i nor want make people hear anything biko.....my ma'le yan as i pay the taxi man carry my bag omo nah inside house be that o!


i don almost enter house wen 7 of my guys maybe dem don get info say i dey town omo naso dem take troop inside my cabar o!,

"spana!!!!!!!
spanaaaaaaa
sssspppppaaannnnaaa!!!!!!!!


Chai naso every wia just dey boom! trust my guys dem fit shout ya name sotey u sef go begin feel like gawd

so i kukuma carry my bag give my ma'le as i turn back begin salah dem better hand shake and frezy hug Chai i don miss my guys!!!!!


o boy na wia u tear run go ah ah see as u just fresh like water melon,rugged show we boys dah way nah....erotic yan"erotic nah my padi the guy get mouth die him sabi woman infact nah ladies dictionary we dey call am



eroty eroticalllll !!!! my guy nah lag i.port go o!! ,man pikin need to hama! ,na wia smell dey fly dey gather nah....i yan as all my guys begin hail me


Ehen! wia bobo and stevo dem...i ask as nah those two with erotic plus spata be my closest pady..



o boy as u tear race go lag eh! naso bobo go hang him destiny ontop one onyibo woman onto say him dey run G level nah,guy him dup the lady o! nah confirm 150k him waya comot for the onyibo account as him tear run come back to warri all the way from portacut......erotic reply



ah!! Chai dat naija oyibo guy smart o!"if una see bobo eh" Chai the guy no different from white people o!,but him bad like babest nah bobo we dey call him,so i don introduce bobo to una,ok, oya make i ask about stevo nah him be the strongest among us the guy don upgrade as him don get high rank in the field of igbo smoking Chai all of us go dey our first tap from our early mo mo igboo competition ..omo stevo for don dey light him 3rd lump"



erotic!....i call


my boss....erotic answer


"Wat of stevo nah hope say ara never nack him brain so....i ask


chaiii!! stevo full ground na,as i dey yan u eh both him and bobo dey 360 dey kiss beer as i dey yan u now......erotic answered



Ehen! ok u know watin go happen now.....i yan



no boss nah ur command be our wish .....erotic yan





make una go wait for me for 360 i go show face naw naw naw lemme just settle small matter with my ma'le i dey come....i yan dem onto say i won go follow my mopsi settle issue at hand since i go dey travel tomorrow




ok na we go dey wait ya arrival abeg do sharpaly o!,guys dey red eye o,we need to shayo guys must see red men go see red!!,.......erotic yan



and na red we go paint de sky!!!!....all my guys respond as them begin waka




haay!! omo today nah today o!,i enter house as i sight everybody well seated in the parlour omo i know say i don enter am today becos my junior sister nkechi she dey try pass me one kind info through eye contact but i nor just get watin she dey try yan at all


chinedu sit down...my ma'le yan as i stand confuse becos e get one village girl wey dirty like lagoon pig she sit down jeje near my pa'le


my son have ya sit nah....my pa'le yan as i sit don facing them


emm! my son shebi u know say me and your mama don dey old well well and nah only one thing just one thing remain for us to grow old with happiness,biko my pikin listen to watin ya mama have to say biko i nor want make u vex and comot as u always do so biko grant us ya listening ear!....my pa'le yan to me as i breath down and relax for chair, omo i don already know say na grand pikin be the wahala




chinedu my son....my ma'le call



yes mama.....i reply



before i go into the main matter,abeg na watin cause the wahala between u and police them.....my ma'le ask



ah mama nah my neighbor o! hmm una need to see watin happen,thief enter our compound come steal all our money nahim dem come kidnap my landlord pikin naso police together with soldier people come pack all of us o!,dem come dey ask us stupid stupid question say make we yan them watin we know about the armrobbers ah ah! how we won take talk about people wey we never meet abi nobi all of us dem rob so how come dem go come dey harass us onto say we sabi something about them,one man wey be my neighbor come dey para for them nahim dem come use vex cut the man hand........."i yan them correct lie



ah! u mean say they cut the man hand.....my ma'le shout



yes na gawd save me sef,see nah the case make me never come home since nah....i yan



shey the man wey them cut him hand don marry.....my pa'le ask




yes nah,ha! him get plenty pikin o!.....i yan



Chai wickedness,so as them cut him hand how him go take dey feed him family nah......my pa'le ask



abeg allow me make i hear word you wey get two hands we don chop??,....my mama reply my pa'le



ah! mama take am easy nah,no dey talk to papa like dat.....nkechi yan as my ma'le fling broom to her side but nkechi dodge am,


emm my son,abeg make we go straight to the point since ya mama choose to insult me......my papa yan



chinedu my son,see eh since u nor won bring us ur wife i mean the woman wey u go marry nahim me and ya papa join together put eye down go our village for nkanu go bring this young lady,very beautiful and she be better wifematerial o!,Chai chinedu look her well na..my ma'le yan


ah mama e don do mama enough is enough....i still dey yan wen my ma'le samah me stainless cup for head ko!!!!!



ah mama why na?,i go vex comot for hia o!....i yan as i begin rub my head for wia my ma'le hama me the cup




oya agnnes stand upu! andy greety ya husbandy naw....my ma'le yan to the dirty village girl as the girl stand begin match wia i dey sit down


Chai as i look the girl eh! the kind vex wey full my body eh



blother gudu mony.....agnnes greet as she kneel down for my front


ah! agness watin be uncle so u don forget all the sweet sweet name wey go shark him brain wey i teach u oya greety am again now...my ma'le yan to agnnes


emm! em! ok sweety mu,...she yan.as my vex increase

Ehen oya another one....my ma'le yan


tomato jos mu..agnnes yan

nahim i use vex push her go jam for wall gboossaaa!!!!!!



aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!! isi mu o! awura mu o!!!.....agnnes scream as she hold her head




omo i tear race go outside as i head straight to 360bar,onto say i won reach dia fast fast i enter bike wey transport me go 360bar

Chai come see as my guys come dey hail me as them sight me coming down from okada



spannaaa!!!!!! twale !!!!!! spana the driver spana the apata one!!!!!!!!...omo naso my guys just dey hail my,Chai the whole bar don full gbiimm just on my name o!,na battalion full hia as i begin shake hug even the one.i.know and the one wey i nor know but all na my pady sha!



"ah spana see as u just fresh dey shin like toto,Chai guy show us the way nah,...stevo yan as i sit down near him and bobo


ah ah!,i said ah ah,twale to baba,but boss as u don go lag go clear bush nah to carry we ya boys along o!,abeg bros show us the way i swear we go loyal die,even if na shiit u dey pack we go join if na ashawo u dey do my guy we wear pant join u......bobo yan onto say them won join me go lagos



hahaha !! bobo so u never Change Chai,ok make una no worry i go arrange una arrival once i go back tomorrow just relax i go holla una for phone....i yan to stevo and bobo onto say i go like make them join me for the senator part of the offer by big mama




oyyaaaa twale for u baba..abeg two for oga spana stevo yan as all the guys wey full 360 bar shout

gbosaaaa gbossaaaa !!!!!!!!!




oya attendant abeg carry 30 crates of beer come make my guys begin tear red eye biko...i yan to the bar attendant as all my guys begin jump dey hail my name,some don dey comot clothes sef as them dey ready for the drinks



omo we begin drink beer,win as we dey pump jombo join,condom begin fly for air as plenty runs girls begin troop inside the bar omo na spana night e be oo as guys begin waya olosho as them dey smoke and drink dey hail me!,omo night don reach so every wia dark and na red bulb dey the bar so my guys just dey waya olosho ontop table for ground even ontop air sef ,,Chai i dey enjoy my self too as one olosho babe dey suck spana i come dey dilute the pleasure with star and igboo









******* meanwhile back in my house i still dey bar but something dey para for my house*******




agnnes take vex rush kitchen as she go grab one sharp kitchen knife,she tear run enter street that night as she begin find spana


ahhh i go kill peson i must kill peson this night,a whole me agnnes nahim that idiot pushu liky lagy ahhh!! nooo!! i must pushu this knifu insidy him stomach aaaaahhhhhhh ara ara ara!!!!!! agness scream as she begin fin spana up and down








to be continued dropping dis night so stay tuned just drop ya comment i dey come

my guy tear the level

WarriFirstBorn:
Youngzubi, I started reading your story today and I must confess you are trying. It's not easy at all. I always tell people if they think writing a story is easy, they should take a pen and paper and write a 500 word composition and see how difficult it is.
The story has been nice so far. I love the way you settled do with pidgin English as your preferred language in the story. It's been superb.
But I think at the Police brutality at the barracks, you went a bit too far with the torturing scene. I know it's all fiction though, but the police using cutlass to cut the Landlord's hand? That was dwelling too much on the fictitious side of story. No policeman will do that.
And also, the collabo between the police D.P.O(Oga Frank) and the soldiers is what I don't understand. It's very hard to see soldiers taking orders from policemen like that. I think you should have used fellow policeman instead, maybe Mobile policemen or even Sars officers. But in all bro, the story is dope. Keep dropping it. We are following up.

O boi, nor reason the English o. I be fellow area o. I full ground for warri. I rep Udu.
Keep dropping the updates, as e dey hot!

wow u be sure peson jare

i dey feel u bro

ok i don see ya corrections and observation my man

you welcome brotherly

Confirm!

Na wetin Agness wan do na? She nor know say na Waf town she dey so, abi?
She go get sense!

"tomato jos mu..agnnes yan" hahahaaa!!! broda, i dey feel you...

nice work..i don laugh tire o!!! ur mama question to ya pa"le the kind laugh wey i laugh eh bros my belle still dey pain me

Area!!! Youngzubi you are sighted. In fact, u get mouth pass kettle. See the way u just introduced me for the show, as a matter of fact, you deserve some accolades because you don pay ur dues. Wehdone bro.

Ba'ba, u na sure guy o. guys dey feel you. abeg wire on jari like spana

zubby nice work . d one wey bursts my head na the broom wey ur m'à ale turn to spear. and the dive wey ur sista take reminded me of our own mose wey dey Chelsea.

WarriFirstBorn:
Na wetin Agness wan do na? She nor know say na Waf town she dey so, abi?
She go get sense!

no mind her,guys go lash her pole

psybuk:
zubby nice work . d one wey bursts my head na the broom wey ur m'à ale turn to spear. and the dive wey ur sista take reminded me of our own mose wey dey Chelsea.

u welcome my guy

pradoic:
nice work..i don laugh tire o!!! ur mama question to ya pa"le the kind laugh wey i laugh eh bros my belle still dey pain me

abi

my son have ya sit nah....my pa'le yan as isit don facing them


Yes sir i don seldon the wait for my next AP

u sabi yan pigin yafu-yafu, mak i grab ma sit belt,wit alom biter.mre strent 2 ur muscle

donaldphilipizu:
u sabi yan pigin yafu-yafu, mak i grab ma sit belt,wit alom biter.mre strent 2 ur muscle

the guy just bad for the pigin, I just dey wonder how him take dey remember some kind strong pigin words..

lol Your pale and malee no try atall

Zubi You Bad Gan, Walahi The Tori De Totori My Kpekus Die, Mk I Spread My Kpata Wait Nxt Load. Fire Dey Go

Speakout03:
my son have ya sit nah....my pa'le yan as isit don facing them


Yes sir i don seldon the wait for my next AP

Lolz

Oya na... we dey wait... me and my guys don sub for ya sake.. this matter Ehnn don pass Mary..

I NO JUST WELL,I DON DEY TYPE TODAY UPDATE SINCE ONLY TO DEY WAKE UP AND SEE SAY NAH WAKE I JUST WAKE FROM BETTER SLEEP WITH MY PHONE STILL GIDIGBA! FOR MY HAND


ABEG MAKE UNA NO PARA FOR UNA GUY,AS I NO TOO WELL TO RELEASE TODAY DATE,ABEG E GO LAND EH!,

STILL YA GUY YOUNGZUBI

I NO RUN NAH JUST SMALL COMMERCIAL BREAK BIKO BODY NOBI FIREWOOD.

ONCE I GET MY SEF I GO WAYA D DATE BIKO NU..E JOOR!

THANK UNA FOR THE BETTER LISTENING

Guy u r really gr8 at this, ur stories make my day... Can't wait for ur next update. Keep it coming

Youngzubi:
I NO JUST WELL,I DON DEY TYPE TODAY UPDATE SINCE ONLY TO DEY WAKE UP AND SEE SAY NAH WAKE I JUST WAKE FROM BETTER SLEEP WITH MY PHONE STILL GIDIGBA! FOR MY HAND


ABEG MAKE UNA NO PARA FOR UNA GUY,AS I NO TOO WELL TO RELEASE TODAY DATE,ABEG E GO LAND EH!,

STILL YA GUY YOUNGZUBI

I NO RUN NAH JUST SMALL COMMERCIAL BREAK BIKO BODY NOBI FIREWOOD.

ONCE I GET MY SEF I GO WAYA D DATE BIKO NU..E JOOR!

THANK UNA FOR THE BETTER LISTENING

No lele broda. Do ur tin. Get ur body back. U don try sef, e nor easy.
Na tomorrow tins again na.

WarriFirstBorn:
No lele broda. Do ur tin. Get ur body back. U don try sef, e nor easy. Na tomorrow tins again na.

i sight u my man tanx,u be sure peson jare

rowdymind:
Zubi You Bad Gan, Walahi The Tori De Totori My Kpekus Die, Mk I Spread My Kpata Wait Nxt Load. Fire Dey Go

welcome bros

donaldphilipizu:
u sabi yan pigin yafu-yafu, mak i grab ma sit belt,wit alom biter.mre strent 2 ur muscle

tank u my G

Mariojames95:
Oya na... we dey wait... me and my guys don sub for ya sake.. this matter Ehnn don pass Mary..

e sure for u brotherly

We dey wait oo.... More energy to ya palm. More data to your phone

hmm spana i dey gbadun u bro. kontinue!!!

Youngzubi:
I NO JUST WELL,I DON DEY TYPE TODAY UPDATE SINCE ONLY TO DEY WAKE UP AND SEE SAY NAH WAKE I JUST WAKE FROM BETTER SLEEP WITH MY PHONE STILL GIDIGBA! FOR MY HAND


ABEG MAKE UNA NO PARA FOR UNA GUY,AS I NO TOO WELL TO RELEASE TODAY DATE,ABEG E GO LAND EH!,

STILL YA GUY YOUNGZUBI

I NO RUN NAH JUST SMALL COMMERCIAL BREAK BIKO BODY NOBI FIREWOOD.

ONCE I GET MY SEF I GO WAYA D DATE BIKO NU..E JOOR!

THANK UNA FOR THE BETTER LISTENING

you need it bro, after too much work spana need to rest so as to wire well well