I married this lovely woman who i threw my life into. I recently found messages between her and another married man she had a relationship with prior to us meeting. She told him that there would be no other like him and she loved him. He asked if they could meet up again and she had said nothing is impossible. Now I wouldnt have been bothered as such but this messages were exchanged when we were sorting out our engagment rings and the traditional marrage list. She says she wont have any more contact with this man as she said he was a good friend but is upset that I made her delete all contacts from facebook etc. I am destraught and my trust has gone but I am also scared I drive her away. Please help as I dont know what to do.

even after deleting what makes you think they cant contact eachother?

Listen if you are not married to her yet, stop and postponed whatever marriage that is about to come up, a woman who is about to get married to a man "she claims to love" is exchanging some other love text to another married man, she supposedly love, and is telling him that "THEY WILL NEVER BE ANY ONE LIKE HIM" , shouldn't be a wife,  not only is that an insult but thats a enough reason  for you to sit down and ask yourself this questions

Does she love me? will she be faithful? is she a pretender? and above all IS SHE REALLY YOUR WIFE?

i doubt the latter

And if you are already married to her, well. . . . . get ready you might be in for a "HAD I KNOWN" marriage

The thing id i truely love this woman and yes I married her. I try to understand it as she says it is just talk but for me how can it be just talk if she really loved me she would have told him and that they could still be friends but nothing else. I have been giving her a hard time about it recently as she shows no remorse and said that it was his wifes fault for not being with her husband that put them together. If she could show remorse then I might understand but she doesnt seem to care . I dont know. I will try and not be so hard but she fails to see why I dont trust her.

If u really love her,u gona ask her abt it. Maybe its a plot or a bait 2 jeopadize ur relatnshp. Bt if otherwise,let her decide what's needed 2 be done,and u judge her wit dt

I dont think it is a bait but i think she wants to have her cake and eat it. I had to make her end the relationship as she never said its over. He was and still is a married man and she kept that secret so I dont know if it was going anywhere but the thing is she never closed the door on it. I had to for the sake of our relationship. My trouble is I love this woman more than life itself but I dont think I have the same effect on her

The thing id i truely love this woman and yes I married her. I try to understand it as she says it is just talk but for me how can it be just talk if she really loved me she would have told him and that they could still be friends but nothing else. I have been giving her a hard time about it recently as she shows no remorse and said that it was his wifes fault for not being with her husband that put them together. If she could show remorse then I might understand but she doesnt seem to care . I dont know. I will try and not be so hard but she fails to see why I dont trust her. She goes mad and starts shouting at me. I dont know. I work away most times and my mind runs mad wondering what she is doing. I told her that I will never lock her in a cupboard and will never stop her chatting with her friends but I dont want her to have any more dealings with this man as he is married and we are married but i cant help but wonder. I had my suspicions before but she denied ever having a relationship with him bur as it turned out she was with himfor 3 years being his secret lover. It seems that she couldnt tell him herself it was over. I had to make her do it.

And you want to stay married to a woman that considers you her second best? seriously, if i find such a msg in my husbands fone or wherever, thats the end, what kind of love will keep you bound to a woman who shows no remorse after dating a married man or cheated on you?

If you need help, you have to stop being soft on her(and no dont tell me you've been hard on her, cos you havent, its about time you tell her who really is the man here) and let her know that the marriage is at the rocks end, maybe then she might consider valuing you as a husband.

Love indeed

Infact moderators lock this thread, im so pissed right now, never knew we had babies as men

Jenny sorry to dissapoint you but I am not a nigerian.I am an oyibo but have been inNiferia for 3 years. I just want to know what to do in the mind of a Nigerian. We both live in the UK. I dont think like a Nigerian which is a bad thing as I admire the Nigerian race. The way your minds work and the inner strengh you possess so I just wanted help from you guys so I can decide what to do from a Nigerians point of view

ok, where is your wife from?

She is from abia state Umaihai

umuahia*

Has she apologised for her actions?

I had to go to Egypt to do a job but things arent settled and I dont want to confront her again over e mail of phone. I want to look her in the eye as she has lied before.

You married the wrong woman, pity

You are more like her second best, someone she used to climb up the ladder

Do you have kids together?if no, does she wanna have kids with you?

She does. i just have no idea why she would write that sort of thing in the first place. She said she didnt mean any of it but I dont know as he asked for pictures of her and she sent him some. Why if you are truely in love would you do that. I told her that if I had stumbled on that before I wouldnt have married her but the thing was I made a promise to her father that i would look after her.

she does, like she wants to have kids, or already's got some?

But if that marriage becomes a living hell, you know what to do, you dont have to live in hell cos you promised someone to take care of his daughter who obviously loves another married man

She wants some. I am just completely confused. It all started so well. She even told me about this guy her friend. She worked with him in Nigeria. He is also an oyibo and married. So when she put her status as in a relationship on facebook he replied as if to say what was she thinking about. Now that sent alarm bells ringing in my head. I asked her and she told my not to be stupid as he was 20 years older than her. So I believed her. One day I was cleaning the house and I came across a diary. Now right or wrong I read it and low and behold there it was in black on white. There had been a relationship. I confronted her as to why she had lied and she said cause she wasnt proud of it. Well I accepted it until about 7 weeks ago. we got married 8 weeks ago. I was on her computer and a buzz came through from skype. It was him. I didnt answer but I read the history that had been written between them. She had sent him pictures of herself and said things that made me feel ill. As you know we were together when she had written them. She never talked that way with me. with the no one will ever be like you and we might meet up again shit and the I love yous. I went mental. She said it was only talk to make him feel good about himself. She said nigerians talk like that. Do they? or is it just a wat for her to try and cool down thye situation

randoman:

She wants some. I am just completely confused. It all started so well. She even told me about this guy her friend. She worked with him in Nigeria. He is also an oyibo and married. So when she put her status as in a relationship on facebook he replied as if to say what was she thinking about. Now that sent alarm bells ringing in my head. I asked her and she told my not to be silly as he was 20 years older than her. So I believed her. One day I was cleaning the house and I came across a diary. Now right or wrong I read it and low and behold there it was in black on white. There had been a relationship. I confronted her as to why she had lied and she said cause she wasnt proud of it. Well  I accepted it until about 7 weeks ago. we got married 8 weeks ago. I was on her computer and a buzz came through from skype. It was him. I didnt answer but I read the history that had been written between them. She had sent him pictures of herself and said things that made me feel ill. As you know we were together when she had written them. She never talked that way with me. with the no one will ever be like you and we might meet up again poo and the I love yous. I went mental. She said it was only talk to make him feel good about himself.   She said nigerians talk like that. Do they? or is it just a wat for her to try and cool down thye situation

How old is she?

No nigerians dont talk like that, no way, listen ,I am a nigerian, precisely from abia state umuahia like your wife, and I tell you alot of nigerians dont talk like that, some are so shy to say to word "I love you" ,now you know why she is doing all these to you, cos you aint a nigerian, listen honey 99-9% of nigerian men wouldnt take that rubbish from her, infact she will be on her way to her father's house the minute he gets his proof.

It is an abomination from my side of the country(umuahia) to date a married man, that person is like a cursed person. gurls still date, but no woman should date another womans husband, it is not right

The lying part is the part i cant comprehend, that marriage is already built on lies, goodness, only God knows how many more lies she's told you and what else she hasnt told you.

what are your plans for her?

I dont know I will just have to wait and see what happens when I get home. Thanks for listening as my mind goes crazy sometimes when i am offshore. which part of umaihai are you from?

randoman:

I dont know I will just have to wait and see what happens when I get home. [b]Thanks [/b]for listening as my mind goes crazy sometimes when i am offshore. which part of umaihai are you from?

you is welcome sweetheart

ndo i am a mumu. Umaihai is umaihai. Na wa for me o. Tell me say waiten you no go dey rest now. excuse my pidgin i try o

Hehehehhehe you try well well you hear?

oya go rest now

kachefo and solachie

kachi fu'o

shit did i write Kachefu and solachie. lol I meand kachefo and imella

Obviously she made a mistake with the text, but that is already passed, and yet you continue to bring it up or use it.  Human beings are the only animals that will continues to punish or suffer for the same mistake continuously,  makes no sense to continue to suffer for the past?

I hear you about the face book.  Facebook is nothing but a social networking site for booty calls.  Lots of wolves out there preying on silly women calling us men friends, when we are looking for some pssy on the side.  You are right to make her delete all contacts.  You should make her cancel her account, and set your expectations for your marriage to last for the long run.

Also remember, not every one is as smart(common sense) as yourself.  Some people we marry  make really bad decisions.  For example, some men or women are bad with money.  Point is: some make bad decisions and I have learned that you can not let people who make bad decisions lead in certain aspects for the relationship or marriage.  They should lead in other things, you are a team now work as ONE. Work with what we bring to the table.  In your case, as a married couple you have to be stronger in making the smart decisions to keep your family together, so learn the power dynamic in your marriage, and learn how to get your expectations met.  Not everyone is created equal, sometimes families need a leader, cause not everyone can lead.  Sounds like wifey can't lead in this aspect, so use your skills to lead here to keep the family together.  Maybe as she matures she will be able to, but right now if you let her your family will spiral to an end.

P.S. let the past go, no sense continue suffering, it is just the past and only exist in your mind, it is a dream or memory.  Come back to the present and enjoy this reality.  Peace &  love.

randoman:

Jenny sorry to dissapoint you but I am not a nigerian.I am an oyibo but have been inNiferia for 3 years. I just want to know what to do in the mind of a Nigerian. We both live in the UK. I dont think like a Nigerian which is a bad thing as I admire the Nigerian race. The way your minds work and the inner strengh you possess so I just wanted help from you guys so I can decide what to do from a Nigerians point of view

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I feel so sorry for you!
But I hope you realize that this may not be the first lie she has told you. Being second best is not healthy. But you ARE going to have to be very harsh on her , especially if she continues to show no remorse.

jennykadry:

How old is she?

No nigerians dont talk like that, no way, listen ,I am a nigerian, precisely from abia state umuahia like your wife, and I tell you alot of nigerians dont talk like that, some are so shy to say to word "I love you" ,now you know why she is doing all these to you, cos you aint a nigerian, listen honey 99-9% of nigerian men wouldnt take that rubbish from her, infact she will be on her way to her father's house the minute he gets his proof.

It is an abomination from my side of the country(umuahia) to date a married man, that person is like a cursed person. gurls still date, but no woman should date another womans husband, it is not right

The lying part is the part i cant comprehend, that marriage is already built on lies, goodness, only God knows how many more lies she's told you and what else she hasnt told you.

what are your plans for her?

Do they even need proof to send their wives packing ? Mshewwww. But your post is on point you know. And besides, he needs to think very well because this could also mean that she never wanted him in the first place.

IyaBasira:


Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I feel so sorry for you!
But I hope you realize that this may not be the first lie she has told you. Being second best is not healthy. But you ARE going to have to be very harsh on her , especially if she continues to show no remorse.


Do they even need proof to send their wives packing ? Mshewwww. But your post is on point you know. And besides, he needs to think very well because this could also mean that she never wanted him in the first place.

she obviously doesn't love him,he just happened to be some easy catch she used to get a better life for herself and family,n d poster above u is toking abt forgetting the past,mschewwwww ,who would forget the fact that your fiancé infact wife to be told some other man that they will be none like him,send pics to him ,tell him she loves him and lie abt it ,r u kidding me?

I have read alll your thoughts people and I truely thank you all as I have made up my mind what to do when I return home. As I said before I was in Nigeria for 3 years and I fell in love with the people. They even gave me a Nigerian name. Jenny i think you are 1 in a million as you definately dont mince your words and you are as truthful as the day as the day is long. I will have a word with her and hopefully resolve this issue as it is tearing me apart but I do feel better with all you guys comments. I truely love her more than life itself but I cant live my own life in fear of what might happen next. She realises that I dont trust her but she doesnt understand why. I dont know but as you said a nigerian man would have resolved this along time ago. God bless you all

You are a good man, you are just an innocent man with so much love to give that ended up with someone that doesnt appreciate it/you. At first when i read your story, i was like "what the hell is wrong with this  guy" no nigerian man is going to take this shi.t, but then you stated on here that you are not a nigerian and i was like again" ok. . .  no wonder".

Try and resolve things with your wife, but like i said the worst thing you is going to do to yourself is live in fear, fear of "only God knows what and who my wife is with right now" especially when you are not home, marriage should be built on one solid rock called "Trust" , that in this case if something happens you know you could always vouch for your wife and say "No way i trust my baby , she cant do this" but right now it isnt so, you dont even trust her every move, what is love without trust? what is marriage without trust?

I'm not telling you to leave your wife but just trying to say things the way i see it, i am a nigerian woman so i can relate with that very well.The probability of that woman staying faithful to you and telling you the truth instead of her numerous "kindi" lies is a 90%, learn to live with it for love or walk along a path that will get you someone that will love and appreciate you more. Its your decision to make.

All the best.

women can never be trusted, but what i will tell you is that you should make sure you are satisfying your wife so that she wont go outside.