webelite:

women can never be trusted, but what i will tell you is that you should make sure you are satisfying your wife so that she wont go outside.

There are many honest and wonderful women all around, I dont know the kind of women you are surrounded with though

@OP

I am a Nigerian man. Nigerian women dont talk like that. I in your shoes would not be able to swallow that from the woman I love.

And it will take only God speaking loud and clear, possibly with thunder and lightning, asking me to forgive her before I forgive her.

poor poor dude. His wife simply used him to get herself a better life and a foreign passport.

Max I am not looking for conformation all i am looking for is the bitter truth. If you know the truth its like giving you the tools to fix your mind not nowing the truth or wondering why the lies and such tears your mind to pieces as you always think of the worst case scenario. If you know the truth then your mind can deal with the situation in a more rational manner because of the fact you know and you arent wondering. I do want this to work as i have baggage. I have been divorced and i have children 2 from my ex wife and 1 to a woman who just wanted a kid. I told her all this before we got intimate so she wouldnt be shocked and i gave her the chace to walk away if she decided that my baggage was to heavy or her. If you have been through a divorce and lost everything been decieved by a woman so she could have a child and live out of your pocket then I think you would want to be careful and know the truth about any other relationship you got involved in. I never thought in this world i would marry again but it has happened and i dont want to give it up without a fight but i deserve to know the truth.

Yes, you do. You deserve a happy, trusting marriage. We all do and shouldn't settle for less. Just play it cool.

@Mad_Max
What will you do if the man you love and married is in love with another woman and he is not remorse about it? and see nothing bad in sending recent picture and erotic IM?

The poster loves the lady and its obvious she love somebody else. Her heart is with somebody else.

It's hurting the poster, its hurting good Nigerian ladies that need sincere love out there. its hurting the real men that want to show real love.

you deserve to know the truth

And now that you know the truth, what you do with it is entirely your decision. Good luck.

when you are in a relationship with someone you have a duty to that person. if either of you have friends of the opposite gender you partrner must know who they are. if you or your wife has a friend of the oposite gender that you feel you must hide from your partner then you are having an inappropriate relationship with said friend. your wife had a secret relationship with another man - this is called an emotional affair. unfortunatly untill she understands what she did was wrong it will not end. remeber it also works in reverse. if you expect to know her goings on with other men she must know your s with other women. if you must keep it a secreat then it is wrong

I have read all your replies and I have learned a lot from this. Thank you all.

you married a former prosttitute.

she is not worth the trouble if you ask me

I am of a different opinion.

What if you never knew? Those who condemned her are not saints either. They are not even sure of tomorrow. Love is a strong feeling that is not easy to let go.

I think you should sit her down, tell her how much you love her and how much she hates you by such act. Let her know that the other man cannot marry her otherwise , he would have done so long before now. The man preferres to make her a secret lover while you are giving her your life on a platter of gold. If it were the man he couldn't have taken this kind of insult. Tell her all you can comparing yourself with the other man.

She would wake up and not be willing to throw away good love for uncertainty (that is if she is not destined to be doomed).

Be yourself, you don't have to be harsh with her or force her to drop all her contacts, you never can tell if she still communicates with him.

Remove fear or thoughts of her act with another man. Live your life but let her be.

She would either turn a new leaf or continue in her shameful act.

Make up your mind to leave her and move on if she continues but have good plans for the kids if any.

Forgive her and forget the issue totally (never make refrence ) if she turns a new leaf

Find out the things that attract her in a man and do them, you never can tell if you are the cause of their relationship or the strenght in which it grows.

If after this she is still in love with the man then she was never meant to be yours.

Another reason why i'm not rushing into marriage based on 'love' but WHEN I FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE KIDS! You think you love and know someone very only to find out that you're just a helpmate/spare tire. I just feel sorry for the poster coz he has to choose between losing everything again or live in abject sadness. This woman neither loves nor respects him. Forget all this talk of sitting her down and having a chat. She will feed you more lies and eventually blame you for everything that has gone wrong (typical of women). You do what u feel is best. Its issues like this that make me happy to be a Nigerian. No time for BS!

Harakiri: Whatever happened to your girl? Things a lot better now?

She dares not try this nonsense with a Nigerian! What she shouting at you for? If this story is true man you need to let her go. Trust me, she's not going to change. She probably knows you are ready to do anything to keep her so as not to loose another marriage but man you ain't doing yourself any good.

I'm yet to see a Nigerian(black in general?) woman who truely loves a white man and stays faithful to him. Almost an impossible situation.

You're better off leaving this woman. She will not change. She can only get smarter in her dealings with other men and leave you thinking she's a new person. Nonsense!

Hmmmmm UMUAHIA!!!!!!! I found myself in similar circumstance some years back. Initially when I started going out with this babe, few of my friends warned against marrying an umuahia babe saying that most of them dont 4get their past boyfriends even after marriage that they still run things together,I damned them and continued. When I initiated marriage moves, some of my relatives expressed similar concern but since we are a liberal family in terms, they allowed me have my way. After the 1st knocking on the door, I was about to go for a second one on a sunday, then she was sick within the week so I went there on saturday to see her, I dont know what took me to her phone; lo and behold she just did abbortion that week. Funny enough I have warned her severally about this guy and she said they were just family friends which even the mother confirmed. This is just one of several other guys ooo.

We called it a quit, reconnected again after 7 months and within some months from then a similar thing occured , God graciously removed the veil of "stupid love" in my eyes and I broke up the relationship finally.

I'm not saying all Umuahia babes are bad ooo but greater percentage of them are like that. Dont crucify me cos its just my experience and I'm from Abia state too. All my friends that went out with Umuahia babes has one ugly incident or the other.

Just follow ur heart, be very prayerful cos such misdemeanor has eaten deep into ur wife so U need God cos marriage councilors might not even be able 2 change her. Goodluck

2010 advice

[quote author=randoman post=6289990]I married this lovely woman who i threw my life into. I recently found messages between her and another married man she had a relationship with prior to us meeting. She told him that there would be no other like him and she loved him. He asked if they could meet up again and she had said nothing is impossible. Now I wouldnt have been bothered as such but this messages were exchanged when we were sorting out our engagment rings and the traditional marrage list. She says she wont have any more contact with this man as she said he was a good friend but is upset that I made her delete all contacts from facebook etc. I am destraught and my trust has gone but I am also scared I drive her away. Please help as I dont know what to do.
Early you stop the marriage and investigate her more to see her reaction