Hello nlanders

This is an update to my old thread from last month https://www.nairaland.com/4647838/wifes-vagina-loose-please

I experienced some negative feedback but was able to receive help from a generous lady who sent me a pm and advised me on what to do. I ended up buying what this said lady suggested for my wife and I thought at this point maybe this issue would be solved. Despite me avoiding this situation for years, I finally decided to address it after frustration.

After purchasing this item, I sat down with my wife in the calmest way possible to explain how I’ve not been satisfied sexually due to her giving birth. I explained to her that I felt her vagina had loosened after the birth of our child and I handed over the product that I had bought for her. My wife stayed silent all throughout the time I spoke to her. When I finished talking she gave me a very nasty look and left the room without saying a word and also eased as she left. Since that day I have been living in pure misery.

My wife has refused to sleep in the same bed with me, she has deprived me of sex. She barely cooks. Every time I try to talk to her, she shuts me or up or she doesn’t respond. She’s constantly on her phone talking to one friend or the other. Completely disrespecting me in my own house. Yesterday night was the last straw and we got into a heated fight. She compared me to one of her ex’s and claimed that it was a mistake that she married me. I ended up calling her all sorts of names and told her to leave my house. I called her mother, and she was begging on her behalf but I’m no longer tolerating her nasty behaviour. It was God that stopped me from slapping her yesterday, because I’ve never been insulted like that all my life. This morning she’s packed her stuff and she has left with our daughter.
At this point I’m falling out of love with this ungrateful woman. Since the birth of our child it’s been hell and I’ve tried my best. At this point I don’t know if I should just leave my wife or try to reconcile. I have tried to my best ability but she’s very ungrateful and miserable. I believe our marriage is dead at this point and I don’t think there’s any way to revive it. She has completely let herself go emotionally and physically. She doesn’t care about herself nor myself.

I just want to know the next wise step to take

Thanks.

Sir, who was responsible for your wife's pregnancy? It's you. You have to also act responsible, than sounding like it's her fault for having a slack vagina. The issue you had at hand was a sensitive one, and would have been handled as such. How did you present your grievance to her? Your definition of "Calm" may be different from hers. I think how you presented the issue may have hurt her feelings.

Again, are you on the small side? I would expect you swimming in if you are after child birth...the vagina contract after child birth, but may not go back to its normal size.

BTW, you don't sound like you love your wife. Sex means everything to you from your tune.

So you will now marry another woman whose punana will be tighter and might still get loose later? I ain't justifying what ur wife did was right cos u want the best from the marriage hence ur concern.
She on the other part might just be extremely embarrassed that she felt the way out is to be defensive. Don't let sex cloud ur judgment ,if before now (the punana slack thingy) she has been good to you,then my brother run and go get her back, cos that is why it is for better for worse. Na ur cross. Plus if she was not been sexually satisfied, will she ask that u leave or pack out .
P.s- I think you are also looking for someone to justify ur action with,and a justifiable reason to cheat,cos she isn't here to defend herself.

LuciferCristi:



This is where it ended.

Who is this mystery lady?
Expose her now!

You have nothing to lose, your marriage is almost dead (according to you).

Reveal her moniker!
Is it pocohantas or safiaa or shugavee?

We want to know!

Oga I don’t want controversy I just want a solution.
Thanks

GreatDad19:
Hello nlanders

This is an update to my old thread from last month https://www.nairaland.com/4647838/wifes-vagina-loose-please

I experienced some negative feedback but was able to receive help from a generous lady who sent me a pm and advised me on what to do. I ended up buying what this said lady suggested for my wife and I thought at this point maybe this issue would be solved. Despite me avoiding this situation for years, I finally decided to address it after frustration.

After purchasing this item, I sat down with my wife in the calmest way possible to explain how I’ve not been satisfied sexually due to her giving birth. I explained to her that I felt her vagina had loosened after the birth of our child and I handed over the product that I had bought for her. My wife stayed silent all throughout the time I spoke to her. When I finished talking she gave me a very nasty look and left the room without saying a word and also eased as she left. Since that day I have been living in pure misery.

My wife has refused to sleep in the same bed with me, she has deprived me of sex. She barely cooks. Every time I try to talk to her, she shuts me or up or she doesn’t respond. She’s constantly on her phone talking to one friend or the other. Completely disrespecting me in my own house. Yesterday night was the last straw and we got into a heated fight. She compared me to one of her ex’s and claimed that it was a mistake that she married me. I ended up calling her all sorts of names and told her to leave my house. I called her mother, and she was begging on her behalf but I’m no longer tolerating her nasty behaviour. It was God that stopped me from slapping her yesterday, because I’ve never been insulted like that all my life. This morning she’s packed her stuff and she has left with our daughter.
At this point I’m falling out of love with this ungrateful woman. Since the birth of our child it’s been hell and I’ve tried my best. At this point I don’t know if I should just leave my wife or try to reconcile. I have tried to my best ability but she’s very ungrateful and miserable. I believe our marriage is dead at this point and I don’t think there’s any way to revive it. She has completely let herself go emotionally and physically. She doesn’t care about herself nor myself.

I just want to know the next wise step to take

Thanks.

Oga welldone, u have successfully broken ur home nd deprived ur daughter the experience of been raised by both biological parents in a loving home.
Now the next step to take as per your question is this dt 18yr old fargin with a tight ponyor that ur blokos will enter and be snug like the body hug all those makos dancers used to wear, ehen, go and bring her to ur house and gbensh her to ur satisfaction......infact marry her and gv her belle then discard her once she gives birth bco her ponyor will also become slack- if not after 1, definitely after 2 children - then repeat thr cycle again till u marry a woman who cant gv birth naturally you hear??

And as for ur first wife, if she stumbles on this thread, i will advise she gets herself REAL man!!! Someone with huge, meaty blokos, full of veins so dt irrespective of the number of children she has there would be no complaints

Finally, single ladies, learn from this op, if you are dating a man with a small blokos, runnnnnnnnnnn. Forget all that size doesnt matter talk, size MATTERS!! Its only men with small blokos dt cosign to that phrase. When you start having children you ll understand that size matters

Young man, there are so many things wrong with your approach. You have single-handedly and selfishly I must add ruined your marriage.

Did you seriously think a single conversation about a lose vagina would be enough? It should be a continuous reassuring conversation. You did not even discuss the problem with her before researching and concluding on a possible solution on your own. As if that was not enough you went ahead to present a solution during the first conversation!!!! You have traumatized your wife emotionally and rather than stick with her with patience and understanding considering your horrendous approach, you engaged her in verbal altercations to the point she moved out of the house.

Your wife is human and even if we are not talking of the psychological trauma, diminished dignity and lost sense of pride she is currently struggling with, how about the physical, biological and medical implications of using something that is not even prescribed by a medical professional on her own body!!! Come on man!!! this is so wrong and I pray you read some wisdom in my post.

The basic strategies of problem solving involve
1. Identifying the problem
2. Analyzing the problem
3. Developing multiple solution/options
4. Evaluating options/ solution
5. Picking appropriate solution
6. Test identified solution
7. Continue to evaluate identified solution

In your own case, you only utilized number 1 and 6 for a problem that does not affect you alone, a problem that requires inputs from another party for it to be successful.

I can go on and on!!! You are soooo wrong in so many ways..If you still love your marriage and wife, you had better humble yourself and drop the useless ego and apologize to her. You have really hurt that woman with your approach, attitude and poor decision making skills.

keepingmum:


Oga welldone, u have successfully broken ur home nd deprived ur daughter the experience of been raised by both biological parents in a loving home.
Now the next step to take as per your question is this dt 18yr old fargin with a tight ponyor that ur blokos will enter and be snug like the body hug all those makos dancers used to wear, ehen, go and bring her to ur house and gbensh her to ur satisfaction......infact marry her and gv her belle then discard her once she gives birth bco her ponyor will also become slack- if not after 1, definitely after 2 children - then repeat thr cycle again till u marry a woman who cant gv birth naturally you hear??

And as for ur first wife, if she stumbles on this thread, i will advise she gets herself REAL man!!! Someone with huge, meaty blokos, full of veins so dt irrespective of the number of children she has there would be no complaints

Finally, single ladies, learn from this op, if you are dating a man with a small blokos, runnnnnnnnnnn. Forget all that size doesnt matter talk, size MATTERS!! Its only men with small blokos dt cosign to that phrase. When you start having children you ll understand that size matters

Madam this talk is getting old. But even if this is the case, a man should suffer because of the way God made him? Never will I leave my wife because of a situation that I know can be fixed hence me trying to find a solution. I finally addressed it to her and what did I get in return? Attitude and disrespect. I have helped my wife in so many ways, that I do not want to go into detail because I did this out of the love I have for her. I’m not innocent and I’m a human being and have been as transparent as possible, but please respect the fact that I’m asking for genuine advice and your insults are very unnecessary. Thanks.

You've ruined your marriage o because of Punana. Try to go for guidance and counseling. You shouldn't have bought the product. You should've recommended it.

Give her space to calm down. Then approach her for reconciliation. That same way you both can discuss the loose vagina. You're a couple and you both should stick together. You're not the first man who has this issue and you won't be the last. What if your wife faces life threatening issues due to the product? What would you have done? There are so many healthy ways to fix this problem. It's not going to be easy on her. What will you say when people ask what caused your rift? Because she had your child and suffered some physical damages. Try to act like a man. Be patient and tolerant. Pregnancy is not an easy thing. Some women suffer problems worse than a lose vagina. You buying the product without consulting her broke the camels back. Give her a week or two and then visit her. You're a family. You should be together through thick and thin.

When people advise me talk to him n know how to settle issues,, I just laugh, I use to do that when I was young but I don’t anymore,,, cause it’s not as easy as it seems ,,, u can literally spoil things with ur spouse by nagging about everything u don’t like,,,, u hv to improvise ways to chip it in,, that one on one talk should be when things r going out of hand,,,


But then again I feel she is overreacting cause if my spouse can open up abt such things that’s means he ain’t willing to cheat ( even if it does) but everybody is not me!

My advise keep trying to get tru to her she will get over it!!

In my opinion u did nothing wrong,, she is just a very sensitive person

GreatDad19:
Madam this talk is getting old. But even if this is the case, a man should suffer because of the way God made him? Never will I leave my wife because of a situation that I know can be fixed hence me trying to find a solution. I finally addressed it to her and what did I get in return? Attitude and disrespect. I have helped my wife in so many ways, that I do not want to go into detail because I did this out of the love I have for her. I’m not innocent and I’m a human being and have been as transparent as possible, but please respect the fact that I’m asking for genuine advice and your insults are very unnecessary. Thanks.

So a woman should suffer because of the way God made her,the stuff a Nairalander sold for u, did you bother researching it or u just went ahead and ask her to insert so u can satisfy urself.u said u have done alot for her,u painted her as ungrateful just cos she now has a loose punana which wasn't there when u met her.
Bros at the stage you are now, i guess u should be adding value to ur marriage not looking for ways to disrupt it and let people rub it in the mud for you cos we will.

Before purchasing whatever the lady told you to purchase [you didn't say what it is exactly] would've been the better time to speak to your wife about this concern, not after. You don't just buy something like that when you didn't discuss the problem with your wife beforehand. It doesn't justify her packing out of the house, but for her to have packed out, your actions and words were likely hurtful to her.

Evacroft:


So a woman should suffer because of the way God made her,the stuff a Nairalander sold for u, did you bother researching it or u just went ahead and ask her to insert so u can satisfy urself.u said u have done alot for her,u painted her as ungrateful just cos she now has a loose punana which wasn't there when u met her.
Bros at the stage you are now, i guess u should be adding value to ur marriage not looking for ways to disrupt it and let people rub it in the mud for you cos we will.

Madam in what way am I making my wife suffer? I have never cheated on my wife ever, I’ve provided everything for her money wise been there for her emotionally and been a great husband and dad to our child. Trying to find a solution for the loosening of her vagina is making my wife suffer? That is not the way God made her, it’s just a temporary condition caused by childbirth. Sometimes I don’t understand you women, the way you process things are not normal. Always using your emotional state to rationalise situations.

GreatDad19:
Madam this talk is getting old. But even if this is the case, a man should suffer because of the way God made him? Never will I leave my wife because of a situation that I know can be fixed hence me trying to find a solution. I finally addressed it to her and what did I get in return? Attitude and disrespect. I have helped my wife in so many ways, that I do not want to go into detail because I did this out of the love I have for her. I’m not innocent and I’m a human being and have been as transparent as possible, but please respect the fact that I’m asking for genuine advice and your insults are very unnecessary. Thanks.

Most vaginas get loose after 2 or 3 vaginal births for an average sized dickk. If your wife's is loose after 1 birth, it means you have a dinky pinky winky!!! And now the entire family and inlaws will know the size of your dinky because its suddenly drowning in your wifes ponyor after just 1 birth.
Has it occurred to you that u also dont satisfy your wife sexually and perhaps NEVER did but she was managing you?? Just like your dickk is now too small to fit ur wifes vagina AFTER she gave birth to thr ONLY child u have on earth and you threw her out for that purpose - het vagina will equally be considered VERY tight for the right dickkk....so go ahead and get urself a tight kitten after all theres no wife or child at home to spoil ur shine......ur wife will equally get herself a real man that will appreciate her and shagg her to satisfaction.
You kp going on and on about how u have helped ur wife, dts YOUR JOB and you dont and should nit EXPECT CREDIT for doing what you are supposed to do. Your wife has equally put up with u and done many things for u which u can never payback so pls miss me with the bs......go and meet ur tight kitten whoree dt satisfies ur 2 minute libido and stop disturbing nl

LuciferCristi:





They are here. Romanceland Deputy Special Adviser.

Another marriage/relationship is about to be ruined.






Shugavee, with this your vast knowledge of relationships & marriage why are you stil single?

I leave my opinion like every other person on Naira land, so mr man let me be

You didn't say what exactly you told her that made her compare you to her ex, but you did admitted calling her unprintable names. What's wrong with these adults in marriage? I just pray you didn't insult her with the slack vagina?

And what is it with Nigerian men always asking their wives to leave their house? She left as you said and you're here complaining. Rejoice! Go get a virgin, and hope childbirth doesn't slack her vagina as badly as this one.

Quiescere:
Before purchasing whatever the lady told you to purchase [you didn't say what it is exactly] would've been the better time to speak to your wife about this concern and get her involved, not after. You don't just buy something like that when you didn't discuss the problem with her beforehand. It doesn't justify her packing out of the house, but for her to have packed out, your actions and words were likely hurtful to her.

true tho,,, maybe he was very harsh or rude,,,

@op,

Your wife isn't happy and she is most likely depressed. This may be due to the fact that Marriage hasn't been what she expected it to be.

All hope isn't lost yet....your marriage can still work. You will have to eat the humble pie and be extra extra patient with your wife.

You need to try get to the root of her depression which is most likely due to unmet expectations. Until this is addressed, she won't be motivated to seek any form of treatment.

A lot of prayers will make this phase in your marriage smoother as you both need God's grace at this point.

Best!

Ogaaaaa...u hurt your wife's feelings..seeeexxx..see what it has done to this mans marriage..

I love this.

Roland17:
Young man, there are so many things wrong with your approach. You have single-handedly and selfishly I must add ruined your marriage.

Did you seriously think a single conversation about a lose vagina would be enough? You did not even discuss the problem with her before researching and concluding on possible solutions on your own. As if that was not enough you went ahead to present a solution during the first conversation!!!! You have traumatized your wife emotionally and rather than stick with her with patience and understanding considering your horrendous approach, you engaged her in verbal altercations to the point she moved out of the house.

Your wife is human and even if we are not talking of the psychological trauma, diminished dignity and lost sense of pride she is currently struggling with, how about the physical, biological and medical implications of using something that is not even prescribed by a medical professional on her own body!!! Come on man!!! this is so wrong and I pray you read some wisdom in my post.

The basic strategies of problem solving involve
1. Identifying the problem
2. Analyzing the problem
3. Developing multiple solution/options
4. Evaluating options/ solution
5. Picking appropriate solution
6. Test identified solution
7. Continue to evaluate identified solution

In your own case, you only utilized number 1 and 6 for a problem that does not affect you alone, a problem that requires inputs from another party for it to be successful.

I can go on and on!!! You are soooo wrong in so many ways..If you still love your marriage and wife, you had better humble yourself and drop the useless ego and apologize to her. You have really hurt that woman with your approach, attitude and poor decision making skills.

Mr man I want to ask you this question can you carry a child in your belly for 9 months, go through vaginal labour and come out the same?. Let me tell you what you did, you just told your wife that all the sacrifice she took birthing your child worth less than that piece of product you just bought. You took a knife and cut her to pieces. You must go and kneel before her and ask for forgiveness. My wife has a baby girl too and I can tell you there are ways to enjoy intimacy with your wife even with her slacked walls. Google is your friend, watch videos and learn. Go and beg your wife and bring her back to your house.

Hello Op,

This must be a very challenging situation for both of you.
I'll say you probably went about it the wrong way, without considering the character of your spouse.

I'm assuming you bought Ben-wa balls for her to use.Ben-wa balls are usually very good to improve tone.
It is invasive in the sense that she has to insert it in her vjay and hold it in there,it's not for everyone.

How did you approach the talk? Mannerism matters especially when dealing with something so sensitive.
I would be offended if I'm told I have a loose vjay and then have a Ben-wa ball shoved in my face as a solution.

How would you feel if she came home one day and told you that your prick is smal,has always been small and she can't take it anymore and she has bought a di ck extender for you?

Have you considered that she has gone through child birth and is insecure about her body?

I personally don't like when people insult each other,it's usually a battle of who will inflict more hurt on the other person. After hurling insults,what next? You both need to grow up.

The worst part is this 'leave my house' you guys bandy about freely, she will forever hold low grade resentment towards you and now be aware that she's not secure at all which will make matters worse.

Explore why she is miserable.Has she always been miserable? Is she suffering from postnatal depression?

You have said that she has let go of herself emotionally and physically.Is she low in mood,no energy,no enjoyment in anything,not wanting to go out,over or under eating,not caring about anything.

She may actually be depressed, she needs to see a doctor if this is the case.

Times like this,it's best to take a more supportive stance and work through problems sensitively & with tact.

If you deal.with the psychological aspect,the physical will follow and I bet she will be more receptive to other things.


I hope you both sort this out,if you cannot then please co parent cordially so your lovely child does not miss out on the love of father and mother.

Someone needs to apologise and then the other person will follow.



Good luck

This hurts really! You just shattered that woman's remaining dignity! Phew! So much ado about sex! I thought love overrides all this things!

I love a BIG dick, YES! meaty and fleshy with raging veins, the type that shifts womb! But if I find myself with a man below this standard and I love him, trust me, his small D would fill me and I'll teach him how to use it to my satisfaction. I'll see my fantasy in his reality. It is just sex! It is not oxygen! There is more to a healthy relationship than the sizes of our genital.

How about you increase the size of your small dick to fit into the new possie size? Nonsense!

Even your writeup is filled with so much distaste and disregard. You even called your woman miserable and ungrateful! So much disrespect! Tueh!!!!!
is she the cause of her problem? Which kain life be this one na. Na marriage be this one abi beer parlour joint?

You no try at all!

keepingmum:

Has it occurred to you that u also dont satisfy your wife sexually?? Just like your dickk is now too small to fit ur wifes vagina AFTER she gave birth to thr ONLY child u have on earth and you threw her out for that purpose - het vagina will equally be considered VERY tight for the right dickkk....so go ahead and get urself a tight kitten after all theres no wife or child at home to spoil ur shine......ur wife will equally get herself a real man that will appreciate her and shagg her to satisfaction.
You kp going on and on about how u have helped ur wife, dts YOUR JOB and you dont and should nit EXPECT CREDIT for doing what you are supposed to do. Your wife has equally put up with u and done many things for u which u can never payback so pls miss me with the bs......go and meet ur tight kitten whoree dt satisfies ur 2 minute libido and stop disturbing nl

Madam please keep your bitterness to yourself. When did it become a divorce-able offence for a spouse to advice his/her partners on ways to improve their sex life?

Please keep your feminist ranting, many can't be bothered

Honestly I just came here to laugh. Kikikikikiki

It's a very serious situation but I don't know why I fine it amusing. From your old thread, it's been two years after childbirth and the muscles there are yet to contract. You taking it up with her ended up deteriorating things between the both of you. Take heart bro.

Maybe you should consider penis enlargement. No matter how silly you think it sounds, I think you can make the needed adjustment for a pleasurable experience with your wife. Let her be for now cuz she's hurt, you're both hurting and my prayers to you is that you emerge happy together.

keepingmum:

Has it occurred to you that u also dont satisfy your wife sexually?? Just like your dickk is now too small to fit ur wifes vagina AFTER she gave birth to thr ONLY child u have on earth and you threw her out for that purpose - het vagina will equally be considered VERY tight for the right dickkk....so go ahead and get urself a tight kitten after all theres no wife or child at home to spoil ur shine......ur wife will equally get herself a real man that will appreciate her and shagg her to satisfaction.
You kp going on and on about how u have helped ur wife, dts YOUR JOB and you dont and should nit EXPECT CREDIT for doing what you are supposed to do. Your wife has equally put up with u and done many things for u which u can never payback so pls miss me with the bs......go and meet ur tight kitten whoree dt satisfies ur 2 minute libido and stop disturbing nl

Madam Take it easy , all these rants ain't neccesary, advice the young man if you want to.

Atk1nson:

Madam please keep your bitterness to yourself. When did it become a divorce-able offence for a spouse to advice his/her partners on ways to improve their sex life?

Please keep your feminist ranting, many can't be bothered

very sickening, she sounds so bitter. may God help her.

Na wah o

Op, you have a very sensitive issue at hand. Look for your wife, apologise to her and bring her home. Don't raise the issue till after about 2 weeks, if possible don't touch her unless she initiates it. If she loves and cares for your needs, she will raise the issue with you and then you guys can agree on what to do. If she doesn't say anything after two week, do something that will excite her (like taking her out, preparing her favorite meal, etc) and then talk about it lovingly. Look straight into her eyes and let her know how you feel. If she doesn't budge after this, then you may need to be patient with her and talk to someone she holds in high esteem.

See marriage na