sacramento1212:


You have clearly indicated point 1 which is your wife's family knew your financial status. Secondly, your inlaws may be the greedy type with all due respect all because of eating their future immediately without considering that marriage doesn't end that day alone but its continuity.

When my sister married, the family 1st prepared list and handed it over to my dad and before he further presented it to the guy's family, he went through it and decided to cut so many things off. They were demanding for items for my grandparents that are no more and many other irrelevant things.

At the end the guy didn't even spend more than 600k for everything. And by the way, i am from Uyo and the guy from Oron.

INDUSTRIALFAN:
I wonder y a full village will gather to decide what should be paid before a child you conceived in private and trained alone will be given out in marriage As I recall, a certain amount was paid for my sister and afterwards, my parents gave her husband back his money. It was just formality. And I'm from the niger Delta area too.

CharleyBright:


Yes, you are right, my inlaws and their village people capitalized on my ability to pay. Paying over N1.2M for traditional marriage 12yrs ago was much.
I had to make a choice : Pay or walk away from the marriage.
I paid by giving them all they requested on their silly list. It badly ruined my white wedding budget which was 2 wks after.
But one thing i have resolved over the years is that - No damn Village person or family head or Village head will determine what happens in my daughters T.M.
I wont even invite them.
My kids arent growing up in the village or anywhere close to it and I dont give a damn about any silly tradition.
After all, none of them village people is contributing a kobo for their education now.
So why will i go and pay homage to them during my daughters TM?
Damn them and their traditions.
.

HungerBAD:
Reading

This sounds interesting. Story not complete. Joeruano complete this story.

Joeruano thanks for completing the story.

I try not to talk about my personal stuff on Nairaland,but will make an exception today and tell a story before commenting on yours.

I am a Niger Deltan like you too,and a couple of months ago,my younger sister got married. I am also the oldest child and my dad is late(RIP) and so I am the Head of the family.

I had known her husband to be for a couple of years,and I know him to be a struggling young man,who is into different businesses and trying to survive.

Sometimes, without telling anyone, I push little contracts for him to handle so as to meet up,since he never once approached me for money considering the fact he knows I am on the okay side.

I liked him then,and I like him now. I wished him my inlaw,which he eventually became. I consider him a younger brother and that was how I treated him.

My Sister too, a beautiful young lady works for one of those organizations that pays in the 200k region . My sister is also a prudent woman who I know does not spend money on petty things.

When it was time for marriage. They approached me,and after giving them my blessing, I agreed they should go ahead and plan their marriage in Lagos. Later my mother started giving me heat that we should not ignore tradition,and out of pressure from more of my mothers family, I asked them to go get the list from the village.

When they brought the list, the young man went into a very sad mood and my sister called me complaining that village people want to destroy her marriage.

I will finish this story tomorrow. I am about to go take care of some personal matters.

Finishing my story.

When I saw the list, to say I was taken aback would be an understatement. They asked for everything there,and then some.

Now let me talk about this my village people and my history with them.

I went straight for my post-graduate degree,after my NYSC,and after graduation, showed up in my community,thinking they will hook me up with one of the Multiple National oil companies there, as a native.

They refused to help in a hostile way,and called me a Yoruba man,since i was born and bred in Lagos. And that the spots for jobs they had was for the people that grew up there,and not for strangers like us.

I left there after weeks hanging around, knocking on different doors. It was the humiliation of how I got to Lagos that still gets me upset. I sold my shoes,belts, trousers and my wristwatch.

I swore to never go to my people again for anything.

But my sister was getting married,and her husband to be did not have the muscle to sort everything out. I wanted to help, but did not want to look desperate as if I am in a hurry to just throw my sister way.

Told them not to worry,and that I will sort everything out when I fly back into the Country. A week later I flew into Nigeria,and called for a meeting with my inlaw to be. I asked him to look at the list and see what he can afford there. And when he picked the little things he could shoulder, I told him to bring the cash equivalent,and that I will go to the village myself to beg on his behalf.

I went to my hometown that weekend,and had a meeting with the elders of my family and the community, where I presented them with everything they asked for. I told them my inlaw had provided them to me in Lagos. They got their complete list,as I had swore me or any of my family members will never beg them for anything again.

The only thing they did was send a 5 man village representative to Come for the traditional wedding in Lagos,and that I took care of too.

My sister got married because big brother would not let traditionalists hold her marriage to ransom. They got what they wanted, and everybody is happy.

Not everyone I understand has a brother, or even anyone willing to stick it out for them to make sure their marriage works,as regards meeting the financial burden. And this is why the Tradition of extorting people under the quise of a long lists for marriage should be stopped.

dingbang:
me too

joeruano:


That list is even relatively civil and lenient and God fearing

sacramento1212:


I'm glad you admit that your paying over a million naira 12 years ago to marry your wife was bourne out of the fact that they knew your financial worth and also their greed.

I completely disagree with you as per the aspect cutting off your family elders when your daughter(s) is or are getting married. You cannot do without them but just try to play the politics to avoid wahala even though you as the father is financially responsible for them. Tradition is Tradition and must be respected or else you kill yourself for nothing.

If it's your Son, you can do without them but not your female children. Ku yak mbio idung e edwok mbiam uno or ekud ekpo yak adu mia awod all because of ignorance. Wisdom is golden bro

DaddyNimo:

happy paying huge fees for hoes.

CharleyBright:


Its like u dont get me. What is my business with village people or tradition? Do i eat or dine with them. Is it not those you associate wit you dine with? i follow them chop their children TM money?
Do they even know my daughters? I live thousands of miles from home, so when they grow up to marry, i go pack my daughters go home to go meet village people to draw up stupid list for me? I go allow people that dont add value to me hold me or my daughter to Ransome? Say wetin happen?
That aint happening!!!
I know how it felt to be held to ransome, i cant allow any silly tradition hold my daughters husband to be when the time come.
Am not a Traditional person, i dont align myself to it ( especially when it is outlandish).
Damn Silly extortionist traditions.
Who it hep sef??

legitnow:
IT IS NOT BY FORCE TO LEAVE YOUR South West AND GO ALL THE WAY TO BIAFRA LAND FOR MARRIAGE.

IF U DONT LIKE THE LIST, MARRY YOUR FREE OF CHARGE YORUBA SISTER.

THE PEOPLE OF THAT STATE HAVE BEEN MARRYING WITHOUT COMPLAIN.

NA U WAN GO ALL THE WAY TO AKWA IBOM FROM OGUN TO CHANGE THEIR MARRIAGE RITES.

CharleyBright:


Yes, you are right, my inlaws and their village people capitalized on my ability to pay. Paying over N1.2M for traditional marriage 12yrs ago was much.
I had to make a choice : Pay or walk away from the marriage.
I paid by giving them all they requested on their silly list. It badly ruined my white wedding budget which was 2 wks after.
But one thing i have resolved over the years is that - No damn Village person or family head or Village head will determine what happens in my daughters T.M.
I wont even invite them.
My kids arent growing up in the village or anywhere close to it and I dont give a damn about any silly tradition.
After all, none of them village people is contributing a kobo for their education now.
So why will i go and pay homage to them during my daughters TM?
Damn them and their traditions.
.

thorpido:
A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

CharleyBright:


Its like u dont get me. What is my business with village people or tradition? Do i eat or dine with them. Is it not those you associate wit you dine with? i follow them chop their children TM money?
Do they even know my daughters? I live thousands of miles from home, so when they grow up to marry, i go pack my daughters go home to go meet village people to draw up stupid list for me? I go allow people that dont add value to me hold me or my daughter to Ransome? Say wetin happen?
That aint happening!!!
I know how it felt to be held to ransome, i cant allow any silly tradition hold my daughters husband to be when the time come.
Am not a Traditional person, i dont align myself to it ( especially when it is outlandish).
Damn Silly extortionist traditions.
Who it hep sef??

urose93:


Please stop sounding as if you are insulting Akwaibomites. Akwa Ibom State for your information is one of the most well developed States in Nigeria. Don't be an ethnic bigot. Every other bullshit you put up there is borne out of gross ignorance and isn't worth any attention.

Truths22:

Akwa Ibom is south south state, fine but first Akwa Ibom is not an underdeveloped state. Under the government of now Senator Godswill Akpabio, Akwa Ibom state was one of the fastest growing state in Nigeria and with the current government, its one of the most industrialized state in the whole of south south..
Secondly, there are no militancy in Akwa Ibom state despite been one of the highest oil producing state in Nigeria.. When you talk of militancy in the south south, you can easily mention the likes of Bayelsa, Rivers and Delta states. Akwa Ibom is the most peaceful state in the Niger Delta and has the least crime report.
Back to the topic, its true Akwa Ibom has an exorbitant traditional marriage rites, but if you see calabar own(of cross river state), you go fear to have anything to do with a calabar girl.
That aside, I think exorbitant TM is an all south something, whether south south, south east or south west, all join..
Dunno know much about the North though

InvertedHammer:

/
This is an avenue for people to vent their frustration. A thread like this is a battlefield and tribal warlords are not in short supply. The only solution is to lobby the NA to pass a law making data plans unaffordable.


/

AlanSugar:
Ayam not understanding. How many people are reporting this one story? When did the narrative change from "my girl cousin" to "my fiance`" ?
First it was a report about nsit atai but the marriage list came from anang side! Even hungerbad who claims to have patience for devouring long posts fell for this shit hook, line and sinker. Look here op, next time you want to demean a tribe for whatever reason, try base your trash lies on an aspect of truth. You're even more confused than the story.

unyimecc:
Guy! stick to your yoruba women if you don't know what to say. The list is given out for negotiation and you will realize that at the end of the day you will not pay up to quarter of that list.. most of the things on the list would be used on traditional marriage day to take of the guest including the groom's people and not to their consumption alone.
EACH TRIBE IN NIGERIA HAS THEIR OWN TRADITION so, go to where it will favour you..

DaddyNimo:

girls of that tribe are known for sex alone, so seeing they collect so much to marry is shocking....paying so much for a girl every tribes had forked is crazy and to think they are proud of it is sickening

sacramento1212:


I'm glad you admit that your paying over a million naira 12 years ago to marry your wife was bourne out of the fact that they knew your financial worth and also their greed.

I completely disagree with you as per the aspect cutting off your family elders when your daughter(s) is or are getting married. You cannot do without them but just try to play the politics to avoid wahala even though you as the father is financially responsible for them. Tradition is Tradition and must be respected or else you kill yourself for nothing.

If it's your Son, you can do without them but not your female children. Ku yak mbio idung e edwok mbiam uno or ekud ekpo yak adu mia awod all because of ignorance. Wisdom is golden bro

Hanseel1:
Wonder why some women are treated like properties in this country?

After you've been sold off like a commodity by your father and his kinsmen why do you think you'll go into a man's house and start dragging rights or denying him his rights e.g sex because you're not in the mood?

Common sense is not common. If you as a woman choose to be sold off like a commodity -your choice.

I'm more concerned about the women defending this modern slavery called bride price on this thread.

stasiaannie:
look at what you posted and ask your self "
do i have sense?"

legitnow:
IT IS NOT BY FORCE TO LEAVE YOUR South West AND GO ALL THE WAY TO BIAFRA LAND FOR MARRIAGE.

IF U DONT LIKE THE LIST, MARRY YOUR FREE OF CHARGE YORUBA SISTER.

THE PEOPLE OF THAT STATE HAVE BEEN MARRYING WITHOUT COMPLAIN.

NA U WAN GO ALL THE WAY TO AKWA IBOM FROM OGUN TO CHANGE THEIR MARRIAGE RITES.