Funny as it may sound, it is real, it happened to me just last month. my wedding was stopped by my husband just because his friend that was coming to our wedding died on the eve of the wedding. he became sober throughout the morning on our wedding day and when other people were preparing including myself that morning, my husband was busy slepping, all efforts towards getting him to prepare for the wedding was futile and what we saw next was that he became aggressive to the extent that my last talk to him resulted in him slapping me and saying i dont have concience to persuade him to carry on with the wedding when his friend'd corpse is lying down there in the mortuary.

fight ensued when my people who are already annoyed with his behaviour heard me shout when he hit me and that was how the wedding was stopped. all the guest that came for the wedding far and near were told to go back that the wedding is not going on again, worst of it all, my people swore that i will never marry the guy again, over their dead bodies.

the next day which is on sunday, this guy came begging, crying that he doesnt know what came over him, he was asking for forgiveness when the shame and the deed has been done, i am finding it difficult to beleive that this thing happened to me but alll the same i am confused as well, i feel divorcing the guy because we have alreday done both traditional and court marriage, but what i am considering now is the baby in my stomach. i am pregnant for this guy. but i still find it difficult to beleive that he did this kind of thing to me only to come after to seek for forgiveness. i am in a serious fix and dont know what to do though the love i have for him is completely dead now, i cant just contain the shame he levied on me on my own day, a day was that supposed to be the happiest day of my life. funny enough he did all the spending for wedding.

i need your candid advice

It is really sad to lose someone close to you and most especially when the friend was on his way to your wedding,though i really blame your husband for slapping you and i guess this was due to over reaction. Since he has realised his mistake, i feel you should go ahead and marry him,considering that fact that you ar carrying his baby.
Best of luck !

He slapped a woman
He slapped a pregnant woman
He slapped his wife
he slapped his pregnant wife.

Has he been always like that?

A man should be able to shoulder the pressure that comes with life and still act rationally.

You have to consider a lot of things here before you make your next move. But, he is not coming across to me as someone you can live happily with.

agabaI23:

He slapped a woman
He slapped a pregnant woman
He slapped his wife
he slapped his pregnant wife.

Has he been always like that?

A man should be able to shoulder the pressure that comes with life and still act rationally.

You have to consider a lot of things here before you make your next move. But, he is not coming across to me as someone you can live happily with.

So what do you advise with the baby in her tommy ?

big father:

It is really sad to lose someone close to you and most especially when the friend was on his way to your wedding,though i really blame your husband for slapping you and i guess this was due to over reaction. Since he has realised his mistake, i feel you should go ahead and marry him,considering that fact that you ar carrying his baby.
Best of luck !

He is a man and is expected to be in control of his emotion if he was gonna get a woman into his home.

' A story has it that a man told his father that he was comfortable to marry because he had a big barn, big farm, his own house and all the material wealth and has come of age chronologically.

The father did not say anything but he bought a a goat and gave to the son to look after.

Episode 1: The goat eats some yam in guys barn and he was mad and beat the hell outa of the goat. Father said nothing
Episode  2: Goat uses its tethar to pull down a bucket of water meant for his shower in dry season. he beat the goat again. Father said niothing
Episode  3: Goat uses its tether to pull down a pot of soup he was preparing to eat with after a hard days job. The guy used his cutlass to cut off the goats heat at once. It let out a high pitch cry that attracted the father.

When the father arrived the scene, the head of the goat was severed from the body.

He told the son, ' Women do worse things. Is this what you are gonna do to someones daughter?'

big father:

So what do you advise with the baby in her tommy ?

Big father it is difficult you know but then, the man can as well beat her to the extent she might lose the baby before birth.

The truth is that I hate a man that lays a hand on a woman who is not Jackie Chan's cousin.

agabaI23:

Big father it is difficult you know but then, the man can as well beat her to the extent she might lose the baby before birth.

The truth is that I hate a man that lays a hand on a woman who is not Jacky Chan's cousin.

There 2 questions to be asked here.

1. Has this been happening before the wedding ?
2. And if the beating thing has been on,why hasn't she dumped the guy?

@poster
anyone can understand that the husband was in a very low emotional state of mind. losing a close friend is not easy to bare,especially if he was very close.

postponing the wedding will only have you lose MONEY and you should have given your husband the time to "heal" from this tragic event. trying to force him into doing something he was not mentally fit to do was not the way to go.

slapping you was NOT right but people dont normally act right after hearing the news of a love one's death therefore you should forgive his act(unless it was not the first time)

If you are sure you don't feel anything for this man anymore do not marry him,Apparently the love isn't there anymore, take care of your upcoming generation (child) but never settle for less, do not marry a man you don't love all in the name of given your child a name. Slapping you is a different story but cancelling the wedding is another, yes a life was lost but he was also willing to loose another life by hitting you , what if you lost that child? hitting you before friends and family? that man needs to be castrated.

Didn't I hear of one of them pastors in naija that lost all kids in a car accident on their way to a crusade but still went ahead and preached that day like nothing happened, how much more your fiance?

Yes he should have plastered a smile on this face and just go ahead with the wedding plans, then after that he is free to mourn for his friend, that one will take days, weeks,months, years but a wedding ceremony only takes a day.

Everything happens for a reason, but have you ever thought of the fact he might not really be for you? not saying he isnt, but like the old saying goes " Every disappointment is a . . . . . . "

jennykadry, I wonder just how young you are to give such advice because it sounds like the advice of a kid. Sorry no offence meant.
@ poster. This man is already your husband legally so the church wedding has nothing to do with a display of his love but is more like a religious obligation, the seeking of Gods blessing for the marriage.
When you saw how devastated your husband was you should have stood by him and felt his pain and been a bit more sensitive to his needs.
All you were interested in is ,"the show must go on". I don`t blame you because you were thinking of the costs. Well this is all part of our attitude in Nigeria of always celebrating the big way. traditional, then court then church. There must be a way of bringing them all together to save costs. A young couple should be more interested in having money to build up a new home and not feeding the whole world at a wedding function. 
Marriage is about tolerance and compromise you need to learn that and it takes time. If you had stood to your husband  the guests would have reacted differently and it would not have been a public disagreement but a called of wedding. I think you need to apologise to your husband too. You hurt him more.
The slap was out of provocation and pain and so can easily be excused. I hope he has not done this before though.
You need to be careful not to let this situation arise again because it might became a habit and then the beating could became more intensive.

@ POSTER, U DIDNT TRY AT ALL.
loosing a close friend is like loosing a sibling.u went too far by still pushing him to go ahead with the  wedding!!.if  u guys [ie u n your husby] were truly friends  u shud hv known  how dear that his friend  was  2  him, n the fact that he died  on his  way  2  your  wedding!!.makes  it  more  painful.u know this is  nigeria.that your husby's  friends  people/wife/family  will always  blame  your  husby  4  killing  their  son/husby/father.etc, the only wrong thing he did  was  slap  u, [n who knows the extent  u even  pushed  him  self],

i so totally blame  u  for  this  fiasco.it seems u hvnt lost  a  close  one  b4, maybe  thats y u dont  understand  how  it  hurts.
too bad u r already  preg  n u say your  luv  4  him  has  vanished?!!, has  he ever hit u b4?, or is this  his  first?,
this  thread  just  dey  vex  me, cos its  totally un necessary, if u had just being patient  n  stuck  by your man,  giving  him  a shoulder  2  lean  on, all this  misery  wudnt  hv  happened!!, but  by nagging  n pushing that the wedding must go  on,  u painted urself  as  a  cold blooded  n heartless person,

mutter:

jennykadry, I wonder just how young you are to give such advice because it sounds like the advice of a kid. Sorry no offence meant.
@ poster. This man is already your husband legally so the church wedding has nothing to do with a display of his love but is more like a religious obligation, the seeking of Gods blessing for the marriage.
When you saw how devastated your husband was you should have stood by him and felt his pain and been a bit more sensitive to his needs.
All you were interested in is ,"the show must go on". I don`t blame you because you were thinking of the costs. Well this is all part of our attitude in Nigeria of always celebrating the big way. traditional, then court then church. There must be a way of bringing them all together to save costs. A young couple should be more interested in having money to build up a new home and not feeding the whole world at a wedding function.
Marriage is about tolerance and compromise you need to learn that and it takes time. If you had stood to your husband the guests would have reacted differently and it would not have been a public disagreement but a called of wedding. I think you need to apologise to your husband too. You hurt him more.
The slap was out of provocation and pain and so can easily be excused. I hope he has not done this before though.
You need to be careful not to let this situation arise again because it might became a habit and then the beating could became more intensive.

I dont have more to tell you than What Mutter already wrote.Please find it in your heart to forgive him.He was defintely in pain that no one here or even yourself can understand. Individual way of handling crises is different. i am sorry he slapped you, hope that will not happened again,he must have been a good person for you to had decided to marry him and even getting pregnant for him. May the spirit of God guide you in your decision.

mutter:

jennykadry, I wonder just how young you are to give such advice because it sounds like the advice of a kid. Sorry no offence meant.
@ poster. This man is already your husband legally so the church wedding has nothing to do with a display of his love but is more like a religious obligation, the seeking of Gods blessing for the marriage.
When you saw how devastated your husband was you should have stood by him and felt his pain and been a bit more sensitive to his needs.
All you were interested in is ,"the show must go on". I don`t blame you because you were thinking of the costs. Well this is all part of our attitude in Nigeria of always celebrating the big way. traditional, then court then church. There must be a way of bringing them all together to save costs. A young couple should be more interested in having money to build up a new home and not feeding the whole world at a wedding function.
Marriage is about tolerance and compromise you need to learn that and it takes time. If you had stood to your husband the guests would have reacted differently and it would not have been a public disagreement but a called of wedding. I think you need to apologise to your husband too. You hurt him more.
The slap was out of provocation and pain and so can easily be excused. I hope he has not done this before though.
You need to be careful not to let this situation arise again because it might became a habit and then the beating could became more intensive.

Mutter, am so impressed ! This is absolutely matured and direct.

mutter:

jennykadry, I wonder just how young you are to give such advice because it sounds like the advice of a kid. Sorry no offence meant.

Wow oh really? is this the same person that once posted on some thread that a married man should confide always in his sisters,tell them everything manliness tom and harry he discusses with his wife? you is the same person talking about maturity?

Hahhahah you are on hell of a joke

Get a life sister

@poster

marriage should be enjoyed but not endured, the baby inside of you should also be put into consideration,hurting u can hurt the child. And yes you need to think twice,do u really want this man in ur life,if no,move on

Nobody has asked the relationship was like between this man and his dead friend.
They may have been more than beer buddies or business partners. Some people share bonds that even blood brothers envy.
I really dont blame your husband for hitting you, cos I think you were rather selfish as Mutter has pointed out.
Its a shame you missed your big day, but then again, its was also supposed to be your husbands big day as well. Did it at anytime occur to you that in that his mood _{(talking bout the weddin morning)}, you would have been the only one having fun whilst your husband would have to go through the torture of putting up a fake smile.

@ JennyKadri

Long time no see _{(i guess I've been away too long).} Last time I was here, you were still a little girl of barely 1000 posts, now you are all grown up (5000 and counting). lol      
How are you dear!!

Strong emotions you shared on this topic. I dont support his actions of hitting her not even in the slightest bit. But marriage should be a fifty-fifty thing. two partners sharing in one anothers pains, joys, struggles e.t.c. If she knew her husband _{(yes!! husband cos they are already married under customary law)}, then she would have known who this his dead friend was, known how dear he was to him, and would have been able to ascertain how much his death would affect him.
I know the man has his own share of the blame in the matter like you pointed out, but that does not mean the woman is completely without blame in this issue.

Okija juju taa gbafuo, obu"m ka ina kpo obere nwa, kpachara anya gi oooo

Okija i can relate to the fact that a friend was lost, but haba cancelling the wedding was a no no in this case

A family friend's wedding was cancelled by her husband that was back then in nigeria, seriously okija when such things happen a woman becomes an emotional wreck

Yes pple keep remining her of the dead friend but what about the living that came from far and near to be there for them

Seriously that mans thinking faculty is zero in my opinion

Poster, he should not have slapped you. I blame him for that. But at the same time, reading your post, my dear you are quite insensitve and selfish. You could have called off the wedding ceremony for now. And planned it at a later date, giving your husband time to heal emotionally. Because while you were pushing him to go on with the ceremony, he was an emotional wreck. I am sure he reacted the way he did because he felt completely alone. And the one person that should have been by his side and had his back, YOU his wife. Turned her back on him in his time of need and only thought of herself. I completely blame you there for your insensitivity.

Now, I dont believe that you lost love for him. However, I do beleive that you lost respect for him. Which is understandable. Because the man laid his hands on you. Unacceptable.

I think you all need to calm down, take a breather and have a heart to heart discussion. Because being angry at one another like this is not healthy for anyone one. Especially you, as you are pregnant.

Please next time be more considerate of other peoples feelings. It just makes you look like a monster when you behave that way.
I wish the both of you luck and next time, both of you must handle situations in a more matured manner.

after reading the post again, i observed that the husby didnt verbally cancel the wedding/said the wedding has been cancelled, instead he just lay on the bed sleeping/mourning.that is understandable shaa, cos he cud hv still roused himself a couple of hrs after n the wedding will still continue, though maybe 2 or 3 hrs late, but guess ur constant nagging n prodding pushed him over the edge,

cos i blv the wedding wud hv still went on , at the end of the day,
next time, _{oops op there wunt b a next time} invovle his parents/uncles/siblings.let them also contribute in convincing him to carry on with the wedding, i serve a total lack of the mere mention of ur husby's peeps in this whole matter, n it shudnt b so

I can understand where you guys are coming from but we are talking about a man, his wife and a man's friend here.

Do you guys understand the shame and the emotional wreck that goes with cancelled weddings on the woman's side?

He is supposed to be his wife's best friend. His wife should come before any other and her happiness uppermost.

Yes he lost someone albeit very close but his wife stands a chance of going into labour and possibly dying because of the stress of cancelled wedding and on top of that he slapped her.

Fine even if he was not in the mood to go on with the wedding, why not tell the wife and insist on that?


What he could have done would have been to go on with the wedding in a low key manner. Everyone would understand. The important thing to the lady was that the wedding was done. I would have questioned her insensitivity if she was mad that the hubby did not dance well in the wedding.

A low-key and short ceremony would ave sufficed.  slapping your woman because she begged for  a wedding to go ahead is hugely uncalled for.

He lacks maturity is what I think. He could slap a call girl but not his wife.

I am surprised some girls here are calling her insensitive.

My ex wife Jennykadri has it on point though.

AGABA

This man should have balanced the equation well in this situation, instead of disappointing his guests and pple that came to share that wonderful dsay with him.Alot of them women here mutter n co are busy asking and questioning her level of understanding, I reply posts on here based on what I will do if it happened to me, I put it to you that if mutter was in a situaltion like these ,dressed in her wedding gown, with her flower girls and brides maid looking all beautiful alongside guests that came from far and near to honour the occasion , there is no way she will open that mouth of hers and tell them all that the wedding is cancelled , EVERYBODY PLS GO HOME, are you kidding me? Any woman that will come on here and tel me she would have cancelled the wedding if it happened to her is a bloody toothless liar, but they come on here because it has not happened to them and ask for understanding.


Bloody hypocrites

And i can imagine her having to explain to hundreds of pple the reason why the wedding was cancelled, I bet you this question will come up:

"So we guess your husband chose his friend over you especially on the most important day of your lives right?"

What abt the priest or pastor waiting for them in the church, the singers, the waiters for the reception, seriously?

ARRRRGGGGG thinking abt it alone is enufff to wanna make me slap the demon of that mans face

And some crazy i.d-i-o-t is here calling my posts childish, giving excuses for the mans physical abuse on her,living in her land filled with fantasy. Wake up,get real,get serious and get a life

jennykadry:

AGABA

This man should have balanced the equation well in this situation, instead of disappointing his guests and pple that came to share that wonderful dsay with him.Alot of them women here mutter n co are busy asking and questioning her level of understanding, I reply posts on here based on what I will do if it happened to me, I put it to you that if mutter was in a situaltion like these ,dressed in her wedding gown, with her flower girls and brides maid looking all beautiful alongside guests that came from far and near to honour the occasion , there is no way she will open that mouth of hers and tell them all that the wedding is cancelled , EVERYBODY PLS GO HOME, are you kidding me? Any woman that will come on here and tel me she would have cancelled the wedding if it happened to her is a bloody toothless liar, but they come on here because it has not happened to them and ask for understanding.

Bloody hypocrite

That's why I married you .

Do not mind them. It is very easy to console when the funeral procession is not headed one's compound.

No it would never happen to me because I would be the one to suggest calling off the wedding and support my husband fully. She did not have to put on the wedding dress. Do you know how the family of the friend or mutual friend would have felt with him going on with that wedding? That is simply callous. There is a time for everything,a time to mourn and a time to celebrate and sometimes we don`t determine that time.
I had a slightly similar experience but not that time close. Shortly before our wedding my husband got duped out of allot of money and that was really crazy because we had all things planned. Well I told him we could re plan the wedding on a very small scale. We did not invite anyone and did not even buy wedding rings because I didn`t want a cheap one. Sometimes in life a couple just has to stand together and go through rough conditions. Years later we still don`t have wedding rings because he promised me to always have the ring around his heart. My bare finger is a symbol of our love, while for others it is the ring. At that time we felt it was hard to make those cuts but today it is a symbol of our love, and we tell our kids the story.

Where does one get a life from and what do you consider as a life jennykadry? A plastic shell devoid of humane feelings.

It is difficult one here, please forgive him if you can but use your head to take the decision and not your heart.

The lady in question was just being self-centred,selfish and completely inconsiderate.What if it was her close friend that died on her way to the wedding would she have gladly gone ahead with the wedding,smiling and dancing like nothing happened?

Yet people are busying themselves thinking about the slap which was neccesitated by the woman's inconsiderate attitude.Personally i know that was out of character otherwise she would not have proceeded to tie the knot in the first place.Please cut the man some slack,i would have done the same thing in his shoes.

i shudder. to think people can be this insensitive
@jenny, agaba & co. i bow for una o

^ You cannot compare your situation with this one. We are talking about a day to wedding and God knows how many moths before yours. The problem is the proximity. He should have not called off the wedding because a friend died. At best, do it low-key especially as the woman wanted it.  if the woman is your 'type' who probably never wanted a wedding, yea you can call it off.

It is callous to call off a wedding on the wedding morning. Why did he not tell the wife the wedding is gonna be called off at night so that she would have told their invitees not to come?
Why did he have to wait till morning?

Was he not aware of the death which took place before the wedding day?

I also blame those who informed him that the friend was dead.

The best thing would have been to tell him the friend had an accident and was in the hospital but that he would be Ok.

Though not exactly the same, Will Young carried on with his gig not knowing that some back room staff was electrocuted to death. He was told the staff was injured.
We call this crisis management.

jidobaba:

i shudder. to think people can be this insensitive
@jenny, agaba & co. i bow for una o

Me too for your insenstitvity on the woman's side. May be the woman should not be considered because she is a mere woman.

I shudder too!

the man should have gone for his wedding, even if he frowned the whole time . Cancelling it wont bring his friend back.



he has seriously messed up.

funny how people think that mourning can be POSTPONED?! lol!. the minute hubby received the news, thats when mourning started and whatever he had planned had to be "reconsidered"(marriage too).

marriage is suppose to be the most beautiful day in their lives, what kind of cold person would want to go ahead regardless of how hubby felt at the time?!

@poster
would you have felt the same way if it was a sibling/parent that had passed away or is it just that you felt that a common friend is not worthy?!

jenny9:

Funny as it may sound, it is rea[/b]l, it happened to me just last month. my wedding was stopped by my husband [b]just because his friend that was coming to our wedding died on the eve of the wedding. he became sober throughout the morning on our wedding day and when other people were preparing including myself that morning, my husband was busy slepping, all efforts towards getting him to prepare for the wedding was futile and what we saw next was that he became aggressive to the extent that my last talk to him resulted in him slapping me and saying i dont have concience to persuade him to carry on with the wedding when his friend'd corpse is lying down there in the mortuary.

fight ensued when my people who are already annoyed with his behaviour heard me shout when he hit me and that was how the wedding was stopped. all the guest that came for the wedding far and near were told to go back that the wedding is not going on again, worst of it all, my people swore that i will never marry the guy again, over their dead bodies.

the next day which is on sunday, this guy came begging, crying that he doesnt know what came over him, he was asking for forgiveness when the shame and the deed has been done, i am finding it difficult to beleive that this thing happened to me but alll the same i am confused as well, i feel divorcing the guy because we have alreday done both traditional and court marriage, but what i am considering now is the baby in my stomach. i am pregnant for this guy. but i still find it difficult to beleive that he did this kind of thing to me only to come after to seek for forgiveness. i am in a serious fix and dont know what to do though the love i have for him is completely dead now, i cant just contain the shame he levied on me on my own day, a day was that supposed to be the happiest day of my life. funny enough he did all the spending for wedding.

i need your candid advice

The highlighted part says it all for me. All you were thinking of was your show, i will not call it wedding, you were already legally married for heavens sake. He was sad and down, you are meant to be his wife and friend, when greater challenges come and it conflicts with your interest EG sickness and death, as long as there is a show you will still insist on carrying on. I am not excsuing his violence but really your first statement says it all for me. Really I dont know how to advice you, you are already married o the guy, it is the man I pity, he is not marrying a friend, sorry to say, because when the kids come and go, after the breast and sex have waned, after the challenges life may bring as a couple, it is the friendhip , respect and understanding that keeps the marriage going. Friendship and mutual respect, so much that before he speaks you know what he is thinking and vice versa.
Marraige is beyound the wedding day, wedding gown, cake, dance steps, bridal train and sparying, marraige is a long sometimes hard journey, a jorney you must embark on with soemone who can ease your burden not add to it