we've seen enough MTV drama to have a clear indication that women go mental during that particular time. that in itself might be a reason why the poster wanted to go ahead regardless. she should have come down from her "marriage trance" and think rationally.

i asked a question earlier that none of you ladies seems to want to answer. . . . . . . . . . .
if a close friends passing away is not a reason to postpone any wedding, whose passing is worthy enough?!
aunts, uncles & cousins?! siblings?! parents?
please give me the chart on who is more important than wedding here. lol

MRbrownJAY:

we've seen enough MTV drama to have a clear indication that women go mental during that particular time. that in itself might be a reason why the poster wanted to go ahead regardless. she should have come down from her "marriage trance" and think rationally.

i asked a question earlier that none of you ladies seems to want to answer. . . . . . . . . . .
if a close friends passing away is not a reason to postpone any wedding, whose passing is worthy enough?!
aunts, uncles & cousins?! siblings?! parents?
please give me the chart on who is more important than wedding here. lol

Nobody’s!

Do you seriously think that the deceased (if there’s a way to find out from the dead) would be happy that his death caused such a disaster for his friend, his bride and their family? Didn’t you think he would have wanted his good friend to go ahead and have himself a great wedding in his honor?

When my dad was dying, he forbade anybody telling me how sick he was. Why? Because I was in school preparing for my exams. He knew if they told me, I’ll abandon my exams just to be with him in his last days and he didn’t want that!

That was my own father, and a semester exam I could have retaken anytime I wanted. But this is a wedding and a friend!

If cancelling the wedding would have somehow made the freind rise from the dea, then it would have been a good call!

I ask you aahgin Mr. BJ, stop trying to justify his actions. You just end up sounding lame!

MrBrownJay gives great advice but when it comes to marriage? It is like a different person speaking.

How many men want to plan a wedding themselves? Go see the decor and pick out the colors? Most couldnt be fussed. That is why they tell their woman. . . It is your day do what makes you happy but everyone knows it is always about the TWO people getting married. Sometimes a lot of people here can be so unrealistic.

Don’t mind them! What pisses me off in this case was that the man was trying to punish his wife by cancelling the wedding, just because she wasn’t sympathetic enough. As if he was doing the wedding for her?

^^^^lol
i can see that you are one of the "married at any cost" type women out there.

let me say it again: postponing the wedding had nothing to do with bringing back the deceased from the dead BUT to RESPECT the need for her future spouse to mourn rather than marrying someone feeling like a zombie. the fact that you would rather marry a man who is not present emotionally, instead of wait until he gets back to his emotional self, keeps confirming how some women would do ANYTHING for marriage and dont really care about others but their own selfish selves.
lol, I guess marriage is by any mean necessary. i am sure one day we will hear women marrying corpse, just to have the title:MARRIED!

as for your statement on NOTHING being able to stop a wedding, i rest my case as we clearly have different view on family/close ones passing away~!

btw if what i write makes me sound lame then let it be, i never write on NL to sound cool/intelligent or to fit with the Joneses but rather because this is how i feel about a certain subject.

Ujujoan:


When my dad was dying, he forbade anybody telling me how sick he was. Why? Because I was in school preparing for my exams. He knew if they told me, I’ll abandon my exams just to be with him in his last days and he didn’t want that!

That was my own father, and a semester exam I could have retaken anytime I wanted. But this is a wedding and a friend!

Read your logic slowly. You would have abandoned your exams (apparently your future) to go be with your sick father in the hospital? And here you blame a guy for feeling groggy at the death of his friend . Funny world! Whose fault now, your father who said you shouldn't be told or the unfortunate guy who was told a sad story on his wife's "day"?
My dear let me tell you something about men, maybe that friend made him who he is financially today, maybe that friend has done more for him than that woman that wants to claim him. Men have attachment nature, women don't seem to have that much. It's in men to respect whoever has made their lives good, and canceling the wedding wasn't going to be too much for any guy. But like I said, I wouldn't have canceled that wedding, only I would have gone terribly low key. But truth be told, the guy didn't cancel the wedding. Read the OP initial post with clean logical mind.

Holla!

MRbrownJAY:

^^^^lol
i can see that you are one of the "married at any cost" type women out there.

let me say it again: postponing the wedding had nothing to do with bringing back the deceased from the dead BUT to RESPECT the need for her future spouse to mourn rather than marrying someone feeling like a zombie. the fact that you would rather marry a man who is not present emotionally, instead of wait until he gets back to his emotional self, keeps confirming how some women would do ANYTHING for marriage and dont really care about others but their own selfish selves.
lol, I guess marriage is by any mean necessary. i am sure one day we will hear women marrying corpse, just to have the title:MARRIED!

as for your statement on NOTHING being able to stop a wedding, i rest my case as we clearly have different view on family/close ones passing away~!

btw if what i write makes me sound lame then let it be, i never write on NL to sound cool/intelligent or to fit with the Joneses but rather because this is how i feel about a certain subject.

How you ‘feel’ is not just unrealistic but also surprisingly shallow!
How does cancelling a wedding show you respect the dead? And how does acting lie a zombie mean you are mourning a friend? Believe me, but you don’t have to act like a zombie to mourn someone, just like you don’t have to stop your life just because someone’s ended!

But then this is all bout how women just love to get married to you isn’t it? I gave you a live example about my dad and my exams but that means nothing to you. As far as you are concerned, I’m a lady just dying to get married and my protest is because a wedding got cancelled!

Well, just to correct that impression, my protest is with a man who is not man enough to meet up his responsibility, who in trying to spite his wife ended making a complete fool of himself, who thinks the whole world lies at his feet just because he’s walking down an aisle.

Well what can I say, I actually admire the poster. She must have a heart of gold. To forgive a man who beat her and cancelled their wedding in the name of mourning a friend! You only get to live once, why spend your life sucking up to a no-good man who thinks he’s doing you a favor by marrying you? He can take all the time in the world to mourn his friend, and when he’s done, he can walk himself down the aisle for all I care!

Ujujoan <--- I took a peek at your profile, you were there breaking love endlessly
No wonder.

Holla!

precap2:

Read your logic slowly. You would have abandoned your exams (apparently your future) to go be with your sick father in the hospital? And here you blame a guy for feeling groggy at the death of his friend . Funny world! Whose fault now, your father who said you shouldn't be told or the unfortunate guy who was told a sad story on his wife's "day"?
My dear let me tell you something about men, maybe that friend made him who he is financially today, maybe that friend has done more for him than that woman that wants to claim him. Men have attachment nature, women don't seem to have that much. It's in men to respect whoever has made their lives good, and canceling the wedding wasn't going to be too much for any guy. But like I said, I wouldn't have canceled that wedding, only I would have gone terribly low key. But truth be told, the guy didn't cancel the wedding. Read the OP initial post with clean logical mind.

Holla!

You don’t have to get all sentimental okay. No matter how you try to color things, you can't change what is. That's why is best to be realistic in a situations!
I was a student then and a teenager, my father was more important than a semester exam. And mind you that wouldn't have ended my future. I could have still taken the exams and still graduated with my mates!
And the poster’s hubby didn’t just feel groggy. He beat up his pregnant wife and cancelled a wedding! You try to think about that cos obviously you are not!

Don’t tell me about Men and 'friendship' . . . I've seen how that works out very well. A close friend of mine was shot and while he lay in a pool of his own blood, not even one of his 'friends' could come to his aid! And till date not even one of those ‘friends’ are bothered about why he was killed and if they could catch his killers. One of those ‘friends’ he would have cancelled a wedding for abi? Puhleeeeez!
The guy did not cancel the wedding because he was mourning his friend. He cancelled it because he was trying to punish his wife for not being sympathetic enough! Chekena!

Ujujoan:

How you ‘feel’ is not just unrealistic but also surprisingly shallow!
How does cancelling a wedding show you respect the dead? And how does acting lie a zombie mean you are mourning a friend? Believe me, but you don’t have to act like a zombie to mourn someone, just like you don’t have to stop your life just because someone’s ended!

But then this is all bout how women just love to get married to you isn’t it? I gave you a live example about my dad and my exams but that means nothing to you. As far as you are concerned, I’m a lady just dying to get married and my protest is because a wedding got cancelled!

Well, just to correct that impression, my protest is with a man who is not man enough to meet up his responsibility, who in trying to spite his wife ended making a complete fool of himself, who thinks the whole world lies at his feet just because he’s walking down an aisle.

Well what can I say, I actually admire the poster. She must have a heart of gold. To forgive a man who beat her and cancelled their wedding in the name of mourning a friend! You only get to live once, why spend your life sucking up to a no-good man who thinks he’s doing you a favor by marrying you? He can take all the time in the world to mourn his friend, and when he’s done, he can walk himself down the aisle for all I care!

respect the dead?! no, RESPECT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE WISHES either to mourn, wait, postpone or whatever that person decides to do. marriage is about decisions made by two people not just one demented one bound to be married at all cost.

i can give thousands of examples of people who lost a dear one  few days before the wedding and postponed out of respect for the people who had to mourn their parents, sibling etc

you must definitely not know what it means to mourn someone or rather have a heart of stone to suppress the pain of the loss for some meaningful purposes.
to each their own

If it's a fwe days, you can change the date and tell people not to come!

You can cancel reservations and all that.

But not when peopl have travelled from all over, meals have been prepared and then you decide you dont want to go ahead with it without regards for the people that went out of their way to come already!

You r right dou, to each their own!

It is a shame that this topic has degenerated to this. This has nothing to do with women being more interested in the wedding than they are the man they're about to marry. All these back and forth is uncalled for! When you lot get married then do it the way you really want to. Maybe if men showed a bit more interest in the planning of their own weddings then the women won't have to do it all themselves.

Clearly the bride didn't show enough sympathy over the death of a friend but it was terribly wrong of him to have cancelled the wedding and even slap her. No matter how we are pushed one should always exhibit self restraint.

i saw this video and thought about all you ladies who posted on this thread. . . . . . . . . . especially my dearest sista Ujujoan. why have Nigerian ladies not thought about this solution before, i am sure area boys would surely help!

[flash=480,385]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8x2oii4cIM&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1"[/flash]

How did people know the bride didn't commiserate with the man? When she heard his friend had died, do people assume she started dancing or something? The death was sad, but it wasn't broken to him on the wedding day, but the day before. She must have been just as shocked as he was and mourned the loss. The man must have been devastated but he'd had an entire day to pull himself together. He should have gone ahead with the wedding like a man. Where's the sense in losing a friend and allowing the most special day in your life to be wrecked as well? The husband ruined the wedding, not the girl and her family. Why hit her, and punish her for the friend's death? Did she kill him? What was her family expected to do when he beat a pregnant woman on her wedding day, jubilate? She's their daughter and sister and that won't change because she was marrying him. He started the whole thing and ruined the wedding. Anyone with a brain cell knows what a wedding means to the lady. Some women have been dreaming about it since adolescence. He had no right to take that away from her.

The lady chose a man who can't see anything beyond the effect it has on him alone. None of us here have planned a wedding, have your spouse hit you on your wedding day, and the whole thing ruined, so why call her names for just being human and enduring something you've never endured? She must have been deeply hurt, and probably hasn't gotten over the hurt of that awful day. Other brides have their weddings go without a glitch, why should she be robbed of that? Is it so hard so put yourself in her shoes? We've all lost friends and family, but still do what needs to be done. I don't care who died, any man who hits a woman is an animal and an im.be.cile. If he had refrained from doing that, the whole thing wouldn't have gone out of control. 'His friend died and you were nagging him', 'You didn't sympathise with him' 'you were only thinking of yourself'. Bull. Were you there when it happened? It's completely silly to blame the woman for the actions of the man.

Mad_Max:


Anyone with a brain cell knows what a wedding means to the lady. Some women have been dreaming about it since adolescence.

You just stated the MAIN problem after sounding like a nice gal. See? They still see it as ladies' day. That's the BIGGEST trouble with the whole thing. You think a man doesn't want to wed?

Holla!

MRbrownJAY <--- I no fit lie to you dis your wedding vid is a blockbuster man. At least the ladies have option, don't they?

Holla moi!

MRbrownJAY:

i saw this video and thought about all you ladies who posted on this thread. . . . . . . . . . especially my dearest sista Ujujoan. why have Nigerian ladies not thought about this solution before, i am sure area boys would surely help!

[flash=480,385]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8x2oii4cIM&hl=en_US&fs=1"[/flash]

ROTFLMAO

Mad_Max:

How did people know the bride didn't commiserate with the man? When she heard his friend had died, do people assume she started dancing or something? The death was sad, but it wasn't broken to him on the wedding day, but the day before. She must have been just as shocked as he was and mourned the loss. The man must have been devastated but he'd had an entire day to pull himself together. He should have gone ahead with the wedding like a man. Where's the sense in losing a friend and allowing the most special day in your life to be wrecked as well? The husband ruined the wedding, not the girl and her family. Why hit her, and punish her for the friend's death? Did she kill him? What was her family expected to do when he beat a pregnant woman on her wedding day, jubilate? She's their daughter and sister and that won't change because she was marrying him. He started the whole thing and ruined the wedding. Anyone with a brain cell knows what a wedding means to the lady. Some women have been dreaming about it since adolescence. He had no right to take that away from her.

The lady chose a man who can't see anything beyond the effect it has on him alone. None of us here have planned a wedding, have your spouse hit you on your wedding day, and the whole thing ruined, so why call her names for just being human and enduring something you've never endured? She must have been deeply hurt, and probably hasn't gotten over the hurt of that awful day. Other brides have their weddings go without a glitch, why should she be robbed of that? Is it so hard so put yourself in her shoes? We've all lost friends and family, but still do what needs to be done. I don't care who died, any man who hits a woman is an animal and an im.be.cile. If he had refrained from doing that, the whole thing wouldn't have gone out of control. 'His friend died and you were nagging him', 'You didn't sympathise with him' 'you were only thinking of yourself'. Bull. Were you there when it happened? It's completely silly to blame the woman for the actions of the man.

Thank you very much! I couldn't have put it better with all my ramblings sef!

But be careful oh, they'll soon call you a desperate woman who can do anything to get married. That's what you get for being reasonable in this thread!

chika98:

It is a shame that this topic has degenerated to this. This has nothing to do with women being more interested in the wedding than they are the man they're about to marry. All these back and forth is uncalled for! When you lot get married then do it the way you really want to. Maybe if men showed a bit more interest in the planning of their own weddings then the women won't have to do it all themselves.

Clearly the bride didn't show enough sympathy over the death of a friend but it was terribly wrong of him to have cancelled the wedding and even slap her. No matter how we are pushed one should always exhibit self restraint.

Thats where alot of you's are wrong, how do you know she didnt? how did you know she did not mourn over the loss of his friend_ should she have killed herself first b4 you lot will know that she felt the loss as well, the guy died the day prior to their event, it was a wedding day and she expected everything to go well

Ujujoan:

Thank you very much! I couldn't have put it better with all my ramblings sef!
But be careful oh, they'll soon call you a desperate woman who can do anything to get married. That's what you get for being reasonable in this thread!

I'm married. Don't care what anyone says, the man was just incredibly thoughtless and short-sighted. He must have done something with his time that day. He must have lay down, talked with people, maybe even gone out. All the wedding required would have been the same motions. Keep the service brief, no dancing or the rest, Photos at the reception and they leave. That's it. But he opted to dishonour his wife and ruin that day, just one day in the thousands of days in their lives, a day they won't have again. Others may forget after a while but that man and the lady will remember the incident for life. And he's not only self-involved and incapable of discharging his obligations like a man just when he was needed the most, he had so taken his 'wife' for granted he felt free to hit her in her pregnant state. Extremely unfair to lay the blame on her head when it's the man that's guilty and he knew it.

Hope no one brings in a butcher's knife or our man would be dead in the next sec. We heard from one party alone and the party still has too much problems in her story, if we hear from the other, then emotions will run riot.

I'm a man, married ofcourse, I know what we're made of. That lady was mostly inconsiderate. Talk from now till next year it won't erase the fact that the lady said they already have done court marriage, traditional marriage, and the guy SPENT 100% for the botched church wedding. What remains? But the babe didn't give him any chance to think. What the heck was she thinking when a good friend died? Probably the deceased made this husband who he is today - and I said probably. Let her bring the guy here to say his part.

Holla moi!

'Probably the deceased made the man who he is'. You have to clutch at straws to 'justify' the inexcusable? It's easy to sit there when your own marriage went without a hitch and call her inconsiderate without showing how she is so, without being there yourself to witness this 'inconsideration'. What the guy did was so wrong it doesn't even bear jaw-jawing about. Even the man knows enough to go begging for forgiveness, so he doesn't agree with you his wife was the one at fault. By doing that he has told his own side of the story, though I don't know what nonsensical story he has to excuse beating a pregnant bride on their wedding day. He knew he was wrong, admitted his guilt and went to beg forgiveness. Blaming the woman must mean you were there when it happened and know something the man himself does not.

I tire for una people oo. We women always complain that we want our men to show more emotions, now, this guy come show emotions, you dey castigate him say, he's not man enuff.
    This couple are married, they want God's blessing on their marriage (you are already pregnant, isn't that putting the cart before the horse?). Anyway what the couple should have done, was to call the officiating minister to the family room, with immediate family (as witness) and bless the union, then the wedding should be turned into a party for the guest (if everyone is so bent on not postphoning) or postphone the party to celebrate one year anniversary.
    Some friends are not just only friends, some are closer to you that ones family.
    I thought the wedding should be one of the most happiest day for THE COUPLES not only the bride, so isn't it contradicting, for the groom to pretend just to please the bride? Will the bride also do the same for the groom, if the roles where reversed?
    The husband was very wrong when he slapped his wife.

I'm sorry but where did the bride ever mention how close a relationship existed between the two men? If the two weren't close and the groom still canceled the wedding, I think that's bogus as all get out.

Travelista:

I'm sorry but where did the bride ever mention how close a relationship existed between the two men? If the two weren't close and the groom still canceled the wedding, I think that's bogus as all get out.

If you can't inferr that, then from where do you derive your logic? Look at the entire thing and be honest to yourself.

But like I said a few posts above, the bride is the only complainant and she can't even convince us, when the guy yarn, emotions go run riot.

Holla moi finally!

precap2:

If you can't inferr that, then from where do you derive your logic? Look at the entire thing and be honest to yourself.

But like I said a few posts above, the bride is the only complainant and she can't even convince us, when the guy yarn, emotions go run riot.

Holla moi finally!

Whoa, captain! The only inferences regarding the relationship came from other posters and not the bride. Unless you can point out an instance where the OP herself does so, you're grasping at straws.

I understand the postponing the wedding part but the hitting part flew over my head. He definitely overreacted.

@ OP: Did u eventually get married to him? how is ur son doing now? I like finished stories. That is if yours is true anyway

eyaa, sorry em. Oluwa dey with u!!

Hmm this one is very strong.
Aleyi gidi gaan!

I don't seem to understand him. Cancel a wedding where invited guests are already present because of a friend's death? Its not understandable no matter the bond or closeness abi nah gay? Even if!

Slap you ontop am in the presence of your family. Nah ! This is the beginning of domestic violence but what were you thinking allowing him bleep you without condoms enough to impregnate you? You should have been on pills girl.