Jennykadry, I disagree with you. Yes you can cancel the wedding and explain why. I am sure people are reasonable enough to understand. The wedding can still go on later on that day or whenever. But not when my husband just lost someone dear to him whether it be his friend or his mother. Sometimes my dear, you have to think past YOURSELF for once. Last I checked it was THEIR wedding day. Not just hers.

aisha2:

The highlighted part says it all for me. All you were thinking of was your show, i will not call it wedding, you were already legally married for heavens sake. He was sad and down, you are meant to be his wife and friend, when greater challenges come and it conflicts with your interest EG sickness and death, as long as there is a show you will still insist on carrying on. I am not excsuing his violence but really your first statement says it all for me. Really I dont know how to advice you, you are already married o the guy, it is the man I pity, he is not marrying a friend, sorry to say, because when the kids come and go, after the bosom and sex have waned, after the challenges life may bring as a couple, it is the friendhip , respect and understanding that keeps the marriage going. Friendship and mutual respect, so much that before he speaks you know what he is thinking and vice versa.
Marraige is beyound the wedding day, wedding gown, cake, dance steps, bridal train and sparying, marraige is a long sometimes hard journey, a jorney you must embark on with soemone who can ease your burden not add to it

I really concour. But funny enough, we just heard and judging from the lady's story without giving a fair hearing to the man. And from what i read from the lady's story; the man never called off the wedding himself.

agabaI23:

That's why I married you .

Do not mind them. It is very easy to console when the funeral procession is not headed  one's compound.

Most of the women here are all bitter, single or just confused, some must have passed through a hard time in marriage hence their criticizing the girl, some endured their marriage but did not enjoy it,some r divorced, some were abused one way or the other thats why.

No woman who has enjoyed a healthy marriage would open her mouth and cancel the wedding on that day, a friend is gone yes, but let the living celebrate, think of the people in the church already waiting for them

thats just callous

Akinagirl:

Jennykadry, I disagree with you. Yes you can cancel the wedding and explain why. I am sure people are reasonable enough to understand. The wedding can still go on later on that day or whenever. But not when my husband just lost someone dear to him whether it be his friend or his mother. Sometimes my dear, you have to think past YOURSELF for once. Last I checked it was THEIR wedding day. Not just hers.

As of 2006 you were still busy dating russian men

As of 2008 you were busy recommending pills for abortion

As of 2008 you were all about marriage without kids, so whata dvice do you have for a woman who is already pregnant and wants kids?

As of 2009 you wanted a man that loves you more, someone that is ready to give whilst u remain on the receiving end all the time, do you measure love ? how can you know who loves more? isnt that a sign of self centeredness and you are here accusing a woman of being selfish? see why i cal you hypocrites

In 2009 you said an housewife has the right to demand for allowance from her hubby, thats why i said you are still single, a woman shouldnt demand or ask husband for an allowance, she has the right to it anytime she wants it be it via internet transfer or atm card pin all she need do is let him know.

see why i said some of you here are either single or confused, sheeeesh sweetheart, sit down ,grow up, get married enjoy marriage b4 u come on here to post.

All the best

detective Amebo in the house!

aisha2:

The highlighted part says it all for me. All you were thinking of was your show, i will not call it wedding, you were already legally married for heavens sake. He was sad and down, you are meant to be his wife and friend, when greater challenges come and it conflicts with your interest EG sickness and death, as long as there is a show you will still insist on carrying on. I am not excsuing his violence but really your first statement says it all for me. Really I dont know how to advice you, you are already married o the guy, it is the man I pity, he is not marrying a friend, sorry to say, because when the kids come and go, after the bosom and sex have waned, after the challenges life may bring as a couple, it is the friendhip , respect and understanding that keeps the marriage going. Friendship and mutual respect, so much that before he speaks you know what he is thinking and vice versa.
[b]Marraige is beyound the wedding day, [/b]wedding gown, cake, dance steps, bridal train and sparying, marraige is a long sometimes hard journey, a jorney you must embark on with soemone who can ease your burden not add to it

No way, that day is the beginning of marriage , the day a man is bound to a woman before the eyes of God and man and vice versa, thats the entrance to marriage, thats the day a woman gives up all right of singlehood and her fathers name for the marriage and man'S name, thats the day a woman is converted into different person, the day she takes an oath of "Till death do us part" , a day her duties as a wife becomes legally and righteously bound, a day that a woman accepts to be buried in her husbands compound if she drops dead, a day she realises that she is now part of a family, a family she never knew from adams, a day of risk i call it, cos that is the day a woman swears her all in the altar be it for better for worse, a day she takes so much risk.A couple can as well live together for years but without that proof of their wedding day, people will forever see them as live in lovers. This is a day that both parents and God blesses the couple: A day that makes bringing kids into the world an achievement and nothing to be ashamed of.

That day is a day that God impacts a different wisdom, an entirely diff wisdom into them that will help them when they climb the marriage tree, a day God will always remember and answer their prayers If both parties go on their knees to God , without God looking at them like they r both fornicators.

A day that God thinks of and helps them in fighting life battles , a day that God looks at them both and says "go and multiply".

That my friend is the beginning of a journey in life called marriage



Anyways i'm off to another city, will be back in 2 days, hopefully pple will crucify me by the time i get back

astala vista baby

Jennykadry, I just love the way you described marriage and the depth of it.
Have to eat my hat about you being childish.

Jennykadry, no need to get all hostile, and besides I think you are quoting the wrong person. I didnt say any of that. Get your facts straight.

And for your information. I am married. Also, you need to stop being so childish. Its not a good look.

But I do agree with what you said about marriage in your last post.

Akinagirl:

Jennykadry, no need to get all hostile, and besides I think you are quoting the wrong person. I didnt say any of that. Get your facts straight.

sweetheart i actually went through your profile to get all i quoted, so yes i am quoting the right person

Akinagirl:

And for your information[b]. I am married[/b]. Also, you need to stop being so childish. Its not a good look.

But I do agree with what you said about marriage in your last post.

If wishes were horses. . . .

mutter:

Jennykadry, I just love the way you described marriage and the depth of it.
Have to eat my hat about you being childish.

Ich habe kein problem mit dir

and yes ich spreche deutsch aber nicht so gut, weil ich alles schon vergessen habe

@OP:

I find it hard to believe that some people can be so unfeeling. Did you really type all that expressing your disappointment and dismay at the way your husband acted? Whaaaaaaaat? Did you expect him to go out there to fake and act it all thru? It was your day, yes!, it was his too. There's no way he could have been happy unless he's a nutter. For God's sake he lost a friend attending his own wedding and you expect him to be all happy and stuff? I just can't believe you.

If I were him, I'd not consider you a material worth marrying because you don't feel nothing.

@ Jennykadry- you have taken over the thread, I have also read some of your contributions, I think your stance is the bane behind single parenthood in the US today.

but have you met somebody wanting to spend his or her whole marital life solely on endurance et al?, , impossible!

shit happenz, even as worse than this topic, in marriage u handle it and move on, a fundamental question have been asked?, has he been beating her? you are not even patient to lets hear from the poster, u r talking of moving on, moving on to where? abortion or meeting some1 to cater of a pregnancy not his?

damn! na wa O!

@mutter I just hope the poster would be wise to read your first response to her topic.

@poster, Has this guy been acting the way he did that very day?

just one slap,she dey make noise.

kuntash:

@ Jennykadry- you have taken over the thread, I have also read some of your contributions, I think your stance is the bane behind single parenthood in the US today.

but have you met somebody wanting to spend his or her whole marital life solely on endurance et al?, , impossible!

poo happenz, even as worse than this topic, in marriage u handle it and move on, a fundamental question have been asked?, has he been beating her? you are not even patient to lets hear from the poster, u r talking of moving on, moving on to where? abortion or meeting some1 to cater of a pregnancy not his?

damn! na wa O!

and what do you recommend?she stay with a man she said she has no feelings for

if you were not so blind you would have read the part where i told her not to marry if she has no more feelings for him

are you blind?

From what i read, the wedding wasn't called off by the man.
I believe if the poster hadn't been selfish and unfeeling, the wedding would have still gone on- maybe delayed for some hours and carried out in low key but definitely the fiasco that ensued wouldn't have been.

Let's put aside the issue of the husband's attitude which i feel was quite normal- for crying out loud the husbands friend lost his life while trying to attend the posters wedding and yet poster was hankering on and on the go!
How inhumane could someone get. The guys household would have been thrown in grief and if he were married, the wife a widow. What if it were a relative of the poster? Would she have found it funny if the husband had insisted the wedding must go on? So really op that wasn't so good of you.

I admit the wedding day is one of the most important days in a woman's life- even for men. And i know you would have been so embarassed but i tell you it doesn't matter what people say. Let tongues wag. After a week or tops a month, people's attention would shift away from your failed wedding ceremony onto something else.

You need to mend fences with your man fast. Remenber he is also the father of your unborn baby. Apologize to him because you were mostly at fault. His attitude towards his friends death shows he his a very sensitive man and there's nothing wrong in that.
A word i believe is enough for the wise

@poster
You canceled your wedding ma'am, not your man. You were obviously insensitive to his suffering, and your bad manners was obviously learned from your family. You family showed a grave level of immaturity. As for your man, he was suffering terribly and I don't blame him for the lethargy that set in upon hearing the news of his best friend's death. I couldn't have done what he did in the circumstances, but you should have known him well enough to know what could get him in that way. Marriage is not just about sex and babies. You were in a hurry to get pregnant, like you're in a hurry to cage him.
You also seem to have plenty advisors in the fashion of "jennykadry" who only selfishly think about themselves. All she wrote is clean testimony that her man would be in real deep shyt getting along with her.
Don't bother asking us whether you should return to your man, you already have his baby and both of you have consummated the marriage before planning for the church. There is no option here. The only advice I have for you is to stay away from advisors in your family once you're with him. Things might go far wrong if you don't take this simple advice.

Holla!

@ Poster,

I know how you feel but u should always put yourself in the shoes of others before you completely write them off.Honestly i can understand you cos aferall,you didnt cause the death of his friend so its unfair for you to be treated in such manner.I know how embarassing it is for your wedding to be called off on the d-day.People will start talking and making jest cos they wont understand.I actually think his reaction was extreme but thats marraige for you.Both of you are two people from entirely different backgrounds and will react to bad news in different ways.I think u should give him a break.As for his hitting you.if you were impolite while confronting him at a time like that he must have lost his mind and hit u but if its a normal occurence in your relationship,thats a different story altogether.You are already married to him and God hates divorce so i urge you to pls forgive him and carry on with the marraige so that your child can have a fatherly figure.

Before I say anything poster need to clear the air

Where are u poster ? ? ? Tell us how he has always treated u
has he been hostile before now or is this the first time.

What can u really say about him as per temper

Ok, so he has a temper when someone dies at his wedding. Maybe he was stressed.

either way, you have a baby and must love the guy. Work with him as a couple. This is your first major hurdle, there will be many more to come in the following years of marriage. This is part of marriage. If he is an abuser, work through that as well. just another challenge to make you guys love eachother even deeper. just remember with every challenge you accomplish you guys become stronger. Good luck.

hmmmm! two wrongs! what a situation, I found myself sitting on the fence for a while over this one. Anyway at poster both of you were wrong. You cant force somebody to have a moment of jubilation as if he has not received devastating news. The news should have been devasting to him in that apart from a feeling grief he probably felt guilt at the same time. Guilt that his very moment of happiness just led to the end of someobody elses life. So it was already a moment of conflict of emotions, he probably wanted to carry on with the plan for the day, just to make you happy, but there were other people to think about which he was already feeling sorry for. You could've handled it better with a bit of consideration

, and now he goes on to hit you, how unreasonable. This to me is the lowest of lows in as far as the story in concerned. He didnt do any justice to the fact that you guys are about to live together and in your togetherness there'll always be those challenging moments, you never know what this biatch (life by the way) is goin to throw your way, just how is he going to react in any given situation. eeerrrmm! I am afraid. No excuse for this whether he's done it before or not that's sooooo besides the point.

In fact the smartest thing to do for him was to never come back to you the next day or ever, because he had discovered just discovered what an emotional retard you are, eeeerrr! emboldment it wasnt me, that's "Madonna" at least you can laugh and wipe your tears.

Sorry my dear both of you I would like to believe you still lacking in emotional maturity. You are a "what about me" type of people. Whether you go back or not forgive him first ask for his forgiveness and the rest shall follow. Smile now

I find it hard to believe sha oo! Stopped a wedding cos of a friend's death
My younger sister mother in-law died 5 days to their wedding and the wedding still held.

Only the living celebrate life.

@OP I think is too early to say you don’t feel anything for the guy anymore, have you forgotten that marriage is for better and for worse, this is test of time/faith/love, my dear as far as I know that guy is still your hubby whether you like it or not, among all the people that seek for your beautiful hand in marriage, you accepted him, so you have to bear it ok. One man one wife.

Am not supporting him for postponing the marriage, I can understand how he felt that day, thou he allowed his emotions to control him. He is trying to mourn with those that mourn.

Try to make up with him, but your parents went too far, by saying ‘’OVER THEIR DEAD BODY’’ that is too expensive

Anyway sorry for the hot slap, I know it could be because of how u run your mouth that day, women’s mouth is their weak point men should know that

mutter:

jennykadry, I wonder just how young you are to give such advice because it sounds like the advice of a kid. Sorry no offence meant.
@ poster. This man is already your husband legally so the church wedding has nothing to do with a display of his love but is more like a religious obligation, the seeking of Gods blessing for the marriage.
When you saw how devastated your husband was you should have stood by him and felt his pain and been a bit more sensitive to his needs.
All you were interested in is ,"the show must go on". I don`t blame you because you were thinking of the costs. Well this is all part of our attitude in Nigeria of always celebrating the big way. traditional, then court then church. There must be a way of bringing them all together to save costs. A young couple should be more interested in having money to build up a new home and not feeding the whole world at a wedding function. 
Marriage is about tolerance and compromise you need to learn that and it takes time. If you had stood to your husband  the guests would have reacted differently and it would not have been a public disagreement but a called of wedding. I think you need to apologise to your husband too. You hurt him more.
The slap was out of provocation and pain and so can easily be excused. I hope he has not done this before though.
You need to be careful not to let this situation arise again because it might became a habit and then the beating could became more intensive.

Good Talk!

oisehumen:

I find it hard to believe sha oo! Stopped a wedding cos of a friend's death
My younger sister mother in-law died 5 days to their wedding and the wedding still held.

Only the living celebrate life.

Welcome to the world. some righteous girls will soon call you heartless.

oisehumen:

I find it hard to believe sha oo! Stopped a wedding cos of a friend's death
My younger sister mother in-law died 5 days to their wedding and the wedding still held.

Only the living celebrate life.

Five days to wedding is enough time to overcome shock. What if the news came on the wedding morning?
The husband didn't call off wedding, it was poster and her family that made the entire mess. My family won't do such rubbish, not in my lifetime.
She never felt anything for the man, or how could that vanish overnight? I just got married so I know that if love was there at all, it couldn't have vanished like that.

Holla!

To overcome shock of mothers death?

You are kidding me are you?

He messed up the happiest day of your life because of some dead friend? You see why premarital se.x is bad, now you got pregnant for a failure. If he could slap you on your wedding day, then get ready you might as well change your name to mrs punchbag. If not for the baby my advice would be RUN girl RUN

agabaI23:

To overcome shock of mothers death?

You are kidding me are you?

Is 5 days too little or too much? Then reconcile this statement with the one below and tell me who's kidding who, and why  

agabaI23:

Welcome to the world. some righteous girls will soon call you heartless.

cicero:

He messed up the happiest day of your life because of some dead friend? You see why premarital se.x is bad, now you got pregnant for a failure. If he could slap you on your wedding day, then get ready you might as well change your name to mrs punchbag. If not for the baby my advice would be RUN girl RUN

The baby is there already so what do you advise? It's (what's the French thing) fait accompli.

Holla!

my advice?
I'm sure he must have done it befor yet she went ahead.
Just get ready to work,
To learn how to manage his emotional instability
To protect your unborn child from suffering or becoming violent especially if male
To love him into a caring father and husband
To share him with his friend
To learn a bit of self defence
To plan a safe escape for you and your kid(s) if he persists

cicero:

my advice?
I'm sure he must have done it befor yet she went ahead.
Just get ready to work,
To learn how to manage his emotional instability
To protect your unborn child from suffering or becoming violent especially if male
To love him into a caring father and husband
To share him with his friend
To learn a bit of self defence
To plan a safe escape for you and your kid(s) if he persists

All these for just a single slap. And she never said it happened before.
You're a man, go back and read the posters initial post and tell me or us
exactly how you would have felt in the same circumstance concerning your
best friend.

Holla!

I'm not saying he should drink to his friends death but jeorpadising a wedding ceremony they planned for months probably is foolish and speaks volumes of this person.
Besides slapping a female is totally unacceptable to me and I have no respect for any female abuser.

cicero:

I'm not saying he should drink to his friends death but jeorpadising a wedding ceremony they planned for months probably is foolish and speaks volumes of this person.
Besides slapping a female is totally unacceptable to me and I have no respect for any female abuser.

But it was the gal and her family than canceled the wedding. If they were more reasonable they should have talked encouragingly to the guy. I know what it means to lose a dear one and I know you do.

Holla!