Please I was introduced to this forum by a brother.
Please kindly read my story and drop your advise.
I met this lady 6 years ago immediately I broke up with my last girl friend, she agreed to visit me after a month and we began to have intimacy on her 2nd or 3rd visit. By 4th month she started disturbing me that her parents want to meet me meanwhile she was a free giver whenever she visited,atimes she sleeps over in my place. There is this cool headed girl I was about sealing her deal then that she spoilt for me. On my first plan visit to her place she was not around I guessed she had a date with one of her guys which I got to know through our conversation over the phone, the guy actually camped her for 3 days but she lied to me that she was with her brother. Eventually I went to her place and I met with her mum and dad her dad had health challenge while her sister is staying in their house on the excuse that her husband works in another town but later got to know that she's having issues with her marriage. On that day its as if I was jazzed because I started doing anything herself and her mum ask me to do. While visiting she used to tell me about getting car that it would be nice and being someone that is so trusting and believing that she will do same to me, she also asked whether I have landed property which I said no. At my place of work there some cars that were place for auction then I applied for one and I was granted.
She complained about my apartment she said the area is bushy I had to look for another apartment I even run to my mum for financial assistance over this.
While preparing for our wedding I funded most of the expenses they were able to do all these because my people do not stay in the city where we are.
After the wedding I was already in debt and she lost her job when it was like 2 weeks to our wedding.
After the wedding she told me that she had bought a car and that it was with her brother.
I began to spend on the car immediately her brother brought the car starting form number.
Some months after the wedding there was an occasion in their family and they share money I carried the highest being that her elder ones are jobless except 2 of them that are managing, she is the last among them.
Six months after our marriage we had our son. She stood on my neck with her mum that we should do all the shopping for the baby being the first born I eventually spent around #250k on this still in debt. Some of those things are useless today.
Around the time we had our baby she said her colleagues in school have started paying for school fees I said she should defer it till following year but her mum started begging eventually I put up my car for sale I never knew that her car is problem on its own which is sold to her by one of her boyfriends. The car is actually a used Nigeria car package for her like new at #600k being fanciful at that time and very presentable than my own we put mine for sale and his brother stylishly bought it from us to clear her school fees.
When she went for exams she came back with some new clothes which I knew were bought for her by her boyfriend.
She got some money from her uncle like 2 years ago she said she wants to travel abroad she spent all the money on the processing which eventually failed.
Around this time I lost my job too, but was able to get some money which I gave to her to go and get her result in school.
She help me get one temporary job which I did for 3 months but before I left ihelped her secure another job this is after 4 years of our marriage I also helped one of her brothers to get job too.
I got another too but lost it around may this year it is a deposit mobilization job so we were all asked to leave when we could not meet up with the target.
Around June my wife started misbehaving I started noticing that she's sleeping around I felt so bad I had to turn to God for serious prayer still hunting for job but God has been faithful in settling some bills.
I got a financial assistance from someone recently through her to pay for rent and children bills when she said she cannot help with the bill.
I feel so cheated and I even think divorce will be the best when I eventually get my life back on track but I don't want my kids to pass through what I went through because I'm a product of a polygamous settings.
Please don't mind my grammar kindly advise me, the did is done already.
Meanwhile the men of God have told me repeatedly that God says I should not revenge.

Please advise. Thanks.

since I'm not married i wont know what to say but I've been in relationships and i feel your pain. just keep holding on to faith, be forgiving and be ready to make a tough decision when it matters

separate from this woman

Oyindidi:
separate from this woman

Oyindidi. Thanks but what become of these little kids is my greatest concern.

clive2u:
since I'm not married i wont know what to say but I've been in relationships and i feel your pain. just keep holding on to faith, be forgiving and be ready to make a tough decision when it matters

Guy. Thanks.

Ralaji:


Oyindidi. Thanks but what become of these little kids is my greatest concern.

I said separate not divorce. The kids will be fine till you sort things out.

Are you sure she's seeing other men or you're just insinuating?

Oyindidi:
I said separate not divorce. The kids will be fine till you sort things out.

Are you sure she's seeing other men or you're just insinuating?

So sure it was too obvious around June July. Though it has subsided now.
When you notice where you visit regularly has suddenly become so wide
She began to password her phone which she was not doing before
Once saw a blue film on her phone guess was sent by one of the men she sleeps with
Perceived condom smell around her region on more than 2 occasion around June July.
And lots more

Ralaji:


So sure it was too obvious around June July. Though it has subsided now.
When you notice where you visit regularly has suddenly become so wide
She began to password her phone which she was not doing before
Once saw a blue film on her phone guess was sent by one of the men she sleeps with
Perceived condom smell around her region on more than 2 occasion around June July.
And lots more

Hmmmm... How is her behaviour towards you?

Mr ralaji answer

Oyindidi:
Hmmmm... How is her behaviour towards you?

I later got to know after wedding that she is this woman that is only after your money and nothing more. She is very selfish.

your wife should come and write her own too

Dyt:
your wife should come and write her own too

Just advise please.

Ralaji:


So sure it was too obvious around June July. Though it has subsided now.
When you notice where you visit regularly has suddenly become so wide
She began to password her phone which she was not doing before
Once saw a blue film on her phone guess was sent by one of the men she sleeps with
Perceived condom smell around her region on more than 2 occasion around June July.
And lots more

i pray i don't get married to such wife, i hate infidelity from married women. OMG!

ayomilore:


I later got to know after wedding that she is this woman that is only after your money and nothing more. She is very selfish.

Bros how is this your business?

Ralaji:


Just advise please.

how do you expect me to reading just your part?

what if you didnt say it all?

you want me to condemn her and praise you?

ok o mr Ralaji
try to make your marriage work o
communication is important
tell her all about how you feel.

clive2u:
i hate infidelity from married women. OMG!

but you see nothing wrong when married men cheat?

men ehn

Dyt:


but you see nothing wrong when married men cheat?

men ehn

i hate it but i just hate women's more cos i aint gonna marry a dude

Dyt:


how do you expect me to reading just your part?

what if you didnt say it all?

you want me to condemn her and praise you?

ok o mr Ralaji
try to make your marriage work o
communication is important
tell her all about how you feel.

Dyt. You know what happened.
I'm have mapped out how I want my home to be when I married. But unfortunately it has not been so.
Ok want the best of life for my family.
But here is a woman that practically brought issues into my life I can never point to at least an assistance she has rendered for me for the past 5 years except the 100k she gave sometimes ago which we expended most half of it on his brothers wedding.
If she had opened up to me we wouldn't have found ourselves in this mess we are now.
The worst is my mum which has been my greatest pillar of support in life after God that have not found resources to take care of though I have elderly ones who are taking care of her but since I married this woman have been in debt.
If you know me you will know that I so much value happy home because lacked this while growing up but you can have it without a very supportive wife.

Op you married an olosho and the signs were there but you were blinded by love. There was nothing like juju, her bedmatics hoodwinked you into doing her bidding. Thats why I advise young men to always use their head, dont be carried away by sex, an olosho can never make a good wife. Now look at how messed up you are. I would advise to work hard to make your marriage work because of your kids. You have entered perhaps some people would learn from your experience.

jesmond3945:
Op you married an olosho and the signs were there but you were blinded by love. There was nothing like juju, her bedmatics hoodwinked you into doing her bidding. Thats why I advise young men to always use their head, dont be carried away by sex, an olosho can never make a good wife. Now look at how messed up you are. I would advise to work hard to make your marriage work because of your kids. You have entered perhaps some people would learn from your experience.

Ok jesmond. Thanks o but have dated so many girls before her.

Ralaji:



When you notice where you visit regularly has suddenly become so wide

It didn't widen after popping out your kids but can widen cos it accommodated prikks that's not up to 10% of human head and body including yours or are u saying u have tiny Winnie?
Bro, go and sit down.
See how divorce is very easy for you to say.
As you have already condemned ur wife, what do you want people to tell you?
From the beginning of your epistle, u already called her a cheerful giver when u were very busy collecting what she was giving. What a hypocrite u are!

I wouldn't be surprised if it wife is the one who need the divorce from you as I have learnt here that the guilty ones always run when no one is chasing them.
Tell her to come and give her own account.
We then might have a case to debate on.

Ralaji:


Ok jesmond. Thanks o but have dated so many girls before her.

see the advise I gave in this thread and is all playing out. I think I am a prophet

sassysure:

It didn't widen after popping out your kids but can widen cos it accommodated prikks that's not up to 10% of human head and body including yours or are u saying u have tiny Winnie?
Bro, go and sit down.
See how divorce is very easy for you to say.
As you have already condemned ur wife, what do you want people to tell you?
From the beginning of your epistle, u already called her a cheerful giver when u were very busy collecting what she was giving. What a hypocrite u are!

I wouldn't be surprised if it wife is the one who need the divorce from you as I have learnt here that the guilty ones always run when no one is chasing them.
Tell her to come and give her own account.
We then might have a case to debate on.

Ok bro. Thanks all the same.

sassysure:

It didn't widen after popping out your kids but can widen cos it accommodated prikks that's not up to 10% of human head and body including yours or are u saying u have tiny Winnie?
Bro, go and sit down.
See how divorce is very easy for you to say.
As you have already condemned ur wife, what do you want people to tell you?
[b]From the beginning of your epistle, u already called her a cheerful giver [/b]when u were very busy collecting what she was giving. What a hypocrite u are!

I wouldn't be surprised if it wife is the one who need the divorce from you as I have learnt here that the guilty ones always run when no one is chasing them.
Tell her to come and give her own account.
We then might have a case to debate on.

I have been trying to pen a word. I'm glad you took this out of my mouth. Women don suffer for this country. Tueh! Oga Op, go and deal with your insecurities and be the best man to your wife

Well you knew what you were getting into before marriage and maybe the sex was great so you got hooked.
Well you have married her and you can't just throw away the marriage like that especially because of 'the kids' as you say.

Stop spending money you don't have or can't afford.She doesn't have a gun to your head.Get a grip on yourself and make budgets.

As per feeling' it' is wider,it could just be your imaginations.Your wife has had babies too so don't expect it to be same ol' same ol'.

Men that can write plenty epistle like this, FEAR THEM! loose mouthed and completely uncouth. You gave us a clear descriptive essay from start to finish. From meet-up to hit-rock.

Oga search yourself. Sometimes you're the toxic one, sometimes you are the one that needs a complete detoxification, You do not completely write off a woman that married you, bore kids for you, stayed with you through thick and thin, even got you a job when you loose yours to complete strangers on a faceless forum. You want to hear what exactly?? Divorce...

OH yea, go ahead, divorce her and come back here to get a medal!
You think say any fish still remain inside this ocean?? Uncle, na bonga fish and abalo fish remain. Don't loose what you have whilst chasing shadows.

Ralaji:
Please I was introduced to this forum by a brother.
Please kindly read my story and drop your advise.
I met this lady 6 years ago immediately I broke up with my last girl friend, she agreed to visit me after a month and we began to have intimacy on her 2nd or 3rd visit. By 4th month she started disturbing me that her parents want to meet me meanwhile she was a free giver whenever she visited,atimes she sleeps over in my place. There is this cool headed girl I was about sealing her deal then that she spoilt for me. On my first plan visit to her place she was not around I guessed she had a date with one of her guys which I got to know through our conversation over the phone, the guy actually camped her for 3 days but she lied to me that she was with her brother. Eventually I went to her place and I met with her mum and dad her dad had health challenge while her sister is staying in their house on the excuse that her husband works in another town but later got to know that she's having issues with her marriage. On that day its as if I was jazzed because I started doing anything herself and her mum ask me to do. While visiting she used to tell me about getting car that it would be nice and being someone that is so trusting and believing that she will do same to me, she also asked whether I have landed property which I said no. At my place of work there some cars that were place for auction then I applied for one and I was granted.
She complained about my apartment she said the area is bushy I had to look for another apartment I even run to my mum for financial assistance over this.
While preparing for our wedding I funded most of the expenses they were able to do all these because my people do not stay in the city where we are.
After the wedding I was already in debt and she lost her job when it was like 2 weeks to our wedding.
After the wedding she told me that she had bought a car and that it was with her brother.
I began to spend on the car immediately her brother brought the car starting form number.
Some months after the wedding there was an occasion in their family and they share money I carried the highest being that her elder ones are jobless except 2 of them that are managing, she is the last among them.
Six months after our marriage we had our son. She stood on my neck with her mum that we should do all the shopping for the baby being the first born I eventually spent around #250k on this still in debt. Some of those things are useless today.
Around the time we had our baby she said her colleagues in school have started paying for school fees I said she should defer it till following year but her mum started begging eventually I put up my car for sale I never knew that her car is problem on its own which is sold to her by one of her boyfriends. The car is actually a used Nigeria car package for her like new at #600k being fanciful at that time and very presentable than my own we put mine for sale and his brother stylishly bought it from us to clear her school fees.
When she went for exams she came back with some new clothes which I knew were bought for her by her boyfriend.
She got some money from her uncle like 2 years ago she said she wants to travel abroad she spent all the money on the processing which eventually failed.
Around this time I lost my job too, but was able to get some money which I gave to her to go and get her result in school.
She help me get one temporary job which I did for 3 months but before I left ihelped her secure another job this is after 4 years of our marriage I also helped one of her brothers to get job too.
I got another too but lost it around may this year it is a deposit mobilization job so we were all asked to leave when we could not meet up with the target.
Around June my wife started misbehaving I started noticing that she's sleeping around I felt so bad I had to turn to God for serious prayer still hunting for job but God has been faithful in settling some bills.
I got a financial assistance from someone recently through her to pay for rent and children bills when she said she cannot help with the bill.
I feel so cheated and I even think divorce will be the best when I eventually get my life back on track but I don't want my kids to pass through what I went through because I'm a product of a polygamous settings.
Please don't mind my grammar kindly advise me, the did is done already.
Meanwhile the men of God have told me repeatedly that God says I should not revenge.

Please advise. Thanks.

Brother, I understood your situation. If what you wrote above are actually true, most people crucifying you on this thread would have reacted as you do.

You need to know that you didn't marry a good wife. A good wife will never be a cheerful giver of sex to different men except her husband. I will advice you to be separated from her and observe her behaviour for sometime whether she will change her wayward lifestyle. And if she doesn't, please divorce her.

edoman2016:

Brother, I understood your situation. If what you wrote above are actually true, most people crucifying you on this thread would have reacted as you do.

You need to know that you didn't marry a good wife. A good wife will never be a cheerful giver of sex to different men except her husband. I will advice you to be separated from her and observe her behaviour for sometime whether she will change her wayward lifestyle. And if she doesn't, please divorce her.

Thanks bro.

yettymuse:
Men that can write plenty epistle like this, FEAR THEM! loose mouthed and completely uncouth. You gave us a clear descriptive essay from start to finish. From meet-up to hit-rock.

Oga search yourself. Sometimes you're the toxic one, sometimes you are the one that needs a complete detoxification, You do not completely write off a woman that married you, bore kids for you, stayed with you through thick and thin, even got you a job when you loose yours to complete strangers on a faceless forum. You want to hear what exactly?? Divorce...

OH yea, go ahead, divorce her and come back here to get a medal!
You think say any fish still remain inside this ocean?? Uncle, na bonga fish and abalo fish remain. Don't loose what you have whilst chasing shadows.

What kind of yeye advice is this? Can you please treat the issues he raised without this your load of toxicity? This forum provides the chance of being anonymous so the Op has not bared anything to you. He is only seeking advice. You are even telling him there are no other women out there! How myopic and self centred of you!

Op, have you sat your wife down and discussed the way you feel with her? If you are sincerely not interested in living with her again you better seperate from her before something evil happens. Sit with her and talk about it. To marry and live together is not a do or die affair. Or else you can break her neck one day in annoyance or she poisons you when she sees a man she prefers. In all this, make sure you always cater for your children. Living together with her or not.

You're from a polygamous home; chances are you will repeat the same cycle.
There's no way out for you unless you're spiritually strong.

Your woman is not the problem, the problem is YOU, the family you came from. If you were OKAY, you wouldn't have considered her for marriage.

ayomilore:


I later got to know after wedding that she is this woman that is only after your money and nothing more. She is very selfish.

Women are generally selfish. The only way to cope is to marry one that loves you more than you love her. Once you fall hopelessly with a selfish woman, one that doesn't love you as much as you do, forget it, you're doomed for life.

@OP

BTW, you don't need to tell me your wife's tribe. I already know.

...wish you all the best in managing this cycle.

Mr op u are not a firm man, u are the type that your wife can easily push around to get what she wants done financially. How on Earth can u spend 250k on baby shopping when u are still struggling. U also borrowed to do wedding as evident in the debt thereafter.

All Women are selfish, the only reason they love their husband is bc they provide for the family. Once u can't provide any woman will maltreat and disrespect his husband.

U only know the woman u are married to if u go out of job for a while.

Op the Bible says that a man that can't provide for his household is worst than an infidel and anyone that can't work should not eat. Now provision for family must be done with wisdom so your source don't run dry so u don't spend above your means while doing this.

Your inability to manage your finances and be firm and stick to budget has doomed u. When u marry a spender as wife and u are not firm in financial decisions then she will send u back to the village n move on before u know it.

Money is the center of all your problems plus unsupportive n faithful wife.

Honestly if I catch my wife with another man the marriage will be dissolved that day, that is the only thing I can't tolerate in marriage

if she must cheat then I better not catch her cheating ass bc I can't forgive that n the Bible will support me to divorce her.

Advice - learn to be a firm and assertive man