Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 4:19am On Aug 17, 2010 |
This is a light one for starters; The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them. Despite the difficulties, all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry. Looking over at the wide eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, "That naughty boy should have never crawled in there. Spank him again!" 1 Like |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 4:35am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Studio was ordered by his doctor to lose 35 kg as soon as possible due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day / 5 kg weight loss program. The next day there's a knock at his door, and when Studio answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady dressed in nothing but Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 kg as promised. Studio calls the company and orders their 5-day / 10 kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door or after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 10 kg, as promised. Studio decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine." Studio takes off like Ben Johnson  - Which kind wahala I go carry myself put inside lke this2 Likes |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Freewilly(f): 4:36am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Your jokes ain't funny   |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 4:39am On Aug 17, 2010 |
The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?' The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.' 'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.' This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, 'Mom, how many types of 'willies' are there?' The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.' 'A Christmas tree??' 'Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.' 1 Like |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 4:49am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow AND asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The man replied, 'These are Carols.' And So The Christmas Season Begins, |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 4:51am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Blacksta sorry o! 1 Like
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| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 4:56am On Aug 17, 2010 |
This joke is dedicated to the Nama wey say my joke no funny  ;One day little FREEWILLY heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. FREEWILLY'Sdad saw him gave a little wink as FREEWILLY closed the door. After business was finished, Dad went to check on little FREEWILLY. He opened his bedroom door to find grandma bent over the dresser and little FREEWILLY going at it behind her, DAD yelled, 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!!??' LITTLE FREEWILLY REPLIED, 'IT'S NOT SO FUNNY WHEN IT'S YOUR MOM, IS IT??!!!' |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 5:03am On Aug 17, 2010 |
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills. Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it! Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies! One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 6:38am On Aug 17, 2010 |
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| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 6:42am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Blacksta @ the doctors 1 Like
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| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:07am On Aug 17, 2010 |
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Ben-10?" Ben-10: "Just a minute, I have to go pee." Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: "What about you Blacksta? How would you say it?" Blacksta: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Studio, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" Studio: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper. " The teacher fainted!! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:25am On Aug 17, 2010 |
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?" The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her so good-looking?" "So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her such a good cook?" "So you could love her, my son." The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but , why did you make her so stupid?" "So she could love you, my son." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:27am On Aug 17, 2010 |
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your boobs dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:30am On Aug 17, 2010 |
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she'd suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he'd have some fun with her so he told her that she didn't need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they'd all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, "Hello!!! The windows are down." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:39am On Aug 17, 2010 |
The True Meaning of Life -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The True Meaning of Life On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixtyyears." >The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty-five and I'll give back the other thirty-five." >And God agreed. >On the second day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day bythedoor of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." >So God agreed (sigh). >On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. The dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too,okay?" >And God agreed again. >On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy life, enjoy. I'll give you twenty-five years" Man said, "What? Only twenty-five years! No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty-five, and the thirty-five the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?" >"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal." >So that is why the first twenty-five years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy life, and do nothing. For the next thirty-five years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. >Life has now been explained 2 Likes |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:45am On Aug 17, 2010 |
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of N5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several ! times the N5,000. She gives him back his N5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that. There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no memory of what to do with them. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 7:47am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Father Explains Condoms to Son A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March, " |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 8:03am On Aug 17, 2010 |
OJ - I don hear almost all of these jokes b/4 Why you include my name 4 here??  Efe nor dey do repost jokes  **I'm berra than that** |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:11am On Aug 17, 2010 |
A Nigerian man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thinks, "Oh Damn, I'm in deep shit now." (He was an Anambra Dalmatian), Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "CHINEKE!!, Nna that was a very delicious lion. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this the lion halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the lion, "That was close. That dog wicked o. See as I for die like fowl, Thank god say I dodge sharp sharp" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the lion with great speed, and figured that something must be up. (Igbo lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, jump untop my back. I wan make you escort me see wetin I go do that cunny Igbo dog. God don catch am today." Now the Igbo dog sees the lion coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks "Otu ocha!! That Monkey don go cast my job o!! Chai!! See yawa. How I wan manage dodge this one now" But instead of running, the Igbo dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Bia which kind nonsense be this?! Why that Monkey dey carry me play?! I go kill am join if I catch am!. Since wey I tell am say make ehn go carry another lion come, Say I neva belle full, ehn still neva return!!". |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:13am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Efe look bush jor!! Na only you be Efe for dis world?! Abi your full name na OgheneApkosEfeRukewe?! That na the efe I dey talk about. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 8:20am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Also heard this joke b/4 too!! Really OJ - you're seriously downgrading me. . . C'mon post berra jokes now b/4 I whip your a. ss **Yes, many Efe's on nland - but moi is nland's ONLY Joke's section Efe. . .Comprehende??** |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:30am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Oya If e too bad like that, make I hear one from ya mouth na! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 8:32am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Don't tempt me man! |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:36am On Aug 17, 2010 |
You have been tempted. Afterall, you are featured as a guest comedian on the thread. A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:37am On Aug 17, 2010 |
[font=Comic Sans Ms ]One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' [/font] |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 8:42am On Aug 17, 2010 |
RIGHT!! Heard 'em all b/4 Come here OJ!! <Smacks his behind. . Arrow!!> **That'll teach you not to repost old jokes!! - now give us sumtin original!!** |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:47am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Efe you slap me!!  EFE!! ME!! CHAI!! I don suffer!! Efe!! Just wait and see wetin I go do! **** Goes to his room and cries **** |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Okijajuju1(m): 8:51am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Efe if you don hear this one too, then I no knw wetin fit make you laugh apart from Nitrogen gas. Indian boy in US school It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.' She heard a loud whisper: 'F___ the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.' Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997' Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.' The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'. 1 Like |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by EfemenaXY: 8:59am On Aug 17, 2010 |
^^ Also heard this too - though slightly modifed Really OJ - you try for me at all today Or perhaps, I'm just a seasoned joker??  Okija_juju: Maybe that wasn't the best approach?? Oya dry your tears and come to Efe for a nice hug. . . **There, there. . .'tis okay now - you hear?**  |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by blacksta(m): 9:36am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Looks like the Joke section is coming alive - thanks to no one but Blacksta - Please abeg give me a round of applause. |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by ElementG(m): 10:01am On Aug 17, 2010 |
me nko? |
| Re: Lol With Okija Ft. some Jokers by Ben13: 11:40am On Aug 17, 2010 |
Nice ones. . .  Keep 'em coming Okija . |
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