I met my boyfriend 5 years ago and it was instant mutual attraction but I did not pursue it. Over the years we have remained in contact via phone, email and sporadically seen each other at events but because we were both in a relationship, we never met just the two of us. However, it was obvious to everyone that knew us that we both liked each other a lot.

Now, five years later, we are both single and have just started spending a lot of time together and getting to know each other properly. Despite my resistance to get involved with someone so young, It already feels comfortable and right. It is clear to both of us that we are both falling for each other deeply but there is a big problem.

There is a 11 year age gap between us. I am 34 and he has just turned 23. I know many will ask me why I am with a 'boy' and ask him what is he doing with 'Old argo' etc.

He is Yoruba and the only son for his mother and they have a very close relationship. I am from a Caribbean background, have no children and have a sucessful career. I do not look my age and in fact have to carry ID around with me to prove I'm older than I look. He is independent and has his own money so I do not believe that there is any financial motive.

The problem is that he seems to be burying his head in the sand when I try to speak to him about how his family might react to our relationship. He won't discuss it. I do not want his family to shun him because of me but I also don't want my heart broken by continuing with a relationship that is doomed. He is a close to a friend of mine that I have known for 15 years and he assures me that he is genuine but this friend also said that he has to show respect.

I'm just not sure whether to take a risk or accept that the relationship is doomed. I wish I could have faith that he would be able to stand up to his family but he is only 23 after all. I cannot expect him to act with the strenght of a 30 year-old when he is only 23.

Morayo

This is a very hard one. Try to get used to his family first so if they accept you fine, so that you wont lose at the end of the day