So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says: "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Stupid Questions

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Well,it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia, why don't you try again or should i try this time.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why?Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:- No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement.We occasionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout, it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping.
Answer:- No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding,

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke
Answer:- No, it's a miracle, it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Atlast u see something post-

Really?

Nice collections! So funny and i really enjoyed the parrot story.

hakunajay:

Nice collections! So funny and i really enjoyed the parrot story.

Thanks

keep it up Mary

Mary Mary u try lol

Thanks

never thought I'd say this but:

Nice 1 mary!! keep it up!!

Is this the Efe I know?

^^are we still in 'lets kill english thread'?

Vic2k3:

^^are we still in 'lets kill english thread'?

jokingmary:

Is this the Efe I know?

wetin na?

'tis a good joke - I like it

made me laugh. . .what's wrong with that??

Ok

you've got flies on your head (again) man

do something about it

eeeeffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! chai u no go ever change

Wetin now?

I never do nuffin man!

Efemena_xy:

you've got[b] flies[/b] on your head (again) man

FLIES
Are u just going to sit down there?
Kill them

Go baff - that's berra

If I kill them, others go still still fly join

Efemena_xy:

Go baff - that's berra

If I kill them, others go still still fly join

awww, efe take it easy wit d guy now?

Element I'm joking wiff him

nor dey take wetin I post for nland too seriously ooo!

afterall, na Jokes Section we dey. . .

nope am not taking it seriously na

just dat some yabs dey wey be say if dem give person, d person no go grab himself or herself for like 2 days (hope u know those kind yabs- the ones tanimz is gud in giving )

^^Lol!!

Talking from experience eh?

I liked your second post Mary, it's so meaningful; Such silly questions are more common in this part of  the  world. Question like:   alright mate? number 1: that phrase doesn't sound right to me. 2-  when it's so obvios  the questioneer doesn't infact give a hoot about you why ask. I simply ask myself what if my answer was no I'm not alright and start spelling out my multitude of problems  do you have the intention or power to make it better??


@ Mary were these jokes your creativity?

Efemena_xy:

never thought I'd say this but:

Nice 1 mary!! keep it up!!

@ efemena alright mate?

^^ Yeah, I'm cool

Awful weather today innit??

lol,  u got that  right,  that's one of the popular automated irritating questions you always will hear. 

I know - but you just kinda get used to it after a while

true that, though i still get worked up by such once in a while
so what part of london do u reside ?

Not important man

hmmn,  u might be right.

A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."