His spouse said she wants his parents to take permission from her before sending him to run errands for them. They live in the same city but not the same house.

Please is this the right thing to do as a yoruba family?

regardless of yoruba culture
My humble contribution.

This is absurd. When the parents want something from the son why take permission from the wife?
It is left to the husband to know if he has to clear it with his wife before he can grant that favor.
The woman should clear the issue directly with her husband.

Once my DIL called me on an issue I discussed with my son. I told her she was overstepping her boundaries, I had no intention discussing it with her.
I mean she had a right to discuss it with her husband and influence him but I have a right to determine what I want to discuss with whom.
However in most cases I actually cleared most issues with her first. That is because I know that she has more dynamic as a woman to get things moving. We also relate much better as women and she knows her husbands program much better than I do.

@ Chaircover

I know exactly what I wrote.
Please be realistic.
MY husband married a woman and she has a great say as regards her family and home but my son is not only a husband.
He is a son, a brother and has so many other functions and responsibilities that he has to uphold.
Do you know that there are many issues I have to discuss with him, things regarding for example  Nigeria that are not even women issues. So you expect his wife to be involved in every topic.
When we discuss financial issues that don`t involve her. Say for instance I have some projects running with my son that I sponsor largely. I have to discuss it with his wife first. Like if I employed someone I would be discussing it with the wife.
Yes I know exactly what I am saying.
I would like the men on this forum to admit if they have to tell their wives everything they discuss with their mums.
I have so many things I discuss with my father that do not involve my husband.
Issues regarding the family, tradition, Land etc. Why should my husband e involved, why should my father have to ask for permission?
Absurd.
I mean when I know my husband is needed, I tell my dad to talk to him. That we have to involve him.

am not sure that i will like my people to have to ask my husbands permission for ever move i make concerning them.
i will not like my in laws to ask me. its embarrassing.
besides that its like keeping him on a short line. i hate short lines

I think asking a son to run errands is totally different from business discussions or opinions. Its better to let the wife know if as a parent you need your son to do something for you. It will help avoid future wahala.

sorry chaircover, I was answering a particular question you asked me relating to an incidence with my DIL.
But anyway are you for real?
I should get a life because I still sponsor projects for my son?
Ever heard of family business.
I am not the only person I hope who has projects with her children.

Life is not just suger and honey, I guess you try to give diplomatic advise, while I am more realistic.
Well no need abusing me because you have a different opinion.
Afterall the poster reads the diffeent opinions and makes his pick.

chaircover:


Do you know somthing . . . .  you come accross more and more each day as those MIL's from hell.

i thought i was the only one to observe this.
In the other thread about a sick mum in law mutter said  this" i became a mother in law six years ago and i assure u its not an easy task,esp if the woman is difficult to handle?
now why will mum in law be such a hard task?if u give the couple thier space and come in to give some motherly advice it will surely not be such a hard task,and why will u want to handle ur daughter in law?If u have to handle her then u have got a big problem on ur hand.
I surely wont want to be handled by anoyone , and trying to to dat will create some problem.

It always depends on the circumstances of the case.
MY son got married at the age of 20 because he got his girlfriend pregnant and was in love.
He was still very young and both needed my parental guidance.

@ Chaircover I think I have a right to determine with who I do business with and the only priority is competence.
Do you know that for various transactions one has various partners.

Why would a father or mother need the permission of the spouse of his/her child before s/he can send him/her on an errand?

Provided its not something that will take you out of town for a night or more, me think its not necessary.

I for a person will not say my parents are no more my parents because am married. If my dad needs me to run an errand for him I expect him to tell me and me to tell my wife about it. Not like Tola pls can you allow your husband, my son to drive me to the village tomorrow. We shall be back before you close work. Will she ever say NO? And if she says NO, does that mean I will not? I believe my parents are my parents and can always call on me at anytime they want and same for hers anyway. After all we all pray to have children to call on at old age.

I just feel its not right for parents to ask permissions from spouse before they can send their children on errands.

//

Sorry, once i'm married my wife comes first. Any errand my parents wish to send thru me has to be cleared by madam first. I would expect her to do same.

If it doesn't stretch me, why should I have to receive "permission" from my wife
Is she my boss? Maybe common courtesy would suggest that I inform her, but the decision to proceed with the errand is on me; I am a responsible man and I trust in myself to use sound judgment to decide whether the errand is over-tasking or cutting into family time.

//

You are right. I misread. Regardless, the girl is just daydreaming. Would she be able to muster up the spine to ask his parents to ask for permission before seeking errands from their son?

He's married, not OWNED. And he can reasonably exercise which errands to run and which ones to reject.

..

@Condom

Married but not owned? Marriage itself is ownership with proof,lol sweetheart the day a man and a woman say i do and further confirm it wit their signature on the marriage register ,is d day they have been giving d legal,spiritual, physical, emotional, e.t.c right to own one another




Glad sm pple see how dumb mutters posts are, chaircover like u said sm pple r smart enuff and only pick the advises they need

@chaircover
I do not glamorise my past, no do I even attempt to. I have achieved the little I have with hard work and the grace of God.
What I have achieved is also nothing glamorous.
Even if it appears so to some of you.

I do not think that many people find my advise as bad, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Jenny, No one on earth owns me.
We cling to one another and became one.
A man or woman that respects the others feeling will let the other partner remain as individual as possible.
Love is not about trying to change a partner but accepting the partner as he or she is.

mutter:

Jenny, No one on earth owns me.
We cling to one another and became one.
A man or woman that respects the others feeling will let the other partner remain as individual as possible.
Love is not about trying to change a partner but accepting the partner as he or she is.

Mutter I never said love is about changing anybody, my post was about the ownership thingy. Outside God the only person that owns me is my husband. He is the only person after God ofcourse, I am answerable to, when i mean answerable I mean answerable in everything.

When I say a boyfriend is "my man" people will look at me and call me sick , and I have said it on this forum countless of times that the only time both gender can say they own one  another is after the I DO word

God himself does not even fight an illegal battle, I tell you why, if a woman whose hubby is cheating goes on her knees to God for help , he will surely answer her cos she owns that man, he has put that man in her care to take care of him, a mere gf has no guarantee that if she goes on  her knees to ask God for help , he will answer her.

My hubby is the only one that could call me 20 times a day and ask me where I am or what I am doing and get an answer, my husband is the only person that could go through my personal stuffs without me giving him a smack on the head with my 6inches heel.

I have to laugh at that, the heels?

Lol, It is true, I love my privacy and there is only one person that could invade it without triggering my anger, and thats him

okay I am back, with helmet on.
Heel protection

Ownership with proof

no wife owns me.

sure you dont own her as well,so her dating men and sleeping wt them all after marriage shouldnt b an issue,cos there is no ownership tag on her as well

Ownership is not to be confused with commitment.

we r commited to our bf dat doesnt mean we own or they own,we r commited to our parents dat as well does nt mean we av to tell them to truth all d time or answerable to them even @ old age

Exactly. No one owns anyone. What are we: animals? properties? slaves?

exactly,so u shuldnt complain if your wife decides to sleep with men out there,u dont own her,she isnt an animal,slave neither is she ur property,other men can have her as well with ur permission , she shuld b free to do watever