I don’t know how long this will take you to digest but I will really appreciate the time, effort and your candid feedback after reading this.

I am an Igbo boy working in Lagos. I have been seeking for a wife for some time now and I have prayed fervently for this. Then early this year, I met a beautiful young woman, for some reasons, my heart went out to her which was unlike me, she is a 3rd year student and am not in the habit of asking students out, in fact I was looking for a working class lady whom I can build a happy home together with, at least to support my income. But when I met this lady, everything changed, she was different from all the working class girls I have gone out with. She was homely, friendly, beautiful, loving, caring, from my tribe and state, God-fearing, etc.
We fell in love with each other almost instantly and we could not spend a day without calling and texting each other on the phone, due to the distance (she studies in Enugu) in fact we had to wait for three months before we first made love after which our bond grew stronger. Then, I even asked her personal things like her genotype, blood group, etc. which even made her nervous some times when I ask her such kind of questions. I asked her if she was seeing another guy of which she said no. I then told her my intentions about marrying her. Initially, she thought that I was joking but when she saw that I was serious, she started telling her family about me and they were all looking forward to seeing me one day. She also asked me if I could wait for one more year before marrying her as she wants to finish her studies before getting married to her future husband and I told her that I don’t mind provided that she would be faithful and true to our commitment.
Then my parents were disturbing me about introducing my future wife to them. I always told them that I have not found anyone and that I am still waiting on the lord. One day, I realised that sometimes we ask God for a favour in prayers and even when He grants us those favour, we fail to realise that God has indeed answered our prayers and we keep asking him for the same thing. Then, I asked myself, why not tell my parents about this young woman I have met and fallen in love with. After much thought, I told my parents about her, they inquired to get all the details about her family background, etc.
That was when my nightmare started. My father whom claims to be devout Anglican but still goes to consult oracles in my village went to see one of the oracles in my village and he got back to me saying that he was told that the marriage will not work out and in fact that I should stop seeing my girlfriend. My mum also went to see a so called man of God who repeated almost the same story. I now asked them, if there is any bad revelation from God seen in the spiritual realm, it means that one can counter the issue through prayers so that it won’t manifest in the physical. They said no way, that I can’t solve any issue with prayers and that I should look elsewhere. I told them that I love this lady and she even loves me more but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. I then resorted to consult my own men of God. I did that and the two men of God gave me an opposite revelation from what my parents told me. They said that the lady is very good, from a good family and with a good heart and that she even loves me more than I knew. They also said that I should not hurt her because she might not recover from the hurt (she tells me this whenever we talk, that I shouldn’t break her heart because she wouldn’t know what else to do with her life if I dump her). When I told my parents about my own side of revelations, they rejected it and even threaten me that they will never consent or give their blessings to my proposed marriage. It even got to a stage that they don’t pick my calls till I communicated to them that am no longer seeking my girlfriends’ hand in marriage after which they stopped ignoring me. Even at some time, I decided not going ahead with my marriage plans to my girlfriend. It was then that I discovered that I truly love her and even if I decided to back-out from the relationship, how do I tell her because I have not even told her anything about the disagreement I and my parents are having all the time concerning my proposed marriage to her.
One other theory they used in discouraging me was my elder brother’s marriage which collapsed after he married a girl they did not approve of initially and my brother later found out that his wife whom was a student at the time of their marriage was still dating her school boyfriends, this was just weeks after their traditional marriage and they were preparing for their white wedding.
I strongly understand that marriage is not boyfriend-girlfriend-dating, it’s for real and for life, but I also believe that one should marry someone he/she loves. My parents have lived their own lives and in their own time they did not go through all that I am going through now before they got married and it still worked out very well. It is also true that an Igbo adage says that only one person does not marry a woman, when a man marries a woman into his family, the woman is literally married to every member of the family. I understand all this but am confused and it’s hurting me inside. Please kindly advise me on what else to do because I love this lady in question and I know she loves me even more. I have tried dating some other girls since then but at the moment I don’t feel for them anyway near what I feel for my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose her too.

We fell in love with each other almost instantly and we could not spend a day without calling and texting each other on the phone, due to the distance (she studies in Enugu) in fact we had to wait for three months before we first made love after which our bond grew stronger. Then, I even asked her personal things like her genotype, blood group, etc. which even made her nervous some times when I ask her such kind of questions.

enugu again!!

190, i totally agree with, seriously, you should listen to parents advice they always see the things you don't see, even when everything looks perfect in your eyes, you parents always see the imperfection, they are older and wiser than you and have more life experience, so inorder to avoid any other painfull distaster in your life, move on and God will show you your REAL wife, and one thing, you said that you have been praying to God, for real how can you guys sleep with eachother before marriage, cause that's not biblical, and God gives you a ggod and perfect gift, so next time don't sleep with her, cause this is the problem you are facing now, cause if you did not sleep with her, i'm not sure you would've been emotional disturbed right now,

A very difficult one to answer but above all follow your heart. Don't allow your parents to steal your happiness.

I would say follow the advice of your parents only when they giving you a really good reason for their refusal! You don't just tell me not to marry a man because you think it won't work. Who are you now God who can see into the future? If they ain't giving you some really valid reason then they should have no SAY!

Do your parents have a better reason than what oracles told them? If they dont then go right ahead and marry ur woman.

@ poster

i took time to read ur post, this is my kindeed advice:

1. you took time to pray to God for a wife(and not the harbalist) and God answered ur prayas, though it came in a packeage u never expected.(student instead of working class) listen no habalist can grant mankind GOOD THINGS AND FAVOUR.
'he who finds a wife,finds a good thing and obtain favour from God(not habalist)

2. with all due respect, did your did ur parents consult any habalist before they wedded?if so has it been a 'juisy life' since they married? and since they consulted the habalist who rejected your choice, why didn't the habalist RECOMMEND the best lady on earth for u?

3. look that ur ealder brother had a failed/unbalanced marriage does not mean urs will be same.

4.  in as much as i would not advice you to disobey ur parent, u are obeying the habalist if u reject/dump ur girl. because ur parents are trying to obey wat the habalist told them, so if you follow ur parent then you are following the habalist. in this case, i will advise you not to drop the girl but to go ahead and marry her since ur genotype and blood group match.


5. beside wat is evil about the girl? NOTHING, if u are coveting the blessings of ur parents when you are marrying her wat then will u say about those people who married without the concent or blessings of their parents for one reason or the other( eg the orphans dat do not have parents)? LISTEN TO ME YOUNG MAN a true marriage blessings comes from GOD.even the love portion of the harbalist can not last.

6. u will live the rest of ur life with her and not ur parents, research has shown dat the success of any marriage in this world has never being the 'blessings' of parents on the couple. the success is hidden in the FAVOUR of God and the love the couples have for each other.
go for your wife
my comment can be different from other peoples own,that is y it is d truth and help that u need.

7. some parents can miss-road in their search for wisdom, how can a christian visit the habalist for enqiuries such as marriage? not every thing that parents say that needs to be obeyed, atleast they should listen to what the child has to say, marriage is from the heart,(a place where the issues of life are originated) The devil is out to fight marriages and the habalist is its emistry in the execution of his intensions.
i rest my case take it or leave it. go for you 'found wife'

Im sorry, i dont agree with 'follow your parents advice' but i wasnt raised in the same culture. It your life and your happiness. I dont understand the parents hold and probably never will but two lives being distroyed cos they went to some weird witch doctor person is not reason enough. Love is not something parents control but as i said, i was raised differently.

Oh, and awesome response okenwa!!!

ksena, are you seriously saying he is having this problem cos he slept with her Wow!!!!

Wow I can't believe I read all the whole novel. Op if your parents ain't giving you a reasonable reason,  I will say dawn them and the freaking oracle and marry you woman. WTF is oracle? God will bless your marriage if you believe.

You sound familiar Awuri

Bro meself am confiused, dont know what to say.just go to God in Prayer.

[/color][b][/b]@ poster

[color=#770077][b][/b]it is noce to listen to your parents but not always.

[b][/b]your elder brother marriage not working does not mean your will not.

your father consulting an oracle to see if your marriage will be successful is not the best.

sincerely i dont belive in all that.

[b][/b]If the time he consulted the oracle the person doing the divinision is not pure to consult the oracle.

on the part of your mum seeing a pastor for that purpose is still not the best.

I dont believe most of this pastors,his vision might be prompted by what your mum has told him and the financial standanding of your mum in his church.

[/color][b][/b]i still say if you are ok with your bride to be marry her and pray for God Guide and guardiance in all you do.


people that consult oracles or pastors can still ask what can be done to make the weeding work.

they should let you be .

ask your father if his own fatehr consulted an oracle before he married your mum or did your mums mother consult an oracle before she married your dad.
for marriage to wor, compatibilty and most of all Gods blessing should be the paramount thing there.

you on your own part pray to God for guidiance without any sentiments attached to it.
mqy God bless your union.

in God your faith and success of your marriage lies.

[color=#000099][b][/b]okenwa just made important points let that be part of what guides you.

follow your heart.parents are not alwys rt and sometimes misguide their children.you are not your elder brother.pray really hard to God to show you the way.

Going against ur brother marriage and collapse does not mean urs too will collapse and our parent are not always right, since you said your parent consult oracle for ur marriage and you urself seek the advise of men of God, while are u still doubting the men of God, i think u urself never believe in those men of God, more so why can't u pray over it, ur parent may see something they don't want to reveal to you, try to seek an elder in ur family to talk to ur parent and let them know u av already spoken with some men of God and the love u have for the lady.

i think u urself, u are a believer why can't u pray urself

Your parents will not be the one to get married to the girl or share the same bed with her. If she is your choice and you are fully convinced she is the one you will want to share the rest of your life with, I will say GO AHEAD.

You do not need your parents approval to get married. There is no space in a marriage form that asks for parents' approval. It is of course wanted in a lot of cases.
Invite your parents to your wedding. Let them know it is your choice, and they are free to become a part of your life, or not. It is their choice just like it is your choice who you choose.

Let me warn you tho, fasten your seat belt, it is going to be a bumpy ride. Good luck.

The success of your marriage depends on both of you. Your approach and how you deal with issues that come your way. It is not dependent on your parents approval, or lack of it.

My family has toiled and laboured to try making me who I am today. If I am getting married, I do not need their approval. I would want their blessings but its theirs to give. If they do not give it, they will not be a part of my family going forth

OP, where is your faith?

First of all stop sinning. The minute you slept with the lady was the time you had invited the devil to create confusion into your relationship.

As a Christian, you are supposed to have a personal relationship with God. Why do you have to run after different men of God to hear what God had to say about your life?

Stop listening to everyone. Get on your knees and cry to God. Let's God speak to you. Most important stop sinning.

In the book of Jeremiah 33: 3, God said  'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'


Repent. Get on your knees. Have faith in God and miracle will be on its way.

cause if you did not sleep with her, i'm not sure you would've been emotional disturbed right now

maybe, maybe not.



it's hard to tell.

This is usually a difficult choice: Parents or your heart?

It is easy to say "It's my life", "I love her" and so on but usually parents are usually right especially in cases relating to marriage.

The problem is that the emotion of love is so strong that people in its throes can't see straight, that is why they say "love is blind".

My advice is that you give your self space and time to think logically and rationally. Talk to your girlfriend about the situation and take 3 - 6 months apart and see how you both feel after.

Remember, in marriage, you can't survive on love alone.

Good luck!

Your parents gave birth to you & brought you up. They want the best for you. However it is wrong to consult an oracle if they are christians. Nothing good comes from that. You are a man now. You can choose a wife without offending your parents. And also you can solve this problem without inviting a third party. You have to tell your girl about the problem. See her reaction. If she still wants to continue with you, give the situation to God & be persistent if you want result. Again like I always say, it is not advisable to rush into marriage. Study yourselves, make your dos & donts known to each other, & say in 2 years time you can get married. Right now you are so confused. You have not told your girl about the problem. You are even dating other girls & probably also sleeping with them. If your girl finds out what happens? You will say they are your sisters or what. Man be focused, & decide what you want. Its only then God can grant you the miracles you desire. Good luck.

Maybe you should leave the girl alone. The fact that your parents are going to native doctores and prophets of doom is enough for me to pity the girl. I am sorry but I cannot wish such in laws for someone I love. The worst part is that you know and you are still considering their advice. I hope you marry someone your parents choose so that this girl will have a chance for peace in her home both physically and spiritually

the truth is that if u and ur girl are not stronge xtian it is beta u don't put that girl thru agony cos i had that experince when my Husband and I was to get married i neva knew my inlaws went to habalist and even consulted white garment churches because of me and they told dem terible tings about me and my inlaws hated me with passion they warned my husband neva to mary me and my husband hinded it from me why he threatened dem dat if they don't allow him to mary me he will not mary again in life and he will leave and they will neva see him again after all that my inlaws sloglishly accepted when it was time for the wedding proper they went to those same evil consultant and does ones told dem that we most not get married in the month of Feb that if we do my enemy will neva have children and my enemy will die after 6month that was after the date has being fixed o can u emagin i when my husband told my parient dey got angry ans insisted on the dat dey have already fix since it is a woman that prevail ova wedding after the tradtional wedding they refuse to attend the white wedding my husband and I went ahead with the whole ting and they were not in attendant on our wedding nite my husband told me everyting i was already in it i knew they will definatly fight back my only hope was now to hold on to God for those evil prophercy not to come to pass i tell u it was not easy at all time dey turned my husband against me alot of tings happened but tank God today i am celebrating marital blis dey can't even look straight to my eyes again cos God has give me victory, I am alive, i have children my husband and I are prosperious doing very well against thier prophercy and that was becsuse i was a praying Wife and mother and God is always there to give me victory

If you know she is right for ur self, then Follow ur mind.

just a few ?s for u my broda,r u both truely in love,r u sure she's nt seeing som1 else,r u sure she'll still b dat carin n lovin girl after marriage... If yes den u r gud 2 go if she'll meet up most of ur xpectations... Bt as 4 ur ur parents,dey wnt live with her 4 u... I will rather blame myself 4 my mistakes instead of blaming my parents who will nt care later. Just try n convince dem 2 agree n God will c u tru.

If i may say the parents are yet to meet the girl in question so why say such things cos an oracle said it and which man of (g)od also said that when u havent met her is that wht dey preach in church dis days? What crime has the girl committed have they met her family or done background check on her b4 coming to a conclusion? It doesnt work that way. I wont be surprised if the parents have someone in mind for the son and they are just using that as an excuse for him to send the girl away. Am sori to say this as well the Ibos in particular dont want their sons marrying elsewhere cos i have a sister who is married to an Ibo man and i know what they went thru they had this same issue and to God be the glory God prevailed and they are happily married for more than 9yrs. My brother i would advise u to go to ur parents after much prayer and speak to them am sure with God on ur side u will win the battle.