Please how do you deal with the fact that your husband is cheating on you?can one ever get pass it and secondly,would/can one (with time) get to trust him again?
Honest opinions will be highly appreciated.

if u know for sure, and ure very certain that ur spouse is cheating, please leave the marriage

the fear of STDS is the beginning of knowledge

its not worth it, once a cheater, always a cheater.


be wise^^^>>

^^^^^  Second that

But easier said than done, there is only so many chances you can give somebody before you start falling apart inside and become somebody you never used to be. If this is the only time you have known it to happend and you are strong enough to give him a second chance then work at your marriage, but you need to tattoo on him next time he will be gone!!! and stand by your word. As it's said above "Once a cheat always a cheat" and if you don't drill it into him that this will be his first and last chance he will more likely stray again, don't make this easy for him you are worth more. xxxx

Whilst the poster of this thread specified it's only for ladies, i feel the need to make a slight comment.
I bet the 2 posters above me are not married. - And if they are, they are definitely not with children, and if they are, then the marriage has other serious issues apart from the infidelity.

What i am trying to say is that infidelity is/should NOT necessarily the end of any marriage. It simply is not a black & white issue - only unmarried people think otherwise. Before such a conclusion is reached, a whole lot of things should be taken into consideration - Was the marriage good before the infidelity? Is he a good husband AND father? Is it the first time? Are there children in the union? Are you innocent yourself?

As i said, i am not addressing the questions raised in the thread - as im not a woman, just making a slight comment.

^^^^ as much as everyone view this issue differently, i hope that if your wife cheats on you, you will have the same positive outlook as the one you just posted.

@poster
why shouldnt men have a say on this matter that is created by and affects us?!

ronell:

Please how do you deal with the fact that your husband is cheating on you?

lack of respect, trust, honesty, possibilities of catching deadly diseases but the main issue should be the fact that your man needs other women to satisfy his se-xual needs = the begining of the end!

can one ever get pass it

why should they?! unless everyone in that union is "allowed" to go around fukcing anybody they fancy.

would/can one (with time) get to trust him again?

it all depends on what happens AFTER the wife catches the husband.

Romeo4real:

Whilst the poster of this thread specified it's only for ladies, i feel the need to make a slight comment.
I bet the 2 posters above me are not married. - And if they are, they are definitely not with children, and if they are, then the marriage has other serious issues apart from the infidelity.

What i am trying to say is that infidelity is/should NOT necessarily the end of any marriage. It simply is not a black & white issue - only unmarried people think otherwise. Before such a conclusion is reached, a whole lot of things should be taken into consideration - Was the marriage good before the infidelity? Is he a good husband AND father? Is it the first time? Are there children in the union? Are you innocent yourself?

As i said, i am not addressing the questions raised in the thread - as im not a woman, just making a slight comment.

I agree with u.
E no go easy to walk out of my marriage after all the ups and downs we have been through.
@Topic,Dont know.Situations like this,u never can tell what your reaction wud be till it hits u,any other thing u say b4 then might be stories .

Search yourself first,if your not the reason why he is cheating on u.If you are "blameless" in that aspect,then go on your knees and pray to God.Aside that,make your house a home indeed,let him find joy arround you and he will want to be arround you.
Note:
Its not very easy especially when the man has started cheating,more reason why you need God,with him all things are possible.
Dont forget Divorce is never an option.

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Not married but a good observer so abeg don't take me too seriously. If a man is cheating definitely divorce is not the immediate solution since it may be the fault of the woman directly or indirectly. But while trying to investigate the roots of the problem, abegii make una shine ya eyes!!! First find out the person he is cheating with (if its a woman ), and if she possesses spiritual hooking powers (i m sure u understand)  cos if she does, mennnnnn, na wahala be dat o!

Seriously, you have to be careful cos it could turn out to be a matter of life and death. You may have to stop sex immediately and go for tests and all the stuff but most importantly you may have to start watching your back and your children's own cos there are dare devil husband snatchers out there.

I personally know of a doctor who fell into the hands of these coldhearted women and he was "bewitched" as they say . The wife was a very religious woman and so she started trying to rescue the husband. At the time, one of their kids was abroad and the others were in boarding school.

The woman suddenly fell ill and then passed on after a time of rigorous spiritual warfare. Not long after the woman died, people started seeing the other woman more often around the clinic. And rumours went on that he might marry her soon since he craved the company of women and that was exactly what the mistress wanted anyway.

Anyway the woman refused to tell her kids what was going on before she passed on so when they come back they will come right into the new woman's den. while their father is oblivious of what is going on.

Another case, also of another doctor the wife involved actually lost her promising son in a spiritual struggle with her husband's mistress who wanted her to give up the husband. This was after giving her husband a second chance o not knowing there was more to it. Also there had been frequent attacks(real physical stuff) before then and it was obvious where they were coming from.

Cases abound of a man's mistress trying to spiritually attack the wife(who may be religious) and her kids so as to scare them away or prevent the man from slipping away from her iron grip, these cases are real and these women are very desperate. I heard of a Pastor that left his house after more than 10yrs of marriage to go live with one of his assistants. The woman was ready to give him a second chance but he was not ready to go back and it was not ordinary.

So I am not saying that you should not give a cheating husband another chance but you have to be sure of the level of threat the other woman poses and if it is worth you fighting for the man. Not all such women go spiritual and it may have been a one night stand or something casual but be very sure and be very careful. Its not worth dying and leaving your children motherless over a man.

^^^^ Typical people doing things sanely and then blaming it on the devil or juju! I believe there is a spiritual warfare but everyone tries to use that as an excuse or explanation for everything these days.

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deniyor:

^^^^ Typical people doing things sanely and then blaming it on the devil or juju! I believe there is a spiritual warfare but everyone tries to use that as an excuse or explanation for everything these days.

hey, what do you expect? they have to blame their miserable lives on something thus the devil and juju is the easiest point fingers at. anything wrong in their lives is the devil and anything right/positive MUST be an act of god. lol!
- i cheated, the devil/juju made me do it!
- i went to do arm robbery, the devil/juju made me do it!
- i killed someone, the devil/juju made me do it!
- i am poor, the devil/juju did it!
- i cant get a partner, its the fault of the devil/juju!

chaircover:


Sorry to say that it seems that you have been watching too much Nollywood. You have cited 3 examples and all three have spiritual undertones.

Realistically what is the percentage of mistresses that go round armed with juju in their handbags compared to women who go out with married men just for the money, material things, Exam passes,  favors, looking for jobs, contracts, bored housewives, hookers, just for the fun of it and so on.

Very few of them actually want to plant themselves and permanently sit down in the mans house & that is why the wife must think about all the options/reasons/solutions first before rushing off to divorce the man especially if children are involved.

thats the quick excuse the jilted wifeys get:"i lost my husband because his mistress used evil/juju" forgetting that A) it could be the HUSBAND himself who is doing all these evil she mentioned to get rid of her and go live happily with his mistress[b]B)[/b] none of these would have happen if the hubby was happily married with her.

Time without number I engaged my colleagues and friends on this issue of infidelity and their responses are; "Never mind, you will soon join the race as soon as you start making big money, " Before a man clings to one woman and calls her a wife, he should have seen something unique in her that no other woman possess, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If this same man now leaves for another woman, the question should be: What has the lady done wrong? Is there a change in her dressing sense, What about her conversation with the husband, her attitude to her husband family members, any changes to her attitude as it relates to romance?

I believe every man has the power to tailor his wife to who he wants his wife to be. So, if there is anything your ex seem to do better than your wife, do well to bring your wife up to that level.

chaircover:

Automatically Leaving your husband  because he cheated may not be the brightest idea.

There are no black and white answers in situations like this and every relationship is different. I would say sit down for a very long time and think it through & ask yourself and your husband very deep questions before making any hasty decisions.

I learnt a long time ago not to listen to the "how can you accept this brigade" cos not everyone is totally honest about what they themselves are going through in their own homes. A word is enough for the wise.

I dont like it when you post before me. You always say everything I want to say leaving me with the option of posting only 'gbam', 'agree', 'my tots exactly' 

are you sure you are not using 'juju' to preempt what I would have posted?

@OP
I agree with Chaircover.

Every case of cheating has to be examined on its own merit. the ans to some of these questions will also help you decide what you can/should do.

What led to it? who is/are the girl(s) involve?, is it habitual? How is it affecting the children? is he willing and doing all to change? etc

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chaircover:

Oam4J You are a clown. Seriously I'm sure you are a fun person to be around. The only juju I need now is the one needed to win the euro millions rollover tonight   

By the way are you taken? I have a girlfriend looking for a fine guy with a sense of humor. I asked Femi but he told me he was taken. Dont know why guys pose so much these days sef   

am "over-taken" sef how i wish i can check out this ya friend especially if she is  good, rich and good-looking, but that will be asking for more troubles 

I will be "untaken" if you are also "untaken"  But I trust Mr CC will NEVER allow that to happen. So I remain taken too 

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Me nko,

I am not taken o. Which part of the world is your girlfriend in

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Dig it out I am waiting.

See as dem they spoil show for me. No wonder I am still single. All the eligible spinsters believe I am married

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^^ Dem dey spoil my name o.

I no dey do anything. As i dey so My body full die. Infact na full tank I dey

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Romeo4real:

What i am trying to say is that infidelity is/should NOT necessarily the end of any marriage. It simply is not a black & white issue - only unmarried people think otherwise. Before such a conclusion is reached, a whole lot of things should be taken into consideration - Was the marriage good before the infidelity? Is he a good husband AND father? Is it the first time? Are there children in the union? Are you innocent yourself?

Seconded!

chaircover:

Phone a friend

Gimme the phone number

Everybody cheat and you or her or she or he must cheat some day. Even if its 20 years into the marriage. So thats not an issue its so immature to think or be scared about a cheating spouse. Its the norm these days. You cheat I cheat codedly don't make it a competition. Turning it into a competition is the type the ruins the relationship.

I do single, married all of them. Because somebody prolly doing my woman too. Chop and clean mouth dont do it to her face. Because women her very secretive. You will never catch her if she does. Unless she just got stupid along the line. So their can be this man-made-trust in the house

You live with it everyday.

Forgive him so you can be at peace.

tEsLim:

Everybody cheat and you or her or she or he must cheat some day. Even if its 20 years into the marriage. So thats not an issue its so immature to think or be scared about a cheating spouse. Its the norm these days.  You cheat I cheat codedly don't make it a competition. Turning it into a competition is the type the ruins the relationship.

I do single, married all of them. Because somebody prolly doing my woman too. Chop and clean mouth dont do it to her face. Because women her very secretive. You will never catch her if she does. Unless she just got silly along the line. So their can be this man-made-trust in the house

i do feel a little sorry for you, living the kind of life that you are living, and you might as well be single rather than wasting your spouse time (and probably yours). if you have absolutely no trust in women then you definitely shouldnt be with any.

with people thinking like you do, no wonder so many are marrying for the wrong reasons.

@poster
IMHO, cheating is about the lack of respect, the definite loss of trust and the fact that the bond me and that person had wasnt strong enough for her to come and communicate with me when she was lacking emotionally/se-xually.
when you lose all these there is absolutely NO REASON to stay with someone (children involved or not) as this relationship is staying afloat for the wrong reasons, and therefore, parting ways is best for HER, THE CHILDREN INVOLVED (if any) and ME.

staying in such relationship for the sake of the kid is unhealthy because it will teach your children the wrong values in life aka "sneaking around disrespecting your partner is ok" or "being dishonest is ok".

Chaircover, I dey wait o

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OAM4J:

am "over-taken" sef how i wish i can check out this ya friend especially if she is good, rich and good-looking, but that will be asking for more troubles

I will be "untaken" if you are also "untaken" But I trust Mr CC will NEVER allow that to happen. So I remain taken too

Gold Digger!

ronell:

[b]Please how do you deal with the fact that your husband is cheating on you?[/b]can one ever get pass it and secondly,would/can one (with time) get to trust him again?
Honest opinions will be highly appreciated.

Like Ify said, it's hard to say when it you've not been put in that situation before. But if you aske me, I'll say it depends . . . .

I used to think I'll walk out the day my husband cheats on me, but now, I', not so sure anymore. . .

He's human afterall and is bound to make a mistake. But can you ever trust him again, I guess that's a big NO!

Ujujoan:

Gold Digger!

See this Diamond digger calling someone Gold digger. Pot calling kettle black.

Anyway, I have a very rich Yoruba man for you, send me your details asap