Need A Listening Ear - Family - Nairaland
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| Need A Listening Ear by Redrosely(f): 9:49am On Jul 03, 2019 |
Been through a bumpy marriage of 6yrs,my hubby is a chronic cheat and this attitude of his has affected me negatively. Just recently, received a call from an unknown number begging me to ask my hubby to leave the said callers fiancee. Wen I called my hubby to confirm all what d caller said, he picked offense and stopped taking my calls completely. Later he started taking the calls bt refusing to say a word all through,he will just allow my airtym to keep wasting. Had to ask d caller how he got my number,n he claims he took it from his fiancees phone, where he said my hubby sent my number to his side chick to blacklist it. I went ahead to ask d caller 4evidence n he sent me pix. Forwarded d pix to my hubby,bt he didn't give any comment nor explaination what so ever. Note that I and hubby leaves apart due to the nature of his work. 1 Like |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Redrosely(f): 10:11am On Jul 03, 2019 |
It's been 6days now after d discovery,not a word from hubby nor any explanation. Out of frustration, I confided in my mum,she couldn't believe her ears or my story,bt insisted to hear from her inlaw her self.Bt to our amazement,hubby also refused to pick my mum's call till date. I'm so pissed and angry right now, can't concentrate on my work nor my kids anymore. My family is insisting I come back home with my kids after the take their exams in school,as in during the long vacation until he decides to speak up. I'm so depressed, completely lost my appetite. I have completely deleted his numbers from my phone so as to stop my self from calling persistently n making a fool of myself, though I know I can't erase his numbers from my head.I actually stopped calling him yesterday n by 8pm he called twice bt I didn't pick up. As early as 6am he called again n I didn't pick up too. He has refused to come home and I have decided to let him be. Note he is sponsoring his side chic in school,rented an apartment for her n takes care of her expenses. While he comes home after a period of 6-8months and leaves after 4days of staying with us saying work demands his attention over there. I am sex starved,my last baby doesn't know his Dad too well, infact he practically runs from him. I am broken beyond words, don't know my offense. Jst lost in thoughts |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Redrosely(f): 10:28am On Jul 03, 2019 |
What I don't understand is this,who should be angry in the whole senerio.What ego is he holding on to, after he's bubble has been bursted.Hw could he disrespect my mum like that. 3 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by yomi007k(m): 10:39am On Jul 03, 2019 |
I am listening but honestly don't know what to say. This is sad and painful. He messed up big time. Try and be strong. Hold on to your job, take care of yourself and kids. 5 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Bunny19: 11:20am On Jul 03, 2019 |
This is really sad. Am short of words. I think u should heed to ur family's advice by going home to stay n cool off. If he is really interested in the marriage he will come looking for you. Stay strong sis. 5 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Redrosely(f): 12:32pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Update,abt to be relieved of my duty at my work place. Cried my eyes out yesterday at d office,cos of this issue, and thus,cudnt face the kids with my swollen face as I'm a teacher, decided to go somewhere out of the school to cool off and put myself together. Only to be summoned today to a panel at my directors office to explain my disappearance without permission. Was told that a feedback will be given to me at closure bof school. Soo many things happening at a time. Hmmmmmm |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by czarina(f): 12:38pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Redrosely:It is well. I don't see any harm in explaining your situation to them if the job is one you still want to continue. I'm sure they'll listen. Cc:Delishpot 7 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by desvi: 1:06pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
redrosely ur husband is stonewalling u is there anything good about ur marriage? |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Richy4(m): 1:10pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Redrosely: Ok this is where I have to step in... Don't do this to yourself.. I know that Job is not easy to come-by in Nigeria.. If they terminate your appointment, You will be at his mercy assuming this whole thing is what it really looks like.. Try hard and separate your emotions (FAMILY) from work. I know that it's hard but try.. Please go and tell your superior at work to give u alittle time out.. he/she too will understand.. then you will bounce back into your former self... 19 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Owiii(m): 1:18pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
I'm not married though but your mistake was working in a different town from your husband. It give serious room for cheating. If a man takes 4 - 6 months before coming to see you and the children except he is a military office or something, that should have been a red flag that he is doing something outside. How often do you go to visit him? Please don't go to your parents house as it would make things worse. 3 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Richy4(m): 1:27pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Owiii: I kinda disagree with you.. Out of sight is not always out of mind... The key word is discipline... Any one that wants to cheat will do so even if the couple decides to stay lucked up in one room day in day out... Technology will help  .. what about some couple who remains faithful to each other despite the fact that they reside in different country... 20 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Nobody: 1:30pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
OP, please ensure you keep your job. 7 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by lilmax(m): 1:35pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
you should focus on your job keep waiting, the best advisers will be with you soon |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Nobody: 1:43pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
It's really not easy in a situation like this. but you have to be strong for your kids. it's so heart broken. i don't really know what to say, but i don't think going to your family house would be a better solution right now. Stay right there and don't involve 3rd party too much now. if you have a job, concentrate on your job. give him time to resolve his mess and pretend as if it's not your business. then start a serious prayer concerning your home. it's well with you dear |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by tabithababy(f): 1:45pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
You want to lose your job cos of a man  8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Owiii(m): 1:52pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
[quote author=Richy4 post=79903682] I kinda disagree with you.. Out of sight is not always out of mind... The key word is discipline... Any one that wants to cheat will do so even if the couple decides to stay lucked up in one room day in day out... Technology will help .. what about some couple who remains faithful to each other despite the fact that they reside in different country... [/very rare situations. |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Richy4(m): 1:59pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
[quote author=Owiii post= very rare situations. [/quote] The bottom line is that it happens... I just want to let you know that there are lots of faithful men out there... Just that few makes men look like every brother is a cheat... For example, the way the world sees Nigerians.. It's like we all are criminals.. but there are lots of truthful and law abiding citizens who does not care about someone else's belonging or riches.. 8 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Redrosely(f): 2:52pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Owiii: This separation is only abt 1yr n 7mnths nw. We have been together ever since, he's working on a project outside our base, that's all. Before he left I was pregnant for my last baby n d agreement btw us was a 3mnths separation only. Gradually months kept on adding up until I put to birth, he came for the naming n went back. Now the story is not the same anymore as he is much more comfortable over there from his actions.Even when he comes around,u hear comments like,no more quietness again due to the kids laughter and crys. It kind of irritates him. 4 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Richy4(m): 3:10pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Redrosely: Oh!!! I have finally seen the red flag at the second to the last sentence... Sorry Dear.. But as I said earlier... what ever you do, please don't loose your job..I am happy you still have that.... The job and your kids are the consolation price you got so far...Since he doesn't want to talk, Pretend that he doesNOT exist.. Until he has man up and comes out clean to say what this whole mess was all about... Then you will take it from there... If you want to forgive cool.. If you don't want then, it's up to u.. But for now... Just calm down.. I know it's hard but pls try... 3 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Owiii(m): 3:21pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Redrosely:His being comfortable over there is because he got a side chick. Did you notice any of this cheating tendencies while dating/courting. Some men though, when God uplift their financial status, they begin to misbehave. I guess he spends more on the side chick than what he spends on his immediate family. God will give you the grace to overcome all this in Jesus name, Amen. 2 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Pavore9: 3:21pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Redrosely: Be open about your situation with the school authority and work towards putting in your 100% in your workplace. Should you find yourself unemployed, whatever you are going through would triple as you will be forced to be fully be dependent on your husband thus giving him so much control over you and your actions, sliding you into severe depression. Don't go back home to your family, stay put in your place of residence and work through your emotions. Your husband psychologically still sees himself as a bachelor and feels uncomfortable within a family setting. Ignore him for he will find his way back home to either rebuild his marriage or end it, prepare your mind for either and choose which you prefer. 5 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Kendumazy(m): 3:31pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
It's been long you have been a single mother but you were only in denial within yourself. What kind of job will make a man see his family only once in 4 to 6 months? The only job i know that could warrant that is military work and being a seaman. Other works, a man can always maneuver his ways to see his family more than once in such durations. Even when he comes home, he doesn't like seeing his children playing, shouting or coming around him. Mheeen! I really feel for you! That means, the little times he spent at home, he does not treat you right sef if he could be doing that to his children. I will be frank with you, your man has opted out of the marriage since a long time. My advice for you is to be strong. Look for a guy you think he is reasonable and share your feelings with. Consider yourself a single mother now and watch out for husband actions or plans. If he is willing to change or remorseful or seeking for forgiveness. Watch out for that and see if the marriage is still worth keeping. In the meantime, get a reasonable guy like i said and share your feelings with. Speaking to someone verbally heals depression. If possible, talk to the guy into giving you a very nice massage and probably use female manipulation or female power to have sex with him cos you are sex starved already. Talking to somebody, getting a massage, having intimate fun and other necessary funs helps in dealing with depression. Consider yourself a single mother and have fun till you know the next plan for your marriage. All the very best. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by delishpot: 3:32pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Owiii: Sometimes it's the men who move from family to work in other state. Sometimes in life, we have to be away from loved ones for economic or social reasons... Self control is the word here. Self control and a desire to be with the ones you love at any given opportunity. You people make it look like cheating just happens out of the blue. Unless you have made up your mind to cheat or you are dissatisfied with your present partner in 1 way or another, cheating doesn't just happen by chance even drunk people know what they are doing. Only those that are drugged don't. 5 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by delishpot: 3:47pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
@OP in this life you have to remember that those who hurt you do so cos you left an opening whether deserved or not. Life is a game, the earlier you realise and start seeing that when all fails, only you can make you happy the better for you. 1 lesson have taught my kids is.... No one can make you happy unless you decide to be happy and vice versa. Even if a person buys you the world unless you operate on the same frequency you still won't be happy with that person. Granted you will love the gifts but not the person. Same way you should not allow anyone make you sad for long. It's okay to be disappointed but please don't allow the disappointment turn to sadness. That is the difference between those who fall down and get right up and those who fall and find it difficult to rise up through no fault of others but their own broken heart. Your husband is just 1 man yet you have allowed his actions to impact almost every area of your life. Stop it. In everything note that people have gone through worse and battled till the end. Let's thank God he is not violent to the extent of hurting you for leaving him. This means you have the opportunity to evolve and emerge a winner. Like some advised, go to your principal and tell her what you are passing through (enough info for your comfort don't give unconnected info and don't give info that look lije half story) . Tell her you are ready to let the past go and bounce back to work. Do it before they reach their final decision. Hopefully it will impact positively on the outcome. 3 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Nobody: 4:31pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Abeg forget that man. No matter where you are residing and working, family should always come first. How can a husband and a father not create time for his family. Move on with your life and act like he doesn’t exist. Go out more with your kids, or friends, enjoy yourself. If e clear for em eye he’ll apologize for all his wrongs and come home to his family. DONT CALL HIM AGAIN. In fact block his number or change your number, if he gets worked up with not been able to reach you, he’ll come home to you. You are too soft on him and he’s got hold of your mumu button, no offense. Nonsense. Some men can misbehave shar. 13 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Nobody: 4:38pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
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| Re: Need A Listening Ear by uboma(m): 5:09pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Redrosely: Your story is sad. Can you confide in the head of the school about what you are presently going through, so they understand your situation. How about your husband's relatives? Have you reported him to a member of his family who he has regard for? |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by LilMissFavvy(f): 5:49pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Where do you see married couples who live far apart but are faithful? It is very very impossible. Any married couple that don't meet for at least once in a month will be prone to cheating, I am referring to the men, especially. Richy4: |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by LilMissFavvy(f): 6:54pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
It can be very painful when one is dealing with an unrepentant cheat who is not remorseful. It is not a good idea to lose your job, except you are sure to get another one. Even if you resign and stay at home, it will not change things, you will rather have more time to be idle and think of your problems. He is cheating, spending on a side chick, refuse to visit home, and worst is he starves you of sex, he is not a good man. If he were a good man, he would have still played the role of a husband despite having a side chick. You must be strong and continue with your daily activities, It is not a bad idea to go along with the kids to your parents during the vacation. From how events are unfolding, it looks like the relationship between your husband and side chick will come to an end, be patient, and also pray. I think you should pick his calls, and hear what he has to say and also pour out your heart. it is guilt and shame that made him ignore your calls and your mum's calls. He must also agree that you and kids move over and live with him as family should, when this issue is settled. Because even if this issue is settled and he stays there alone, he will still abandon you and cheat again. 2 Likes |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by Richy4(m): 7:37pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
LilMissFavvy: Your confidence in this subject matter is really amusing..  There are Nigerian men out here who has wife(s).. but due to one visa issue or the other, they couldn't join them... At least I know 4 that I can vouch for who doesn't run around.. They have the pic of their wife(s) and kids scattered all over the office desk, in their wallets etc.. they Skype every blessed day.. Make phone calls like crazy... some even knew what their wife are gonna prepare for dinner... Please don't go around painting every male species with the same brush.. it is dangerous... Expecially when you have never been to every household.. In this world that is full of unfaithful people, there are still lots of guys holding their sacred vow... The fact that few desecrate their marital vows does not mean every one was doing the same... 22 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by LilMissFavvy(f): 7:43pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
I have read more than enough books that talks about how unhealthy it is for married couples to live apart. The probability for men to cheat is far higher than women. Besides, I didn't say all men. I said majority of men. Don't vouch for anyone, you can never be so sure. Richy4: 1 Like |
| Re: Need A Listening Ear by sisisioge: 7:46pm On Jul 03, 2019 |
Whew! I'm equally angry...now not so much at the infidelity but at the outright disrespect to you and your mother! That dude don't wanna live with you anymore fa...just face the truth and pull yourself together. Your issue reminds me of being g stuck in a woeful job! Dang! 3 Likes |
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